#themystery

[virginiagreene]

#donotbeafraid #goodtidings #greatjoy #themystery #love #merrychristmas #happyholidays https://www.instagram.com/p/CJPd-t-jOLP/?igshid=1qte7v3jq9ruc

[dissapsoul]

[themysteryoftheroses-blog]

The man with a bad interior motive was later killed and decorated

[themysteryoftheroses-blog]

Déjà vu

Right in front of me were; some opioid, 9mm short gun,  twisted polypropylene rope, a rockstead knife that I bought in Japan and they told me it’s very sharp, if not the sharpest. Sitting down there on the floor and thinking of many ways to kill myself but first I would have to finish smoking this blunt, that I took from a homeless guy across the street and I will have the courage to kill myself in the best way possible.

After taking the overdose of different types of opiod concoction, I walked past through a long stairs, it seems like years to reach the door, I kept on climbing this unending endless stairs, obviously I knew I wasn’t moving because i was stuck. Over and over again I counted the stairs and it’s always stops at 30 and I keep on repeating. I really need to get to the top where there is a door and I am so curious what’s behind that door but if I can’t pass this level 30 of unending stairs how could I reach the top. Finally two people came through the door, a woman and a man, strange people, they were half human, half water. What in the twisted world is this but I needed help so that doesn’t matter right now, does it? They came down the stairs and held me up, opened the door and I saw me, a lot of me, from a long time ago. How is there a lot of me, same age, same face, same everything and why am I climbing the same stairs and never reaching the top. What happened to them? to me? to my previous me?

They strange woman replied “Go ask yourself, they are all you”.

As curious as I always am, I went into the crowd of me and ask one of me.

She said “we are all you and you know this, what happened to you, happen to us, you can clearly see the soul of all of us, tell us what you see”

I then recall everything as it happened, my mom was a cleaner and got pregnant for my dad, she got thrown out on the street. She left me in a foster home when I was born. I was sexually abused by the caretaker, right from when I could remember, maybe 5 years old or whatever age they starting sticking their dirty fingers in my pussy. I got adopted to a horrible family at the age of 7, where they took turns in raping me. From my step-father, to my step-uncle to my cousins and even my lesbian step-aunt. I got pregnant many times and my step mom took me to get an abortion as many times as I could counts. The last abortion almost killed me as I bled for months and I became so thin that I thought I was going to die. I never had the chance of going to school, then one day on my 17th birthday I ran away, met some guys that were drugs addict. I hanged out with them and I became a drug and sex addict.

One fateful day I walked by a church and met a priest who promised to help but little did I know I was wasting my time, we had sex and we kept on having sex till the priest got sick and died of AIDS. Now I know I have it too and I would die maybe in the street or somewhere and would be buried but before that happens, let me do this myself and die. I couldn’t take it anymore, this is too much a burden, the pains, the agony, I was depressed and I really want to die so badly, what on god forsaken sake am I leaving for, let me die, I just want to die and all these will be over and maybe in the next life, I would do better.

This is the same thing that happened to all of me and I always died on the same day, same age, and same story. Now I know that even if I die, I will still come back and die again and now I am dead again and I will come back and die again over and over and over again.

Suddenly I woke up, I must have dozed off from the blunt I smoke, here I am again and everything I bought to kill myself was right there in front of me.

No, hell no!!!!!! I ain’t dying, not today, I have to live, I am a survivor, I’m a champion, I can do this, yes I can because I believe in me.

There is no easy way out, only me has to make a way and now this is me telling my story because i survived.

[themysteryoftheroses-blog]

I get told sometimes that I seem very angry about being a lesbian. 

Yes I am angry.

I am angry that I was lied to.

I am angry that I was brainwashed to sleeping with a man in the first place.

I am angry that I was indoctrinate.

I am angry that I was taught about being straight before I could do basic math.

I am angry because heterosexual infect your brain and it’s very hard to get away from the nagging fear and guilt that you are going to hell and that is instilled in you before the age of reason.

I am angry, irritated, provoked, outraged and furious.

I am angry but that doesn’t define me because that’s not who i am.

But still I am angry.

[inhisqalb]

The word "Qalb" (قلب), which means "heart," derives from the word "Yataqallab" (يتقلب), which roughly translates to "something that changes rapidly." Don't our hearts change constantly? "What we love today could be something we hate tomorrow."

[williamjacket]

Jackets have long been popular. However, the question of whether you can wear jeans with a jean jacket remains unanswered click here https://cutt.ly/kL5Gx6p

[rowanaxelmedia]

The Mystery (Dub) · Kaimo K & Cate Kanell