Summary: Tony and Thor are cold when sober, but highly affectionate when drunk. What happens when they wake up married with strange tattoos?
++++++++++
Tony and Thor have a complicated relationship. They actively avoid each other when sober because an argument is sure to ensue, but when they’re drunk… well, let’s just say, the two act like a couple on their honeymoon. They proclaim their love for each other, cuddle aggressively, and every so often have a heated make-out session. Even though Rhodey and Heimdall have photographic evidence, Thor and Tony will deny ever doing so once sober again.
Tonight, during their annual trip to Vegas with Heimdall and Rhodey, they’re drunk. Tony is sprawled entirely on top of Thor, kissing his chin. They are both lovingly arguing over which one loves the other more when Thor decides they should get married. Tony agrees quickly. “But we don’t have rings.” He mourns.
“We can buy them. I have enough money.” Thor rubs Tony’s head, trying to comfort him.
That makes Tony happy, and he grabs his coat to leave, Thor following quickly behind. The woman at the jeweler’s watches in amusement as the pair tries on ring after ring, showering the other with lavish praise. They finally both settle on a ring. An overpriced ring that looks stunning. Tony hands over his credit card and tells the cashier, “I think it should go through.” Thor snickers because it’s definitely going to go through.
Holding hands, they walk out of the jewelry shop when Tony spots a tattoo parlor. “We should get wedding tattoos!” He cries. Thor quickly agrees. They rush into the parlor. Inside are two men chatting over a chair.
“Hello, we are here for wedding tattoos!” Thor proclaims.
The one guy looks over at the other. “Sam, which one do you want?”
“You can wrestle Blondie if he gets unruly. I’ll take Shorty.” Sam replies.
“Excuse you.” Tony staggers forward. “You can’t take either of us. We’re taking each other. Wedding tattoos, remember?”
“I apologize.” Sam holds up his hands. “Just pick out what you want, sign these forms, and we can get you your tattoos.”
In the end, they both get TNT tattooed on their bicep. Tony surmises that this is great because 1.) It’s Tony N Thor – TNT and 2.) He loves ACDC. Perfect tattoo. He also tells Sam secretly that he wants a little hammer tattooed on his buttcheek, for Thor. Little does he know that Thor is commissioning a tiny wrench on his own. Thor pays for the tattoos, and they head off to find Elvis to marry them.
“How much do you want to bet they’ll be back tomorrow demanding a refund or something?” Bucky smirks.
Sam widens his eyes. “They were.. something else, that’s for sure. And I’m positive I just tattooed Tony Stark’s ass.”
++++++
Finding Elvis wasn’t too hard. Standing up straight to say their vows was. In the end, Elvis declares them husbands and they kiss fervently.
Heading back to their rooms to consummate their marriage, Thor asks Tony if he really wants to have sex. Tony snorts. “Yea, we should have sex.” He walks into the room, flops down on the bed, and promptly falls asleep. Thor decides sleeping is a good idea and lays down next to him.
Tony wakes up the next morning with a ringing hangover. He feels like shit and his bicep and right butt cheek hurts. There’s also someone in his bed, and they are ginormous. He cracks open one eye and quickly closes it. “Too bright.” He hisses.
The door opens and closes. “What happened here?” Heimdall’s loud voice rings out.
“Heimdall, please, for the love of all things holy, please quiet down.” Thor mumbles.
“Yea what Thor sa-” Wait. Thor? Tony sits up in bed quickly, almost blacking out from his hangover. “What the hell happened?” He groans, looking at Thor. “Why are you in my bed?”
“Technically, you’re in his.” Tony doesn’t appreciate the amusement in Rhodey’s voice. He tells the man so. His Honeybear has the gall to just laugh. “Here, take an aspirin and drink this.” Rhodey hands him a cup and a pill. He then gives one to Thor as well.
Tony sighs at the relief. He moves to get out of bed, but Rhodey stops him. “Wait, we need to talk.”
“Did you guys get married last night?” Heimdall calls from across the room. He holds up a paper; their marriage certificate.
Thor’s eyes widen and Tony facepalms. “Oh, fuck me.” He says.
“What’s going on with you two?” Rhodey asks seriously. “You both seem to hate each other sober and love each other drunk.”
Tony knows the answer to his side. He’s in love with Thor, but Thor would never love him. So Tony avoids him. He doesn’t want his hopeless crush to get out of hand. “Not all of us have a healthy relationship like you two winners.” He tries to joke his way out of the situation, but Thor seems to have other ideas.
“Nothing changes for me when I’m drunk or sober,” Thor says. “I love Tony, but he doesn’t love me back. I don’t mean to come on to him when drunk, but it seems drunk him doesn’t mind.”
Wait, WHAT? “When did I say I didn’t love you back?” Tony retorts.
Thor doesn’t have an answer for him because Thor never professed his love sober. Both of the men sit on the bed trying to wrap their heads around the fact that they were in love. “I guess we should just stay married then?” Tony asks.
Rhodey groans and hides his face in his hands.
+++++++
“Look, there they are.” Bucky nods to two men outside their shop. “I told you they’d come back. Do you think we should just reject any drunk tattoo requests?”
Sam cocks his head. “I’m sorry. When is there anyone sober in this area of Vegas? Do you want to go out of business?”
Their clients from last night walk in the door. “Hello.” The short man hold up a hand. “Did you two tattoo us last night?”
“That we did.” Sam nods.
“Thank you.” The large blonde one laughs. “We got married last night, and we love the tattoos. Apparently, drunk us has some sense after all. I have no memory of last night.”
“All that matters is that we got married at the end of it.” Short guy’s eyes sparkle. “Thank you for being a part of our journey. I’m just leaving a tip.” He opens his wallet and gives both men a stack of twenties. “Enjoy yourselves.”
“Tones! Let’s go, or we’re leaving without you!” Someone calls from outside.
Tony nods. “Gotta go. Enjoy your day.” He pulls his husband out of the shop.
Sam looks at Bucky. “Well, that was an experience.”
