#unterwalden

[bergsmotiv]

Schweiz - Suisse - Switzerland

St. Moritz 1839 m/6033 ft.

Piz Languard

[peaceinthestorm]

Charles Giron (1850-1914, Swiss) ~ Jeune fille d'Unterwald (Unterwaldienne), 1899

[Source: Collection du Musée des beaux-arts de La Chaux-de-Fonds]

[bocadosdefilosofia]

«Unterwalden. Vida de pastores. Ningún progreso en la formación del espíritu. Fomento de la tendencia a la inercia. Los predicadores son dependientes del pueblo, que los elige y tiene su sustento en sus manos. Esta dependencia los vuelve intrigantes. Adulan al populacho, meten sus narices en los secretos familiares, promueven banderías y se procuran un amplio dominio sobre el ánimo de las gentes del campo. Pero no pueden hacer uso alguno de ese poder para sugerir a estos hombres incultos y limitados nada que se desvíe de lo acostumbrado; nada de instituciones escolares de provecho, sólo brutalidad y asilvestramiento. —El interés de la política de las familias ricas es el de consentir semejante embrutecimiento a fin de mantener su influencia y sus cargos. —La libertad de la masa inculta se convierte en miseria, desolación.»

G. W. F. Hegel: Aforismos de Jena (1803-1806). Athenaica, pág. 65. Sevilla, 2022.

TGO

@bocadosdefilosofia

@dias-de-la-ira-1

[mediumaevum]

Stained glass of Unterwalden (1564).

(more accurately, of Nidwalden, presumably the right half showing both Obwalden and Nidwalden. Nidwalden had used the double-key as the design of its war flag from the early 15th century. The red-and-white design formerly representing Unterwalden as a whole was now used by Obwalden).

Kept in Sułkowski castle (Poland).

[gloriousearth-blog]

Apliu night market, Hong Kong | China (by Ben Lepley) Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/red_gloww/8086376278/sizes/l/

[alyssafaden]

November 15th, 1315 | The Battle of Morgarten

Some of you may well be scratching your head thinking "battle of the what now?", but ask any Swedish person and they'd smile right at you, sit you down, give you a pint, and regale you with stories of this fine affair, for it not only secured the autonomy of an eventual Switzerland, but, well, Switzerland is hardly known for getting into scrapes, so this is also one of their few.

Now some scholars, historians, and pewpy heads say that Morgarten didn't happen, but PFFFT! to them, because where's the fun in that? Plus: HALBERDS! And any story with halberds in it is worth telling.

Back in the 10th Century there's a bloke called  Guntram the Rich. He earned himself that name by continuously carrying rolls of gold coins around in a sack while proudly proclaiming "oh where will I put all of my mad lewts? Oh what shall I spend it all on? I have far too much money! No you can't have any, PEASANT!"

But like quite a few rich people, Guntram wanted more. He wasn't satisfied in being the Count of Breisgau and being a member of one of the most influential families on both sides of the Rhine, Guntram wanted infinity+1. When someone pointed out that he already had lands in Alsace, Breisgau, a chunk of the Black Forest, and everything between Vogesen to Kaiserstuhl, he answered "NO! MORE!"

And boy oh boy he certainly set things in motion, because his grandson, Radbot, became the Count of a little place called: Habsburg. And if you're now thinking "wow, that's a lot like 'Hapsburg,' wouldn't it be funny if it was one and the same thing," you'd be correct, because it was. Little Radbot was about to kick off one of the most important royal houses of Europe. How important? Well in later centuries these guys would continuously occupy the throne of the Holy Roman Empire, and  they would produce emperors and kings in the Kingdom of Bohemia, Kingdom of England (King Consort), Kingdom of Germany, Kingdom of Hungary, Kingdom of Croatia, Second Mexican Empire, Kingdom of Ireland, Kingdom of Portugal, Habsburg Spain, as well as rulers of several Dutch and Italian principalities.

They were going to become The Shit.

But we're not quite there yet, because back in Radbot-land we have a castle near a river.

But these guys were smart, like freaky smart. They could play the politics game like they wrote the bloody book: a marriage here, a marriage there, earn yourself a little court favor, put a good word in the right shell-like, absorb a few weaker or extinct houses, wangle some targeted marriages at some upper families, and before you know it - Bob's your uncle! - by the end of the 13th Century Count Rudolph IV is the most influential territorial lord of anything and everything between the Vosges Mountains and Lake Constance.

Boom: he becomes King of the Romans and changes his name to Rudolph I of Germany. And just to prove that this meteoric rise in power is no fluke, in 1282 the Hapsburgs gained the rulership of the Duchy of Austria. His great, great, great grand pops Guntram would have been proud.

Now these guys were going to get a lot bigger ... like, just freaking huge ... but in these early days of pointing at things and saying "I WANT THAT!" the Hapsburgs were still a little fledgling empire. Each morning they would wake up, stretch their arms, eat pancakes, point at a map, and would say "let's get that bit next."

And one such pancake-laden morning they pointed at the Gotthard Pass: beautiful, rolling hills, a tranquil little lake, and excellent wifi reception. It also happened to be the shortest, most convenient route to Italy and was a very brisk trade-route; so, yeah, let's take that shit and plant a Hapsburg flag in it!

The catch? It kinda already belonged to someone else: the Canton of Uri. And the Canton of Uri were independent of the Hapsburgs. In fact the turf had been purchased from the Hapsburgs back in 1231 by King Henry of Germany, and they had a nice little letter from Rudolph himself that said "yeah, you guys are all good there, peace out."

And now the Hapsburgs wanted it back.

Fearing shit would eventually go down, Uri leaned across to their buddies Schwyz and Unterwalden and said "you won't guess what these tossers are planning here, we should make a gang or something."

And they did. In 1291 the Eternal Alliance was formed. Also known as the less punchier "League of the Three Forest Cantons," the <booming voice>Eternal Alliance</booming voice> was basically a "back the hell up there Hapsburg, this is our patch of land and if you put one mailed boot on it, we'll put a boulder to your head."

And in this they were not lying.

Tension filled years went by and in 1314 Duke Louis IV of Bavaria and Frederick the Handsome -a Hapsburg prince - both laid claim to the crown of the Holy Roman Empire. The Eternal Alliance threw in with Louis citing "bloody Hapsburg toss bags can go and screw themselves."

And this really did not go over well with Frederick the Handsome at all.

"I got this, bro. I'll go and kick their heads in for you," boasted his brother, Leopold, and he gathered up 9,000 of his very finest ass-kickers, 2,500 of which were in-your-face knights and were tooled the hell up with all manner of murderous weaponry. The Eternal Alliance was going to get schooled in the art of "getting your treacherous little ass handed to you."

The plan was simple: ride up through Morgarten Pass, catch the rebels by surprise, and bring down sweet-Jesus-almighty vengeance in the shape of 9,000 morning star flails to the kisser. It was a plan that could not possibly go wrong and no matter how many men the stupid canton-trio had, we're talking freaking knights here man, KNIGHTS, and they will fuck up anyone in their way.

What was actually facing them were 1,500 militia. Yup, 1,500. They had some bows though, so that's good ... I guess, right? The bad news? Well ... the 9,000 menacing bad-asses currently heading their way.

This was going to be so one-sided, so bone-breakingly bad for the rebels that a  Habsburg knight called Henry Huenenberg felt that the inevitable victory was going to be nothing but a shameful thing; the mates down at the pub tonight would not be impressed with this one. So he did the right thing and shot an arrow into the village basically saying "dudes, c'mon; we're going to so face stomp you. Go home, save yourselves, stop being dicks."

Now I'm sure he had good intentions and all, but he also gave away the element of surprise. So the militia built themselves a nice little barricade on the road between Lake Ägerisee and Morgarten Pass, plopped their archers behind it, and said "come get some, ass wipe."

And the Hapsburgs did: 9,000 thunderous pairs of plate-clad boots clomped along the road hell-bent on separating a militia man's head from his peasant body.

And that's when the boulders started bouncing down the hillside nearby. Yup: BOULDERS. You see the Eternal Alliance were not fibbing when they said they'd bounce a boulder off a Hapsburg visor if they came onto Alliance's lands, and while the archers were standing behind the barricade going "pew, pew, pew," the rest of the militia were up on the hill, and the Hapsburg forces failed to notice that.

There's a word for that ... let me look it up here ... oh yeah: they had been well and truly ambushed the fuck out of.

With boulders bouncing down the hillside and smashing knights open like cans of baked beans, chaos swept through the ranks. With hills on one side and a bloody great lake on the other, the vastly superior force actually couldn't get itself into a position to start kicking asses.

And it's about this point when the logs starting rolling down the hill as well. Yup, the militia were throwing trees at the knights.

Just when they thought it couldn't get any worse, the militia men attacked, and while they didn't have the fancy equipment of the Austrians, what they did have were halberds. Lots and lots of halberds. And you know what halberds have? Plate-piercing points and hack-off-your-arm axe-heads.

But we're talking knights here, and while they can't get themselves into any form of position to scrap it out, they're still knights: they have a code of conduct, this is a gentleman's game and surely these Eternal Alliance folks know how to-arrgghgghhhhgetthemoffme!

The Alliance poured down the hillside and proceeded to butcher the living crap out of the knights, and if it wasn't a boulder, a tree, or a halberd sweetly kissing them between the eyes, then they found themselves being tossed into the lake that was conveniently nearby.

You can swim in plate armor, you know.

Yeah, that's a lie, and the knights getting booted into the water kinda found that out the hard way.

In fact, the butcher-job going on at the foot of the hill was so violent, so Tarantino-blood-splatter-mayhem-like that some knights willingly threw themselves into the lake rather than face the militia (I kid you not).

By the time the Austrians could get away, 1,500 of them lay dismembered, crushed, or lying at the bottom of Lake Ägerisee.

The Three Forest Cantons high-fived each other, renewed their gang membership, and proceed to mad-dog the Hapsburgs for the next four years. By 1323 their membership ranks grew with the enrollment of Bern and Glarus. Within forty years Lucerne, Zug, and Zürich were onboard.

The Hapsburgs left them alone until 1386, when they said "screw this for a picnic, we're 'avin' your lands." Spoiler alert: the Hapsburgs got their asses handed to them again.

More Sword Wielding Murderous Fun:

http://alyssafaden.tumblr.com/archive

Sources:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Morgarten

http://www.warhorn.ru/htdocs/Articles/Morgarten/IntroEng.htm

http://disputedpast.com/news/important-battle-swiss-history-may-made/