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will anyone ever want to knownthe things i’ve never told anyone

#original<3 #not trauma #but like my favourite childhood movies #what colour i always wanted to paint my nails when i was younger #my fsvourite spoon from my grandparent’s house #my fsvourite bookstore #the playground at my old apartment complex #the name of my stepmom (none of my irl’s knew her by name so injust called her my stepmom)#those things #the nice things

Garak seeing Palandine again, with her daughter, is fucking agonizing but this especially-

“Watching Palandine and her daughter defy gravity with their dance of love destroyed all my definitions, and my carefully maintained boundaries began to give way, for the first time since Bamarren, to the magic of limitless possibility. I knew at that moment that I’d never be satisfied again. Even my beloved orchids looked like weeds.”

has me in shambles

#star trek: ds9 #a stitch in time #elim garak #fuuuuuck me dude this is painful #and my god does it fucking track with what we know of Garak from the show #Garak knows he is never going to be satisfied #he knows there's no point in wanting or longing #but he's not strong enough to stop himself from wanting #from longing #from craving #and it will be the same later in life #when he knows he doesnt deserve the soft things #the nice things #he still won't be able to deny himself those things #he just isnt strong enough to not go for what he wants #whether or not it will satisfy him #whether or not he deserves it #we see it in his conversations with Julian throughout this book #Garak fully says that their relationship is over- he believes that Julian ended it #but he still goes to him when Julian asks him to #because he wants Julian- and you can take that in any context you want #platonically romantically sexually #he wants Julian #so even though he believes their relationship is over #he still goes #because he wants him #and he cant stop himself from going after what he wants #even if he thinks its futile

sending it right back at you because you deserve it 🫶🏼🫶🏼

THANK YOU 💕💕💕

#inbox love #the nice things #💕💕💕

when even woke up and realized that isak was still there, he wouldn’t look at him. he was facing the ceiling, or looking at anything else in the room. he was was avoiding looking at isak because he still had in mind the idea that it was going to end, that he was going to go back home. he still had in mind the idea that he was going to say goodbye, because he had to, right? last night had been great, but he couldn’t let himself believe that isak sticking by his side was his reality now. because that was too good to be true, right? and looking at isak while telling himself that he had to go hurt, he didn’t want to look at the person he loved so much but he had to let go of, he didn’t want to let himself appreciate isak’s presence when he knew it was something he had to give up

but as soon as isak said nei, not a hesitant or soft nei, but a firm, assertive one, as soon as even heard the word, he turned around. he let himself look at isak, truly look at him for the first time since he woke up. and this time, he didn’t look away. because the more he listened, the more isak’s words were slowly making him realize that things we not going to end. things didn’t have to end. he was looking at isak because looking at isak didn’t hurt anymore. because now he knew he could find comfort in isak’s face. in isak. because now he wasn’t looking at the person he had to let go of. he was now looking at the the person who was there now, today, and who was still going to be there tomorrow, and the day after, and all the days after that

#i'm 100% here for even letting himself have the nice things and realizing that he can have the nice things and he DESERVES to have #the nice things #skam #evak #even bech næsheim #skam spoilers

The Nice Things

You would want me to think of all the life you had, but I can’t. I can’t smile, because what you had wasn’t enough. There was more left to live. There were more things to see, ground to tread, people to meet, air to breathe...

- Morgan Cross

To read more of this fantastic essay (and possibly have your heart broken into a million pieces), click here.

#morgan cross #the nice things #essays #YARN

A small gem of an essay by high school student Morgan Cross. I’m supposed to think about the nice things.

#The Nice Things #YARN #Morgan Cross #Essays

#STIcks stuff in happy tag #so i can reread it next time I'm feeling rlly sad/insecure ;u;#thank u all #It all means so much to me #the nice things #lays down #ooc #ilu

#the nice things

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