#trauma tag

[creekfiend]

since I'm linking to a lot of stuff that I've been reading/thinking about/interested in lately: I'm quite interested in an article Stacey Patton has said she is working on about framing racial socialization into Whiteness* as a type of ACE (Adverse Childhood Event; a category of experiences during the developmental period which can result in PTSD,) which I think fits quite neatly into some stuff Ive seen many people discussing about the impact of, for example, being raised in evangelical Christianity, as well as discussions of the impact that the social expectations around masculinity can have on kids. I feel it also does a lot of tying together of things like child abuse and trauma & broader social structures/dynamics (she has done a lot of work on the abuse of Black children, exploring both the causes and the fallout both the personal and societal,) which is something I'm really interested in. The way we raise kids in the US (not saying this is unique to the US, just that both she and I live in the US and that is what we have experience with and therefore what we are discussing,) perpetuates all of the most harmful components of the worst types of power structures in our society. Thinking deeply about (& healing from!) our own trauma is not something that can be done separately from examining the social structures and dynamics that incentivize the kinds of treatment that traumatize people. It's really really all connected.

*here's a screenshot with an excerpt from a post where she talks about the article she is writing which lists some of the reasoning behind using this framework.

[learningfromlosing]

Life after trauma can, at times, be harder. What do you mean they really did all that. What do you mean that all really happened. What do you mean it wasn't my fault. What do you mean.

[loyalhorror]

My mother’s diary is painful to read for a lot of reasons. Knowing how much pain she was in. Knowing it would only be a year or so before she’d end it. Knowing I am older now than she was then, and that at the time she was writing these things, she was subjecting both of her children to untold horrors.

But there’s beauty in it too. Seeing the way she thought, the way she worded things. How familiar some of it is, how her mind carries on in my own.

My favourite extract, one that resonates with me a lot and feels like poetry to me:

I'd like to go out, by myself, for 20 minutes, sit on the grass by a tree and do nothing, say nothing, see nobody, feel no pain.

And, undeniably based of her to say in 2002 (I think):

My brain would be a billionaire for working overtime.

For all her many failures when it came to her children, her diary is a reminder to me that she didn’t hurt us on purpose. That she was in her twenties and drowning in ways even I, with all the horrors I’ve endured both because of her and not, can barely imagine. She was in many ways a traumatised child who never got to grow up or feel safe or feel like she had people who would love and support her the way she needed or deserved.

Which doesn’t absolve her. But I struggle to imagine anyone who could have done better in her position.

As my mother she was dogshit. I will live in fear of the smell of wine, the feel of a stranger’s hand, of dark rooms forever because of her and the people she subjected me to. But as a person, as a survivor, I wish she’d lived longer. I wish she’d been able to come out of the dark and that someone, anyone, had been able to help her get there.

[softgritspoonie]

PTSD is NOT the victim refusing to let go of the past. It is the past refusing to let go of the victim.

#ptsd is NOT the victim refusing to let go of the past. It is the past refusing to let go of the victim. #psychology

[rock-a-noodle]

Much love to autistics who:

* Constantly say dumb/unintentionally impolite shit and are constantly corrected by the "straight man" of the group (not out of malice but out of an honest mistake). Especially if you're femme presenting/AFAB/a girl as guys/masc people are stereotyped as being such.

* Have always had that one person who's praised and loved that you're jealous of but can't Legally Hate and they treat you like you're stupid and no one does shit about it.

* Are struggling to find and keep friends who are closer to their level while constantly having to be a caretaker to their friends with more baggage.

* Who've always been in friend groups where one or more of the other members treat them like shit and not enough is done.

* Who are more reluctant to socialize among neurotypicals in fear of rejection.

* Who are so sick of seeing double standards with them vs. their peers, be they neurotypicals or divergent.

* Who have a history of being pulled into unhealthy/toxic/ relationships and being taken advantage of despite feeling they've learned from that.

* Who are sick of lower support disableds crapping on others with high support needs/the R-slur/anti-Special Olympics jokes.

* Who struggle to adjust their tone/come off ruder than intended/have their intents or purpose of saying things misinterpreted

* Slipped through the cracks diagnosis/service wise due to being an older autistic, financial status or other.

* Who felt like they weren't checked in on enough as a child.

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

[the-wanderer]

[ix-c-999]

i don't know how to be more of a person

[This post has no DNI other than not to involve it in discourse, mockery, or other harassment]

[selectivechaos]

situational mutism is years and years of being frozen and forced to endure situations where you can't move or speak or communicate how you want.

🌹but you know what it also is?

being situationally mute is entering safe situations and spilling everything. it is a rushing sense of relief and safety.

it is the joy of speaking to someone for the first time. of having a social interaction that is so positive and beautiful that your brain can't twist it.

it’s when someone asked me a question and three people spoke in unison to answer for me.

it’s people who reached out when isolated self. it’s all the kind people.

it’s leaving the old situations behind, that were unsafe beyond just cognitive distortions.

and surviving. enduring hours and seconds. counting down.

only to enter new places with anticipatory anxiety, but maybe it’ll be okay. maybe it’ll be better, safer, gentler.

you deserve the dream you survived for. 🌹🌹