#tw potentially triggering

[dragon-master-kai]

Do you ever just feel so exhausted from having to deal with stuff over the course of your life?

My mum found out I had a doctor's appointment today that I didn't tell her about and she seemed all concerned and all (we're brown, BTW) UNTIL I me tinned 'mental health'. Then she was pissed.

And I'm beginning to understand why. If I have mental health issues:

1. That implies there's something wrong with the way she raised me (there's a LOT wrong with it, which I'll go into in another post)

2. It says that I'm not normal. This means that no rishte/marriage proposals will take me srsly. Which is GREAT for me!!!! But helll for her.

3. We are Muslim. Apparently, tht means me have superpowers and we don't get effected by Mental Health. Little does she know.

To elaborate on point 3, Ik that there's still a lot of Islamophobia sp let me clarify: mum feels that because we have that connection with Allah/God, we don't get things like depression and anxiety etc bc we confide in Allah about everything. And He helps us when we do so. What Mum seems to think is that bc were Muslim, we have superpowers that means we don't get effected by any mental health issues. Which fucking sucks bc Mum and everyone else in my family to a major extent don't take any mental health related shit srsly. At all. Which also fucking sucks.

I'm just so tired of feeling like I have to fight everyone and everything just for the bare minimum: to be heard.

I also realised last night that 90% of my problems wouldn't even BE problems if I had someone to talk to. Someone who wouldn't judge. Someone who wouldn't react or sat nasty ass shit.

[devsmuses]

our muses used to be in a longtime relationship, but your muse left mine suddenly for somebody else, and bad things do tend to happen in situations like this, after all; basically, jealousy makes my muse make some choice decisions against your new partner. (i’m trying to get halloween-y muah muah lol)

today was the day she’d been meticulously preparing for, and she couldn’t tell if she was feeling the good type of nerves or the bad type at the moment. kylie fixed the placement of her freshly clipped bangs in the reflection of the elevator doors, she never had been a bangs person before but it was just hair in the end; she was more than willing to change much more to have them back. the doors slid open suddenly and there they were. “surprised to see me?” her tone was sickeningly sweet as an almost genuine seeming smile appeared on her face. kylie hoped her few words held weight in their own way and made them feel the way they deserved to for what they’d done when they’d left her however much time ago.