Jul 10, 2017
‘--i heard harlan died last night and i came back as fast as i could. who’s hosting the party and who’s buying the celebratory booze?’
seen from Germany
seen from Singapore
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Portugal
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from South Korea
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Türkiye
seen from China
seen from South Korea
seen from Hungary
seen from Yemen
seen from Hungary
‘--i heard harlan died last night and i came back as fast as i could. who’s hosting the party and who’s buying the celebratory booze?’
imessage | open
PHOEBE: it's the weekend and i'm sober
PHOEBE: can you tell me what's wrong with this picture 🙃
PHOEBE: what are you wearing :)
“ i thought it was very presidential of me to take the liberty of introducing myself to the girl’s freshmen dorm, but three layers of face wash later and i still can’t get this black stuff out of my eyelashes. it’s like they held me down and painted that shit on with cement what is wrong with women? ”
“my night consisted of having to save someone who was trapped in a bathroom stall because she was too smashed to figure out how to open the door. she thanked me with fries, though. anyways-- drink responsibly, kids.”
emily huffed in frustration as she landed back on her heels for the fifth time. she’d was in the midst of working on a research paper in the (practically) empty campus library when she realized she needed one last text source to complete the source requirement. luckily for em, the book she needed was available a few aisles down. but of course, the book was located on the highest shelf possible. (that made things hard for lil 5″4 em). she searched for a nearby stool and groaned in annoyance when she realized this library was useless. she was almost about to use a chair when she finally spotted a person with earbuds in looking intently at the shelves a few aisles down. she felt terrible for bothering the person, but that didn’t stop her from lightly tapping them on the shoulder and whispering, “excuse me?”
' did you know that if you sing awful karaoke in enough bars around madrid, they'll start plastering your picture on the wall of shame? just sayin'---- keep an eye out for this ol' mug if you're ever in spain. '
‘ hey, do me a solid and hit me with your car, okay? this hangover is a bitch. ’
t x t // ⤿ open
HARLAN: don't get me wrong i've seen big dicks before
HARLAN: like every time i whip mine out
HARLAN: but this dude at the gym has literally the biggest fucking dick i've ever seen in my damn life it's like a FOOT long
HARLAN: how does he sit down??