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long ass rant

So here I am. Awake and full of dreams. Ya girl’s got a purpose now, the future is bright. We got the five, ten, twenty, sixty year plans all lined up and it’s magical and it’s gonna happen. Bouta live a life designed by me, for me. Awesome, right? Well it is, except when you remember having to deal with the next two years.

In terms of doing fun shit and friendships and stuff, I’m sure the next few years will be awesome. That I’m not worried about. I know I’m gonna do rad shit while still in college. It’s getting through school that’s the problem.

I don’t want to live like this anymore. I hate it here at NAU. It is overpopulated, expensive, and the administration sucks. I haven’t felt like I’ve learned much of anything in my classes since my freshman year. I don’t feel like I would be proud to graduate from here or that I could respect the degree I earned from this school. It’s also fucking cold here which I haven’t been into from day one. But I need a bachelor’s degree, and I want to study marketing. I’ve thought about transferring to the UA or ASU, but would it really be practical to do that?

It might be a possibility that I could still graduate if I transferred to either of those schools... So that may be an option. I feel like if I was going to transfer to UA, NOW is the time to do it before I get any further down the wrong road.

I guess I’m gonna go look it up on the internet.

Interesting. Definitely something to consider. I might email a U of A dude and see if I can get more information. Hell, I might also email an ASU dude because it actually looks like it’d be easier for my credits to transfer there than to the UA, and at least Phoenix is interesting and it doesn’t snow there. And I mean, as a Wildcats fan and native Tucsonan, it kind of disgusts me that I would respect a degree from and enjoy going to ASU more than I do that place I am right now.

I really don’t know. They’re all options, here’s the crossroads.

Part of me wonders if things would really be any better or different if I was at another school anyway? Because if you ask anyone who knows, I know that it’s ABOR at the top of all this busy-work bullshit and the way they’re teaching shit. “The Arizona Board of Regents recommends that students have three hours of homework a week per credit hour of class blah blah blah fuck you 18-21 year old students, go and learn how to put up with working 60+ hours a week between school and work instead of going outside and having fun so when we make you work 50 in a job with two weeks of vacation a year it doesn’t seem so bad.”

We weren’t meant to live like that. Hell if I will. And my spiritual realizations and conspiracy theories belong in another post that I’ll probably never make but it all comes back to the same things.

In any case, I’m not sure if transferring schools would be the answer to all of my problems. It would improve some for sure, and I think I’d be on some level happier? I wouldn’t know until I tried, but it still wouldn’t make all of my problems go away. Like that asshole Celiac Disease lurking in the back over there. I got sick three times last week and fucked myself up and just tried to relax and recuperate instead of stressing about school and work and everything and now what do I have to show for it? I got kicked off my work schedule because I’m not up-to-date on my content and am a week behind in all of my classes. This is my life. I’m real sick of being alone in it too like in the beginning. I got words on that subject too, and I could go there, but I’ll let that also be another post for another day that I’m probably never going to make.

Anyway, gluten’s gotta part of the equation too. (Gluten’s always part of the equation--as a celiac and a math tutor, I know this to be true). If I transferred to UA, I’d have to live at home probably for at least some length of time until I could find a roommate or somewhere else to live, or a job to pay for it. And guess what happens when I go home? I get glutened! I wouldn’t want to live at home anyway while going to school but if things didn’t work out or I didn’t receive enough financial aid to help pay to live somewhere else and have my own kitchen and stuff, in short order I might not be healthy enough to even attend school or take care of myself, like in the olden days.

I also do really like living in my apartment here in Flagstaff. And if I have to move out of my apartment again for any reason anytime during at least the next year, I will probably take a shit on my own doormat and make someone else move me out. I have moved ten times in and out of dorms and apartments in the past THREE YEARS. I will have a fucking stroke if I have to pick up another cardboard box. But it might be worth it, who knows.

This is what I ask myself. These are the exact same things I’ve been asking myself for the past four years, and if I don’t change things soon, I will be asking them for the next two. I’m not sure yet what I’m gonna do, but I’m prepared to do whatever I think will make me the happiest. I can’t sit here any more with such a promising road ahead and be willing to waste any time, let alone two years (!!!!) doing something I’m not completely happy about and on board with.

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