Dare I say I still care about the one person whom I so cherished and loved for the past five years of my life? Even after I tasted the morbid bitterness of heartbreak? A physically daunting pain that leaves me quivering awake at 5 in the morning. Spending every counting second since, "But we're friends." in misery and agony. Heartbreak left my heart pounding at such an unforgiving pace, lightheaded, and appetite gone. I cried for the first two weeks. Tears flowed like lava because I was so broken and this time I did not have you by my side to repair the leaks. All my hopes of us together, happy dreams, started seeping with those damn tears. I was drained, used, and torn. Unrequited love. Sam Smith's Lonely Hour. Poems. Sleep. Not a single remedy to relieve the sting of unreturned love. When I close my eyes to escape, I dream of you, and the moment I fall back to consciousness, it was all you, all the time. I packed it all up. Boxed our memories in cradles to give myself the leisure of not being reminded of an impossibility. That did not work. You have given constellations to my night sky, how am I suppose to erase that? Time will heal. Not all wounds scab completely, and even so, how deep of a scar could our chapter leave? I remember looking into your eyes for the first time since 3 AM and love, you were not my love anymore. You had become an awkward distance, a void of avoidance, but more than that I began to see you with clarity. You did not care about me as much as I had imagined you had. That angered me. Sadness. Hesitation. Doubt. Guilt. Fear. Fuck the world. Fuck emotion. Regret. Apologetic. I had to accept it all. But there can't be blame. How could I blame you for not being in love with me. So Love, bid me farewell for the time being... I will come to accept our fate and grow on to be stronger. For the sake of what we had before, I will learn from our brokenness. So dare I say I still care about you? Even after I tasted the morbid bitterness of heartbreak? I still do.
