restraint. barely contained; he can’t stop the way that that his body starts to shake. pain. it starts at the source but it sings through him like a symphony --- loud waves he can’t hear beyond. teeth grit for a moment but he throws his head back, puffs smoke towards the ceiling to keep from making any sort of noise. waiting. holding out, entire arm starting to tremble as he forces himself to hold out a little longer. another second. another second. another second. right up until it becomes too much. right up until the sound. broken. he’s out of breath, out of so much.
his body jerks. he’s never been burned before but he assumes this is the closest thing, this feeling. the cross necklace is bloody when it hits the table, and when he looks at his wobbly palm, it’s still steaming --- imprinted, anew. panting, he stares. something bubbles up from the pits of his core, something he can’t stop. tears sting his eyes, but they evaporate before they can make it all the way down his face. unworthy, he screams.
