And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones
'Cause most of our feelings,
It's about surviving and not living
Its about proving and not being joyous
I say that I would change
I keep doing the same mistakes
Caught up in the same misery
The same vicious cycle that I studied
Mom often mentioned that I let negatives stick longer
I don't have any justifications, I don't have an armor
Just pretty, pretty broken pieces wishing to be loved in fragments
And I collect them like parts of treasures,
And I leave behind the key, after all,
I leave behind the joys by your shore,
The joy, in the form of Sea shells, in the form of salt that's in your water
So why don't you engulf me in a hug
Because I deemed the salt of your nature as joy
So why won't you stick with me longer?
If I point out anyone, I see my face in their places,
And what would you call it?
Would you say it's self-pity?
Or would you judge that it's self-blame?
Don't ask me where is the happier option amidst this
It's with you, in every form, so please
But how can you stay as a child
In a society that confuses silence as naivety
They seem to brim with exuberance when they confide in you
But you're the mature one, alleviating their pain,
Something that I wished to do desperately
Maybe then, I would know the joy you carry in you
Maybe then, I won't be so obsessed over words
Maybe then, I will finally realize that not every moment needs description
Then, I would realize that I'm in reality, and not in my head
I'm tired of people gossiping behind their backs,
They say I'm taking everything to heart,
Those words, seem like you, somehow
They cascade over my feet in soothing waves, when it's joy
And they flood me, flood my head, take away my breath, when it's unfair
But you get to scream at the world,
You destroy the places when you're triggered
I can only keep it locked in my head,
And the only way to not to drown in them,
So you would understand the agony that I carry, the tears that I shed
I wish you'd take my pain as yours,
And punish this society, never through the flood, never through those same words
The kind that's unsettling
This world doesn't deserve my cruelty
Take me in, and spare this society,
You're nature, I'm nothing
But leave behind my parts that are supposed to be stuck with my dear ones
The dead passion, no more bleeding,
Maybe cradle it close with sympathy
I won't expect empathy, I won't expect it from anyone
I've grown accustomed to hear the disappointments and expectations of my dad
I always used to think I loved him deeply, than anything,
That biting pain of being compared to something celestial
I was told to reach beyond the sky
That they forget your beauty?
I was envious, of everything, of everyone
I wasn't certainly pretty like you
But I had a depth like you
At the end, I know it's insincere to be so indifferent
Becoming someone with no values
But I find myself feeling nothing often, like a void
You know coldness, don't you?
Yet, you're a bliss to everyone
You have a shore to pour out all your thoughts,
And you take some part of it with you, and it let's you,
The beach sand always yielding, like a longing lover
And you keep leaving kisses, you keep coming back,
Either it's a wave with more or less intensity,
But I feel like I don't even have a shore to confide in,
So if I have to come back,
You're always accompanied by the sun or the moon
But the sun seems extra beautiful rising above you
The moon always seems dreamy above you
That despite having it all,
You can't really reach out to touch them
No matter how enormous your waves are,
You don't get to cradle them close
Having someone seemingly close but they're actually..so far away
How can you take everything in?
All the litter that people throw at you,
Some through words filled with pain
How do you let them vent,
How do you keep saying it's okay,
Crawling over their feet, surprising them with spikes in your waves
You know to make them laugh,
And you comfort, somehow, anyhow
I couldn't be a person like that
I couldn't be useful like that
I'm sorry I don't visit you often
You encompass everything and it's breathtaking
That it wasn't your fault when you couldn't save those who drowned in you
Someone who could make me happy
A place that would bring back too many memories,
A person who's close to being my lover
You're everything that I can not describe in this life, in any life,
You exist with me, without me
I'll finally be eternal with you.
