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get in bitches, we're surviving rock bottom no matter how much further we dig. one day we'll put down the shovel and climb out of this for good. we have to. as long as we're still alive there is hope.
it’s so fucking crazy to me that i have 2 years without getting loaded. i almost relapsed in January, had a shot made up and stuck myself but didn’t do it cause my ex was in the car & i knew she would tell my job and my life would fall apart. it’s even more insane that i work for the fucking state & my employer and coworkers all trust me. i rent a place in my name & bought a car recently. i’ll be a junkie til i take my last breath but i’m not actively engaging in that and sometimes it just feels like a dream.
The 12 Fucking Steps
Step 1: I’m fucked
Step 2: There might be a way out of this fucking mess
Step 3: Decide to level the fuck up
Step 4: Take a good hard look at how fucked up I am
Step 5: Tell someone else about all the fucked up stuff I’ve been through
Step 6: Prepare to stop being such a fuck up
Step 7: Try to stop acting so fucked up
Step 8: Make a list of everyone I fucked over
Step 9: Swallow my fucking pride and tell them I really fucked up, except when doing so would fuck them harder.
Step 10: Keep an eye on my fucked up thinking and behavior
Step 11: Chill the fuck out sometimes
Step 12: Help the next poor fucker that walks through the door
When you make the necessary changes within, recovery becomes a lifestyle.
Love letters to my depression.
You and I have been together for so long now. I am sure you will never leave me. We've been together for more than forty years, and we have been through some shit. For now I'm just gonna talk about this century. Who knows, maybe I'll feel like talking about the last century later on. I'm going to try everyday to write about something and how I did or didn't really get through it. Talk about self medication. For me, it was opiates. That blessed numbness that overrides your emotions. Hopefully this will be therapeutic for me and maybe helpful to someone else who may be struggling.
The great paradox of addiction is that while it’s is not a conscious choose/decision we make or personal failing we’re too weak to overcome, we do have to make a decision to choose sobriety. Being an alcoholic or struggling with addiction means that I am bodily and mentally different from “normal people.” My brain functions just fine in every other situation other than where drugs and alcohol are involved. I have a disease, one of the only diseases in the world that tries to convince me I don’t have it. My brain plays tricks on me that convinces to to self-sabotage, self-destruct, and burn my own life to the ground. The absurdity is that with the proper resources and support, I can turn the volume down on that little voice in my head. Essentially, I had to learn to get out of my own way so that the rational, logical, and “sane” parts of my brain could take over. The only thing holding me back, was the part of me that I didn’t know how to let go of. I was my biggest problem. I was the roadblock that kept putting the bottle in my hand. The biggest problem between drunk me and sober me was… ME! • • • • #iamtheproblem #selfsabotage #selfdestruction #addictionisadisease #addictionsucks #wedorecover #recoveryispossible #recoveryisreal #sobersupport #sobersunday #addictionsupport #addiction #addictionrecovery #sobercommunity #recoverycommunity #alcoholfreecommunity #soberthoughts #soberinstagram #sober #sobriety #soberinspiration #sobermotivation #selfawareness #odaat #recoveringalcoholic https://www.instagram.com/p/CpatoXyuf3s/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=