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"So...Is this gonna be a thing? Because I'll be honest with you, I have approximately a million things I need to do right now and screwing with you is somewhere between getting a root canal and gouging my own eyes out with Clint's dirty silverware." / @tricxet liked

#tricxet #(ic) starter #(verse) 616 #// tony like: have you seen clint's apartment #// think about that

Valentine’s Day Application

Name: Loki "Out To Get You" Laufeyson

Age: It varies

Do you like to cuddle?: Very closely.

Can we make-out?: We'd better.

A night in or dinner out?: Dinner out, somewhere heinously expensive, with a window that looks good for a great dine and dash escape.

Whip cream or chocolate syrup?: All of this and also ice cream.

Chocolates and roses?: Chocolates AND roses, although there is a good chance both of them are just full of snakes.

What makes you a good Valentine?: I'm handsome, spontaneous, exciting, and hilarious! Also I'm a challenge. You like challenges, right?

Would you cook for me?: >:)

Would you let me cook for you?: Unsure if I would trust it but go ahead!

Where would you take me on a date?: A far-off, mystical landscape! Maybe a cliff somewhere, and we can rock paper scissors over who pushes who off <3

Who’s paying?: We're stealing <3

What did you get me for Valentine’s Day?: It's a snake. It's just a snake.

@tricxet / valentine application

So...Here's a thing Tony's learned today: It is possible to speedrun the five stages of grief; well, mostly, he never makes it to acceptance before the cycle starts all over again, and while he's sure there's some absolutely fascinating psychological implications here, he's kind of glad he's caught in that feedback loop of emotion. Acceptance would mean, God forbid, he's finally given up, gotten worn down under the onslaught of sheer nonsensical stupidity he's been confronted with, and, you know...That's no life worth living.

"Didn't we, like. Literally just go through this?" Deep down, he knows good and damn well all he's doing is encouraging Loki's bullshit, right, he knows this, but it's a knee jerk compulsion. Loki's one of those thorny areas in this gig: He hasn't been the biggest menace the Avengers have faced since their inception, no - that honor goes to much bigger fish in the superpowered pond - but technically is the reason the Avengers exist. True, it was because Loki had been shit stirring and five fists are, logically, better than one, but the fact remains that the Avengers no doubt wouldn't have formed - or formed as they did - if not for Thor's pain in the ass sibling.

On the other, far less objective hand, it's Loki. And to be honest, Tony really doesn't think he needs to add a qualifier to that. It's Loki.

"You know, the whole would rather give myself a root canal with no anesthesia, not even if Justin Hammer and Obadiah Stane rose from their graves and fusion danced their way into a marginally competent Snidely Whiplash stand in, any of this ringing a bell, buddy?" He also would like the record to reflect he has not agreed to be a part of Loki's humiliation kink, sadly funny though it may be. "No? Let me put it in little words so you can grasp what I'm saying here: No. Not once. Not ever. Not even if all life in the entire multiverse depended on it."

#tricxet #(ic) answered #(verse) 616 #// so tell us loki #// is it a kink for your or-

@tricxet: Oh no..... are we..... compatible??? / are you tony's type?

Oh, this is...This is deeply unfortunate. It's the kind of thing he wishes he could, you know, unsee. Delete from his brain (risky, sure, but wouldn't be the first time). The kind of thing a guy watches an Annihilation wave or Galactus with his planet-sized boba tea straw stroll up and do nothing about, because there's nothing good and pure and unsullied in this world.

"So...We're just gonna put that right where it belongs-" It's probably rude to put that through the paper shredder right in front of the gifter, right, but fuck it. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, or some such nonsense. Honestly, Tony's a big enough man to admit it gives him a little bit of grim satisfaction, to watch the shredder chew the bingo card into tainted little strips.

"Hate to break it to you, buddy, but hiding the Cheez-its is an unforgivable breach of trust I can't overlook and therapy away. Oh, and the multiple times you've literally tried to murder me."

#tricxet #(ic) answered #(verse) 616 #// loki you had to know this was coming buddy #// you had to