#witty comeback

[venus-complex]

Didn't your mum teach you to wash dishes?

No we had a dish washer

I'm funny af hahhahah

[grungekitty-77]

if a man ever tells you to make him a sandwich, combine the forces of both dad jokes and Gordon Ramsay. put two slices of bread on him and say "there! now you're an idiot sandwich!"

[willreadforbooze]

DRUNK REVIEW: Sisters of the Vast Black by Lina Rather

DRUNK REVIEW: Sisters of the Vast Black by Lina Rather - reviewed by @terplinz #willreadforbooze

It’s Linz, and I read the novella Sisters of the Vast Black by Lina Rather. Get ready for NUNS IN SPACE

What I drank: A vodka-based cocktail, then wine, and then wine, and then shots, and then a coconut porter? I’m writing this part after the fact and the details are a little hazy; what can I say our Christmas party gets wild.

Synopsis, from Goodreads: Years ago, Old Earth sent forth sisters and…

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[flavia8]

If I were your wife I'd poison your tea." Ma'am, if I was your husband, I'd drink it.

Creddited to Winston Churchill,  and also "Lisener," the original source

[archivistofnerddom]

Sassy mental comeback

Dude: Baby, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Me: Nope, but strutting up the highway from hell was fun.

[pseudonym89]

someone:*says something rude*

me:*comes up with the perfect witty comeback 9 hours later*

me:damn it

[paradiqm-shift]

So one time my dad fed his dogs a couple boiled peanuts and he tried convincing me to have some when he knows I dislike them. So then he says, "look, the dogs like them!" Then I causally replied, "yeah it's cause they taste like dog food."

[strawburri15]

Have you ever thought of super witty and awesome comeback for an argument... that was 3 days ago