Having depression and anxiety is weird. I’m pretty good at dealing with it, I take my meds, work out, try to sleep, drink water, go to therapy, etc…etc. I can’t help but notice that sometimes I’m just going through the motions. Inside I have my anxiety telling me that I’m never going to be good enough, that no one loves me, and that I am going to spend most of my life alone. My depression agrees anxiety and asks what the point of even getting out of bed is if I’m just going to continue being a failure. I try so hard to ignore these thoughts and move on and try to live my life to the fullest, but sometimes it’s just hard.
It’s hard to put a face on that reassures people I’m okay. It’s hard to go out with friends while my anxiety tells me that they all hate me and my depression follows that up with the fact don’t deserve friends like them anyway (they’re great humans and I love them). I would do anything for my dog, he’s literally my son and the reason I hang around. But my brain is constantly telling me he’s not happy and that he hates me and he’d be better off without me. Why is it that our brains do this? I literally have my dream job, have a dog who I love with my whole heart, my bills are always paid, I have a great group of friends (which is something I haven’t had in the past), and I live in a pretty cool area.
I’m generally happy, I love my dog, job, friends, city. Why is it that my brain won’t let me enjoy it? Maybe one day I’ll get there, but until then I’ll keep fighting. Anyone out there going through a similar situation, know you’re not alone, and you gotta keep fighting too 💙
Anyway, off to the gym I go… it’s shoulder day! If you read this far, you should go do something positive too, even if it’s just taking a shower or getting off the couch. We’re in this together let’s do this.
