Summary: You divorced Natasha Romanoff three years ago. Now you co-parent two kids, attend school events together, and pretend the life you almost had doesn’t linger between you. Then one night she stays for dinner. And suddenly everything feels dangerously close to the way it used to be.
(Men and Minors DNI)
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Five Years Ago
The kitchen lights hum softly overhead, casting a warm yellow glow across the countertops and the small figure sitting in a highchair beside you. Katya Romanoff—your daughter, Natasha’s daughter—is barely a year old and already somehow full of chaos. A small plastic bowl of macaroni and cheese sits in front of her, though “in front of her” is generous at this point. The pasta is everywhere. Some of it is smeared across the tray of the highchair, several pieces are clinging stubbornly to her tiny fingers, and a streak of bright orange cheese sauce runs across her cheek like war paint. One noodle has somehow ended up tangled in her wispy reddish-blonde hair. She babbles happily to herself, kicking her little feet against the chair as she squishes another handful of macaroni between her fingers with delighted concentration.
You lean your elbows against the kitchen counter beside her, one hand loosely curled around your phone, your eyes flicking every few seconds to the time glowing on the screen. The numbers haven’t changed nearly as much as you’d like them to.
9:02 PM.
Natasha had said she’d be home by eight.
Your gaze drifts toward the door that leads into the hallway, like maybe she’ll appear if you look at it long enough. The apartment is quiet in that strange, stretched way that happens when you’re waiting for someone. Every tiny noise seems louder than it should be—the hum of the fridge, the faint clink of Katya’s spoon hitting the tray, the soft cartoon theme song playing from the television in the living room that you turned on earlier for background noise.
Katya squeals suddenly, jerking your attention back to her.
She holds up her fist triumphantly, a single macaroni clutched between her fingers like she’s just discovered gold.
“Is that so?” you murmur, your voice soft, tired but fond. “Very impressive.”
She grins at you with four tiny teeth and then promptly drops the macaroni onto the floor.
You sigh through your nose, rubbing your face briefly before grabbing a napkin to wipe the cheese sauce from her cheek. She protests with an indignant little whine, twisting away from you with surprising strength for someone so small.
“Hey, hey,” you murmur, trying not to laugh despite the exhaustion creeping into your bones. “Your mama would say you look like you wrestled a bowl of pasta and lost.”
At the mention of Natasha, your chest tightens faintly.
Your eyes drift back to the phone.
9:17 PM.
Still nothing.
You tell yourself it’s normal. Missions run late. Debriefs run longer. Sometimes the team goes out after—Tony insists on celebrating anything remotely successful with drinks and obnoxious music. You’ve heard the excuses before. You’ve accepted them before.
But tonight feels heavier.
Maybe it’s the way Katya keeps glancing toward the hallway every time the elevator down the corridor dings. Maybe it’s the way she babbles out half-formed sounds that almost resemble “Mama.” Maybe it’s the fact that Natasha promised she’d be home tonight.
Katya slaps both hands into the macaroni again, sending a small splatter of cheese across the tray.
You exhale a quiet laugh despite yourself.
“Alright, alright,” you murmur, scooping another spoonful and holding it toward her. “Eat the food, gremlin. Don’t redecorate with it.”
She opens her mouth immediately, accepting the spoon with exaggerated enthusiasm. Most of the macaroni makes it inside, though some still ends up smeared along her chin. She kicks her legs again, clearly pleased with herself.
You check the phone again.
9:31 PM.
Your jaw tightens.
Thirty minutes late.
Your gaze flickers back toward the hallway door again, but the apartment remains stubbornly quiet.
Katya starts fussing softly, her earlier energy beginning to fade. Her eyelids droop slightly as she leans forward in the highchair, smearing her cheek against the tray without even realizing she’s doing it.
“Yeah,” you murmur quietly, brushing a thumb across her soft hair. “You’re getting tired, huh?”
Another glance at the phone.
Still nothing from Natasha.
A slow breath leaves your chest.
“Okay,” you say gently, sliding the bowl away from Katya’s reach. “I think we’re done with dinner.”
She whines in protest, little hands reaching clumsily toward the bowl as you wipe them clean with a damp cloth.
“I know, I know,” you soothe softly. “But if I let you keep going, we’re going to have macaroni on the ceiling.”
Katya huffs, but she doesn’t fight when you lift her from the highchair and settle her against your hip. Her small body immediately curls against you, one sticky hand clutching weakly at your shirt.
The kitchen suddenly feels too quiet.
You glance at the clock again before turning toward the living room.
“Come on,” you murmur to her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Let’s go watch cartoons while we wait for Mama.”
The living room glows with the flickering colors of whatever cartoon is playing on the television—bright animals bouncing across the screen, cheerful music chiming in the background. You settle onto the couch with Katya tucked into your arms, grabbing a small blanket from the armrest and draping it loosely over her legs.
She watches the screen with wide eyes for about three minutes.
Then her head slowly droops against your chest.
You shift slightly so she’s more comfortable, absently rubbing small circles against her back as the cartoon characters chatter away in the background. The warmth of her little body sinks into you, heavy and trusting.
Your eyes drift toward the hallway again.
Still no Natasha.
The clock creeps forward.
10:08 PM.
10:47 PM.
11:15 PM.
At some point Katya’s small fingers curl tightly into the fabric of your shirt, her breathing evening out into the slow rhythm of sleep. Her face presses into your collarbone, warm and soft and peaceful.
Your chest aches.
“She said she’d be home tonight,” you whisper quietly, more to yourself than to her.
Katya doesn’t stir.
Eventually you push yourself up from the couch, careful not to wake her. The apartment feels even quieter now as you carry her down the hallway toward her room, the cartoon still playing faintly behind you.
The bedtime routine feels strangely lonely without Natasha there.
You change Katya into her pajamas, her sleepy little protests barely more than quiet whimpers as you wipe the last traces of macaroni from her face and hands. You brush her hair gently, humming under your breath while she clings to your shoulder.
“Shh,” you murmur softly as you lower her into the crib. “It’s okay.”
She squirms, small hands reaching toward you immediately.
Your heart twists.
“Hey,” you whisper, resting a hand against her tiny chest. “Mama will be home soon.”
The words taste hollow even as you say them.
After a moment her eyes finally close again, exhaustion winning over curiosity. Her breathing steadies.
You stay there longer than necessary, watching her sleep.
Then you quietly leave the room.
The apartment is silent again when you return to the living room.
The cartoon is still playing.
You turn the television off.
And you wait.
Midnight comes quietly.
The sound of the front door unlocking makes your head snap up immediately.
The door creaks open, and Natasha steps inside.
Your wife looks mostly fine—no visible injuries, no blood, no limping—but there’s something in the way she moves that makes your stomach twist. Slightly slower than usual. Slightly looser.
And when she steps fully into the apartment, the faint smell of alcohol follows her.
Not strong.
But unmistakable.
Her green eyes land on you almost immediately, a flicker of surprise crossing her face.
“You’re still awake?”
The words are casual.
Too casual.
Something sharp twists in your chest.
“I was waiting for you.”
Natasha pauses mid-step, shrugging her jacket off slowly.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
Your jaw tightens.
“I know.”
Silence stretches between you for a moment.
Then you ask quietly, “Where were you?”
Natasha hangs her jacket on the hook by the door, clearly buying herself time before answering.
“Debrief ran late,” she says. “Then Tony wanted drinks.”
You stare at her.
“Drinks.”
She glances back at you, clearly noticing the tone.
“Yes.”
A hollow laugh escapes you before you can stop it.
“Right.”
Natasha’s brows draw together slightly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
You stand from the couch slowly, arms folding across your chest.
“It means,” you say, your voice tight, “you told me you’d be home by eight.”
“Mission ran long.”
“And the drinks?”
Her jaw tightens.
“It’s not a crime to go out with the team.”
“No,” you say sharply. “But it is when your wife and kid are sitting here waiting for you.”
Her expression shifts slightly, irritation flickering behind her eyes.
“You didn’t have to wait up.”
“You’re missing the point, Natasha.”
She exhales slowly, running a hand through her red hair.
“I just got back from a mission. Can we not do this right now?”
“No,” you say immediately, your voice rising before you can stop it. “Because we never do it.”
Natasha freezes slightly.
“What?”
“You’re never here anymore,” you continue, the words spilling out faster now. “You leave before she wakes up, you come home after she’s asleep. Tonight she kept looking at the door every time the elevator dinged because she thought it might be you.”
Natasha’s face hardens.
“She’s one year old.”
“And she still notices!”
Your voice cracks slightly, frustration finally breaking through the exhaustion.
“You promised you’d be home tonight.”
Natasha rubs her temples.
“I said I’d try.”
“No,” you snap. “You said you would.”
Silence falls heavy between you.
The tension thickens.
“You think I want to be gone?” Natasha finally says, her voice quieter but edged with frustration. “You think I enjoy risking my life every week?”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“I’m saying,” you breathe, “that we’re supposed to be a family. And right now it feels like Katya and I are just… something you come back to when it’s convenient.”
Natasha flinches slightly.
The reaction is subtle.
But you see it.
A long silence stretches between you again.
Then Natasha exhales slowly.
“…I’m sorry.”
The words are quiet. Genuine.
Your anger falters slightly.
“I should’ve come home,” she continues, voice softer now. “Tony kept pushing drinks and I didn’t think about the time.”
You stare at her.
“She waited,” you say quietly. “She kept looking at the door.”
Natasha’s gaze drops toward the floor.
Guilt flickers across her face.
“…Is she asleep?”
“Yes.”
Another quiet pause.
Then Natasha finally looks back up at you, the sharp edges of her earlier defensiveness gone.
“I’ll do better,” she says quietly.
You want to believe her.
God, you want to.
Your shoulders sag slightly as the exhaustion finally settles in.
“Come on,” you murmur tiredly. “Let’s just go to bed.”
Natasha nods softly.
The argument dissolves into silence as the two of you move down the hallway together, the apartment dim and quiet around you.
In Katya’s room, the baby monitor glows faintly.
And in your bedroom, the bed feels just a little too big as you both climb into it—tired, tense, but trying to believe tomorrow will be better.
⸻
Four Years Ago
The apartment feels strangely quiet when you step out into the hallway, the absence of tiny footsteps and babbling voices almost eerie compared to the usual chaos that comes with a toddler. Katya had clung to your leg for a moment when you first introduced her to the babysitter—some college-aged girl Tony had sworn was “phenomenal with kids, absolutely top tier, five stars”—but after ten minutes of animated cartoons and a brightly colored toy box, your daughter had mostly forgotten you were even leaving. Still, as you follow Natasha down toward the waiting car, your chest holds that familiar, low hum of guilt that always comes from leaving your child with someone else.
Natasha notices.
She always notices things like that.
Her hand settles lightly at the small of your back as she guides you toward the car Tony had sent—because of course Tony Stark would send a car, because apparently showing up anywhere without excessive flair is physically impossible for him.
“She’ll be fine,” Natasha murmurs quietly.
You glance sideways at her.
“I know,” you say, though your voice holds a trace of hesitation. “It’s just… the first time we’ve left her with someone we don’t know.”
Natasha opens the car door for you, the corner of her mouth lifting slightly.
“Tony’s terrified of Pepper,” she says dryly. “If the babysitter was bad with kids, Pepper would’ve had her blacklisted from the city.”
You snort softly despite yourself and slide into the seat.
The ride to the restaurant is calm. Quiet. The kind of quiet that used to feel normal between you and Natasha, but now feels… unfamiliar somehow. Not uncomfortable exactly, just different. Conversations between the two of you these days tend to revolve around schedules—when she’s leaving for missions, when you’re taking Katya to playgroups, when she’ll hopefully be home.
Still, tonight feels almost like old times.
Natasha’s hand rests loosely over yours for most of the drive.
The restaurant Tony chose is predictably extravagant. Floor-to-ceiling windows overlook the city skyline, warm lights glowing across polished marble floors and pristine white tablecloths. When you arrive, the rest of the group is already seated around a long table near the windows—Steve and Sharon, Sam with a woman you vaguely remember meeting once before, Bruce nervously adjusting his glasses beside Helen Cho, and of course Tony and Pepper sitting at the head of the table like they own the entire building.
Which… they might.
Tony spots Natasha first.
“Ah!” he announces loudly, spreading his arms dramatically. “The Widow arrives. Fashionably late, as always.”
Natasha rolls her eyes.
“We’re five minutes late.”
“That’s practically an hour in Stark time.”
You slip into the seat beside Natasha as Pepper smiles warmly at you from across the table.
“I’m glad you could make it,” she says. “It’s been a while since we’ve seen you.”
“That’s because someone keeps stealing my wife for missions,” you reply lightly, nudging Natasha’s arm.
Tony raises his glass.
“Saving the world isn’t exactly a nine-to-five gig.”
Natasha shoots him a look.
“Neither is building killer robots.”
Tony pauses.
“…That was one time.”
Dinner passes easily.
The conversation flows between stories from recent missions, Tony’s latest ridiculous inventions, and Pepper politely reminding him not to turn the penthouse into a testing facility again. Natasha actually relaxes a little as the evening goes on, her shoulders lowering slightly as she leans back in her chair, occasionally brushing her thumb against the back of your hand under the table.
For a little while, things feel… normal.
Almost like they used to be.
By the time the main course plates are cleared away, the table has settled into that comfortable, lazy stage of dinner where everyone is full and relaxed, glasses half-finished and conversations drifting in multiple directions.
Pepper glances at you from across the table.
And then she tilts her head slightly.
“You look glowing tonight,” she says thoughtfully.
You blink.
“…Glowing?”
Pepper smiles gently.
“Yes. You have that look.”
Tony raises an eyebrow.
“What look?”
Pepper doesn’t even glance at him.
“The one where someone might be expecting.”
The table quiets slightly.
Your stomach flips.
Pepper looks between you and Natasha with a curious smile.
“Is there possibly a baby number two on the way?”
You let out a small laugh, shaking your head quickly.
“No, nothing like that.”
Natasha chuckles beside you.
“Trust me,” she says lightly, lifting her glass. “If we were having another kid, I would know.”
A few people laugh softly and the conversation moves on almost immediately, but the comment lingers in your mind longer than you expect.
You and Natasha barely see each other these days.
Between her missions and your days revolving around Katya, your lives have slowly begun orbiting around different schedules. Passing each other in the kitchen, exchanging quick kisses before she disappears again.
The idea of another baby seems almost… unrealistic.
Still.
The thought lingers quietly in the back of your mind for the rest of the evening.
By the time you and Natasha arrive home, the apartment is dim and peaceful.
The babysitter greets you quietly from the couch, whispering that Katya had fallen asleep about an hour ago. After paying her—and listening to a brief rundown of how “she was seriously the easiest toddler ever”—you walk her to the door while Natasha disappears down the hallway to check on Katya.
Your daughter is still asleep when you peek into her room a moment later, curled up under her small blanket with one stuffed animal clutched in her arms.
Natasha watches her for a moment from the doorway.
“She didn’t even wake up,” she murmurs quietly.
“She’s been exhausted lately,” you say.
Natasha nods faintly.
The two of you step back into the hallway, closing Katya’s door carefully.
And for some reason, Pepper’s comment comes rushing back into your mind.
You hesitate.
Then quietly say, “I’ll be right back.”
Natasha glances at you curiously but doesn’t question it.
You disappear into the bathroom.
The pregnancy test sits in your hand for a long moment before you even open it. It’s one you bought weeks ago after a late-night pharmacy run for cold medicine, tossed into the cabinet and forgotten about.
You’re not even sure why you’re doing this.
Maybe curiosity.
Maybe something else.
The test takes only a few minutes.
But those minutes feel longer than they should.
When the result finally appears, your stomach sinks.
Negative.
A strange, sharp disappointment floods your chest so suddenly it almost catches you off guard.
Your eyes sting.
You hadn’t even realized you were hoping.
The bathroom door creaks open behind you.
Natasha’s voice is soft.
“…What are you doing?”
You quickly wipe at your face, but the tears have already gathered.
Natasha steps closer, confusion flickering across her features when she sees the test in your hand.
“Wait… are you—”
She pauses.
“…It’s negative.”
You nod weakly, staring down at it.
For a moment Natasha just looks… confused.
“I don’t understand,” she admits quietly. “Why are you upset?”
Your chest tightens.
“Because…” Your voice falters slightly before you force the words out. “Because maybe I was hoping it wasn’t.”
Natasha’s brows draw together.
“Why?”
The answer slips out before you can stop it.
“Because maybe it would bring you back.”
Silence fills the room.
Natasha goes very still.
You swallow thickly.
“You’re never here anymore,” you whisper. “I thought… maybe if we had another baby, you’d want to be.”
The words hang in the air.
Natasha stares at you for a long moment, something complicated flickering behind her green eyes.
Then she exhales slowly.
“…I actually kind of want another kid.”
Your head snaps up.
“What?”
Natasha rubs the back of her neck.
“Katya’s getting older,” she says quietly. “She should have a sibling. Someone to grow up with.”
Your heart stutters slightly.
“You mean that?”
Natasha shrugs faintly.
“…Yeah.”
The tension in the room softens just a little.
You look down at the test again.
Then back at her.
“So… we try?”
Natasha’s lips curve faintly.
“Unofficially.”
⸻
The pregnancy happens faster than either of you expected.
Within two months, you’re staring down at another test.
This time it’s positive.
And Natasha changes almost overnight.
She becomes the woman you fell in love with again—attentive, warm, constantly hovering nearby like she’s terrified you might vanish if she looks away for too long. She starts coming home earlier, sometimes even beating you back to the apartment with groceries already unpacked and dinner halfway finished.
The first time you wake up at one in the morning craving strawberry ice cream, Natasha doesn’t hesitate.
She grabs her jacket and disappears out the door.
The only open store is twenty minutes away.
She comes back forty-five minutes later with three different brands.
“You didn’t tell me which one,” she says simply.
Your heart nearly bursts.
For nine months she stays like that—doting, attentive, present.
When your son is born, Natasha cries the moment she holds him.
“A boy,” she murmurs softly, brushing her thumb over his tiny cheek.
You smile weakly from the hospital bed.
“What do you think about Elliot?”
Natasha looks down at him.
“…Elliot Romanoff.”
She nods.
“I like it.”
For a while, things feel perfect.
Katya adores her baby brother. Natasha carries Elliot around constantly like he’s made of glass. The apartment fills with the warm chaos of family life again.
But slowly…
Old habits creep back in.
A mission here.
A late debrief there.
A night out with the team that turns into three drinks too many.
Phone calls that don’t come.
Arguments that grow sharper with every passing week.
And somewhere between midnight arrivals and slammed doors, the warmth that came with Elliot’s birth begins fading into the same quiet tension that once filled the apartment before.
Like history repeating itself.
⸻
Three Years Ago
The clock on the microwave reads 9:48 PM, the glowing green numbers reflecting faintly off the dark kitchen tiles. The apartment has that same quiet, stretched feeling it always seems to get when Natasha isn’t home yet—the kind where every little sound seems louder than it should be. The distant hum of the refrigerator. The soft chatter of the cartoon playing in the living room. The occasional creak of the floorboards when one of the kids shifts their weight.
You’re standing at the edge of the living room now, leaning your shoulder against the wall as you watch Katya and Elliot on the couch.
Katya is three now.
Three years old and already convinced she’s much more capable than she actually is.
She sits cross-legged on the couch beside her baby brother, carefully holding one of his small stuffed dinosaurs in front of him like she’s personally responsible for his entertainment. Elliot, meanwhile, is completely oblivious to the effort she’s putting in. He’s sprawled back against the cushions, one tiny sock half slipping off his foot while his heavy-lidded eyes stare at the brightly colored cartoon characters bouncing across the television screen.
The flickering light paints both their faces in soft blues and yellows.
You glance down at your phone.
No messages.
Not that you expected any.
You stopped expecting Natasha to be home on time a long time ago.
But that tiny, stubborn piece of hope in your chest never really went away.
Every night there’s still that quiet thought in the back of your mind—maybe tonight will be different.
Maybe tonight she’ll come through the door at a normal hour.
Maybe tonight she’ll actually be here to say goodnight to her kids.
Your eyes drift back toward the door.
The hallway beyond it is silent.
Katya suddenly leans toward Elliot, pressing the stuffed dinosaur against his arm.
“Look, Eli,” she says proudly, her voice slightly too loud for the sleepy quiet of the room. “Dino!”
Elliot barely reacts.
His head droops slightly forward, his eyelids slowly beginning to slide shut as the cartoon music continues chirping happily in the background.
You push yourself off the wall and walk over to the couch, gently brushing your fingers through Elliot’s soft hair.
“Well,” you murmur quietly. “Looks like someone’s ready for bed.”
Katya looks up immediately.
“I help!”
You smile faintly.
“Of course you do.”
You lift Elliot carefully from the couch, his small body going limp against your shoulder almost instantly. He lets out a soft, sleepy whine before settling again, one tiny hand curling loosely against your shirt.
Katya jumps down from the couch and hurries after you as you walk down the hallway toward Elliot’s room.
“I help,” she repeats, much more seriously this time.
Her version of helping mostly involves standing directly in the middle of wherever you need to walk.
But you don’t say that.
Because if she wasn’t there, the hallway would feel a lot emptier.
And right now, you’re not sure you want to feel that.
“Okay,” you say gently as you push Elliot’s bedroom door open with your shoulder. “You can help.”
Katya beams like you’ve just given her the most important job in the world.
Elliot whines softly as you lay him down on the changing table, his sleepy eyes blinking slowly as you switch him into his pajamas. Katya stands beside you the entire time, carefully holding a small diaper like it’s a sacred object.
“Here,” she announces proudly, handing it to you.
“Thank you,” you say warmly.
She grins.
It takes twice as long to get Elliot ready for bed with her “helping,” but you don’t mind. Eventually he’s tucked into his crib, his stuffed bear resting beside him while his breathing slowly evens out.
Katya leans against the crib railing, peeking at him.
“He sleepy,” she whispers.
“Yeah,” you murmur softly.
You brush a kiss across Elliot’s forehead before guiding Katya back into the hallway.
“Your turn.”
Katya doesn’t argue.
She rarely does when it comes to bedtime.
Her routine is simple now—pajamas, brushing her teeth, one short story, then her favorite blanket tucked around her shoulders. The same process every night, steady and predictable in a way the rest of your life hasn’t been in a long time.
Tonight is no different.
By the time you finish reading the story, Katya’s eyelids are already drooping.
“Night, Mama,” she murmurs sleepily.
“Goodnight, bug,” you whisper, brushing her hair back from her face.
You close her door softly behind you.
And then the apartment falls quiet again.
The waiting game begins.
You sit on the couch with the television muted, the soft glow from the screen casting dim light across the room. Your phone rests in your hand, though you’re not really looking at it.
Time passes slowly.
11:04 PM.
11:52 PM.
12:38 AM.
At some point you stop checking.
You just sit there.
Waiting.
The sound of the front door unlocking finally breaks the silence.
Your head lifts immediately.
The door opens.
Natasha steps inside.
It’s 2:03 AM.
Your wife pauses slightly when she sees you sitting there, like she wasn’t expecting you to still be awake.
“You’re up late,” she says casually as she shuts the door behind her.
The familiar scent of alcohol drifts faintly through the air.
But there’s something else, too.
Something softer.
Sweeter.
Floral.
Your stomach twists.
Natasha doesn’t wear floral perfume.
She never has.
Your voice comes out quieter than you expect.
“…Where were you?”
Natasha shrugs out of her jacket, tossing it over the chair by the door.
“Out.”
“With who?”
She hesitates just slightly.
“Some people from the team.”
You stand slowly from the couch.
The scent becomes stronger as she walks closer.
That perfume again.
It clings to her clothes.
Her hair.
“Natasha,” you say carefully. “Who were you with?”
Her jaw tightens faintly.
“…Someone.”
A hollow feeling spreads through your chest.
“Were you sleeping with her?”
The question hangs heavily in the air.
Natasha freezes.
For a long moment she doesn’t say anything.
Then she exhales slowly.
“No.”
Your eyes narrow.
“No?”
“I wasn’t sleeping with her.”
“That’s a very specific answer.”
Silence.
Your stomach drops further.
“…Natasha.”
She runs a hand through her hair, clearly realizing there’s no point dodging the truth.
“We were drinking,” she admits quietly.
“And?”
Her eyes flick up to meet yours.
“…We kissed.”
The room goes completely still.
Your chest feels strangely empty.
Like the air has been pulled straight out of it.
“Nothing else happened,” she adds quickly. “I stopped it.”
But the words barely register.
All you can think about is the perfume clinging to her shirt.
The late nights.
The missed dinners.
The broken promises.
The way your kids fall asleep every night without seeing their mother.
Your voice comes out hollow.
“…Right.”
Natasha takes a step toward you.
“It didn’t mean anything.”
You laugh softly.
But there’s no humor in it.
“That’s almost worse.”
She doesn’t argue.
Because she knows you’re right.
The silence stretches between you again.
Heavy.
Final.
Somewhere down the hallway, Elliot stirs faintly in his crib before settling again.
You close your eyes for a moment.
When you open them again, your voice is quiet.
“I think we’re done.”
Natasha doesn’t protest.
She doesn’t argue.
She just looks tired.
Like she’s been expecting those words for a long time.
⸻
A week later, you place the divorce papers on the kitchen counter.
Natasha stares at them for a long moment.
Then she nods.
“…Okay.”
No shouting.
No begging.
Just quiet acceptance.
The process moves quickly after that.
The lawyers handle most of it, the paperwork sliding through the legal system with almost mechanical efficiency. Natasha never fights it. Never tries to delay it.
The custody agreement settles at 50/50.
Fair.
Simple.
Katya and Elliot will split their time between the two of you.
And just like that—
The life you built together ends. Not with a dramatic explosion. But with quiet signatures on a stack of papers.
⸻
Present Day
The house had felt too big the first night you slept in it.
Not in a bad way—just unfamiliar. The kind of quiet that comes from space instead of loneliness. After years of apartments and shared hallways and elevators that hummed through the walls, the simple fact that your front door opened directly to your own driveway had felt strange.
But the kids had loved it immediately.
Katya especially.
She had run through the empty rooms when you first got the keys, her small voice echoing off bare walls while Elliot toddled after her, barely steady on his feet at the time. The yard had sealed the deal for both of them—an actual patch of grass big enough to run across without bumping into anything.
Now, years later, that same yard is full of noise.
Bright balloons tied to the fence bounce in the warm breeze while a giant inflatable bouncy castle dominates the center of the lawn, packed with shrieking six-year-olds who seem physically incapable of staying still for more than half a second.
Katya’s sixth birthday party is in full chaos.
Exactly how she wanted it.
Kids from her entire class run back and forth across the grass, their shoes kicking up little clouds of dirt as they chase each other between the garden chairs and the inflatable castle. Someone’s brought a bubble machine that’s sending shimmering bubbles drifting lazily through the air, popping softly whenever one of the kids jumps too close.
You stand near the patio doors, leaning against the frame while you watch it all unfold.
And, as always—
Elliot is glued to your side.
Your four-year-old clings to your leg with the stubborn determination of someone who has decided this is simply where he belongs. His small arms wrap around your thigh while he peers cautiously at the chaos happening across the garden.
Several kids from his daycare are running around with the older ones, but Elliot has shown absolutely zero interest in joining them.
He presses his cheek against your leg instead.
“Eli,” you murmur gently, glancing down at him. “Your friends are here.”
He shakes his head immediately.
“No.”
You huff a quiet laugh.
He’s always been like this.
From the moment he could walk, Elliot had attached himself firmly to you. Katya had been independent almost to a fault as a toddler—running ahead, climbing things she probably shouldn’t, exploring every corner she could find.
Elliot is the opposite: Your shadow. Your little mama’s boy.
He shifts slightly now, attempting to climb up your leg in a slow, determined effort that would almost be impressive if it wasn’t so inconvenient while you’re trying to carry plates out to the patio table.
“Buddy,” you say patiently, steadying the stack of napkins in your hands. “I need my leg.”
“No,” he repeats, tightening his grip.
You sigh softly.
From across the yard, your mother laughs quietly.
“He’s just like Katya used to be,” she says warmly.
You glance over toward the garden table where several adults have gathered—your parents, a few of the other kids’ parents, and even Natasha’s family.
Her parents sit near the edge of the patio, her mother watching the children with the quiet attentiveness of someone who has spent decades observing people carefully. Natasha’s sister stands nearby talking with one of Katya’s friend’s moms while sipping from a plastic cup of lemonade.
They all showed up on time.
Natasha didn’t.
Your eyes flick briefly toward the driveway.
Still empty.
Not surprising.
You stopped expecting punctuality from Natasha a long time ago.
But, like always, there’s still that tiny, stubborn part of you that hopes she’ll show up anyway.
The party continues without her.
Katya bounces on the castle with three of her friends, her wild red hair flying around her face as she laughs loudly enough for the entire garden to hear. Someone starts a game of tag that quickly devolves into half the kids sprinting in random directions while the other half collapse into giggles on the grass.
Elliot remains firmly attached to your leg the entire time.
Eventually you manage to peel him off just long enough to set up the grill near the edge of the patio. The charcoal crackles softly as you arrange the burgers and hotdogs nearby, preparing to start cooking for the growing crowd of hungry children.
That’s when a car pulls into the driveway.
You glance up automatically.
Natasha’s car.
It takes her a moment to get out.
But when she does, she looks… mostly the same as always. Dark jacket, boots, red hair tied loosely back. There’s a faint tension in her posture like she came straight from somewhere else.
Your eyes flick to the time on your phone.
She’s about an hour late.
Which, honestly, by Natasha’s standards, is practically early.
You don’t say anything.
You don’t need to.
Because the moment Natasha steps through the gate into the yard, her mother turns and gives her a look that could slice through steel.
Natasha pauses slightly under that gaze.
“…Hi, Mama.”
The look only deepens.
You almost feel bad for her.
Almost.
Before anyone can say anything else, Katya spots her.
“MAMA!”
Your daughter launches herself off the bouncy castle with reckless enthusiasm and sprints across the yard, grass flying behind her as she barrels straight into Natasha’s legs.
Natasha barely has time to brace before Katya wraps her arms around her.
Natasha’s entire posture softens instantly.
“Hey, маленькая,” she murmurs, crouching slightly to hug her.
Katya squeezes her tightly—
Then immediately releases her and runs straight back toward the bouncy castle like the interaction never even happened.
Natasha watches her go with a faint smile. Meanwhile, Elliot doesn’t even look. He’s far too busy trying to climb up your leg again like a determined little koala.
Natasha notices. Her gaze flicks toward the two of you. Elliot completely ignores her presence. You sigh softly.
“Elliot,” you murmur, gently prying one of his hands off your jeans.
He whines quietly. Across the yard, Natasha approaches slowly.
You’re just reaching for the lighter to start the grill when she steps beside you and calmly takes it from your hand.
“I’ve got it,” she says.
You glance at her. Natasha flicks the lighter beneath the charcoal with practiced ease.
“Least I can do.”
You don’t argue.
The grill crackles to life as smoke begins curling upward into the warm afternoon air.
For a few minutes, the two of you stand there in that familiar, slightly awkward quiet that comes from years of history and the strange calm that followed your divorce.
Eventually Natasha breaks the silence.
“I went on a couple dates recently.”
Your eyebrow lifts slightly.
“Oh?”
She shrugs faintly, flipping one of the burgers.
“Nothing serious.”
You nod slowly.
“That’s good.”
It isn’t jealousy you feel. Not really. More like distant curiosity.
Your attention drifts back toward the yard where Katya is attempting to organize a chaotic game involving a beach ball and three kids who clearly don’t understand the rules.
“Oh,” you say casually. “Katya has her ballet recital next week.”
Natasha’s head turns immediately.
“When?”
“Thursday evening.”
She nods slowly.
“I’ll be there.”
You look at her seriously.
“You cannot miss this one.”
Natasha meets your gaze.
“I won’t.”
Something in her tone makes you believe her.
The grill pops softly between you. Soon enough, the burgers and hotdogs are ready.
Kids swarm the patio table like tiny vultures while parents laugh and try to organize plates and drinks. Elliot finally detaches from your leg long enough to sit beside you while eating a hotdog that’s almost bigger than his hands.
The birthday cake comes out shortly after. Six candles glow brightly on top. Everyone gathers around as Katya beams proudly in front of the table.
“Ready?” you ask. She nods excitedly.
And soon the entire garden fills with the loud, slightly off-key chorus of Happy Birthday. Katya squeezes her eyes shut before blowing out the candles in one determined puff.
The party slowly winds down after that. Parents gather their kids, balloons are untied, leftover cake is packed into small containers. One by one, cars pull out of the driveway until the garden finally begins to quiet again.
Your parents leave. Natasha’s family leaves shortly after. Eventually it’s just you and the kids.
Katya runs one last lap across the grass before collapsing dramatically into one of the lawn chairs.
Elliot climbs straight back into your lap. The sun is beginning to dip toward the horizon, casting long golden shadows across the yard. And for the first time all day, everything is finally quiet again.
⸻
Rain had been falling since sunrise. Not the light, misty kind that drifts through the air and disappears as quickly as it comes—but the heavy, steady kind that seems determined to drown the entire day in gray. It drums against the roof, streaks down the windows in long uneven trails, and turns the street outside into a blurred reflection of headlights and puddles.
By the time morning rolled around, the sky had already settled into that deep slate color that promised the rain wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
You’d gotten the kids ready for school anyway.
Katya had been practically vibrating with excitement, even while pulling on her little rain boots. Her ballet recital had been all she talked about for the past week, bouncing around the kitchen in her socks while explaining—again—how she was definitely the best twirler in her class.
Elliot had been quieter. He always was in the mornings.
Still half-asleep while he clung to your side, his small hand gripping the sleeve of your jacket as you walked them both across the parking lot toward the school entrance. The rain had soaked the edges of your coat before you even made it through the doors.
Katya ran ahead toward the elementary classrooms. Elliot stuck to your leg. As always.
The preschool wing sat just off the main building, bright with colorful posters and tiny cubbies that held miniature backpacks and rain boots. Elliot had reluctantly let go of your hand once his teacher knelt down to greet him, though he still glanced back at you twice before disappearing inside with the other kids.
That had been this morning. Now the rain hasn’t let up once. You glance out the window again as you grab your keys from the counter. Still pouring.
The recital isn’t until an hour after school ends, but the school had sent a message earlier offering to keep the participating kids—and their siblings—inside the building during that time so parents wouldn’t have to drive back and forth in the storm.
Which meant you could head there a little early. And you absolutely planned to. Katya had talked about wanting you in the front row for weeks. You slip your jacket on, grabbing your bag as you head out the door.
The rain hits immediately.
Cold droplets splatter across your shoulders as you hurry across the driveway and climb into the driver’s seat, shaking water from your sleeves before sliding the key into the ignition.
You twist it. Nothing happens. The engine doesn’t even attempt to turn over. You frown slightly and try again. The key turns. Silence. Not even the faintest click.
“…Seriously?”
You try once more.
Still nothing.
The windshield wipers squeak faintly as the rain continues pouring down outside, the steady rhythm almost mocking the situation.
You grab your phone, already pulling up the nearest garage. Every single one is closed. The weather had apparently shut down half the local businesses for the day. You lean back in the seat, staring at the useless dashboard. The recital starts in less than an hour. Your fingers hover over your phone for a moment. Then you sigh. There’s really only one option.
You tap Natasha’s name. The phone rings twice before she answers.
“Hey.”
Her voice is calm. You rub your forehead lightly.
“My car won’t start.”
There’s a brief pause on the other end.
“…Okay.”
“I need a ride to the school.”
Another small pause. Then—
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
The call ends.
You exhale slowly and lean your head back against the seat while the rain continues drumming against the roof.
Ten minutes later, headlights cut through the gray haze of rain outside your driveway. Natasha’s car pulls up.
You grab your bag and hurry across the wet pavement, climbing into the passenger seat as the door shuts with a dull thud.
“Thanks,” you say, brushing rain from your jacket. Natasha nods once.
“No problem.”
The car pulls away from the curb, windshield wipers sweeping steadily across the glass as you merge onto the rain-soaked street.
The drive to the school is mostly quiet at first.
Then the conversation begins filling the space the way it always does these days—casual, neutral topics that circle comfortably around anything deeper.
“How are the kids doing in school?” Natasha asks.
“Katya’s teacher says she’s doing great in reading,” you reply. “Apparently she keeps trying to read books to the other kids.”
Natasha smiles faintly.
“That sounds like her.”
You nod.
“Elliot’s still shy in class.”
“Yeah?”
“He mostly just sits near the teacher.”
Natasha glances at you briefly.
“…Still glued to you at home?”
You snort softly.
“Like a barnacle.”
The conversation drifts from there. Your promotion at work comes up next. Natasha listens quietly while you explain the new responsibilities, nodding occasionally while keeping her eyes on the road.
It’s simple conversation. Easy. The kind of neutral ground the two of you have learned to exist on since the divorce. By the time you reach the school parking lot, the rain has only gotten heavier. But you’re early. Very early.
You check the time as you step out of the car. Forty minutes before the recital. Perfect.
Inside, the gymnasium lights glow brightly against the gray afternoon outside. Rows of folding chairs have already been set up facing the small stage area where a curtain hangs loosely across the back wall.
Only a few parents have arrived so far. Natasha steps in behind you. And almost immediately looks… uncomfortable. You glance sideways at her. She stands near the entrance for a moment like she’s unsure what to do with herself.
For someone who can handle international assassins and covert missions without blinking— Apparently arriving early to a children’s recital is far more intimidating.
You can’t help the quiet smile that slips onto your face. “Come on,” you say.
You walk toward the front row. Three seats sit open directly in the center. You claim them immediately.
One on the left. One on the right. And the middle seat left open.
“For Elliot,” you explain casually.
Natasha nods.
She sits down beside you, though she still looks faintly out of place surrounded by folding chairs and colorful decorations taped to the walls.
The room slowly begins filling with parents. Soft chatter echoes through the gym as more people arrive, umbrellas dripping near the entrance.
Eventually, a side door opens. A group of children spills into the room. Katya and Elliot among them. Both kids immediately spot you. And Natasha. They stop dead in their tracks. Their little faces freeze with identical expressions of shock.
Natasha is early.
For a moment, both kids just stand there with their arms hovering awkwardly in the air like they don’t quite know how to process this unexpected development.
Then Elliot runs first. Straight toward you. He climbs into the empty seat between you and Natasha before immediately leaning his head against your shoulder. One of his hands reaches for yours. The other grabs Natasha’s.
Katya hurries over next, her ballet bag clutched tightly against her chest.
“You’re both here!” she says breathlessly.
Natasha smiles softly.
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
Katya beams—
Then quickly remembers something important.
“Oh!” she gasps. “I gotta go backstage!”
And just like that, she spins around and runs back toward the stage area with the other dancers.
Elliot stays exactly where he is. Curled between the two of you. His small fingers wrapped around both of your hands.
The gym lights dim slightly. Soft music begins playing through the speakers. And the recital finally starts.
The recital lasts a little over an hour.
Which is honestly impressive considering the performers are a group of six-year-olds whose understanding of ballet seems to exist somewhere between enthusiastic spinning and aggressively enthusiastic hopping.
The stage lights glow warmly against the small wooden platform while the soft instrumental music plays through slightly crackling speakers. One by one, small groups of children shuffle onto the stage in pastel tutus and slightly crooked ballet slippers.
The performance is… chaotic.
Adorable.
But chaotic.
Half the kids are clearly trying very hard to remember the routine they practiced. The other half appear to have decided that improvisation is just as valid as choreography.
At one point a girl spins in the wrong direction and bumps into another dancer.
Someone else forgets an entire section and simply stands there smiling proudly until the next move starts.
Katya, however—
Katya throws herself into the performance like her life depends on it.
From the moment she steps onto the stage, she’s moving with fierce concentration, her little arms stretching dramatically into the air as she attempts a turn that ends slightly off balance but quickly recovers into something that almost looks intentional.
You clap after every routine.
Elliot does too.
Mostly because everyone else is.
But occasionally he glances up at you with wide eyes as if checking whether the clapping is still required.
Natasha sits quietly beside you the entire time.
But you notice the way her attention never leaves the stage when Katya is dancing.
When the recital finally ends, the entire room erupts into applause that echoes loudly through the small gymnasium. The kids flood off the stage moments later, running straight toward their families with flushed faces and excited chatter.
Katya finds you instantly.
“I did so good!” she declares proudly.
“You were amazing,” you tell her honestly.
Natasha nods beside you.
“Very impressive.”
Katya beams like she’s just been personally awarded an Olympic medal.
Elliot clings to your hand as the four of you eventually make your way back outside into the still-pouring rain.
The drive home is loud.
The kids talk almost nonstop.
Katya launches into a detailed explanation of every single move she performed, occasionally demonstrating from her seat in the back despite the limited space.
“I did the spin like this!” she insists, twisting her arms dramatically.
Elliot contributes occasional commentary between attempts to wiggle out of his car seat so he can climb into your lap instead.
“Eli, sit back,” you say for what must be the fifth time.
“No,” he replies stubbornly, halfway through another escape attempt.
Natasha chuckles quietly from the driver’s seat.
The windshield wipers sweep steadily across the glass as the rain continues pouring down outside.
Eventually the car pulls into your driveway.
Natasha parks.
And immediately—
“Mommy!” Katya blurts from the back seat.
You glance over your shoulder.
“Yes?”
“Can Mama come inside for dinner?”
You blink.
“…What?”
Katya leans forward eagerly.
“Pleeeease?”
Elliot finally manages to squirm halfway out of his seatbelt and immediately starts climbing toward you from the back.
“Yes,” he adds helpfully.
You sigh.
You gaze flicks briefly toward Natasha.
She looks just as surprised as you feel.
“…Only if it’s okay,” she says quietly.
The kids are both staring at you now with identical hopeful expressions.
You rub your forehead lightly.
“…Fine.”
Two small cheers erupt from the back seat.
Natasha glances at you again.
“…Thanks.”
You shrug faintly.
The four of you step out of the car and hurry through the rain toward the front door.
Inside, the house immediately fills with the familiar sounds of the kids talking over each other.
Katya drops her ballet bag near the door before launching into another enthusiastic retelling of the recital.
“I’m gonna be the best ballet dancer ever,” she announces confidently while kicking off her shoes.
“Ever?”
“Yep.”
Elliot bunny-hop walks beside you down the hallway, bouncing awkwardly with every step like he’s forgotten how normal walking works.
Natasha lingers slightly behind the three of you.
Her eyes move slowly around the house. The living room. The kitchen. The family photos along the hallway wall.
She’s been inside this house maybe three times total.
Katya’s birthday last week.
And once about a year ago when Elliot accidentally left his favorite plush rabbit behind after a custody switch — Even then she never stepped further than the hallway while you grabbed it.
Now she’s standing fully inside your home. Your space.
The kids settle onto the couch almost immediately, pulling out toys and beginning some elaborate game that involves plastic dinosaurs and a toy train.
Natasha hovers awkwardly near the kitchen entrance.
You notice her glancing between the kids and the counter where you’ve started pulling ingredients out of the fridge.
She clearly can’t decide what she’s supposed to do.
Join the kids?
Help you?
Eventually she chooses the second option. She steps quietly into the kitchen.
“Need help?”
You glance at her briefly.
“…Sure.”
Dinner is simple.
Pasta. Tomato sauce. Garlic bread.
The kind of meal that’s easy enough to make without much effort after a long day.
Natasha tries to help.
Tries being the key word.
She stands beside you at the counter, attempting to stir the sauce while occasionally getting in the way of whatever you’re reaching for.
Which suddenly explains a lot about Katya’s helpful tendencies.
At one point the sauce bubbles too aggressively and splashes up onto Natasha’s shirt.
She jerks back slightly.
You snort.
She looks down at the red stain spreading across the fabric.
“…Great.”
You grab a towel and hand it to her, trying—and failing—not to laugh.
“It’s not funny.”
“It’s a little funny.”
She huffs quietly but there’s a faint smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.
For a moment, the kitchen feels… strangely light. Comfortable, even.
You move toward the oven just as Natasha steps sideways to grab a plate.
Your shoulders bump.
The movement throws both of you slightly off balance.
Natasha’s hands immediately grab your waist to steady you.
Your breath catches slightly. Her hands stay there for a second longer than necessary.
Your faces are suddenly very close.
For a moment—
It’s impossible to tell who’s leaning in. Maybe both of you. Maybe neither. But just as the space between you begins to shrink—
BEEP.
The oven timer blares loudly through the kitchen.
Both of you jump slightly.
“…Garlic bread,” you mutter.
Natasha steps back.
The moment evaporates instantly.
You pull the tray from the oven while Natasha clears her throat quietly.
Together you start plating the food. Then you pause when you reach Elliot’s bowl.
“Oh,” you say, grabbing a small sieve from the drawer.
Natasha watches curiously.
“What are you doing?”
You hold the strainer over Elliot’s bowl as you pour the sauce through it, catching the small chunks of tomato and herbs.
“He doesn’t like the bits.”
Natasha blinks.
“…The bits?”
“Yep.”
You slide the smooth sauce toward Elliot’s plate.
“And it has to go in a separate bowl so it doesn’t touch anything he didn’t approve.”
Natasha stares at the carefully separated pasta components.
“…He’s four.”
You shrug.
“He’s particular.”
Dinner eventually gets carried to the table. Katya talks almost nonstop while eating. Elliot carefully dips each piece of pasta into his perfectly filtered sauce.
You sit across from Natasha.
For a while, the conversation stays focused on the kids.
School. Friends. Katya’s ballet class. Normal things.
And somewhere during the meal, Natasha realizes something. This—
This feels normal.
Sitting at the dinner table. The kids talking. Plates clinking softly. Rain still falling outside the windows.
It feels so perfectly normal that it almost hurts. Like this could have been their life every single night. Before she even fully processes the thought, her hand moves under the table.
Her fingers reach carefully across the small space and wrap gently around yours. For a split second she braces herself. Expecting you to pull away.
But you don’t.
Your hand stays there. Warm in hers. And Natasha’s chest tightens quietly as she keeps holding it.
After dinner, Katya had been the one to decide the next plan.
“We should watch a movie,” she had announced with the confidence of someone who knew her decision would absolutely not be challenged.
So that’s how you all ended up on the couch.
The big grey blanket that usually stayed folded over the armrest had been dragged out and thrown across everyone, turning the couch into one big warm pile of limbs and fabric.
Elliot had climbed directly into your lap the second the opening credits began. He curled against you like a little koala, his warm weight settling comfortably as he leaned back against your chest.
Across from you, Katya had claimed Natasha’s lap without hesitation, her legs tucked under the blanket while she leaned comfortably into her mother’s side.
A large bowl of popcorn sat between you and Natasha on the couch cushion. It had started full. It definitely wasn’t anymore.
Natasha’s arm rested along the back of the couch. Behind your shoulders. Like it had always belonged there. Like it hadn’t been missing for years.
At some point during the movie, without really thinking about it, you found yourself leaning slightly into her side.
The movement was small.
Subtle.
But Natasha noticed.
Her arm shifted just enough for her hand to settle more firmly against your shoulder, fingers resting there lightly like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Neither of you acknowledged it.
The blanket stayed draped over all four of you, trapping warmth beneath it while the movie played on.
Elliot’s small hand kept sneaking into the popcorn bowl.
Katya occasionally whispered comments about the movie to Natasha, who responded quietly back.
Somewhere around halfway through the film, Elliot’s movements slowed.
His little fingers stopped reaching for popcorn.
His head tipped back slightly against your chest.
By the time the final scene played, he was completely asleep in your lap.
Katya lasted a little longer.
But even she was starting to blink slower by the time the credits rolled.
“Is it over?” she murmured sleepily.
“Yeah, bug,” you said gently.
Elliot groaned dramatically in his sleep as you shifted slightly.
“Noooo,” he mumbled.
Natasha let out a quiet laugh under her breath.
“Bedtime,” she said.
Both kids protested immediately. Which was expected. Still, it didn’t take long before the routine started.
You lifted Elliot carefully from your lap, his arms automatically wrapping around your neck even while half asleep. Natasha followed behind you down the hallway as you carried him toward the bathroom.
The light flicked on, making Elliot squint.
“Alright, champ,” you murmured, setting him on the little stool by the sink. “Teeth.”
He groaned like brushing his teeth was the most exhausting task known to mankind.
Natasha leaned against the doorway, watching the two of you with quiet amusement.
You squeezed toothpaste onto his tiny dinosaur toothbrush and handed it to him.
He brushed with exaggerated seriousness, foam building around the corners of his mouth as he scrubbed his teeth.
“Top teeth too,” you reminded.
“I am,” he mumbled through the toothpaste.
Natasha snorted softly.
Once he finished, you helped him rinse and wipe his face before guiding him back to his room.
His dinosaur underwear came off next.
“Hey,” Elliot protested sleepily.
“Nighttime pull-up,” you reminded gently.
“I don’t need it.”
“You say that now,” Natasha said from behind you, her voice calm but teasing.
Elliot huffed but didn’t argue any further.
You helped him step into the pull-up before pulling on a clean pair of pajamas—this time the blue ones covered in tiny rockets.
Then you lifted him into his small toddler bed.
He immediately reached for his stuffed triceratops.
Natasha stepped closer while you pulled the blanket up around him.
You grabbed the little picture book resting on his nightstand and opened it.
Without discussion, the two of you settled into the familiar positions beside the bed.
You read.
Natasha occasionally pointed to the pictures while Elliot followed along with heavy eyelids.
By the last page, he was already asleep.
You quietly closed the book.
“Night, buddy.”
A sleepy mumble was the only response.
You both slipped out of the room, leaving the door cracked open.
Katya was already in the bathroom brushing her teeth when you reached the hallway again.
Unlike her brother, she handled bedtime like a professional.
She rinsed the sink when she finished and hopped down from the stool.
“Pajamas?” she asked.
Natasha grabbed the pair waiting neatly on Katya’s bed.
The routine repeated again.
Minus the pull-up this time.
Katya changed quickly before climbing into bed, pulling the blanket up to her chin.
You reached for her storybook.
Natasha sat beside her, gently tucking a loose strand of Katya’s hair behind her ear.
The story was shorter.
Quieter.
Katya’s eyes stayed open a little longer, but they were already drooping by the final page.
You leaned down and kissed her forehead.
“Goodnight, Kat.”
She smiled sleepily.
“That was the best recital ever.”
Natasha kissed her forehead next.
“Night, детка.”
Katya curled deeper into her blankets. Within minutes, she was asleep too. You quietly turned off the light. Then stepped back into the hallway with Natasha. For a moment, neither of you moved.
The house had gone still now.
Just the two of you standing there in the dim hallway, the soft quiet of the night settling around you.
Natasha lingered by the front door longer than necessary.
Her coat was already on. Her car keys sat loosely in her hand. One more step and she’d be outside, walking back to her car, driving back to the quiet apartment that never really felt like home.
The house behind her was dim and warm. The hallway light glowed softly. Somewhere upstairs, the faint creak of the floorboards settled as the house cooled for the night.
She glanced back once toward the living room.
Toward you.
You were standing near the couch, arms loosely folded, watching her the same way she was watching you.
Something in your chest tightened.
“Nat?”
She paused mid-step.
Her hand stopped on the doorknob as she turned back toward you.
You hesitated.
The words hovered there for a moment, like if you said them out loud they might change something.
“Do you… want to stay a little longer?”
For a split second, Natasha looked almost stunned. Then something softer slipped across her face. Relief. Actual relief.
“Yeah,” she said quietly.
You nodded once and stepped away from the doorway.
“I’ll make tea.”
A few minutes later the two of you were back on the couch. Just the two of you this time. No blanket fort. No kids wedged between you. Just quiet.
Two mugs of tea steamed gently in your hands, the soft lamplight casting a warm glow over the living room.
For a while the conversation stayed simple.
Easy.
You talked about Katya’s recital again.
Natasha admitted she nearly laughed out loud when three of the girls spun the wrong direction during one of the routines.
You told her Elliot had been practicing a “ballet jump” in the kitchen earlier that morning and nearly knocked over a chair.
Natasha laughed softly into her mug.
“Sounds about right.”
The conversation moved easily after that.
School updates.
Daycare antics.
Time slipped by without either of you noticing.
The tea went cold. And eventually…
The moment from the kitchen came back.
Neither of you said it at first. But it lingered between you anyway. Natasha was the one who finally broke the silence.
“Earlier,” she said quietly.
Your eyes lifted to hers.
“In the kitchen.”
You didn’t pretend not to know what she meant. “…Yeah.”
She rubbed the back of her neck. “I almost kissed you.” There it was. Just… said. Plain and honest. Your breath left slowly. “I noticed.”
Natasha huffed out a quiet laugh. “Good to know I’m not subtle.”
There was a pause. You stared down into your mug. “I wanted you to.”
Natasha froze. “What?”
“I wanted you to kiss me.”
The words came out quieter than you expected. But once they were out there, they stayed.
Natasha stared at you for a long moment, like she was trying to process that information. Then she leaned back against the couch slightly. “I never stopped loving you.”
The confession came out so calmly it almost didn’t register at first. Your chest tightened. Her eyes stayed on you.
“That stupid kiss… all those years ago,” she continued quietly. “That was the biggest mistake of my life.”
Her fingers tightened slightly around the mug. “I threw everything away because I was careless. Because I thought I had time to fix it.”
You didn’t interrupt. Natasha looked around the living room slowly. Your house. The photos on the wall. The toys half tucked under the coffee table.
“I sat here tonight,” she murmured, “watching a movie with you and the kids… eating dinner at that table…” Her voice softened. “And it felt normal.” She looked back at you. “Too normal.”
Her gaze didn’t waver. “The only thing I’ve ever really wanted…” A small pause. “…was you.”
The room felt very quiet.
“I was an idiot for letting you walk away.”
You swallowed slowly. Neither of you spoke for a moment.
Then Natasha shifted slightly toward you.
“Is there…” she hesitated for the first time all night. “Any chance we could try again?”
Your heart gave a quiet, complicated pull. You didn’t answer right away.
“I don’t know,” you admitted. Natasha nodded slightly, like she expected that.
“You hurt me,” you continued honestly. “Not just with the cheating.” Her shoulders stiffened slightly.
“The late nights. The missions. Showing up late to everything.” Your voice stayed calm, but firm. “I don’t want to be the one sitting at home every night wondering if you’ll show up again.”
Natasha leaned forward immediately. “I will.” You raised an eyebrow.
“I mean it,” she insisted. Her voice was steady. Serious.
“I’ll cut back on missions. I’ll change assignments. I’ll do whatever it takes.” She pressed a hand to her chest lightly. “I swear.” Her eyes locked onto yours. “Just give me a chance to prove it.”
The silence stretched between you. You studied her face. The determination there. The vulnerability. Finally, you exhaled slowly. “…Maybe.”
Natasha blinked. “Maybe?”
“I’m not promising anything yet,” you clarified. “But…” You hesitated. “…we can try.”
The smile that spread across Natasha’s face was small, but real. “Thank you.”
You stood up slowly. “Well…” You rubbed the back of your neck. “It’s pretty late.”
Natasha nodded and stood as well. “I should probably head—”
“You could stay.” The words slipped out before you overthought them. Natasha blinked again.
“You can take the couch,” you added quickly. Then after a second— “…or the bed.”
Her brain clearly short-circuited for a moment. “The bed,” she blurted out immediately. You both froze. Natasha stared at the floor.
“…I meant—”
You laughed softly. “It’s fine.”
A few minutes later you were both upstairs.
Natasha borrowed a pair of your old pajamas—slightly loose on her but comfortable enough.
The normal nighttime routine followed. Teeth brushed. Lights dimmed. Quiet footsteps across the hallway. Then finally into bed. The mattress dipped slightly as Natasha climbed in beside you. For a moment both of you just lay there. Unsure. Then instinct took over. You shifted closer. Natasha’s arm wrapped gently around you, pulling you against her chest like it was the most natural movement in the world. You tucked into her side easily. The familiar warmth of her arms around you felt almost unreal. Natasha’s hand rested softly against your back. Her thumb tracing slow circles.
After a moment she tilted her head slightly.
And pressed the softest kiss to your lips. Just one. Warm. Gentle.
Full of years worth of things left unsaid.
When she pulled back, your forehead rested against hers. Neither of you said anything. You didn’t need to. Wrapped in each other’s arms, the two of you slowly drifted off to sleep together.
Morning crept into the room slowly.
Soft grey light filtered through the curtains, the kind that came before the sun had properly decided to show itself. The house was quiet in that fragile early-morning way, where everything still felt sleepy and calm.
Natasha woke first. For a moment she didn’t move. Her arm was still wrapped around you, your back pressed warm against her chest, your hair slightly tangled across the pillow between you both. The steady rhythm of your breathing brushed softly against her collarbone.
It took her a second to remember where she was. Then the memories from the night before settled back into place. The recital. Dinner. The movie. The conversation. And finally… falling asleep with you in her arms for the first time in years. A small, almost disbelieving smile tugged at her lips. She shifted just slightly, careful not to wake you.
That lasted about ten seconds. Because suddenly—
THUMP THUMP THUMP.
Small feet sprinting down the hallway. The bedroom door flew open without ceremony.
“Mommy!”
Katya launched herself onto the bed like a tiny missile, bouncing hard on the mattress as she scrambled toward you. Elliot followed seconds later, a little more clumsy but equally determined, climbing up the side of the bed with sleepy determination. Natasha barely had time to react before both kids piled on top of you. You woke with a startled laugh. “Okay—okay—gentle—”
Katya immediately wrapped her arms around you in a tight hug. Elliot flopped across your stomach, half laying on you while still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Then Katya noticed. She froze mid-sentence. Her gaze slowly slid past you. And landed on Natasha. Her eyes widened. “…Mama?”
Natasha lifted a hand in a small wave from behind you. “Morning, котёнок.”
Katya looked between the two of you rapidly. Then back at Natasha. Then back at you. Her brain was clearly trying to piece together a very big conclusion. Elliot blinked sleepily at Natasha too, clearly still processing the unexpected presence.
Then Katya suddenly gasped. “WAIT.” She scrambled forward on the bed, practically vibrating with excitement. “Does this mean you’re gonna get married again?!”
The question burst out of her with all the dramatic urgency only a six-year-old could manage.
Natasha blinked. Then she let out a quiet laugh. You groaned softly and covered your face with one hand. “Katya—”
Natasha’s arm tightened slightly around you from behind as she chuckled. “Well…” she said lightly. Her eyes flicked to you for half a second before returning to Katya. “We’ll see.”
Katya grinned like she had just personally solved world peace. Elliot, still laying across your stomach, simply reached over and grabbed Natasha’s hand with one of his small ones and your hand with the other. Completely content. And for the first time in a long time— Everything felt like it might actually work out.
✧❁❁❁✧✿✿✿✧❁❁❁✧
Masterlist
A/N: so… it’s been a while since I last posted, but I’ve been working on this absolute monster of a fic. I think it’s my longest one I’ve ever written, my last longest one I think was 8k? But I don’t really write a lot of long stories because I prefer to have a bunch of little ones over one big one. and my phone is literally glitching as I type out this message right now. I think that’s because of this story. So, that’s amazing. Anyway, as always I hope you all enjoyed reading this! 🤍
﹒ ˚ syn.
when megan starts getting close with a backup dancer, reader comes to think nothing of it until megan stops paying attention to her own girlfriend in the process. after weeks of keeping up with this, you distance yourself. leading to megan realising she has been taken you for granted far too long. request here.
﹒ . tags + warnings ! ◞౿
megan skiendiel x fem!reader, oblivious!megan, jealous!reader, lack of communication, slight angst, happy ending, established relationship, mentions of cheating
there’s a famous unspoken rule that everyone in hollywood history has to follow. if you want to date a celebrity, you have to have balls.
well, not literally.
you just have to realise how much of you will be put out in the world if you do, “fans” will hate you, you will be waterboarded with questions about your partner and suddenly your life will become all about them. your looks will be judged, so will every action you do, no matter how little.
you have to be brave enough to watch pieces upon pieces of yourself be handed to strangers who will tear them apart.
you had known all of this.
you just never expected to become the said person.
when you started dating megan, she wasn’t #katseye_megan, but she was just your megan. your best friend from preschool and now your girlfriend.
she had started dream academy, sure, but she wasn’t a pop sensation. your relationship wasn’t known, only by a few close friends and family. your mother’s even exchanged a glance as they looked at each other with a knowing look and smiled when you told them about your relationship.
“we knew this would happen. surprised it took you guys so long.”
your jaw dropped, shock evident on your face that if stared at you long enough, you’d start to resemble the scream by edvard munch, recalling that painting to be prominent in your mind ever since that one history class in freshman year.
megan chuckled next to you, simply wrapping her arm around your waist with ease and laying her head on your shoulder. looking at you like the love-sick puppy that she was, as if looking at you would give her the answers to any question the universe threw at her.
when you graduated high-school, you moved in together. thankfully for you guys, your college and katseye’s rehearsals were in the same state. leaving you to be able to live together, even for the time being.
megan, of course, had to stay in the dorm with lara half the time, since they, as a group, needed to bond, and some weverse life streams went way past the time she had the energy to go home.
even if it wasn’t all the time, it still was something. you got to share some mornings and some nights curled up together, just like you had dreamed since middle school.
even with her frequent staying with the katseye members, she never let you wonder where she was. updating you every chance she could.
“just made it to the meeting… boring :(”
“just got to rehearsal. pray for me. pls.”
“manon is taking us to mcdonalds, want something?”
or just sent a photo of herself, captioning it with “miss you”.
that’s what you were used to; that was your routine. you sent a picture of yourself, most of the time buried in books, while she replied with drool emojis and barking everywhere. asking if she can “impregnate you”.
you always giggled, response the same. “buy me a ring first.”
that’s why this hurt even more.
you started noticing the lack of messages on her part. you, of course, still sent her your selfies, but megan stopped updating where she was going. it was barley noticable at first, just one or two fewer messages a week.
the question you didn’t want to ask lodged itself beneath your ribs; you wanted to ask if something was wrong, if you had done something to offend or hurt her.
sitting in the living room on the couch, megan came out of the bathroom, toothbrush in her mouth.
“y/n, y/n, look! dave just sent me the funniest tiktok video!” her giggles were muffled by the foam on her face as she pushed her phone towards you.
you didn’t look at the video, eyebrows just scrunching up in puzzlement, trying to recall her ever mentioning a guy by the name dave.
“isn’t it so funny?” she continued, not noticing your lack of enthusiasm.
“megan, who is dave?” you asked, voice gentle.
her giggles faltered. confusion replaced it. “i told you about him!” she beamed, the toothpaste dripping down her face, all over her chin, not helping her look.
“i… don’t think you did,” you replied, scratching the back of your head.
she shrugged casually, as if this information was meaningless. “he’s been my backup dancer for weeks, super funny guy! we always spend our breaks cracking up at random things.” she turned around, walking back to the bathroom, phone in hand. still giggling to herself.
then it all clicked, the nights she spent at home, usually on her phone during movie nights, you didn’t ask what it was, presuming it was business stuff, and you both agreed to not bring work home. but this wasn’t work anymore; it already crossed that line a while ago.
you couldn’t help but wonder… was megan…?
you quickly shook your head, trying to get the thought to disappear. megan would never cheat on you, right? you’d been together for almost 3 years. she wouldn’t do that, you knew she wouldn’t. but the late-night texting, lack of proper conversations with you were getting to you.
she was allowed to have friends, you didn’t deny that, you weren’t controlling, but her not telling you, pushing you to the side for a random guy, hurt.
you missed your girlfriend, and she looked fine, happier even, without you.
so you did what any avoidant person does, you started doing the same. pushing her away, you didn’t think she would notice anyway.
spending extra hours at the library, taking extra shifts at your job, so you wouldn’t go home to see her giggling and smiling at her phone. even signing up for a random club at your school for extra credits.
you would come home exhausted, heading straight for the shower and falling into bed next to megan, snoring softly. megan giggled at something dave texted, turning to you to show you, only to see you knocked out cold.
her face turned into disappointment, before she silently placed her phone on the bedside table. brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear and getting under the covers with you. megan hated seeing you this exhausted, it hurt that you had to work so much, so she wrapped her arms around you, curling up into you.
if only she knew that she was the one causing your exhaustion.
you woke up early the next morning, in hopes of making it out of the apartment before megan woke up. got ready, silently trying to walk and open your closet to pick out your clothes for the day. you almost did it until reaching for your sweater, you accidentally dropped a box, the sound joilting megan awake from her side of the bed.
“y/n..?” she muttered out in confusion, eyes still with sleep. “where are you going at,” she turned to the nightstand, checking the clock. “5.32am?”
you awkwardly played with your hair, trying to come up with a reason as to why you were leaving your girlfriend's bed like a one-night stand.
“i—uh—i have an early lecture. and i need to study before,” you rambled, hoping she would believe it. megan sat upright on the bed, rubbing her eyes.
“can we go out to that favourite spot of yours tonight? i’ve been craving their pizza,” she asked, jawning after her sentence.
“i’m sorry megan, but my boss put me on a double shift tonight. maybe another day? i have to run, love you,” you said as you rushed out the door, your bag in one hand and keys in the other.
megan heard the apartment door close and lock when her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. whispering to herself, “but you’re not talking early lectures this semester.” her eyes fixated on the door you had just bolted out of.
megan couldn’t sleep after that, her exhaustion only catching up to her during a break during practice. she jawned in her hand when sophia approached her. handing her a water bottle.
megan smiled as she looked up at the girl, silently thanking her. sophia sat down next to her, opening her own water bottle.
“are you okay, megan? you’re more tired than usual.”
megan licked her lips and pressed them into a thin line, playing with the plastic in her hands. “it’s just my girlfriend… i feel like she’s avoiding me, and i have no clue why.”
if sophia was surprised by this information, she didn’t show it. instead, she turned her body more towards megan, giving her her full attention. “what makes you think that she’s avoiding you?”
megan ran her hand through her hair as a way of grounding herself before she replied, “she lied to me this morning about her lectures, she stopped sending me our daily selfies, and when i asked if she wanted to go out, she brushed it off, saying she’s busy.”
sophia nodded along as megan spilled her guts. sophia wasn’t oblivious like megan was; she knew the 101 patterns of situations like these. sophia also noticed how close megan and dave got, and from the sidelines, anyone could mistake them for partners.
“megan, how does she feel about dave?”
megan’s eyes shot up, pupils growing extremely wide, mouth hanging in shock. she didn’t expect this kind of question, anything like that, really.
sophia nodded, comprehending the situation now. she put her hand on megan’s shoulder, squeezing it before resuming, “talk to her.”
their break was announced to have ended, sophia got up, giving megan a hand before pulling her up with her.
when you got home that evening, it was already way past midnight. your body reeked of sweat, exhaustion obvious on your face. you fumbled with the keys until you finally unlocked the door. the apartment was dim, with only glare coming from the street lights outside.
you didn’t notice megan on the couch until her voice scared the shit out of you.
“y/n, can we talk?”
you turned around, hand still clutching your heart, trying to stop it from beating so loudly. “can it wait till morning? i’m way too tired,” you said while turning away from her, hoping to just fall asleep.
megan caught your hand before you could walk away, shaking her head. “no, we are talking about this right now.”
you sighed, pinching your eyebrows. “fine, what is it?”
megan, still holding your wrist in a tight grip, looked you in your eyes. “are you jealous of dave? a guy who is just my friend at that?”
a scoff left your mouth, face turning into disbelief. “friend?” you said, your tone filling with anger.
“megan, you’ve been treating him more like a partner than you have me in weeks.” you were getting frustrated. did she seriously think this was just about her being friends with a guy?
tears swelled up in your eyes, megan’s gaze softened when she noticed the water covering your irises. “y/n/n—”
you shook your head. “no, you’ve been treating me like shit! you pushed me away for a friend you met not even that long ago! and what? when did you notice that i stopped crawling and begging for your attention like a stray? when i stopped coming home early? now you know how it felt to be with you these weeks.”
megan took a sharp inhale. “i was there! here! you stopped being here!”
“you stopped being emotionally present a long time ago megan.”
megan’s eyes filled with tears. her face becoming drenched just like yours.
“i think i’m going to sleep on the couch tonight.” you said.
megan shook her head, denying you. her hand still gripped yours, not letting you go. she wrapped her arms around you. trying to hug and not let you go.
“no, no, please don’t. please don’t leave me. y/n, please.”
your heart broke at her pleading, did she think you were going to break up?
you slowly wrapped your arms around the girl, her head in the crook of your neck, drenching your shirt with her tears.
“i’m so sorry, i didn’t want to neglect you. i never meant to put anyone above you. please, y/n. you have to understand, i didn’t know, i’ll block everyone, i’ll do anything. please, i love you so much.”
megan rambled into your neck, hicuping after each sentence.
“you’re literally my angel, the only one for me. no one can compare with you; no one has your kind of laugh that makes me giggle every time you find something funny. you’re so loving and forgiving it hurts, please. y/n, give me a chance to make it better. please.”
your heart warmed at her words, staying like that for a while. megan found the silence painful, already silently accepting that her apology didn’t change anything.
you unwrapped your arms around her, megan took her head out of the crook of your neck.
“we have to set some boundries, but i forgive you, megan.”
her eyes softened, hopefull.
“not yet and not fully, but i do.”
a/n: this whole story was written with fuck me eyes by ethel cain on repeat blasting in my ears... hope i got the idea right, anon 🕸️
She doesn’t sleep much anymore. Nights are long and cruel, filled with half-dreams where she swears she can feel your weight against her chest, your breath against her neck. Then she wakes up and the other side of the bed is cold — too cold. She’ll roll over, drag her metal arm across the empty sheets, and stare at the ceiling until morning, wondering how the hell someone like her ever deserved love in the first place.
Your laugh used to fill her apartment. You’d tease her about her gambling, her scars, her temper. She’d pretend to be annoyed, but secretly she loved it — the way your voice softened her edges. Now, when she comes home, the silence feels like punishment. Every sound echoes too loud. She sometimes mumbles something out loud, hoping to trick her mind into thinking you’ll answer back. You never do.
Her prosthetic arm creaks sometimes, and she remembers how you used to oil the joints for her. You’d scold her for not taking care of it, then kiss the spot just above the scar like it could make it hurt less. After you were gone, Sevika learned how to fix it herself. But it’s not the same. Every time she works on it, she remembers your hands — steady, gentle — and her chest feels like it’s collapsing in slow motion.
She never told anyone how you died. Not Vander, not Silco, not anyone. The story sits heavy in her throat, trapped behind a wall of guilt and smoke. Maybe she blames herself — maybe she should. You died trying to save her. She still remembers your last words, quiet and broken, slipping past blood and breath. Sometimes she hears them in her dreams, like you’re still whispering them in her ear. It never leaves her.
Sevika drinks more now. Not to forget — she knows she never will — but to dull the edges of remembering. When the liquor burns down her throat, it almost feels like you’re sitting beside her again, laughing at how dramatic she gets. She’ll lift her glass sometimes, say nothing, just stare at it for a moment before drinking. That’s her version of a prayer. A toast to the ghost that never really left her.
People still flirt with her. They always have. But no one gets close. No one gets to touch her like you did. When someone leans in too far, she tenses — not because she’s shy, but because she knows she’ll never feel anything like that again. You weren’t just her lover. You were her calm. Her reason to put down the knife. Without you, she only knows how to fight, smoke, and survive. Living feels like too much.
She keeps one thing of yours — a scarf you used to wear in the winter. It still smells faintly like you, even years later. Sometimes, when the city is quiet and the neon lights fade through her window, she’ll press it to her face and breathe you in. It’s the only time she lets herself cry. Just quiet tears slipping down her cheek while she grips the fabric like it’s the only thing keeping her alive.
There’s a part of her that still looks for you in crowds. Whenever someone passes by with your hair color or your walk, she freezes for half a second, heart hammering. Then she remembers. You’re gone. Every time it hits her, it’s like losing you all over again. She mutters your name under her breath and lights a cigarette, pretending the smoke in her lungs is enough to fill the space you left behind.
If she could see you again — just once — she wouldn’t talk about regret or pain. She’d just pull you in, hold you tight with both arms, and let her silence say everything. She’d breathe you in, memorize you all over again, and whisper against your skin, “You ruined me for anyone else.” And maybe that’s the truth — Sevika was never built for love. But you made her believe in it. And that’s the part that hurts the most — that you made her soft, and now she’s bleeding for it every day.
A collision on the pitch leaves you sidelined with a severe concussion right before the Champions League semi-finals. Stripped of football and trapped in the quiet of a dark room, the psychological toll of recovery threatens to pull you under but Alexia refuses to let you drown.
Word Count 7.1k
Warnings-Concussion, panic attacks, depression, heavy angst, hurt/comfort
Masterlist
The light of a Barcelona morning filtered through the sheer curtains of your shared home. You were already awake, staring at the ceiling, feeling that familiar match day adrenaline settling into your veins.
Alexia wasn’t asleep either. She rarely was on mornings like this.
You turned your head to find her sitting up at the edge of the bed, her back to you. She was perfectly still, her hands resting on her knees as she ran through her mental visualization a quiet, ritual she performed before every single fixture.
"You're overthinking," you said softly, your voice slightly raspy from sleep.
Alexia glanced over her shoulder. An unguarded smile touched her lips. "I’m not overthinking. I’m preparing. Chelsea’s pivot is going to be aggressive today."
"And we’re going to dismantle them, just like we practiced," you replied, pushing yourself up to lean against the headboard. "Come here. Stop stressing before you haven't even had your coffee."
She sighed, a quiet sound of surrender, and crawled back across the bed. She settled against your side, resting her head on your shoulder. You automatically reached up, your fingers threading through her hair, massaging her scalp. For these brief twenty minutes, before the alarms went off and the club’s itinerary dictated your every move, she wasn’t the legendary captain of FC Barcelona, and you weren't the starting winger. You were just you.
"Sleep well?" she asked, her voice vibrating against your collarbone.
"Like a rock," you lied seamlessly. In truth, you’d been restless. The Champions League quarter-finals always brought a different kind of pressure, a heavier weight to carry.
Alexia tipped her head up, catching your eye. She knew you too well to buy the act, but she didn’t press. Instead, she pressed a brief kiss to your jaw. "We leave in forty minutes. Let’s get up."
The drive to the Estadi Johan Cruyff was a masterclass in shifting dynamics. In the confines of Alexia's car,her hand rested comfortably on your thigh, her thumb sketching idle patterns against the fabric of your club tracksuit. The radio hummed with a low tempo indie playlist. But the closer you got to the stadium, the more the atmosphere inside the car transformed.
The soft, affectionate girlfriend beside you slowly faded, replaced by the fierce leader. By the time she pulled into the players' parking garage, her hand had retreated to the steering wheel, her posture rigid and alert.
"Ready?" Alexia asked, cutting the engine.
"Always," you nodded.
You walked into the stadium together, but the professional distance was already established. The locker room was a sensory overload of organized disorder.
Ewa was quietly lacing up her boots across the room, while Kika and Salma were sharing a joke, their laughter cutting through the underlying tension.
You found your locker, right between Patri and Caro, and immediately got to work. You pulled on your match kit, adjusting the Blaugrana fabric before sitting down to tape your ankles.
Alexia was across the room. You watched her out of the corner of your eye as she strapped on her shin guards. There was a gravity to her presence that anchored the entire squad. Whenever she spoke, the room naturally quieted down to listen.
Pere Romeu, walked in holding his tactical clipboard, his expression all business. The music was instantly killed.
"Alright, listen up," Pere’s voice projected clearly across the room. He walked up to the tactical board, tapping a marker against the midfield zone. "Chelsea is going to come out physical. They want to disrupt our rhythm early, press high, and force errors in the transition. We do not let them dictate the pace. One-two touches. Keep the ball moving. YN—"
You looked up, meeting his eye.
" I want you finding that pocket of space behind their left-back. Make them chase you. Exploit the width."
"Understood," you confirmed, nodding firmly.
Pere ran through the final set piece assignments and defensive duties. When he finished, he stepped back, yielding the floor to the captain.
Alexia stood up. She grabbed the Senyera armband from her locker, sliding it up her left bicep with a practiced, fluid motion. She looked around the room, her gaze sharp, assessing every single player. When her eyes locked onto yours, there was no softness only a shared understanding of what was required today.
"This is our pitch," Alexia said, her voice steady. "They flew a long way to try and take our momentum. We don’t give them an inch. We play our game, we protect each other, and we leave everything on the grass. Let’s go."
A collective shout echoed through the room as the team surged to their feet.
The air in the concrete tunnel was cooler, thick with anticipation. You bounced on the balls of your feet, shaking out your hamstrings, keeping your muscles warm. Beside you, the Chelsea players lined up, their expressions equally stoic. You didn't look at them. Your focus was locked on the rectangle of bright stadium lights at the end of the tunnel.
Just before the referee blew the whistle to lead the teams out, Alexia walked down the line, giving high fives and final words of encouragement to the starting eleven. When she reached you, she didn't offer a high-five. Instead, she grabbed the back of your neck with a firm grip that sent a jolt of reassurance straight through your system.
"Cabeza fría," (Cool head) she instructed.
"Always," you repeated your morning mantra, offering a sharp nod.
She let go, jogging up to the front of the line to lead the team out.
You took a deep breath, air filling your lungs, and stepped out onto the pitch.
From the opening minute, the tempo was suffocating. Chelsea had clearly flown to Catalonia with a mission to disrupt, bringing a gritty, physical edge that aimed to fracture Barcelona’s famous possession game. They pressed high and tackled hard, leaving bruises on ankles and allowing precious little time on the ball.
Patri operated neutralizing the English counter attacks and swiftly distributing the ball to Aitana. Whenever the midfield felt congested, Alexia was there, dropping deep to receive the ball, shielding it with her body, and orchestrating the transitions with a calm precision.
You were stationed out wide on the left flank, executing exactly what Pere had demanded. In the twenty-second minute, you received a cross-field pass from Mapi. You trapped it cleanly on your chest, dropping it to your feet in one fluid motion. The Chelsea right-back was on you instantly, breathing down your neck, but you dropped your shoulder, feinted inward, and accelerated down the touchline. You cut a dangerous ball back into the box for Salma, whose shot deflected off the crossbar.
The crowd groaned, then immediately erupted into supportive applause. You jogged back to your position, catching Alexia’s eye. She offered a quick, approving nod.
It happened in the forty-first minute. The score was still nil-nil. Chelsea’s goalkeeper launched a desperate clearance kick down the pitch to relieve pressure. The ball arced high into the sky, hovering in that dangerous, ambiguous territory between the midfield line and your defensive third.
It was a classic fifty-fifty ball. You tracked its flight path, sprinting diagonally to intercept it before the opposing center-back could establish dominance.
You kept your eyes glued to the ball, timing your jump. You launched yourself, fully committed, angling your body to flick the header toward Aitana.
You never even saw the Chelsea defender coming.
She was running at full momentum from your blind spot, equally committed to the aerial duel. Instead of meeting the ball, her forehead collided with the side of your skull, right above your temple.
The sound was sickening a crack that seemed to echo even over the chanting fans.
Your brain rattled against your skull, short circuiting your motor functions mid-air. You couldn't brace yourself for the landing. You plummeted awkwardly, and the back of your head whipped back, slamming against the ground with a secondary hit.
Then, everything went blindingly white.
When your consciousness flickered back, the world was fundamentally wrong. The vibrant, roaring stadium had been replaced by a muffled underwater sensation. A high pitched ringing shrieked in your ears, drowning out everything else.
You tried to sit up, a pure instinct to keep playing, but your body refused to obey. Your limbs felt heavy, pinned to the grass by an invisible weight. A wave of nausea rolled through your stomach, making you gag weakly.
Shadows blocked out the stadium floodlights. Hands were on you pressing against your shoulders, holding your neck completely still.
"YN. YN, do not move. Stay exactly where you are."
The voice belonged to the head team physician, though her words sounded warped. She was shining a penlight into your eyes. You groaned, trying to squeeze your eyes shut and weakly swat her hand away, but someone else caught your wrist.
You forced your eyes open, fighting through the blurry double vision.
Alexia was kneeling right beside the doctor.
Her face was pale, a stark contrast to the sweat glistening on her forehead. Her eyes were wide with panic as she looked down at you.
"Ale..." you tried to speak, but your tongue felt thick and uncoordinated. The word came out as a slurred mumble.
"Estoy aquí," (I'm here) she said immediately, her voice trembling slightly. "No te muevas, por favor. Stay still."
"The stretcher is coming," the doctor announced, her tone urgent. "Pupils are unequal. We need her off the pitch now."
"I can walk," you mumbled stubbornly, your competitive drive trying to override the trauma. You attempted to move, but the moment you moved your head, the stadium spun in a nauseating carousel. You choked back a sob, the pain finally registering a splitting, blinding agony radiating from your temple down to your jaw.
"Hey. Hey, look at me," Alexia urged, leaning her face into your narrow field of vision to block out the dizzying lights and the medical staff. "You are not walking anywhere. Just breathe. Look at me."
You focused on her eyes, anchoring yourself to her while the medics swiftly maneuvered the rigid backboard next to you. The crowd was eerily silent now, a collective, held breath sweeping through the thousands of fans in the stands.
As the medical team braced your neck and began to lift you onto the stretcher, the shift in gravity sent another wave of vertigo crashing over you. You squeezed Alexia’s hand weakly.
She walked alongside the stretcher as they began to wheel you toward the tunnel, refusing to let go until the fourth official physically stepped in her path, reminding her that the match had to continue.
Alexia stopped at the edge of the touchline. You caught one last, blurry glimpse of her standing rigid, watching you disappear into the medical tunnel before she was forced to turn around and step back onto the pitch without you.
———
Consciousness returned to you in fractured, disorienting segments.
First came the smell a sterile blend of antiseptic and something you couldnt place that instantly informed you that you were no longer within the familiar concrete walls of the Estadi Johan Cruyff. Then came the physical sensations an IV needle taped securely into the back of your hand, and a persistent throbbing that hammered relentlessly against the inside of your skull with every beat of your heart.
When you finally managed to pry your eyes open, you immediately regretted it. Even the dim lighting of the room felt like staring directly into the sun. You let out a groan, squeezing your eyelids shut as a fresh wave of nausea rolled through your stomach.
"Shh, slow down. Don't force it."
The voice was incredibly soft, hovering just near your right ear.
You tried again, opening your eyes just a fraction. The blurry silhouette sitting in the plastic chair beside your bed slowly sharpened into focus.
Alexia.
She looked exhausted. Her dark hair was wet and unbrushed, indicating she had taken the fastest post match shower in recorded history. She was dressed in her standard club-issued travel tracksuit and her posture was slumped in a way she never allowed anyone outside of your home to witness.
"Hey," you managed to croak, your throat feeling like it was coated in sandpaper.
Alexia let out a breath that sounded close to a sob. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the edge of the bed, and carefully took your free hand in both of hers. She pressed her lips against your knuckles, lingering there for a longtime as if she needed the physical proof of your pulse against her mouth.
"Hi," Alexia whispered, her voice filed with emotion. She kept her tone hushed, entirely mindful of your pounding head . "How is the pain?"
"Like Patri kicked a football directly into my brain," you mumbled, attempting a weak smile.
Alexia didn’t laugh. "It wasn't a joke, YN. I thought... when you didn't move..." She trailed off, swallowing hard, unable to finish the sentence. The image of you plummeting to the ground on loop in her head.
"I'm okay," you tried to reassure her, squeezing her fingers weakly. "Who won?"
A ghost of a smile finally touched her lips, though her eyes remained shadowed with worry. "We did. 2-0. Salma found the back of the net in the second half, and a converted penalty. We secured the semi-final spot."
"Good," you breathed out, the relief making you sink deeper into the hospital pillows. "Good."
Before Alexia could respond, the door of the room opened. The doctor stepped inside, holding a digital tablet. She offered a sympathetic smile upon seeing you awake.
"Welcome back," the physician said quietly, approaching the foot of the bed. "How are the nausea and the light sensitivity holding up?"
"Both terrible," you admitted honestly, shifting uncomfortably.
"I expected as much," She nodded, tapping a few notes into her screen. "The MRI came back clear of any cranial fractures or internal hemorrhaging, which is the best news we could hope for. However, you sustained a severe Grade 3 concussion. The secondary impact with the ground did the most damage."
You felt Alexia’s grip tighten around your hand.
"What's the timeline?" you asked, the competitive anxiety already starting to bubble up beneath the brain fog. "A week? Ten days? The semi-finals are in three weeks."
The doctor exchanged a brief look with Alexia before turning her attention back to you. The pity in her eyes made your stomach sink.
"Absolutely not," the doctor stated firmly, dismantling your hopes in two words. "YN, you suffered significant trauma. The standard protocol for a Grade 3 requires absolute cognitive and physical rest. That means no screens, no reading, no bright lights, and certainly no elevated heart rate. For the first two weeks, you are effectively on strict bed rest in a dark room."
"Two weeks?" you repeated, your voice pitching up in disbelief. "I can't just lay in the dark for two weeks. I'll lose my match fitness completely."
"If you attempt to rush this, you risk Post-Concussion Syndrome, which could sideline you for the entire season, if not longer," She warned, her tone leaving zero room for negotiation. "After two weeks, we will re-evaluate. Only if you are entirely asymptomatic will we begin light activity. Realistically? You are looking at a minimum of six to eight weeks before you even touch a football again."
The words hit you harder than the Chelsea defender had. Six to eight weeks. That meant missing the semi-finals. That meant potentially missing the final if the team made it. The latter half of the season was slipping through your fingers in the blink of an eye.
"But—" you started to argue, the frustration clawing at you.
"Basta," (Enough) Alexia interrupted gently but firmly. She reached up, cupping your cheek to stop you from shaking your head. "Escúchala. (Listen to her.) You are going to follow the plan to the letter. Football can wait. Your brain cannot."
You looked at Alexia, desperately wanting to argue, but her expression stopped you. She wasn't acting as your captain right now,she was acting as your partner, and she was terrified.
"We will discharge you in the morning once we manage the nausea," Te doctor concluded softly, sensing the emotional shift in the room. "Get some sleep, YN. The real work starts tomorrow."
As the doctor slipped out of the room, leaving the two of you alone the crushing reality of your diagnosis settled over you.The physical pain in your head was excruciating, but the mental agony of being benched, of being rendered entirely useless to the squad during the most critical phase of the season, was infinitely worse.
You closed your eyes, a tear of pure frustration slipping down your temple.
Alexia shifted her chair closer, the plastic legs scraping softly against the linoleum. She stood up, leaning over the bed to press a long tender kiss to your forehead, right beside the swelling of your injury.
"I know," Alexia murmured into your skin."I know how much it hurts. But I am bringing you home tomorrow, and I am going to take care of you. We will get through this. Te lo prometo." (I promise you.)
———
The transition from the hospital to the familiar sanctuary of your shared home in should have felt like a victory. Initially, you treated it exactly like one.
When Alexia guided you through the front door the following afternoon, her hand hovering protectively near your waist, you were fueled by the stubborn, blinding hubris of an athlete. Your entire life had been defined by overcoming physical adversity. Torn ligaments, muscle strains, hairline fractures you had conquered them all through grit and aggressive physiotherapy. You genuinely believed this would be no different.
"Two weeks in the dark, Ale. It’s practically a vacation," you had joked, lowering yourself onto the bed. Alexia had already drawn the blackout curtains.
She had paused, a glass of water in her hand, her expression a mix of fond exasperation and lingering anxiety. "It's not a vacation, YN. It’s sensory deprivation. And you have the attention span of a golden retriever. You're going to hate it."
"I heal fast," you had insisted, swallowing your prescribed anti nausea medication. "I'll be jogging by day ten. Watch me."
For the first forty-eight hours, your optimism held firm. The exhaustion from the trauma kept you sedated, drifting in and out of a heavy, dreamless sleep. But by day four, the initial shock to your system began to fade.
The reality of cognitive rest was agonizing. You couldn't read. You couldn't watch television. You couldn't listen to podcasts, because the mental processing required to follow a conversation triggered a pressure behind your eyes. Your existence was reduced to staring at the ceiling and waiting for Alexia to return.
By day six, the isolation began to curdle into severe cabin fever.
It was a Tuesday afternoon. Alexia was at training, preparing for the upcoming weekend fixture a league match that served as the final tune-up before the Champions League semi-finals.
You felt fine. Your headache had receded to a dull, manageable ache. The nausea was gone.
I'm fine, you convinced yourself, throwing off the blanket. I'm literally fine. The doctor is just being overly cautious.
Your phone was sitting on the dresser, banished there by Alexia to remove temptation. You stood up. The room tilted slightly, a momentary wave of vertigo washing over you, but you braced your hand against the nightstand and pushed through it. You walked over, grabbed the device, and climbed back into bed.
You just wanted to check the team group chat. You just wanted to feel connected to the outside world, to the squad you were supposed to be bleeding alongside.
You unlocked the screen. The brightness was turned down, but the blue light still hit your eyes painfully.You squinted, fighting the immediate sting, and opened your messages. There were dozens of texts videos from Kika, tactical updates from Pere, well-wishes from Mapi.
You started scrolling. Ten minutes passed. You watched a short clip of training, tracking the rapid movement of the ball across the screen.
Then, the backlash hit. And it was catastrophic.
It didn't ease in, it crashed over you like a tidal wave. A sharp spike of agony drove itself directly through your right temple, so intense it made you gasp out loud. Your phone slipped from your suddenly numb fingers, tumbling onto the bed.
You squeezed your eyes shut, pressing the heels of your palms against your eyelids, but the darkness didn't help. The room felt like it was spinning. A rush of cold sweat broke out across the nape of your neck, followed immediately by a surge of bile rising in your throat.
You scrambled out of bed.You stumbled blindly toward the en-suite bathroom, your shoulder colliding hard with the doorframe. You collapsed onto the floor right beside the toilet, dry-heaving as the migraine turned into all consuming torment.
Every single throb of your pulse felt like a hammer striking an anvil inside your skull. You couldn't breathe. You couldn't think. The optimism that had armored you all week evaporated, leaving you defenseless against the realization that your brain was broken.
That was exactly how Alexia found you an hour later.
The front door opened downstairs."YN? Ya estoy en casa!" (I'm home!) she called out.
When you didn't answer, her footsteps hurried up the stairs. The bedroom door creaked open.
"YN?" she asked, her voice dropping as her eyes adjusted. She spotted your discarded phone on the bed, and then she heard the whimpers coming from the bathroom.
"Fuck," Alexia hissed.
She was beside you in seconds. She didn't turn on the bathroom light. She dropped to her knees on the tile, her hands immediately finding your trembling shoulders.
"Hey. Hey, I'm here," Alexia coaxed, her voice a low, steady rumble intended to pierce through your panic. She gently gathered you into her arms, pulling your back against her chest. "Breathe with me. In through your nose."
"It hurts," you sobbed, the tears leaking from your tightly squeezed eyes, entirely unable to regulate your emotions. The concussion had stripped away your emotional filters. "Ale, it hurts so bad. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"What did you do?" she asked, not with anger, but with a weary comprehension. She reached up with one hand, pressing her cool palm against your forehead.
"I just looked at my phone," you wept, your fingers digging into the fabric of her training shirt. "I just wanted to see the team. I felt fine. I swear I felt fine."
Alexia exhaled a long breath, burying her face into the curve of your neck. "You're not fine, mi amor. That's the whole point. Your brain doesn't know how to process the stimulus right now. You overloaded it."
"I can't do this," you cried, the frustration finally boiling over, eclipsing the physical pain. "I can't even look at a fucking screen for ten minutes, Ale! How am I supposed to play against Lyon? How am I supposed to play football ever again if reading a text message makes me want to throw up?"
"Stop," Alexia commanded softly, her arms tightening around you, effectively trapping you in a secure embrace. "Do not spiral. We are not talking about Lyon. We are not talking about football."
"I'm useless like this!" you practically shouted, immediately wincing as the volume of your own voice amplified the throbbing in your skull.
"No eres inútil," (You are not useless) Alexia corrected fiercely, shifting so she could press her cheek against yours. "Listen to me. You are injured. If you had torn your ACL, you wouldn't be trying to run sprints on day six, would you?"
You sniffled, shaking your head carefully against her shoulder.
"Exactly," she murmured. "This is an injury. It's just invisible. And because you can't see it, you're trying to cheat the healing process. But you can't out-stubborn a bruised brain, YN. You have to surrender to it."
The truth of her words settled over you, extinguishing the last defiant sparks of your denial. You slumped completely against her, the fight draining out of your limbs, leaving you exhausted and defeated.
"I hate this," you whispered brokenly. "I just want to be on the pitch with you."
"I know," Alexia said, her voice softening. She began to gently rub circles into your shoulders. "I hate it too. The pitch feels empty without you out there on the left wing. But I need you healthy for the rest of our lives, not just for the end of this season. Understand?"
You nodded weakly.
"Come on," she coaxed, carefully helping you stand. "Let's get you back into bed. I'm going to get you an ice pack for your neck, and I'm turning that damn phone off completely."
You didn't argue. The hubris was gone, completely shattered by the reality of the setback. As Alexia tucked you back beneath the heavy blanket, enveloping you in the dark, quiet safety of the room, you finally accepted the brutal truth the road back was going to be the hardest, slowest battle of your career.
———
The physical agony of the setback eventually receded, but in its wake, it left something far more worse.
By the end of the third week, the sharp, blinding spikes of pain had dulled into a manageable, persistent pressure at the base of your skull. The vertigo only flared when you stood up too fast. From a purely clinical standpoint, the doctor noted improvement.
But as the physical trauma subsided, the psychological erosion began.
Concussions are notorious for altering brain chemistry, severely disrupting the delicate balance of serotonin and dopamine. Coupled with the isolation and the abrupt theft of your identity as a professional athlete, the descent into depression wasn't just a possibility,it was an inevitability.
It didn't announce itself with tears or dramatics. It crept in like a heavy, suffocating fog, draining the color and purpose from your world until everything was reduced to a stagnant, exhausting grey.
The blackout curtains in the bedroom, once a necessary shield against the agonizing light, had morphed into the walls of a prison. Yet, you had no desire to open them. You stopped tracking the days. You stopped asking about the team. You stopped caring.
It was a Thursday afternoon. The squad was in the thick of the Champions League semi-finals. You knew this only because the calendar on the nightstand said so, not because you felt any connection to the event.
You were lying on your side, staring blankly at the subtle weave of the banket. You had been in that exact position for nearly four hours. You hadn't showered. You hadn't eaten the carefully prepped lunch Alexia had left in the fridge. The mechanics of swinging your legs over the edge of the bed felt like a monumental, impossible labor.
Who am I if I can't run? The thought looped endlessly in the sluggish quiet of your mind.
The front door unlocked downstairs.
She walked into the bedroom, hesitating for a second at the threshold.
"Hey," Alexia said softly. She didn't turn on the overhead lights, opting instead to leave the door cracked to let a sliver of hallway light spill across the floor.
You blinked slowly, shifting your gaze from the blanket to her. She was wearing her training gear, her hair pulled back into a messy bun. She looked vibrant. Alive. Anchored to the world in a way you no longer were.
"Hi," you murmured.
Alexia’s eyes scanned the room, inevitably landing on the untouched glass of water and the empty space where your lunch tray should have been. A expression of sadness tightened her features before she smoothed it away, replacing it with forced, gentle neutrality.
She walked over, sitting carefully on the edge of the bed. She didn't crowd you. She reached out, her fingertips lightly tracing the curve of your shoulder.
"You didn't get up today," she observed quietly. It wasn't an accusation. It was a statement of fact, layered with quiet grief.
"I was tired," you replied, looking away from her. You weren't physically tired, you were drained of the will to exist.
Alexia sighed."YN, you have to eat something. Your brain needs fuel to repair the tissue. Let me heat up the soup."
"I'm not hungry, Ale. Just leave it."
"I can't just leave it," she pushed, her tone taking on a desperate edge. "You've barely spoken two words in the last three days. You stare at the wall. You don't even get angry anymore. I miss you being angry about the injury. This—" she gestured vaguely to your motionless form, "—this scares me."
Her honesty cut through the fog, but instead of sparking warmth or comfort, it only ignited a deep guilt. You were dragging her down. The legendary captain of Barcelona, in the most critical phase of her season, was coming home to babysit an empty shell of a partner.
"Then go back to the Ciutat Esportiva," you whispered, pulling the blanket slightly higher, curling tighter into yourself. "You shouldn't be here worrying about me. You have Lyon to focus on."
"Don't do that," Alexia countered immediately. "Do not push me away. Football is my job. You are my life. There is a massive difference."
She slid closer, entirely ignoring your defensive posture, and wrapped her arms around you. She pulled your back against her chest, burying her face into your unwashed hair. Her embrace was warm and solid, a stark contrast to the cold void expanding inside your chest.
"I feel like I'm drowning," you confessed into the dim room, the admission slipping out flat and emotionless. "I look at the ceiling, and I can't remember what it feels like to run. I can't remember what my own laugh sounds like. I'm just taking up space."
Alexia’s breath hitched against your neck. Her arms tightened around you , as if she could physically squeeze the despair out of you.
"You are healing," she whispered fiercely, though the slight tremor in her voice betrayed her own helplessness. "It is a long, ugly road, but you are not taking up space. You are surviving."
"I don't feel like I'm surviving," you replied, closing your eyes. "I feel like I'm already gone."
Alexia didn't have an answer for that. She couldn't offer a tactical adjustment to fix a bruised frontal lobe. She couldn't captain you out of depression.
So, she simply held you.
It was shortly after 3:00 AM when the numbness finally fractured.
The transition from apathetic void to suffocating panic didn't happen gradually. It was immediate jolting you out of a restless, fragmented sleep. Your chest seized, your lungs desperately grasping for oxygen that felt entirely out of reach. The walls of the bedroom suddenly felt claustrophobic, pressing inward, threatening to crush you beneath the weight of your own uselessness.
You scrambled out of bed, your movements erratic and uncoordinated. You didn’t want to wake Alexia she had a double training session in the morning as the squad prepared for the final stretch of the season.
You stumbled blindly into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. You didn't dare turn on the overhead lights, relying only on the moonlight coming through the skylight.
You gripped the edges of the marble vanity. You forced yourself to look up into the mirror.
The reflection staring back was a stranger. You looked gaunt, the shadows under your eyes heavy. But your gaze was drawn, as it always was, to the jagged, pale scar cutting through your hairline just above your right temple. The physical proof of the impact. It was fully healed on the surface, but beneath the bone, the wreckage was still dictating your entire existence.
A hysterical sob tearing its way up your throat. I am haunting my own life.
You clamped a hand over your mouth to muffle the sound, your shoulders shaking. You had spent the last three weeks building a cage around your grief, trying to lock it away so you wouldn't become an unbearable burden to the woman sleeping in the next room. You were trying to be the silent patient. But the cage was failing. The hinges were snapping under the pressure of the depression.
You slid down the front of the vanity, your legs giving out until you hit the floor. You pulled your knees to your chest, burying your face in your arms, shaking uncontrollably as a full-blown panic attack consumed you.
The bathroom door opened.
"YN?"
Alexia stood in the doorway, her silhouette backlit by the faint glow of the hallway nightlight. She was wearing one of your big t-shirts, her hair sleep-tousled, but her posture was alert. She possessed an almost supernatural radar when it came to you,the moment you had slipped out of bed, she had woken up.
"Go back to sleep, Ale," you gasped, the words muffled against your knees. "Please. I just need a minute. Just give me a minute to get it together."
Alexia didn't leave. She stepped into the bathroom, quietly closing the door behind her to seal the two of you in the private sanctuary. She dropped to her knees on the cold tile, entirely ignoring the discomfort, and crawled the short distance to where you were huddled against the cabinetry.
"Look at me," she requested, her voice a low, soothing murmur.
"I can't," you wept, shaking your head frantically. "I can't, Ale. I'm trying so hard to hold it in. I'm trying to be strong so I don't ruin this season for you. If I let it out... if I let myself actually feel how much I've lost... I don't think I'll ever stop crying. I'll just fall apart completely."
Alexia came closer, eliminating the remaining distance between you. She reached out, her hands gently but firmly unwrapping your arms from your legs, dismantling your physical barricade.
"Then fall down," Alexia murmured, one hand coming up to hold the back of your head, mindful of the scars beneath. "Fall down, YN. Let the cage go. I will catch you. I will not let you hit the ground, I swear to God. Just please, let me have you. The real you. Even if she is broken right now."
The love in her voice was the final blow.
The cage shattered.
A wail tore from your lungs, a sound composed of pure heartbreak. You collapsed forward, burying your face into the crook of Alexia’s neck, your hands desperately fistfuling the fabric of her t-shirt. The apathy of the past three weeks was entirely washed away by a flood of grief. You cried for the lost matches, for the terrifying unreliability of your own brain, and for the isolating fear that you would never be the same player or person again.
She wrapped her arms securely around your trembling frame, pulling you against her chest. She rocked you gently on the bathroom floor, her lips pressed firmly against your temple, right beside the scar. She didn't tell you that everything was going to be fine or that you would be back on the pitch soon. She knew you were too smart to believe those lies right now.
Instead, she offered presence,unwavering presence.
"Llora, mi vida. Sácalo todo," (Cry, my life. Let it all out) she whispered into your hair, her own tears silently spilling down her cheeks and dropping onto your skin. "I've got you. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
You wept until your throat was raw, until your lungs ached, and until your tear ducts were entirely dry. For nearly an hour,Alexia sat on the hard bathroom tile in the middle of the night, holding you together while you fell apart.
When the sobs finally subsided you didn't pull away. You remained slumped against her, your cheek resting heavily over her heart, listening to the steady, rhythmic beat of it.
The depression hadn't miraculously vanished. The road to recovery was still going to be a uphill battle against an invisible enemy. But as Alexia gently stroked your back in the quiet darkness, the crushing isolation finally began to recede.
You had let go of the cage, and just as she had promised, she hadn't let you hit the ground.
———
The breakdown on the bathroom floor didn’t miraculously make you better. It didn't cure the lingering pressure behind your eyes or suddenly make you immune to the harsh glare of a television screen.
But it did lance the infection.
By surrendering to the grief, you stopped wasting your precious, limited mental energy on maintaining a facade. You stopped fighting the current and finally allowed Alexia to help you navigate the wreckage. And slowly the fog began to lift.
You started eating the meals she made without prompting. You began sitting on the back patio at dusk instead of staring at a blank ceiling. The doctor eventually cleared you for ten-minute walks, then twenty. By the time late May rolled around, the constant vertigo had faded into a distant memory, and your emotions had leveled out.
You were healing.
It was the evening of the Champions League Final.
You weren't in the starting eleven. You weren't even on the bench. But for the first time in nearly two months, you were inside a stadium.
The doctor had granted you clearance to travel with the squad under strict, non-negotiable conditions. You were currently seated in the glass- enclosed box high above the pitch, shielded from the worst of the acoustic assault. You wore customized, noise-canceling earplugs and a pair of dark sunglasses to filter the glare of the lights.
It was sensory management, but it meant you were there.
Down on the pitch, Barcelona was engaged in an absolute war against Lyon. The score was deadlocked at 1-1.
You gripped the padded armrests of your chair, your heart pounding frantically in your chest. Your body instinctively twitched with every tactical shift, your muscle memory desperate to join the fray. It was agonizing to watch them suffer through the physical toll of the match without you, but the despair that used to accompany that feeling was gone. It had been replaced by pride.
Especially when you watched her.
Alexia was a force of nature tonight. She was everywhere. She was playing like a woman possessed, carrying the weight of the crest and, you knew deep down, the weight of the last two months on her shoulders.
In the eighty-ninth minute, the breakthrough arrived.
Patri intercepted a sloppy clearance, immediately threading a needle-sharp pass through the midfield. Aitana dummied it, letting the ball roll perfectly into the path of Alexia's run.
Alexia didn't even take a touch to settle it. From the edge of the eighteen-yard box, she struck the ball with her left foot,a curling strike that bypassed the outstretched fingertips of the Lyon goalkeeper and buried itself cleanly into the top right corner of the net.
The stadium erupted.
Five minutes later, the referee blew the final whistle.
They had done it.
The post-match chaos was a blur of falling confetti, tears, and hardware. You waited patiently in the suite until the initial trophy lift was completed and the medical staff gave you the all-clear to descend to the pitch for the family celebrations.
The moment your feet touched the pitch, the sensory input was intense You kept your sunglasses on, navigating the sea of journalists, cameras, and celebrating families.
You didn't have to look for her for long.
Alexia was standing near the center circle, a flag draped over her shoulders, her hair plastered to her forehead with sweat. She was speaking to a reporter, but the moment her peripheral vision caught you weaving through the crowd, she abruptly stopped mid-sentence.
She offered the journalist a hasty apology and practically sprinted toward you.
She didn't care about the cameras tracking her every move. She didn't care about maintaining her public composure. Alexia crashed into you, her arms wrapping around your waist, lifting you an inch off the ground as she buried her face into your neck.
"You're here," she breathed out, her chest heaving against yours. "You're actually here."
"I wouldn't have missed this for the world," you laughed, wrapping your arms around her neck. "Ale, that goal... it was incredible. You were incredible."
Alexia set you back down on your feet, pulling back just enough to look at your face. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears, scanning your features behind the tinted lenses of your glasses. She reached up, gently tracing the line of your jaw, her thumb brushing near the scar hidden beneath your hair.
"How is your head?" she asked, her voice dropping into that private, protective register meant only for you. "Is it too loud? Are the lights hurting you?"
"I'm okay," you promised softly, offering a genuine smile. And for the first time in eight weeks, it was the absolute truth. "I'm really okay."
Alexia let out a long exhale, the last of her anxiety finally dissipating.
She reached down, taking the Champions League winner's medal that hung around her own neck, she lifted it over her head and stepped forward, placing it gently around yours.
It rested against your chest. You reached up, touching it in surprise. "Ale, no. You earned this. You bled for this tonight."
"We earned this," Alexia corrected, her hands coming up to cup your cheeks. I played the minutes, YN. But you fought the hardest battle this season. You survived the dark. You came back to me."
Your throat tightened, a fresh wave of emotion pricking at the corners of your eyes. You looked at the woman who had sat on the bathroom floor with you, who had absorbed your grief, who had never once let you hit the ground.
"Next year," you whispered, leaning your forehead against hers, the promise hanging between you like an oath. "Next year, I'm going to be out there with you. We'll win it together."
"I know you will," Alexia murmured, her thumb brushing away a stray tear that slipped beneath your sunglasses.
She tilted her head, pressing her lips to yours in a slow tender kiss. The crowd roared in the background, the camera flashes popped, and the confetti continued to rain down around you.
But standing there in the center of the pitch, anchored by her touch, you finally knew that the ghost was gone. You were still YN. You were still a footballer. And you were okay.
synopsis: ellie once thought she held the world in her hands. she had you.
middle school sweethearts turned soulmates, stitched together by clumsy kisses and stolen nights, your love felt eternal—something too tender, too golden, to ever break. but even the brightest stories fade, and even the strongest hearts can falter.
you carried chains no one could see, battles no one could fight for you. yet with ellie beside you, laughter bloomed in the cracks, and for a time, you almost believed forever was real.
ellie still believes. she clings to it like breath itself, because if love this fierce could ever end—what else is there?
for her, it’s not over. it will never be over.
content: MDNI 18+ content, suggestive themes, implied sex, fluff, angst, swearing, childhood friends to lovers, plot heavy, yearning, jealousy, use of y/n l/n, usage of alcohol, underage drinking, slightly closeted reader, sensitive topics (death, grief, loss, severe illness)
proofread by my beloved @les4elliewilliams ♡♡
“FUCK,” ELLIE HISSED UNDER HER BREATH, the syllable splitting the air like the snap of a guitar string pulled too tight.
Her boots dragged against the tile, scuffing a restless path that looped over itself again and again. She was a pendulum in motion, trapped in an arc of helplessness, swinging from one end of the waiting room to the other.
The harsh fluorescent light bleached everything around her: the chairs lined up like soldiers, the off-white walls that looked more like bone than paint, even her own skin, washed pale beneath the freckles scattered like constellations across her cheeks.
Ellie was good at hiding her nerves most of the time—masking them with sarcasm, with that cool composure people always swore she had. But right now, she couldn’t mask shit. Her heart felt like it was rattling around in her chest, a wild animal begging to be freed.
Her fingers tugged at the hem of her shirt until the fabric twisted in knots, then moved to her mouth again, biting raw at the tip of her thumb. She didn’t even notice when the taste of copper bloomed on her tongue.
The nurses had given her nothing. No words, no explanations—just those practiced smiles that felt more like brick walls than comfort.
“Please wait here, Miss Williams. We’ll let you know as soon as we can.”
Over and over, like a recording. Like they weren’t talking about you. LIke they weren’t talking about the person who mattered more to her than anything else in this sterile, indifferent building.
She hated hospitals. The air smelled too clean, sharp with antiseptic, like it was trying to erase the very idea of humanity. And beneath it, faint and choking, was the sour scent of fear—the kind you couldn’t mop off the floors, the kind that lingered in the corners, seeping into your clothes.
Ellie’s eyes flicked toward the double doors for the hundredth time, green irises sharp and desperate, like staring long enough might summon you. Every time the doors cracked open, even just a sliver, she jerked upright, hope clawing it’s way up her throat like ivy. But it was never you.
Just nurses.
Just strangers.
Never you.
Her legs finally gave out, and she slumped into one of the plastic chairs, the kind designed more to punish than to comfort. Her knees bounced relentlessly, an offbeat drum she couldn’t silence. “C’mon, Y/N,” she whispered, the words gravelly, frayed around the edges. “Just—just be okay. Please.”
The sound disappeared into the sterile hum of the overhead lights. The waiting room swallowed everything, even her prayers.
And god, the silence hurt worse than noise ever could.
Her thoughts spun out of control, colliding with one another like cars on ice. What if something happened? What if… what if she didn’t get to see you again? The images her mind conjured made her sick—hands trembling, stomach twisting like a rope pulling tighter and tighter until it frayed.
Ellie closed her eyes, pressed her palms against them until sparks of colour burst in the dark. It didn’t help. Behind her lids, memories flooded in like a cruel tide: your laugh ringing across the backyard on a summer night, the way you leaned into her touch even when you pretended not to need it, the softness in your eyes when you caught her off guard.
She clung to those moments like lifelines, replaying them over and over, as if they could shield her from the unknown waiting behind those doors.
She tried to breathe steady, but her chest was a cage too small for the storm inside. Her breaths came jagged, shallow—each inhale scraping against her lungs, each exhale threatening to splinter apart.
Anger itched beneath her skin. The kind of anger that begged to be released, to find an outlet in broken glass or dented drywall. Her fist curled tight against her thigh, nails digging half-moons into her skin. But beneath the anger, beneath the frustration, was fear so raw it hollowed her out. Fear that left her small, exposed, like a child lost in the dark.
Her gaze dropped to her hands, the same hands that had held you countless times, that had memorised the curve of your spine, the delicate pulse at your wrist. They trembled now, restless and useless. If she can’t use them to hold you again, her brain whispered, what are they even for?
Ellie hunched forward, elbows digging into her knees. The clock on the wall ticked steadily, its hands slicing through each second with cruel indifference. Time stretched, then collapsed, then stretched again, leaving her in limbo.
She thought about the last thing she’d said to you. Had it been enough? Had it been stupid? She couldn’t even remember, and that terrified her more than anything. What if it hadn’t been I love you? What if her last words to you were something dumb, some offhand joke? She wanted to rewind, to take every moment she’d wasted and replace it with love, more love, endless love, until it spilled out of her like breath.
Her heart was a drumbeat now, pounding against her ribs with frantic urgency. Each thud a desperate chant: let me in, let me in, let me in.
But the doors stayed shut.
And Ellie—Ellie felt like she was breaking apart with every second they didn’t open.
THIRTEEN YEARS AGO…
“...and he doesn’t even look at me, Ellie!” you groaned, throwing your arms in the air so dramatically that your backpack nearly topped off the bench. Your voice was sharp, like a pencil freshly snapped in half, irritation bleeding through every syllable.
“I mean, I sit right behind him in math, right there, basically breathing down his neck, and nothing. No smile. No, ‘hey, how’s it going?’ Not even a nod. Just—” you mimicked a robotic motion, hand snapping open and shut as though passing an invisible pencil. “Here. Thanks. That’s it. I’m like some… some ghost.”
Your pout was loud enough to echo. The playground roared around you—swings creaking, basketballs smacking against asphalt, the air buzzing with laughter and shrieks of tag. But Ellie sat there, knees drawn up to her chest, watching you like the whole world had narrowed into your voice.
She tried to keep her face unreadable. Tried to bury the storm clawing around her insides. But every word about Jesse was another stone thrown into her stomach, sinking deep. Her freckles seemed darker in the afternoon light, green eyes flicking nervously, like she was staring at something too bright to hold.
You went on, voice spilling fast, every sentence tangled with the next “I even dropped my eraser like five times on purpose yesterday. Five! And what does he do? Just picks it up, puts it on my desk, like—like it’s garbage. He didn’t even laugh! Didn’t even smirk! Who doesn’t laugh when someone makes a fool of themselves? That’s, like, comedy gold, Ellie.”
Ellie swallowed, throat dry. She wanted to say, I laugh at everything you do. She wanted to say, You don’t need Jesse when you have me. But the words tangled like barbed wire, impossible to push free.
Instead, she muttered, “Maybe he’s just… dumb.”
“Dumb?” you echoed, swinging around to glare at her, your brows raise high.
“Yeah,” Ellie said, shifting on the grass, voice gruff but unsure. She picked at the blades between her sneakers, shredding them into uneven pieces. “Like… maybe he doesn’t know what’s funny. Or what’s—what’s worth looking at.”
Your pout returned, heavier this time, tugging at the corners of your mouth. “That makes it worse. I don’t wanna like someone who’s dumb. But I can’t help it. He’s just—he’s Jesse.”
Ellie’s chest squeezed. Just Jesse. Like his name was enough to excuse everything. She hated the taste of it, hated how you said it with a sigh that sounded like a secret.
And yet, when your shoulders slumped and your voice grew soft, Ellie felt her own chest ache with something protective, something she couldn’t ignore.
“...It makes me feel stupid,” you admitted, kicking at the dirt with the toe of your shoe. “Like maybe I’m not enough. If he doesn’t notice me, then what’s the point?”
Ellie froze, your words hitting her like cold water down her back. Not enough? You? The thought was impossible, blasphemous. She couldn’t hold it. Couldn’t let you hold it.
She scrambled, fumbling, searching the grass around her like it might give her an answer. And then she saw it—a small daisy, wilting at the edge of the bench leg. Its petals were bent, a couple already torn away by careless footsteps, the stem jagged where it had snapped. Imperfect. Forgotten.
Her chest burned with something sharp. She plucked it, hands awkward, as if she were committing a crime. And then, before she could think twice, she thrust it toward you.
“Uh… here.”
The word stumbled out of her, clumsy, like it hadn’t been ready to exist.
You blinked down at the flower in her palm, surprise cracking your stormy expression clean in half. It was a mess of a daisy—petals bent inward like folded wings, stem half its length. But Ellie’s hand shook as she held it out, and somehow that made it more.
You reached for it slowly, fingers brushing hers just long enough for Ellie to forget how to breathe. When you finally closed your hand around the little flower, your face softened, the corners of your lips curling into the faintest smile. Shy. Quiet. But real.
Your eyes lifted to hers, and for the first time all afternoon, your rant stilled. The playground around you blurred into white noise—just colour and laughter at the edges, unimportant, irrelevant. There was only the daisy between you, and the unspoken weight of what it meant.
“Thanks, Ellie,” you whispered, like it was a secret, like it was something you wanted to keep safe.
Ellie’s chest flipped. She shrugged, feigning casualness, though her ears flushed pink, betraying her. “It’s just a flower,” she muttered, eyes darting anywhere but yours.
But inside, her heart was pounding so violently it felt like it might bruise her ribs, a drumbeat out of rhythm, saying only one thing: It’s not just a flower. It’s you. It’s always you.
And when you tucked the battered little daisy carefully into the pocket of your backpack, like it was true, Ellie felt something take root deep inside her—something she knew she’d never be able to weed out.
“...it’s just a flower,” Ellie had muttered back then.
And now—
“It’s not just waiting,” she spat, the words shredding her throat as they left, jagged and cracked.
The hospital air seemed to still around her, like the sound itself had torn through the aseptic fabric of the place. It was too bright in here, the fluorescents buzzing like hornets, casting everything in that washed-out, hollow light that made faces look colourless and skin look thin. The whole building smelled of disinfectant and despair, a cocktail that stuck to Ellie’s tongue and made her feel sick.
Her palms slapped against the counter, hard enough that her skin stung. She leaned forward, shoulders trembling, freckles stark against her pale, tight face. “You don’t get it,” she rasped, her voice rising like a storm tide. “I need to see her.”
The nurse—a woman with a tidy bun and a name tag Ellie hadn’t bothered to read—didn’t even flinch. Her face was porcelain smooth, unmoving, as if Ellie’s desperation was just another part of her night shift routine. “Miss Williams,” she said, calm but cutting, her tone so sharp it drew blood. “You need to remain calm. Please wait here until we can update you.”
Remain calm.
Wait here.
Ellie wanted to laugh. She wanted to smash her head against the wall until the word “wait” finally broke into pieces.
Her fists balled on the countertop, veins rising along the backs of her hands. “Update me? That’s all you’ve been saying! For what—ten minutes? Thirty? An hour? I don’t even know anymore ‘cause time’s gone weird in here. It’s bending, it’s stretching, it’s—” Her voice cracked, pitching higher, desperation leaking into anger. “And she’s in there. She’s in there without me. And I’m supposed to just sit out here like—like I’m some stranger?”
Her voice echoed too loud, too raw, bouncing off the sterile walls. A couple of heads turned in the waiting room, strangers pretending not to watch while their eyes crawled all over her, their pitying curiosity pressing into Ellie’s back like needles. She ignored them, or tried to, all of her focus pinned to the nurse who was barring her way with nothing more than practiced neutrality.
“She’s not just some patient to me,” Ellie pressed, her throat aching. “You don’t get it. You can’t just shut me out. She’s—” Her voice hitched, the word catching sharp as a shard of glass. She forced it through clenched teeth. “She’s everything.”
The nurse’s jaw tightened, but her voice didn’t shift. “Please lower your voice, Miss Williams. For her sake and yours.”
Ellie let out a sound that was half a laugh, half a snarl—ugly, sharp, hollow. “Lower my voice? Are you serious? I don’t give a shit if the whole building hears me. The only thing that matters right now is her. She’s in there, and you’ve locked me out. Do you understand what that feels like?” Her voice cracked again, higher this time, fragile. “No. You don’t. Because if you did, you wouldn’t be standing here feeding me the same lines on repeat like I’m supposed to just—just accept it.”
Her heart slammed against her ribs, each beat a fist punching from the inside, begging to get out. Her skin buzzed, hot and tight, her chest a cage too small for the storm building inside.
“Please,” Ellie said then, the word tumbling out of her before she could swallow it. Her voice dropped, softer but trembling, fraying at the edges. “Just let me see her. Just for a second. One second. She’ll know I’m here, and that’ll be enough. She needs me. And I—” She shut her eyes, jaw locking so hard it ached. “I need her.”
The nurse sighed, tired, the sound like a lock clicking into place. “Miss Williams, exceptions cannot be made. You need to sit down and wait like everyone else. That’s the only option right now.”
Wait. Always wait.
Ellie staggered back a step, chest heaving like she’d been punched. The air felt thin, strangling, as though the hospital itself was tightening its grip around her throat. She clenched her fists, nails biting half-moons into her palms until she felt the sting of breaking skin.
Her gaze flicked to the glass doors again. Closed. Unyielding. Behind them was you, and she wasn’t there. That thought burned hotter than anything she’d ever felt.
She pressed her hand to her mouth, teeth worrying the skin of her knuckle. The taste of iron bloomed again, sharp and coppery. She couldn’t sit still. Couldn’t think. Her body moved before her mind caught up, pacing across the waiting room like an animal in too-small a cage.
Plastic chairs squeaked under shifting strangers. Vending machines hummed in their corners, their displays glowing with false comfort. The clock on the wall ticked, steady and merciless, slicing through each second like it was nothing. But Ellie—Ellie felt every one. Each second without you was a stone in her pocket, dragging her deeper, deeper into the dark.
Her thoughts spun, crashing into each other. She thought of the last time she saw you before all this—what you were wearing, how your hand felt in hers, the way your laugh cracked through the air. She thought of all the things she should’ve said, the way she should’ve memorised more details, tucked away more moments. Her chest hurt with it, heavy and sharp, like shards of glass rattling around inside her.
Another nurse passed through the hallway, pushing a cart. Ellie lurched forward, heart stuttering. “Hey—hey, wait! Do you know what’s happening? Y/N L/N, she came in—she’s in that room, right? Can you tell me anything?”
The nurse gave her the same expression, the same softened dismissal. “Please wait until further notice, Miss Williams.”
The words rang like a hammer striking metal. Cold. Final.
Ellie slammed her palm against the wall, the sound reverberating down the hallway. “Goddamnit!” The curse tore out of her, raw and unpolished, ricocheting back at her like a slap.
She pressed her forehead to the wall, eyes screwed shut, breaths coming in jagged gulps. The plaster was cool against her skin, but it did nothing to quiet the inferno inside her. Her pulse rattled, chaotic, threatening to burst her apart.
She turned back toward the desk, eyes wild, green irises bright and fractured under the harsh lights. “Listen to me,” she said, low, nearly shaking, but steadier in its desperation. “If anything happens to her, and I wasn’t there—if I lose her without even getting to—” Her voice broke, falling into silence.
The nurse just looked at her with a practiced smile, pity-filled eyes boring into green.
Ellie sagged back against the wall, defeated but still restless, vibrating with helpless energy. Her reflection in the glass doors mocked her: pale, hunched, haunted, eyes too wide, mouth too tight. She didn’t even recognise the person staring back.
And still, she couldn’t look away from those doors. Still, she waited, tethered to the thought of you like it was the only thread holding her upright.
Because behind them, you were there.
And Ellie would wait until her skin peeled away and her bones turned to dust if it meant they would finally let her in.
9 YEARS AGO…
The tide licked higher against the shore, teasing the hem of your rolled-up jeans. You squeaked when the cold foam splashed up against your ankles, hopping back, and Ellie barked out a laugh so unguarded it startled even her.
“You sound like a seagull,” she teased, grinning wide, freckles scrunching across her nose.
You shoved her shoulder. “Shut up, you literally jumped like two feet earlier when it got you.”
“Yeah, but I did it with style,” Ellie shot back, puffing her chest out dramatically. She stuck one hand on her hip and gestured to the ocean like some conquering hero. “See, I’ve mastered the art of… uh, evasive maneuvers.”
“Evasive maneuvers?” you repeated, incredulous. “Ellie, you nearly face-planted into a sandcastle.”
Ellie groaned, dragging a hand down her face, though the corners of her mouth betrayed her. “You’re never gonna let me live that down, are you?”
“Never,” you declared with mock solemnity. “I’ll literally tell this story at your wedding.”
That made her freeze for a fraction of a second. Her eyes flicked to you, green and uncertain, before she gave a weak scoff. “My wedding? And who exactly do you think’s dumb enough to marry me?”
The words tumbled out before you could stop them, too quick, too bold: “Maybe someone who really, really likes you.”
The moment cracked like a shell underfoot. Ellie blinked, caught off guard, her face colouring fast, and you immediately panicked, scrambling for cover. “Uh—I mean, you know, like… hypothetically. Some poor soul. Probably blind.”
Ellie’s laugh came out choked, awkward, but genuine. She bent down, scooping up a smooth flat stone and hurling it into the waves with unnecessary force. “Yeah, well… joke’s on you. I’d probably marry them back.”
You both dissolved into awkward laughter, the sound pitched too high, too shaky. But it warmed the air between you, softening the edges of the unsaid things.
A gull swooped low overhead, letting out a sharp cry, and you threw your arms out dramatically. “See? Even nature’s rooting for me.”
“Rooting for what, exactly?” Ellie asked, raising an eyebrow, smirk tugging at her lips.
“For me to win this argument, obviously.” You nudged her, leaving a wet print on her hoodie sleeve. “I’m like… objectively funnier than you.”
“Oh my god, you’re delusional,” Ellie said, feigning horror. “You’re like… punny at best.”
You gasped, clutching your chest in fake betrayal. “Punny? That’s low, Williams. I’ll have you know, I’ve got layers.”
“Like an onion,” Ellie deadpanned.
“Exactly.” You grinned. “Delicious, complex, and probably gonna make you cry eventually.”
Ellie tilted her head at you, lips twitching like she wanted to laugh but was holding it back. “You already do, sometimes.”
The words slipped out so softly, you weren’t sure she meant for you to hear them. You blinked, stunned into silence, heat flooding your cheeks. She realised too late what she’d said, her face turning crimson as she stared hard at the sand.
“I mean, like, when you rant about stuff,” she muttered, kicking at a pebble. “Not… not in a bad way. Just. You talk a lot.”
You smiled despite yourself, biting your lip to keep it from spilling too wide. The tide came up again, curling cool around your feet, and you let it, grounding yourself in the fizz and rush of it.
You bent down suddenly, scooping a handful of wet sand, and lobbed it playfully at her skin. “Oops.”
Ellie gasped, scandalised, looking at the damp smear on her leg. “You did not.”
“Oh, I did.”
She squatted low, fingers digging into the shore like she was arming herself. “You’ve just declared war.”
“Bite me,” you taunted, already backing away.
Her laugh rang out, bright and boyish, before she lunged forward and flung a clump of sand in your direction. It missed by a mile, crumbling mid-air, but she looked so proud of herself you couldn’t even tease her.
By the time you collapsed onto the sand together, breathless from laughter and dodging each other’s terrible aim, the sky had dimmed to a watercolour of pink and violet. The stars were just beginning to pierce through the horizon, faint but insistent.
The waves crawled in and out like a steady heartbeat, a rhythm older than both of you combined. The wind threaded its cool fingers through your hair, carrying the smell of salt and driftwood, while seagulls wheeled overhead in lazy arcs.
“You’re such a sore loser,” Ellie muttered, tipping her head back so her auburn hair fell across her brow. Her voice was breathless, but warm.
You snorted. “I didn’t lose, dumbass.”
Ellie tilted her face toward you, one brow raised, green eyes gleaming even in the dimming light. “You’re literally covered in more sand than the beach itself.”
“Yeah, well…” You dusted your jeans off, flinging specks of grit at her on purpose. “It’s called accessorising.”
Her laugh bubbled out again, softer this time, fading into a shy sort of smile. She sank her hands into the sand behind her, leaning back, shoulders brushing yours like it was an accident but also like she didn’t dare admit it wasn’t.
For a moment, neither of you spoke. You both just listened—the hiss of the tide, the muffled shouts of your families in the distance, the lull of wind through seagrass. The world felt both impossibly big and shrunken down to just this patch of sand where you sat pressed side by side.
Ellie finally broke the quiet, her voice barely louder than the waves. “Y’know… I don’t really like the ocean.”
You turned to her, surprised. “You don’t?”
She shrugged, shoulders brushing yours again. “Too big. Too… I dunno. Unpredictable, I guess. Kinda freaks me out.”
“Then why’d you agree to this trip?”
Ellie’s mouth twitched into a lopsided smile. “Because you asked if I’d come.”
Your breath caught, snagging in your throat like a kite string in a tree. You covered the flutter in your chest with a quick grin. “So basically, you risked death by tidal wave just for me. Wow. You must be in love with me, Williams.”
“Shut up,” she mumbled, but the tips of her ears glowed red. She pulled her knees up, looping her arms around them, hiding her face in the crook of her elbow like that might disguise the softness beneath her sarcasm.
You leaned closer, resting your chin on your hands. “It’s okay, Ellie. You don’t have to admit you like me more than anything in the world and that I’m the best thing that ever happened to you, but actions speak louder than words.”
Ellie groaned into her sleeve, shaking her head. “You’re insufferable.”
“You love it,” you shot back, smirking.
And then she looked at you. Really looked—like she was trying to memorise the curve of your smile, the way your eyes crinkled at the corners, the easy light that followed you everywhere. For a second, her usual composure slipped, and you swore the whole ocean leaned in just to eavesdrop.
She bent down, fumbling in the sand, and came up with another shell. It was small, chipped at the edge, nothing special at all. Still, she pressed it into your palm like it was treasure.
“Don’t say I never give you anything,” she murmured, not quite meeting your gaze.
Your fingers curled around it, heartbeat stumbling, the broken edges biting gently into your skin like proof this moment was real. You smiled—small, shy, unguarded.
“Thanks,” you whispered. “I’ll keep it forever.”
And you meant it.
Ellie smirked, though her eyes softened. “Better not lose it. I’m not goin’ back in there to find another one.” She jabbed a finger toward the darkening water, its surface reflecting streaks of orange and pink.
“Why not? Afraid of seaweed wrapping around your ankles?”
You laughed so hard you nearly toppled sideways, clutching the shell like it was the punchline itself. “Seaweed? Dangerous? What’s it gonna do, Ellie, tickle you to death?”
“Exactly.” She nodded seriously, though the grin pulling at her lips betrayed her. “Death by seaweed. Real thing. Look it up.”
“Sure it is,” you teased. “Bet you think crabs are plotting against us too.”
“Not ‘plotting.’ Already plotting,” she corrected, poking your shoulder. “You ever seen how they move? Sideways. Like menaces.”
You couldn’t stop giggling, the warmth of it spilling into the air between you until even Ellie cracked, ducking her head with a sheepish smile she couldn’t quite hide. It wasn’t just laughter—it was something bigger, something tangled up in the way she looked at you when she thought you weren’t paying attention, the way your shoulder fit against hers like it belonged there.
Eventually, the laughter ebbed. The tide was higher now, waves licking closer to where you sat. The horizon had swallowed the last of the sun, leaving the sky bruised purple and streaked with fire.
Ellie dug her fingers into the sand, nervous habit, but didn’t move away from you. She leaned back again, head tipped toward the stars just beginning to freckle the dark. “Kinda nice though,” she admitted softly.
You glanced at her, tilting your head. “What is?”
“This.” She gestured vaguely—to the beach, the waves, the distance from everyone else, but mostly to the space between you that had grown smaller and smaller all day. “Being here. With you.”
Your heart stuttered and you bit your lip to hide the smile threatening to spill out. “Careful, Williams. You keep talking like that and I might actually start to believe you like me.”
Ellie groaned again, burying her face in her hands this time. “You’re impossible.”
TWO MONTHS LATER, JUNIOR YEAR…
Your pencil had been moving like it had a life of its own, every stroke and curve pulled from memory more than imagination. The page was a living altar to Ellie—every feature etched so carefully you might as well have carved it from your ribs. Her freckles were constellations you’d memorised from afternoons sprawled in the grass together, her jawline a cliff your eyes always got caught on, hair shaded and messy in your drawing like you’d seen it tumble after she ran a hand through it one too many times. The lamp on your desk made halos out of the graphite smudges, turning the page into something holy and secret.
The world was silent but for the faint hum of electricity and the slow scratching of your pencil, until—
Tap.
It was soft, but enough to snag your pulse and drag it out of rhythm.
You froze, pencil tip still pressed to paper, dotting the margin where it didn’t belong. The sound didn’t belong either—out of place, alien in the cocoon of your room. You lifted your head, eyes darting toward the window. The curtain stirred faintly with the night air, like a hand beckoning.
You told yourself it was nothing. The old tree outside always knocked against the siding. Houses creaked. Pipes groaned. Logic wrapped around your shoulders like a thin blanket—but then it happened again.
Tap.
A bead of cold worry rolled down your spine. You set the pencil down slowly, as though sudden movement might give you away. The sketchbook stayed open, Ellie’s drawn face watching you, accusatory in its detail. You rose, each step across the carpet whisper-soft, the kind you made when you were sneaking around past curfew. The closer you got, the louder your heartbeat became, like it was trying to break the silence wide open.
You hooked a finger around the curtain and pulled it aside.
The night rushed in, cool and damp, brushing goosebumps across your arms. Outside, the yard was quiet and hushed, painted in silver by the pale sweep of the moon. You leaned forward, squinting into the dark—nothing. No one. Just the shadow of the old tree stretching long across the grass like a hand reaching for your window.
Then—
Whiz!
A blur cut through the air. You jerked back just as something clinked sharply against your desk, ricocheting onto your sketchbook. A pebble skittered across Ellie’s drawn cheek, leaving a faint trail of dust before rolling to a stop in the crease of the paper.
“Sorry!”
Your whole body snapped to the sound. That voice. You’d know it if the world were ending and it was the last thing you heard.
Heart lodged somewhere in your throat, you leaned out of the window. And there she was.
Ellie.
Standing on your lawn like some cinematic fever dream, half-awkward, half-goddamn breathtaking. The old streetlight by the curb threw a weak, golden halo over her auburn hair, catching on the tips so it looked like fire in the dark. She was all sharp lines softened by the night—plaid flannel hanging loose, the fabric threadbare from too many washes, a band tee peeking through with cracked lettering. Jeans torn open at the knees, Converse scuffed to hell, laces frayed like they’d fought in a war. Her freckles—visible even from here—dusted across her face like the universe had leaned down and kissed her skin.
She was looking up at you, caught red-handed with a sheepish grin, as if she hadn’t just weaponised gravel at your window. “Didn’t mean to almost kill you, I swear!” she called, voice pitching nervously.
Your breath hitched. Not because of the pebble. Because it was Ellie. Because she was standing down there like some chaotic Romeo with worse aim.
“Ellie,” you hissed, glancing instinctively over your shoulder like your parents might burst in at any second. Your voice was equal parts panic and laughter, your mouth unable to decide which one it wanted to commit to. “Did you seriously just throw rocks at my window like some kinda… I don’t know… Goodwill Romeo?”
A grin burst out across her face, teeth catching on her lower lip like she was trying not to laugh. She shoved her messy hair out of her face, her sleeve sliding halfway up her arm. “Goodwill? Ouch. I’ll have you know I’m, like, at least Target Romeo.”
You snorted, glancing nervously over your shoulder again. Your mom’s voice murmured faintly somewhere down the hall, the sound of the TV low and steady. You whipped your gaze back to Ellie, lowering your voice even more. “You’re gonna get me killed if my parents catch you here.”
Ellie only shrugged, the movement casual but her green eyes sharp, glinting with that restless energy she carried like a second skin. “Worth it.”
The words made your heart flip so violently you thought it might lurch out of your mouth. You tried to play it off with a scoff, elbow braced against the window frame. “You’re insane.”
“Maybe.” Her smirk softened into something else, something dangerously tender, and she tilted her head up at you. “But you’re still talking to me, aren’t you?”
You felt the heat rising to your cheeks, desperate to steer the moment anywhere else before you melted into a puddle of teenage crush at your windowsill. “You know you almost hit me in the face with that rock right? Like, if I end up with a black eye, that’s on you.”
Ellie barked out a laugh, trying to muffle it with her sleeve. “Then I’d say you got into a fight, and you should see the other guy.”
You narrowed your eyes at her, but couldn’t keep the smile from tugging at your lips. “You’re unbelievable.”
“Unbelievably charming,” she countered, grinning like she knew exactly what she was doing to you. She kicked at the grass with the toe of her Converse, the gesture suddenly shy. She shoved her hands into her pockets, rocking back on her heels, the picture of nonchalance ruined only by the pink blooming across her ears. Then, in a quieter voice, she asked, “So… you gonna come down here, or I gotta throw more rocks at your face?”
Her tone was joking, but there was a flicker of something underneath—something hopeful, almost nervous.
Your smile broke free before you could stop it, tugging at your lips until your cheeks hurt.
She was ridiculous. But God, was she perfect.
“C’mon,” she whispered again, half a plea, half a challenge, her words floating up like fireflies. “It’s not like your parents are standing guard at the door. You’re quiet as a ghost when you wanna be.”
You leaned against the sill, knuckles whitening on the paint-chipped wood. Your laugh came out sharp, too loud for your own comfort, and you slapped a hand over your mouth like you could shove it back down your throat. “Ellie, if they catch me sneaking out? You can go ahead and start digging my grave yourself. And bring flowers. Nice ones. Daisies, maybe.”
Her reply was quick, smug, like she had already decided your fate: “Then don’t get caught.” She lifted her arms out wide as if to show you how simple the solution was, like the whole night bent to her will.
The nerve.
You wanted to keep your face stern, to carve your resistance into stone, but the corners of your lips betrayed you, twitching upward. It was always like this with her—Ellie had a way of turning your fear into comedy, of painting the whole world in brighter colours until saying no felt like shutting the blinds on sunlight.
And yet, your body whispered reminders you couldn’t drown out. The faint throb in your legs from nothing more than pacing earlier. The slight heaviness in your chest that never fully left, like your own ribs were conspiring against you. It wasn’t visible. It wasn’t something Ellie could ever guess. But it was there, the ghost of a chain dragging behind you no matter how hard you pretended otherwise.
Ellie tilted her head back, green eyes catching the weak glow of the porch light, shimmering like they were forged from glass. “Hey,” she called, softer now, almost reverent. “You’ll regret it if you stay in there. The night’s too perfect to waste on… homework or whatever you’re pretending to do.”
The words hit you square in the chest, unravelling you.
You looked over your shoulder at your room, at the desk where your sketchbook still lay open, the pages cradling Ellies that didn’t know you were watching them. Every line was memorised, every freckle etched into graphite, and the quiet walls suddenly felt like they were mocking you, suffocating you with the weight of your own carefulness.
The window, though—it breathed. And Ellie breathed with it.
“Goddammit,” you hissed under your breath, dragging your hand down your face. The surrender tasted bitter and sweet all at once. “Fine.”
Ellie straightened below, practically glowing, her smile spreading across her face like ink spilling over a page.
“But if this ends with me grounded until I’m old and grey,” you continued, stabbing a finger at her from the window, “I am haunting you. Like, forever. You’ll never get rid of me.”
Ellie didn’t even try to tone it down—she laughed, wild and delighted, throwing her head back so her voice rippled across the lawn. “Deal. Totally worth it.”
You rolled your eyes, but your heart was a drumline now, so loud it made your whole body hum.
“Go,” you ordered, pointing toward the shed. “There’s a ladder. Get it before I change my mind.”
Ellie gave you a lopsided salute, cocky as ever, before jogging across the yard. Her flannel flapped behind her like a ragged cape, her converse kicking up little bursts of grass and dirt. She looked untamed, electric, like the night itself hard grown legs and decided to run.
You stayed leaning out the window, fingers gripping the sill, eyes following her even when you told yourself not to. The stillness of your room pressed in around you again, but now it felt temporary, like the moment before a spark caught.
For just a second, the weight in your chest returned. Your bones hummed with secret truth. But you pressed it down, stuffed it into the quiet corners of your mind, and whispered to yourself, “Live once.”
You turned, padding across the soft carpet toward your closet, the night air trailing in through the window, tugging at you like a promise.
Your shoes waited by the door, almost smug, like they’d been expecting this all along.
“Where are we going?” you finally broke the silence, your voice curling out like smoke, thin and restless. The night pressed in on both sides of you, a velvet-dark curtain stitched with stars, and you couldn’t help but tug your jacket tighter against the cool air.
Ellie didn’t answer right away. She was walking beside you with her hands jammed into the pockets of her flannel, her head ducked just enough that a loose strand of hair kept brushing her cheek. There was a smirk hidden there, though—you could feel it even if she didn’t turn to show you. A smirk that said she’d been waiting for you to ask, savouring it like a sweet she didn’t want to bite into too quickly.
“It’s a surprise,” she finally said, her tone light but dipped in mischief.
You groaned, tilting your head back toward the stars as if maybe they’d betray her secret. “Ellie. The last time you said that, we ended up at some guy’s abandoned shed in the woods, and there were, like, forty spiders the size of my face.”
She huffed a laugh through her nose, not even trying to deny it. “Yeah, but you survived. Stronger for it.”
“Stronger? Ellie, I almost cried.”
“You did cry.”
You shoved her shoulder lightly, but she just stumbled half a step and bounced back like she’d been expecting it. The smile finally slipped onto her face, crooked and shy, the kind that always made something flutter and ache in your chest.
The further you walked, the more the road changed beneath your sneakers. Gravel gave way to dirt, the crunch softening into a muted thud. The houses had fallen away behind you, swallowed by the dark, and now the world seemed stripped bare—just the night, the two of you, and the endless chorus of crickets thrumming in the fields.
Your chest began to hum with a quiet, steady ache. Not bad, not sharp—just that familiar weight. The way your body sometimes decided to make even simple things feel heavier. You adjusted your breathing, tried to even it out before Ellie noticed. But she never walked too fast, never let her strides leave you behind. She kept to your pace like she was tethered there, as if she didn’t even think about it.
Then, suddenly, she veered off the dirt path, slipping between tall weeds that brushed at her jeans. You hesitated only a second before following, the stalks hissing against your legs. And then—
The world opened up.
The field stretched wide and endless, a sea of daisies that swayed in the night air. Their white petals glimmered under the moonlight, thousands of tiny faces turned toward the sky, like a whole galaxy had fallen from above and decided to root itself into the earth. The breeze carried the faint, sweet-green scent of them, mixed with the salt of Ellie’s skin and the faint detergent on her flannel.
You stopped short, your mouth parting but no words tumbling out. The sight of it was too much, too sudden, as if you’d stumbled into a painting you had no right to touch.
“Ellie…” Her name came out like a secret.
She tilted her chin toward the distance, where the field dipped beneath the shadow of a willow tree. “Not done yet.”
And then you saw it.
Under the willow’s heavy branches, drooping like a curtain of green silk, was something small, out of place. A picnic blanket, spread across the grass, its stripes muted but soft, the corners curling like it had been shoved into a closet and rescued just for tonight. Beside it, a basket waited with its lid tipped open, the woven edges catching the faint glow of the moon. And in the center of it all, a fake LED candle flickered. Its flame was plastic, its glow uneven but somehow it threw a golden warmth over the little setup that felt more real than fire.
Your breath caught, trapped in your throat.
The scene was clumsy, imperfect—the candle sat crooked, the blanket slightly lopsided—but it was so Ellie that your heart nearly caved in on itself. She had thought of this. She had walked you all this way for this.
You turned to her, trying to speak, but the words pressed against your teeth like a tide refusing to break. She was watching you already, her smirk stretched thin into something smaller, almost nervous. A silent question glimmered in her eyes: Did I do good?
“Well?” Ellie asked, forcing her voice into calm, though you could hear the waver in it if you listened closely. “Worth sneaking out for?”
The daisies seemed to lean toward you, as if they too were waiting on your answer. Even the willow bent lower, like it had been listening all along.
Your chest ached, your heart beating out a rhythm so heavy it was nearly a drum against your ribs. And then, because it was the only thing you could manage without falling apart, you laughed—soft, breathless, fragile around the edges.
“Ellie… it’s—” You shook your head, swallowing the knot in your throat. “It’s perfect.”
Her lips twitched, threatening another smirk, but it was her ears that betrayed her, glowing pink even under the moonlight. “Let’s go, then.”
The willow’s branches hung low, swaying with the weight of the night breeze as you and Ellie stepped into its shadow. The ground softened underfoot, the grass cool and damp, and the blanket spread out before you looked like some kind of sacred offering—clumsy, crooked, yet brimming with intent.
Ellie motioned toward it with a flourish of her hand, like some awkward maître d’. “Your table, madam.”
You snorted but couldn’t keep the grin from breaking across your face. “Wow, five-star service. Where’s my wine list?”
Ellie smirked as she sank down cross-legged onto the blanket, pulling the basket between her knees. “Sorry, all out of wine. But…” Her hand disappeared into the basket with a magician’s flair before reemerging with two brightly coloured plastic trays. She held them up like treasure. “I do have Lunchables.”
You blinked. Then burst into laughter. “Ellie Williams, you dragged me across a field in the dead of night for… Lunchables?”
“Not just any Lunchables.” She shook the tray like a salesman peddling gold watches from the lining of his coat. “Pizza ones. With the tiny crusts. Deluxe dining at its finest.”
You doubled over, giggles spilling out of you like coins from a broken jar. “Oh my god, you’re insane.”
Ellie’s grin widened, a flash of crooked teeth in the faint glow of the LED candle. “Insanely romantic, you mean.”
Your heart tripped over itself at the word, but you disguised it with a playful shove to her shoulder as you plopped down beside her. “Yeah, ‘cause nothing says “I care about you” like cold tomato sauce and cheese bits.”
She tore open the plastic seal with her teeth, the sound sharp in the night, and shoved one of the little crusts into your hand. “Bon appétit, princess.”
You stared at the pitiful offering—the circle of cardboard-like dough, the packet of pasty sauce, the cheese shreds clumping together in defiance of gravity. “This is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen,” you said, but your lips betrayed you, tugging upward in a smile so fond it ached.
“Yeah, well,” Ellie muttered, tearing open the sauce packet with way more concentration than necessary. “I worked really hard on this meal, so maybe don’t insult the chef.”
You snorted. “The chef being Oscar Mayer?”
Ellie flicked a shred of cheese at you in retaliation. It clung to your shirt before sliding into your lap, and you laughed so hard your stomach cramped. The sound rolled into the night, and Ellie’s followed right after—lower, quieter, but just as uncontrollable.
When the laughter died down, the silence that followed wasn’t empty but full—thick with crickets singing, willow leaves whispering secrets overhead, the soft hum of the world holding its breath.
Ellie leaned back on her hands, her knees bent, the candlelight gilding her freckles until they looked like cinnamon scattered across pale skin. You caught yourself staring—memorising the sharp curve of her jaw, the way the strands of auburn caught the faint glow like copper threads.
To break the tension, she plucked a daisy from the grass, its stem flimsy and half-bent, and twirled it between her fingers before holding out to you. “Souvenir,” she said, quieter now, almost shy.
The flower was imperfect—the petals bruised, stem jagged—but in her palm it looked sacred. You reached out, fingers brushing hers in the exchange, and for a moment the air itself seemed to pause, watching, waiting.
You tucked the daisy into your lap, cradling it like glass, before whispering, “Thanks, El.”
And though she didn’t answer right away, when you lifted your gaze, her eyes were already on you—steady, green, and unbearably tender, as if she had carved your face into her memory long before you ever thought to sketch hers.
The quiet between you stretched—not awkward, but weighted, as if the night itself was thick with things unsaid. The air was cool against your cheeks, the kind of cool that made you want to draw closer to warmth, and Ellie radiated it in soft, invisible waves.
Finally, she flopped backward onto the blanket, her hands folding beneath her head, her body sinking into the grass beneath the fabric. “Okay,” she said, her voice rough, like gravel smoothed by water. “I think I deserve a break. Chef’s work is exhausting.”
You snorted, still fiddling with the daisy. “Slapping cold cheese on cardboard isn’t exactly Michelin star level, El.”
Her laugh cracked open the night, easy and genuine, before she tipped her head toward you. “Lay down with me. The stars are actually kinda insane tonight.”
You hesitated—just for a second, because your heart was already racing, because being that close felt dangerous—but then you let yourself fall back beside her. The blanket rustled, grass pressed against your arms, and above you sprawled the sky, endless and stitched with silver.
The stars blinked like secrets too heavy for the dark to hold, scattered and infinite, and for a long moment you let yourself get lost in them. Next to you, Ellie shifted, her shoulder brushing yours. You swallowed, grounding yourself in the sound of her breath, steady but uneven, like she was thinking too much too.
“Do you ever…” Ellie’s voice trailed off before finding itself again. “Do you ever think about how small we are? Like—” She lifted a hand toward the sky, pointing vaguely. “That star right there? Probably already dead. But we’re still looking at it.”
You tilted your head toward her, catching the silhouette of her profile against the sky—the stubborn curve of her nose, the little furrow between her brows when she was concentrating. “That’s… depressing.”
She chuckled, soft. “Nah. I think it’s kinda nice. Like, even if something’s gone, it still… sticks around a little. Makes things brighter, y’know?”
Something lodged in your throat at that, and you almost said her name, but instead you whispered, “Yeah. I get that.”
For a while, you just lay there, shoulders brushing, silence folding over you like a blanket. The daisy rested against your chest now, its crooked petals pressing into your skin, as if reminding you of something—of her, always of her.
Ellie broke the silence again, quieter this time, like a secret only the two of you could hear. “Tell me something no one else knows.”
Your pulse tripped. You stared up at the stars, their glow smudged by the corners of your vision. “Like what?”
You chewed your lip, debating. The words sat heavy at the back of your tongue—you wanted to tell her everything, every single thing you’d ever hidden in the quiet corners of your chest. But you settled for something smaller, safer. “Okay. Um… sometimes I draw. Like in class. Or in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep.”
Ellie turned her head toward you, eyes glinting even in the dark. “What do you draw?”
You hesitated. Heat licked at your ears. “Just… things I don’t wanna forget.”
A smile tugged at her mouth, crooked and knowing, though she didn’t press. She rolled back onto her back, pointing toward the stars again. “Okay. My turn. I, uh—” Her voice cracked, and she had to swallow before going on. “I used to sneak my mom’s records out when she wasn’t looking. Sat on the floor with headphones too big for my head, and just… listened. Like the songs were talking to me or something.”
Your chest ached. “That’s not embarrassing.”
“Didn’t say it was,” she muttered. “Just said it’s something I’ve never told anyone.”
The stars burned above you, indifferent witnesses to every confession, every almost-confession. The air between you thickened again, charged with something you couldn’t name without it spilling over and drowning you.
Ellie shifted, propping herself up on one elbow. She looked down at you, hair falling into her face, eyes sharp and uncertain and soft all at once. The candlelight flickered between you, brushing gold across your faces.
Your breath caught. The daisy pressed harder into your chest, almost like it was urging you forward, whispering that maybe the world wouldn’t end if you said what you wanted to say.
Ellie’s lips parted and for a moment she looked like every thought she’d ever hidden was pushing up and out, breaking through the cracks in her chest. The air between you was so dense it felt alive, like it might wrap around your throat if neither of you said anything soon.
“I—” she started, voice low, almost drowned out by the cicadas in the grass. She faltered, her jaw working, then she tried again. “I’m not good at this. Talking. About feelings and all that.”
You blinked at her, heart hammering so hard it felt like it might bruise your ribs. “Ellie…”
Her eyes flicked away, back to the stars, like maybe the words would be easier to find up there. Her hand dragged nervously over the blanket, inching closer to yours without quite touching. It’s just— every time I’m around you, it’s like I forget how to be a person. Like I say the wrong thing, or I can’t keep looking, or I… I just don’t feel like myself, except I do, but more. Better. You make me better.”
Her voice cracked on that last word, and she ducked her head, cursing under her breath. “God, that sounded stupid.”
But it didn’t sound stupid. It sounded like your heart splitting clean down the middle, spilling warmth into every corner of you. You pushed yourself up onto one elbow, mirroring her posture, your face inches from hers now.
“It’s not stupid,” you whispered. The daisy slipped from your chest, forgotten between you. “It’s not stupid at all.”
Ellie finally looked at you, really looked, her eyes glassy with something too big for her to swallow down. “I think about you all the time. Even when I don’t wanna. Even when I tell myself to stop. And I—” Her voice dipped, breaking, her shoulders tight as if bracing for impact. “I like you. I have liked you, for a while now. More than friends, way more. And if that screws everything up, I’ll deal with it, but I can’t—”
You didn’t let her finish. The words were already ringing in your ears, ricocheting through your chest, burning like fireworks under your skin. Before you could second-guess yourself, before you could think of your parents or your condition or all the reasons it was a bad idea, you leaned forward and closed the space between you.
The kiss was clumsy, desperate—her nose bumped yours, your teeth grazed—but none of it mattered, because her lips were warm and trembling against yours, because it felt like the world had tilted into place after years of being crooked.
Ellie froze for half a second, then melted into you, her hand finding the side of your face, her thumb trembling against your cheekbone. You could taste her breath, shaky and sharp, like she couldn’t believe this was happening either.
When you finally pulled back, both of you were breathless, foreheads pressed together, hearts beating loud enough to drown out the night.
Ellie laughed—nervous, incredulous, soft. “Holy shit. You actually—”
You cut her off again, whispering against her lips. “I like you too, El. I’ve liked you forever.”
You both stayed there, breathing each other in, as though even a centimeter of space might undo the fragile thread you’d just tied between your hearts.
Ellie was the first to break the silence—though calling it breaking didn’t feel right. It was more like her words trickled out, soft and careful, as if afraid of shattering something glass-thin.
“So… that just happened,” she whispered, her lips brushing yours with every syllable.
You laughed, quiet but bright, like it bubbled up from a place inside you that had been locked shut for years. “Yeah. It did.”
She leaned back just enough to look at you, her eyes wide and still sparkling with disbelief. “You’re not— messing with me, right?”
“Ellie.” You tilted your head, giving her the kind of look that said how could you not know by now? “I wouldn’t kiss you if I didn’t mean it.”
Her mouth twisted like she was trying to hide a smile and failing miserably. “Good. ‘Cause I don’t think I’d survive it if you were joking.”
You laughed again, softer this time, and let yourself fall back onto the blanket, staring up at the stars to steady the dizzy warmth spinning inside you. Ellie followed a second later, her shoulder brushing yours, like even now she couldn’t bear to be more than a breath away.
For a while, you just lay there. The willow’s branches swayed above like a curtain drawn to shield you from the rest of the world. The night hummed around you, your heartbeats syncing like two songs blending into one.
Ellie exhaled, her voice low, almost like she was confessing to the sky instead of you. “I’ve wanted to do that for… God, forever. Since middle school, probably. When you wouldn’t shut up about Jesse.”
You groaned, covering your face with your hands. “Don’t bring that up right now.”
She laughed, and the sound was so free, so light, you felt it settle into your bones. “You have no idea how much I hated hearing you talk about him. Thought I was gonna puke every time you said his name.”
“Yeah, well,” you peeked at her between your fingers, cheeks burning, “you were the one giving me daisies when I cried about it.”
Her smile faltered into something gentler, something that made your chest ache. “I remember that.”
The silence stretched, but it wasn’t awkward this time—it was heavy with everything you’d both carried for years, finally set down between you.
Ellie reached out, fingers hovering above your hand, hesitant as if asking permission. You turned your palm up, letting her settle into it. Her grip was warm, a little shaky, but it anchored you more firmly than anything else ever had.
“You’re stuck with me now,” she said, and though she tried to sound casual, her voice cracked at the edges.
“Good,” you murmured, squeezing her hand tight. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
And so the two of you stayed there—beneath the willow, wrapped in the scent of daisies and the glow of a fake candle, holding onto each other like the night was infinite, like dawn could never touch what you’d just found.
The walk home had started off fine—easy, even. The gravel road whispered under your sneaks, and the fields on either side breathed with the sway of tall grass and wildflowers nodding under the weight of the night air. Above, stars glittered like they’d been pinned into place by some careful hand, each one sharp and cold against the velvet sky. It was the kind of night that wanted to be slow, that wanted to stretch itself out forever.
But your body had other plans.
At first, it was subtle. A drag in your step, a heaviness in your calves that you pretended not to notice. But with each passing minute, the weight grew, pressing down until every stride felt like wading through syrup. The air thickened in your lungs, each breath rasping like it was scraping against the inside of your chest. And then it hit—one cough, then another, then a fit that shook your shoulder and bent you forward like a sapling in the wind.
“Whoa—hey, hey.” Ellie’s voice cut through the night, sharp and panicked, the sound of gravel crunching fast as she spun around. She hovered in front of you, frantic, her hands fluttering in the space between you, unsure whether to touch your arm, your shoulder, your back. “What the hell? You okay? What’s happening?”
You forced yourself upright, swallowing the coughs down until they faded into ragged inhales. Your hand lifted in a weak wave, dismissing her concern. “I’m fine,” you croaked, your voice thin, fraying at the edges. “Just… tired. That’s all.”
Ellie stared at you, her eyes narrowing, worry carved into the lines of her brow. The moonlight silvered her freckles, made them look like constellations scattered across her skin. “That wasn’t just tired,” she said flatly.
You tried for a smile, though it felt flimsy on your face. “Well, it was. Don’t overthink it.”
She didn’t move, didn’t blink. For a moment, the air between you tightened like it might snap. Then, with a reluctant exhale, she backed down, though the suspicion didn’t leave her gaze. “Fine,” she muttered, “but if you keel over right here, I’m dragging your ghost’s ass back to your parents’ porch.”
You laughed—soft, shaky, but genuine, “Good to know you care.”
She rolled her eyes, but her shoulders unknotted just slightly. And then, without warning, she turned her back to you and crouched down a little, her hands braced on her knees. “Alright. Get on.”
Your brows shot up. “What?”
“You heard me,” she tilted her head back to glance at you. “Hop on, I’ll carry you.”
“Ellie,” you groaned, dragging her name out like it had grown five syllables. “I’m not five. I don’t need a piggyback ride.”
“Yes, you do,” she said matter-of-factly, her tone teetering between exasperation and amusement. “You’re practically crawling back there.”
“I am not—” you started, only to stumble a little when your foot caught a loose stone. Ellie’s eyes shot to you instantly, and you knew you’d just lost half your argument.
She smirked, cocky. “See? Barely functioning.”
You threw your hands up. “I’m functioning fine!”
“Sure, princess,” she teased, turning her gaze forward again. “C’mon. This way, you get a free ride and I get to flex. Win-win.”
You narrowed your eyes at her back. “What muscles are you even planning on flexing? The noodle ones?”
She gasped, loud and theatrical, one hand slapping to her chest like you’d just stabbed her. “How dare you. How dare you. I’ll have you know these are prime-grade, top-shelf carrying arms.” She bent her elbow and tried to flex through the flannel, though the effect was most just… sleeve.
Despite yourself, a laugh bubbled out of you, easing some of the ache in your chest. “Yeah, okay, Popeye.”
“Thank you,” she said without a shred of irony, as if you’d just complimented her.
But then your legs wobbled again, just slightly, your balance faltering in a way you couldn’t disguise. The humor on her face softened instantly, melting into something gentler, steadier. She didn’t joke this time—didn’t tease or roll her eyes. She just looked at you, her voice dropping low.
“Please,” she said, and the word landed heavy in the quiet. “Just let me do this for you.”
The sincerity in her tone left you breathless in a way the coughing hadn’t. You hesitated, pride gnawing at your resolve, but the look in her eyes—the kind that saw through every flimsy excuse—made it impossible to refuse.
With a sigh, you muttered, “Fine. But if you drop me, I’m haunting you forever.”
Ellie grinned like she’d just won a war, crouching lower so you could climb on. “Deal.”
Carefully, you wrapped your arms around her shoulders, pressing your cheek against the familiar flannel at her collar. Her warmth radiated through the fabric, grounding you. Ellie hooked her hands under your thighs, then stood in one smooth lift, your feet leaving the earth. You let out a startled laugh as the night tilted around you.
“See?” she puffed, shifting you higher against her back. “Told you. Prime carrying material.”
You rolled your eyes, but your arms tightened, your body fitting into the curve of hers like it had always belonged there. The gravel whispered under her sneakers as she started forward, steady and sure, the rhythm of her strides syncing with the beat of your pulse.
“You’re sweating already,” you teased, your lips brushing close to her ear.
She scoffed, breathless. “Please. You’re light as a feather. I could do this all the way to Jackson if I had to.”
“Sure you could,” you said, the words slurring a little with the drowsy comfort of her warmth, of being carried.
And then the world quieted around you. The night sounds dulled—the chirp of crickets, the distant rush of wind through trees—until all you could really hear was the crunch of Ellie’s sneakers on gravel and the steady thump of her heartbeat, solid beneath your chest. Every so often she’d shift her grip, her fingers brushing against the bare skin above your knee, and each touch left trails of heat that no cool night breeze could erase.
For the first time in a long time, you didn’t feel the heaviness dragging you down. You didn’t feel tired or weak. You just felt safe, wrapped up in the strength of someone who had no idea how much she already carried of you—your laughter, your secrets, your heart.
And you let yourself sink into that, just for tonight.
PROM NIGHT, SENIOR YEAR…
The world had flipped on its head since that night. Somewhere between stolen secrets and star-gazing confessions, the quiet tension had cracked, and you and Ellie had stepped into something bigger—something real. By senior year, no one batted an eye at how your hands found each other’s in the hallway, or how she kissed your temple like it was the most natural thing in the world. You weren’t a rumor anymore—you were Ellie-and-you. A package deal.
Prom night was supposed to be the pinnacle of all that: glittering lights, bad punch, the soundtrack of your youth blaring through cheap speakers in the gym. And for about thirty minutes, you both played along—posing for photos, spinning once or twice under the paper streamers, sipping neon soda out of plastic cups. But the novelty faded fast.
Which is how you ended up here: parked in the farthest corner of a half-lit lot, Ellie’s beat-up car wrapped in the hum of the night. Her tie was crooked, her jacket ditched in the backseat. You had your heels kicked off on the dashboard, your dress bunched around your knees.
Between you rested a silver flask—definitely not approved by the PTA—that she’d swiped from Joel’s stash. The liquid inside was sharp, bitter enough to make you cough, but it warmed your throat in a way that made the laughter come easier, looser.
“Okay,” Ellie wheezed between bursts of laughter, her forehead pressed against the steering wheel, shoulders shaking. “Greg. Greg Martin. Breakdancing.” She lifted her head just long enough to fling her arms around in chaotic angles, mimicking his attempt. “He looked like a… like a chicken trying to escape the fryer.”
You clutched your stomach, tears spilling down your cheeks. “No—oh my god, he looked like... Like he started glitching mid-air.”
Ellie smacked the steering wheel again, the horn letting out a weak hiccup that startled you both into even more laughter. She shoved the flask at you, her grin so wide it practically split her face in two.
Your dress, which had once seemed glamorous, was now bunched ungracefully around your thighs, its sequins catching the dim light like broken shards of a disco ball. You tipped your head back and took a sip, grimacing, then wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. “God, how does Joel drink this crap? It tastes like paint thinner.”
Ellie stretched out in the driver’s seat, one arm draped over the backrest behind you. “Joel doesn’t drink this to enjoy it. He drinks it to—y’know—forget the fact that life’s just a long, slow march toward death.” She said it in a mock-grim voice, then winked at you when you giggled.
“Wow. So cheerful. That’s really what I needed on prom night,” you teased, nudging her leg with your bare foot on the console.
Ellie grabbed your ankle lightly and squeezed, pretending to glare. “Don’t sass me, L/N. I literally ditched free shrimp cocktail for you.”
“Shrimp cocktail?” you echoed, wrinkling your nose. “You call those sad little frozen things shrimp? Those were like… sea bugs on toothpicks.”
Ellie barked out another laugh, shaking her head. “Fair. Still, I expect gratitude. You’re sitting here with the most eligible prom date in Wyoming.”
“Oh, really?” you said, feigning surprise, though your smile betrayed you. “Because last I checked, you spent most of prom standing by the punch table, glaring at anyone who looked at me.”
Ellie shrugged, unbothered, but the tips of her ears betrayed her with their pink flush. “What can I say? I’m territorial.” She said it half as a joke, half as something heavier, something real, and for a moment the car grew quieter around you.
The only sounds were the chirp of crickets outside, the hum of the car’s old heater, and the faint thump of bass still leaking from the gym. The kind of quiet that stretched, pulled tight like a string, begging to be plucked.
When you turned your head, Ellie was already watching you. The dashboard light carved shadows across her jaw, lit the flecks of green in her eyes. She was all undone tuxedo and crooked grin, but to you, she might as well have been carved out of marble, the kind of beautiful that was almost unfair.
“You’re staring,” she murmured, her grin twitching wider, though her voice had softened.
“Am not,” you shot back automatically, though it came out too fast, too defensive.
“Are too,” she said, sing-song, tapping your ankle again. “But it’s okay. I’d stare at me too.”
You groaned, dragging your hands down your face. “You’re impossible.”
“And yet,” Ellie said, leaning just an inch closer, her voice slipping into that low rasp that always did you in, “you’re still here.”
The warmth of her words hung in the air like smoke, and you had to look away before it set your entire chest on fire. You took a sip from the flask to compose yourself.
Ellie reached over and snatched the flask from your hands with exaggerated speed, like you couldn’t be trusted. “Alright, lightweight,” she said, taking a swig and then coughing violently into her sleeve. “Jesus Christ—okay, this is paint thinner.”
You burst out laughing, doubling over in the passenger seat. “Oh my god, you almost died! That would’ve been a fun headline: ‘Prom Queen kills date with contraband whiskey.’”
Ellie shot you a mock glare, eyes watering as she thumped her chest. “First of all, you’re not even prom queen. You got snubbed.”
“I wasn’t even running,” you protested, wiping at the corners of your eyes, still laughing.
“Exactly,” Ellie said, wagging a finger at you. “That’s why it was the biggest scandal of the night. You didn’t run, but you could have won. Everyone knows it.”
You gave her your most dramatic eye roll, slumping back in your seat. “You’re ridiculous.”
Ellie leaned over, smirking. “And yet, you still picked me over dancing under tissue-paper streamers and pretending to care about who slow-danced with who.”
You gave her a playful shove, but she caught your wrist, holding it hostage for a moment. “Face it, L/N. I’m the better deal.”
“Better deal?” you scoffed, trying not to smile. “Your car smells like wet dog and desperation. And your tux looks like it’s been through hell.”
Ellie gasped, clutching her chest as though you’d stabbed her. “Excuse you—this tux is vintage.”
“Vintage from where? A dumpster?”
She shook her head, pretending to be wounded, but the corners of her mouth betrayed her. “Wow. Brutal. You wound me on prom night. Right here.” She jabbed a finger at her heart, feigning collapse across the steering wheel.
You laughed so hard you had to clutch your stomach, tears welling again. “You’re the most dramatic person I know.”
“Me?” Ellie sat up again, eyes wide, grin feral. “You literally refused to eat cafeteria pizza for a month because they changed the crust recipe.”
Your mouth dropped open. “Okay, first of all, it tasted like cardboard! And second of all, you’re supposed to love me unconditionally, not bring up my darkest moments.”
Ellie cackled, tossing her head back, her hair falling into her face. “Oh, don’t worry—I love you through all your darkest moments. Even the pizza boycott of junior year.”
You crossed your arms, pretending to pout, though your lips kept twitching. “I hate you.”
“No, you don’t.” She reached over, tugging gently at the strap of your dress where it slipped on your shoulder. “You loooove me.”
You smacked her hand away, laughing so hard it broke your fake glare. “You’re such a menace.”
“And you’re stuck with me,” Ellie said with a cocky grin, slouching back into her seat and raising the flask like it was a trophy. “Forever.”
The word hung there for a second—forever—and it wasn’t said like a joke, not really.
Ellie flicked the flask cap shut and tossed it into the cupholder, her hand lingering there like she didn’t quite know what to do with it next. The car settled into silence, not uncomfortable, but heavy with something unspoken. The gym music in the distance had dulled to a faint heartbeat, drowned out by the night pressing soft and infinite against the windows.
You pulled your knees up into the seat, hugging them against your chest. Your dress glittered faintly in the low dashboard glow, sequins like stars stitched into fabric. Ellie was still watching you—she always was—but her grin had softened, her usual sarcasm dialed down into something almost reverent.
“What?” you asked, smiling despite yourself, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.
Ellie shook her head slowly, biting at the corner of her lip like she was trying to keep something in. “Nothing. Just…” Her voice trailed, then picked back up, quieter. “You look… really fucking beautiful.”
The words weren’t delivered with her usual cocky flourish. They were soft, clumsy, almost fragile—like if she said them too loud, they’d shatter. And for a moment, you couldn’t think of anything witty to throw back. Your pulse thrummed against your skin, loud enough you were sure she could hear it.
Heat prickled at the tips of your ears. “Ellie…” you whispered, her name caught halfway between a sigh and a plea.
She leaned closer, slow enough that you could have stopped her if you wanted to. You didn’t. You couldn’t. Her palm hovered at your cheek, hesitant, then finally landed, warm and calloused and grounding. Her thumb traced the line of your jaw, featherlight, like she was memorizing you all over again.
The air between you felt thin, like it had been stretched too tight. You could feel the warmth of her breath against your lips, the faint taste of whiskey still lingering on it.
And then she kissed you.
It wasn’t the rushed, messy kind of kiss you’d sometimes stolen in hallways between classes. This one was deliberate, aching, slow—like she had been waiting for this exact moment all night. The press of her mouth against yours was soft but sure, the kind of kiss that unraveled you without demanding anything more than surrender.
You melted into her, your hand sliding up to curl around the back of her neck, pulling her closer. Ellie shifted in her seat, angling herself toward you, one arm wrapping firmly around your waist as though she was afraid you might slip away.
The taste of her was a mix of stolen liquor and mint gum, sharp and sweet all at once. Your heart thundered in your chest, your breaths growing quicker as the kiss deepened, turned hungrier, the line between playful and desperate blurring in the heat of it.
Her hands, usually so steady, trembled slightly against your waist, betraying just how much this meant to her. She pulled back for the barest second, foreheads pressed together, eyes searching yours. “God, I love you.” she whispered, like the words had been clawing their way out of her for months.
You didn’t even hesitate. “I love you too. You…you complete me, Els.” The words came out steady, certain, carrying all the weight of every look, every laugh, every secret shared between you since the willow tree.
And then you kissed her again, fiercer this time, laughter spilling between the press of your mouths, both of you tangled up in sequins and tuxedo fabric, as if the whole world had narrowed down to the warmth of this tiny car and the two of you inside it.
Ellie broke the kiss first, her forehead still resting against yours, breaths ragged and uneven. Her eyes flicked down to your lips, then back up, pupils blown wide like she was caught between awe and hunger. You could feel her heart hammering against your ribs where her chest pressed to yours, just as frantic as your own.
The cramped front seat suddenly felt like it was shrinking, too small to hold the gravity between you. Ellie let out a shaky laugh, low and husky. “Okay—” she panted, thumb brushing against your cheek, “we’re definitely about to break the gearshift if we stay up here.”
You grinned against her mouth, whispering between kisses, “Then… maybe we should move?”
She didn’t need to be told twice. Ellie pulled back just far enough to clamber awkwardly over the center console, boots thudding against the floor mat. She tugged you along with her, your laughter muffled against her lips as the two of you half-tripped, half-tumbled into the backseat.
The old leather squeaked beneath you as Ellie finally settled, dragging you into her lap like you belonged there—like there was no other place in the world you could possibly fit. The LED glow from the dashboard bled faintly into the back, painting her in soft shadows, the green of her eyes catching the light even in the dimness.
Your hands found the collar of her shirt, fingers curling into the fabric as you pulled her closer. Her palms gripped your waist, sliding up your sides with a kind of reverence, as though every inch of you was a prayer she was learning by heart.
The kiss deepened again, no longer tentative but urgent, tasting of everything unsaid—the whispered confessions, the stolen glances, the years of circling each other until finally landing here, in this tiny orbit of warmth and want.
You gasped softly when her teeth grazed your bottom lip, and Ellie froze, eyes snapping open, panic flickering across her face like maybe she’d gone too far.
But you only smiled, breathless, brushing your nose against hers. “Don’t stop,” you whispered, voice ragged but sure.
Ellie groaned quietly, relief and desire tangled together, and then kissed you like she meant to drown in you. The world outside—the prom, the gymnasium lights, the rules and the parents and the small-town whispers—fell away. All that remained was the heat of her mouth, the weight of her hands, and the way time seemed to stretch infinitely inside that car, every second pulling you deeper into her gravity.
When you finally broke apart, gasping, both of you collapsed against the seat, limbs tangled, hearts racing like they’d never find their way back down. Ellie pressed her face into the crook of your neck, her voice muffled but fierce. “I don’t care if this night’s supposed to be about stupid crowns or slow dances… this—” she tightened her hold around your waist, “this is all I’ll ever need.”
Ellie’s lips trailed lower, mapping the slope of your jaw, the hollow of your throat. Each kiss left behind a brand of warmth, deliberate and slow, until her teeth scraped lightly against the soft skin of your neck. You shivered, clutching at her shirt, as her mouth lingered there—sucking gently, leaving the kind of mark you’d catch in the mirror tomorrow and blush over.
She chuckled low against your skin, her breath hot, her voice ragged. “Gonna make sure everybody knows you ditched prom with me.” Another kiss, another bruise blooming like ink spilled across parchment. “That you’re mine.”
Your pulse stumbled beneath her mouth, a frantic drum Ellie seemed determined to memorize. By the time she pulled back, your skin was peppered with evidence—purple smudges glowing like constellations under the dim light.
Her hands, trembling but eager, slid down your sides, fingertips brushing the curve of your waist. You felt her tug at the zipper of your dress, slow and reverent, as though she was peeling back a secret the world wasn’t supposed to see.
But then—your breath caught, sharp, not from her touch but from the weight pressing too quickly against your chest. That familiar heaviness crept in, the reminder of your limits, your body’s quiet rebellion even in moments you wanted to surrender to completely.
You placed your hand gently over hers, halting the zipper halfway down. Ellie froze instantly, eyes snapping up to yours, concern cutting through the haze of heat like a blade.
“Ellie…” you breathed, your voice fragile but steady. “Can we just… go slow? Please.”
For a moment, silence stretched between you, only broken by the hum of the engine cooling outside. Then Ellie softened, her hand retreating from your zipper to cradle your cheek instead. She kissed you once—soft, grounding—before whispering against your lips, “Hey… yeah. Of course. I’ve got you.”
Her forehead pressed against yours, eyes closed, as if she was aligning herself with the rhythm of your breath. “We’ll take our time,” she murmured, her thumb stroking along your jaw. “I’ll savour you, every second. I’m not in a rush.”
And when she kissed you again, it wasn’t frantic, wasn’t desperate—it was deliberate. Gentle, almost reverent, like she was learning you all over again, memorising every sigh and shiver, every place her lips could touch without demanding too much. Ellie slowed herself down for you, her touch softer, her weight careful. The fire was still there, burning hot and reckless, but now it smouldered low, patient, content to flicker instead of roar.
It wasn’t about how far you went—it was about the way she held you, kissed you, and promised with every brush of her lips that she’d never push you past where you couldn’t go.
THREE YEARS LATER…
The apartment smelled faintly of dust and fresh paint, the kind of hollow scent that clings to empty spaces. Sunlight poured in through the one wide window in the living room, casting a pale, golden rectangle across the floor that made the cardboard boxes glow like treasure chests waiting to be cracked open. The place was small, sure—kitchen half the size of the one back home, bedroom barely fitting the mattress they’d hauled up the narrow stairs—but it hummed with a quiet promise. Four walls, a roof, and the two of you.
Ellie came in with another box balanced against her chest, her boots thudding against the hardwood like a drumbeat. She dropped it down with a grunt, wiping sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand. Her hair clung in messy strands to her temples, and her flannel—rolled to the elbows—was already dusted with little smudges from the cardboard edges.
You sat cross-legged in the middle of the floor, hugging a pillow to your chest, trying to ignore the guilt blooming in your ribs. The truth was, every part of you itched to get up, to grab a box, to do your share—but your body didn’t always play by the same rules your heart did. And Ellie, stubborn as a stone, wasn’t about to let you risk pushing yourself.
“You know,” you said, tapping your chin with mock thoughtfulness, “this really looks like a one-woman operation. I don’t remember signing up for the ‘Ellie’s Solo Moving Company’ experience.”
She looked at you from across the room, lips curling into that familiar, crooked grin that always knocked the air out of you. “Oh, don’t worry,” she said, dropping her voice into a ridiculous announcer tone. “We offer premium services here. Furniture hauling, book lifting, even emotional support if the customer gets too overwhelmed by all these scary boxes.”
You snorted. “Scary boxes?”
“Very scary.” She nodded solemnly, then gestured dramatically at the nearest stack. “That one right there? Pretty sure it growled at me earlier.”
A laugh burst out of you, sharp and loud, echoing through the half-empty room. Ellie’s smirk widened like it always did when she managed to wring that sound out of you. For a moment, the guilt in your chest thinned into nothing but air and light.
When she finally plopped down next to you on the floor, the boards creaked in protest. She leaned back on her palms, boots stretched out, and gave you that look—the one that said she saw right through you, no matter how well you tried to mask it. Without asking, she pulled you sideways until you were sitting against her, tucked into her lap like it was carved just for you.
Her chin landed on your shoulder, the weight grounding, her breath tickling your neck. “You feel bad, don’t you?” she murmured. Not a question, but a knowing.
You fiddled with the corner of the pillow in your arms, chewing your lip. “Maybe a little. I mean… you’re lugging all the heavy stuff while I sit here making commentary.”
Ellie huffed, a sound caught between a laugh and a sigh. “Babe. Listen.” She tilted your chin gently so you’d meet her eyes—green like summer leaves catching sunlight. “Boxes are easy. Anyone can carry boxes. But you? You make this place ours. You’re the one who dragged in that dumb blanket”—she pointed at the couch, where your favorite blanket already sprawled like it owned the place—“and set up those goofy little photo frames before anything else. You’re the reason this place doesn’t just feel like four walls. It feels like home. You feel like home.”
Her words landed warm and heavy, like someone draping a quilt over your shoulders. Your throat tightened, and you pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, tasting faint salt from the sweat still clinging to her skin. “You’re ridiculous,” you whispered, but it came out thick, affection drowning every syllable.
Ellie grinned, her nose brushing yours as she leaned closer. “Ridiculously in love with you,” she corrected, the words playful but carrying that steady, quiet truth she always spoke with.
The room fell quiet around you, but it wasn’t an empty silence. It was full—the kind of silence that hummed with laughter just passed, with the promise of everything still waiting. Even the boxes seemed less like burdens now and more like little vessels of your future, waiting to be unpacked, waiting to spill their pieces into this new life you were building together.
For the first time, the chipped walls didn’t look worn—they looked lived in. The scuffed floor wasn’t tired—it was ready for new footsteps, your footsteps. And the guilt in your chest softened, replaced with that steady, glowing warmth that always came with Ellie’s presence: a reminder that this wasn’t about who carried more or less. It was about carrying it together.
A few hours later, the apartment no longer echoed with emptiness. Instead, it was filled with the crinkle of takeout bags and the clatter of plastic chopsticks against cheap cardboard containers. You and Ellie sat cross-legged on the living room floor, the boxes serving as makeshift tables, your blanket now draped around your shoulders like a cape.
The glow of a single lamp lit the room in honey-gold, and the scent of soy sauce and fried rice hung thick in the air. Ellie was halfway through retelling a story about almost dropping one of the heavier boxes on her foot when she cracked herself up mid-sentence, noodles nearly slipping from her chopsticks.
“You should’ve seen my face,” she said, laughing so hard her shoulders shook. “I was like—” She mimed a slow-motion horror expression, mouth stretched wide, eyes bugging out in dramatic panic.
You laughed so hard you nearly choked on your spring roll. “Oh my god, you look like you’re trying to sneeze and cry at the same time.”
“That’s exactly what was happening!” she said, leaning forward, her grin crooked and bright.
The two of you dissolved into laughter again, the kind that bent your ribs and left your cheeks aching. It wasn’t the story that was funny, not really—it was just the fact that it was you and her, on your floor, eating greasy food out of boxes, and suddenly the world didn’t feel too big to hold.
Eventually, when the laughter softened into quiet, Ellie flopped backward onto the floor with a groan, staring up at the ceiling. “We really did it,” she murmured, a lazy smile tugging at her lips. “This place is ours now. No more dorms. No more couch surfing.”
You followed her gaze up to the ceiling, where the shadows of the lamp played across cracked plaster. The air between you stilled with that fragile new-home feeling—like standing at the edge of something big, something quietly monumental.
“Yeah,” you whispered, smiling to yourself. “Ours. Just the two of us.”
Ellie tilted her head toward you, her smirk softening. “For now.”
You caught the implication, arching a brow. “For now?”
She shrugged, feigning nonchalance, though you could see the glint of mischief in her eyes. “I dunno. Maybe someday we’ll get a plant or something. Or like… a lava lamp.”
You snorted. “Wow. Big dreams, Williams. A lava lamp.”
“I’m serious!” she laughed, poking your knee. “That thing would really tie the room together.”
You shook your head, grinning. “Forget lava lamps. You know what would really make this place feel like home?”
“What?”
You took a bite of fried rice for dramatic effect before answering. “A dog.”
Ellie froze mid-bite. Slowly, she lowered her chopsticks, eyes narrowing suspiciously. “A… dog?” she repeated, like the word itself was foreign.
You nodded, biting back a grin at her tone. “Yeah. Like, one of those big goofy ones. Maybe a golden retriever. Or a husky. Something fluffy.”
She blinked at you, deadpan. “You’re kidding.”
“What?” you said, feigning innocence. “You don’t like dogs?”
Her nose wrinkled, an expression of pure betrayal. “I don’t dislike them,” she said carefully, drawing out the words. “I just… something about the drool, the smell, the way they stare at you with those… eyes.”
You burst out laughing, clutching your stomach. “Ellie,” you wheezed, “are you telling me you have the ick about dogs?”
She pointed a chopstick at you accusingly. “Don’t say it like that! It makes it sound ridiculous.”
“It is ridiculous!” you shot back, still laughing. “They’re literally angels. Pure little angels on four legs, and you’re sitting here acting like they’re tiny goblins trying to hex you with their eyes.”
Ellie pressed a hand to her chest, feigning offense. “Excuse me, but I have survived a lot in my life. A lot. And I refuse to let some slobbery beast take me down.”
You were laughing so hard you had to wipe at your eyes. “You sound insane. Actually insane. How can someone hate dogs?”
“I never said hate!” Ellie insisted, though the corners of her mouth were twitching with a grin she couldn’t hold back. “I said… hesitant appreciation from a distance. Like, ‘Oh cool, that thing exists, but please keep it over there.’”
You leaned forward, resting your chin in your hand, eyes sparkling with mischief. “Well, tough luck, Williams. Because one day, this tiny apartment is gonna have a furry little roommate. And you’ll fall in love, I promise.”
Ellie groaned dramatically, dropping her head back against the wall. “God, if you bring a dog home, I’ll never be able to eat dinner again without worrying about drool on my jeans.”
You nudged her with your foot, smirking. “Yeah, but you’ll still eat dinner. With me. And the dog.”
For a moment, she was quiet, staring up at the ceiling like she was weighing the universe. Then she looked back at you, eyes softening despite herself. “Fine. If it makes you happy… I’ll think about it.”
“Think about it?” you gasped, clutching your chest as if she’d mortally wounded you. “That’s not good enough. You’re gonna be the cool but reluctant dog mom, Ellie. Don’t fight it.”
Ellie shook her head, muttering under her breath as she reached for another dumpling. “Unbelievable. I move your whole life into this apartment, and in return, you curse me with a slobbery roomma—”
A FEW WEEKS LATER...
“—I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
She glanced down at the golden retriever trotting loyally at her side, the leash slack between them. The dog’s tongue lolled happily out of her mouth, fur catching the sun in soft, honey-coloured waves. She looked up at Ellie with that classic, dopey retriever smile—warm, open, like every day was a miracle. But then, as if to add salt to the wound, the dog side-eyed her handler, tail thumping against the doorframe as though she knew exactly who had lost the argument in this household.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Ellie grumbled, narrowing her eyes. “You didn’t win. I’m still in charge.”
The dog panted back at her, unconvinced.
Ellie blew out a sigh, raking a hand through her hair as she nudged the door open with her boot. The retriever bounded inside like she’d always lived there, nails clicking across the wooden floor, ears bouncing with every step.
Inside, you were curled up on the couch with a book in your hands, hair falling softly into your face. The late afternoon light draped itself across your shoulders, golden and gentle. You didn’t even look up right away—you were too immersed in the page—until you heard the sound of paws against the floorboards and Ellie’s muttered, “God help me.”
You turned lazily at first, expecting just Ellie, but the moment your eyes landed on the retriever prancing happily toward you, the book slipped right out of your hands.
Your face lit up like sunrise. “No way.”
Ellie winced as if bracing for impact. “Before you say anything—”
But you didn’t let her finish. You were already on your knees on the couch, leaning over the armrest, both arms outstretched like you’d been waiting your whole life for this exact moment. “Ellie, oh my god.”
The retriever bounded straight into your embrace, her tail wagging hard enough to rattle the picture frames on the wall. She buried her nose into your chest, whining happily as you laughed, burying your face into her fur.
Ellie stood there a few feet away, arms crossed, glaring at the dog like she’d just been personally wronged. “I can’t believe this,” she muttered. “I spend weeks telling you why this is a bad idea, and one look at you and she’s already replacing me. She’s literally a homewrecker.”
You looked up at her, your grin so wide it nearly split your face. “Ellie,” you said breathlessly, “you brought me a dog.”
“I regret bringing you a dog,” Ellie corrected, but her lips were twitching, betraying the smile she was fighting.
You laughed, turning back to press another kiss into the retriever’s soft fur. “Nope. Too late. She’s perfect. You’re perfect. This is the best day of my life.”
The golden retriever looked back at Ellie, tongue lolling, tail still wagging. That same smug little glint lingered in her eyes—like she knew she’d just cemented her place in this household forever.
Ellie groaned into her hands. “I can’t believe I lost to a dog.”
But when she dropped her hands and saw you glowing with joy, hugging the dog like a piece of your heart you’d been missing, she couldn’t quite bring herself to be mad about it.
The golden retriever had made herself comfortable across your lap, paws tucked awkwardly but determinedly into your thighs like she was staking claim. You were laughing, trying to shift to make space, but she was already nestled in and refusing to budge.
“Ellie,” you said breathlessly, looking up at her with puppy eyes of your own, “come sit. She’s your dog too, even if you’re pretending to hate her.”
Ellie raised her brows, arms crossed. “Uh, no. That’s your beast. I’m not getting hair all over my clothes.”
But you just kept staring, that soft grin playing at your lips. You knew her too well—the longer you held her gaze, the quicker she’d cave. Sure enough, after about five seconds, Ellie sighed like you’d just asked her to cut off an arm.
“Fine. Move over.”
You scooted, patting the cushion beside you. The retriever took the invitation as her own, stretching out to take up as much space as possible. Ellie flopped down with a grunt, knees bumping yours, and the dog immediately turned to shove her head into Ellie’s lap.
“See?” you whispered triumphantly. “She likes you.”
Ellie stiffened, staring down at the dog like she’d just been ambushed. “Stupid,” she muttered, but her hand betrayed her, fingers already buried in the retriever’s fur. She scratched reluctantly, and the dog sighed in contentment, tail thumping against the couch.
You leaned your chin on Ellie’s shoulder, watching her soften in real time. “So,” you said, voice lilting with curiosity, “what made you pick her?”
Ellie hesitated, eyes fixed on the dog. “She, uh… apparently had some service training before. Didn’t get placed ‘cause she’s too—” she gestured vaguely at the big goofy grin on the dog’s face— “friendly. But she still knows commands. Thought maybe it’d be… better, y’know. For you.”
The warmth that bloomed in your chest was instant, sharp enough to sting at the corners of your eyes. You pressed your forehead lightly into Ellie’s arm, smiling through it. “You’re too sweet, you know that?”
Ellie made a face. “What, for being practical?”
“For being the best,” you corrected.
Ellie’s ears went pink, and she gave a little scoff, turning back to the dog like she could hide behind her.
After a beat, you tapped the retriever’s head. “So what do we call her?”
Ellie blinked. “Call her? Like… a name?”
You gave her a look. “Ellie. We can’t just call her ‘Dog.’”
“Why not?” Ellie smirked. “Has a nice ring to it. Real simple. Easy to yell when she’s chewing on the couch.”
You snorted, nudging her side. “No. She deserves better.”
“Fine,” Ellie drawled, pretending to think hard. “How about… Killer?”
The retriever blinked up at her with those big brown eyes, tongue lolling, tail wagging against Ellie’s thigh.
You cackled. “Yes, that’s terrifying. She’s a menace, can’t you tell?”
Ellie shrugged. “Reverse psychology. People will be scared.”
“Ellie.”
“Alright, alright,” she sighed. “Sunshine?”
“Too cheesy.”
“Banjo?”
You scrunched your nose. “She’s not a banjo.”
Ellie gestured at the dog’s wagging tail. “Looks like one to me.”
You rolled your eyes, trying to smother your smile. For the next few minutes, you went back and forth—Maple, Honey, Socks, Noodle—each name met with either laughter or exaggerated groans. The retriever seemed blissfully unaware of the weight of the conversation, happy just to be sandwiched between the two of you.
Finally, as you ran your fingers absentmindedly through her fur, lost in thought, you murmured, “...What about Daisy?”
Ellie glanced at you, then back at the dog, recognition flashing through her eyes. She stayed quiet for a moment, like she was testing it on her tongue. “...Daisy, huh?”
The retriever perked up at the sound of her maybe-name, tail wagging faster.
Ellie snorted. “Oh great, now she likes it.”
You grinned, looking at her hopefully. “So it’s settled?”
Ellie exhaled, scratching under the dog’s chin. “Yeah, fine. Daisy. Welcome home, I guess.”
Daisy wagged her tail so hard the couch shook, and you leaned over to kiss Ellie on the cheek. “Told you she’d win you over.”
Ellie groaned. “Don’t push it.”
The apartment smelled faintly of rain when Ellie pushed the door open, her boots dragging like anchors across the floorboards. The day clung to her like a second skin—grit in her hair, fatigue in her bones, the weight of everything she’d done and everything she hadn’t pressing down on her shoulders until she thought she might crumble right there in the doorway.
She didn’t even bother with the lights. She just let the door shut behind her with a dull thud and let her body carry her where it wanted to go. And of course, it carried her to you.
You were curled on the couch, a blanket cocooned around you and a book balanced in your hands, the lamp beside you spilling a soft golden light across your features. You looked up the second you heard her boots shuffle closer, and your smile was like a lighthouse beam cutting through fog—gentle, steady, impossible to miss.
Ellie let out a sound halfway between a sigh and a groan, tossing her bag somewhere in the vicinity of the wall, and made a straight line for you.
“Long day?” you murmured, already setting your book aside.
Ellie didn’t answer, not with words. Instead, she all but collapsed onto the couch beside you, melting into your side like she’d been carved to fit there. Her arms found their way around your waist with a clumsy sort of desperation, and she buried her face in your chest, breathing you in like you were oxygen after being held underwater too long.
“I wanna stay here forever,” she mumbled, voice muffled against your shirt.
You smoothed a hand through her hair, fingers combing through tangled strands, and felt her shiver under the touch. She was all rough edges out there, the sharp corners and armor she wore like second nature—but here, she came undone. Here, she folded herself into you like a weary soldier laying down arms.
“You’re exhausted,” you whispered, lips brushing the crown of her head.
Ellie hummed low in her throat, the sound vibrating against your sternum. “Mhm. Don’t care. I’m not moving.”
She was clingier than usual—her grip tightening every time you shifted, her legs tangling with yours like she was afraid you might slip away if she didn’t hold you close enough. Her weight pressed heavy against you, but not in a burdened way; in the way ivy clings to stone, steady and unrelenting, wrapping itself so deeply that it becomes part of the foundation.
“Ellie…” you teased gently, “you’re crushing me.”
“Nope,” she said without moving, voice soft and stubborn. “I’m charging. Like… plugging into you. You’re my outlet.”
You laughed, a sound that seemed to make her cling tighter. You cupped her jaw, tilting her face up just enough to see the exhaustion written across her features—the dark crescents beneath her eyes, the slackness of her mouth, the way even her freckles seemed tired.
“You could’ve just asked for a hug,” you murmured.
Ellie’s lips twitched, but her voice was almost childlike. “Not a hug. Need you. Whole thing.”
Ellie’s words—Need you. Whole thing.—hung in the air like something fragile, too precious to touch. You tilted her face up by the chin, and she blinked at you, lids heavy, eyes glazed with exhaustion but burning with something else beneath it.
You pressed the lightest kiss to the corner of her mouth, a whisper-soft thing, meant to soothe. But Ellie followed, chasing after your lips before you could pull back, capturing your mouth in a kiss that was needier, hungrier.
It was slow at first. A gentle brushing of lips, like the two of you were relearning each other’s shapes. But then her hand slid up your side, warm and trembling, and the kiss deepened. The exhaustion in her bones didn’t stop her from pouring everything she couldn’t put into words into the press of her lips against yours.
She murmured between kisses, breath hot against your skin.
“God, I need you…”
Another kiss, deeper this time, like she was drinking you in.
“Don’t even care about anything else right now…”
Her voice broke soft, desperate.
“Just—just you. Only you.”
Every word fell into your mouth like a secret, and you caught them all, answering with kisses that grew slower but no less intense. Your fingers curled into the back of her shirt, tugging her closer until your bodies were pressed flush together, her heartbeat hammering against yours.
Ellie sighed into your mouth, the sound almost a groan, almost a prayer, and tilted her head to kiss you deeper, teeth grazing your bottom lip in a way that made your breath stutter. She broke only to mouth at your jaw, your cheek, your neck—like she couldn’t decide which part of you she needed more.
Your hands threaded into her hair, tugging gently, and she made a noise low in her throat that had you dizzy.
The couch felt too small, too confined for the gravity pulling you both together. So when Ellie finally pulled back, breathless, her forehead pressed to yours, she whispered, “Bedroom?” in a voice that was half question, half plea.
You nodded, and that was all she needed. She stood, her hands finding yours to pull you up with her, and without letting go, she guided you down the short hallway.
The bedroom door clicked behind you, but in your haze you didn’t even hear it shut. All you could focus on was Ellie’s mouth, hot and insistent against yours, her hands braced firmly at your waist like she was anchoring herself to you. Every kiss was desperate, messy, like she’d been saving them all up for this exact moment and couldn’t waste a single one.
The two of you toppled onto the mattress in a tangle, laughter lost under the tangle of sighs and gasps. The sheets bunched beneath you, rustling as Ellie pressed her weight into you, her thigh wedged between yours in a way that made your whole body light up.
She kissed you like she was parched, drinking you in, swallowing every sound you gave her. Your shirt bunched in her hands, her knuckles grazing bare skin as she pushed higher and higher. Goosebumps broke across your stomach, your back arching instinctively into her touch.
Ellie’s breath stuttered, breaking the kiss just long enough to murmur, hoarse and urgent, “God, I need this—need you.” Her hand hooked at the hem of your shirt, tugging it up in one rough motion, her lips diving back to your neck like she couldn’t bear the distance.
You gasped, the world spinning, your pulse so loud in your ears it drowned out everything else. She had you—her weight, her mouth, her hands—and then—
She stopped.
Abruptly.
“Ellie…” your voice came out small, ragged with need. You tried to tug her back down, but her head had turned, her body gone stiff above yours. Her eyes weren’t on you anymore—they were looking past your shoulder.
And when you followed her gaze—
There she was.
Daisy.
Sitting perfectly centered in the half-open doorway like she’d staged the whole thing. Her big golden body was framed by the sliver of hallway light, her ears perked, her tongue hanging out in a goofy pant that looked suspiciously like a grin. Her tail thumped against the doorframe with steady, wagging rhythm—thump, thump, thump—like the world’s most inappropriate drumroll.
For three whole seconds, no one moved.
Then Ellie let out a strangled noise—half groan, half cry—and collapsed forward, burying her face against your chest. Her muffled words were equal parts agony and disbelief: “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
The image of Ellie, flustered and furious, forehead pressed against you while Daisy just sat there panting happily, broke you. A laugh burst out of your throat, bubbling up uncontrollably. You slapped a hand over your mouth, but it was useless—you were shaking with it, your chest vibrating under Ellie’s cheek.
“Stop laughing,” Ellie muttered, her voice muffled against your skin. “This isn’t funny.”
“It is funny,” you wheezed, fingers curling into her hair as you tried to calm yourself down. “She’s literally cockblocking you.”
Ellie lifted her head, glaring at Daisy like she could burn holes through her fur. Daisy tilted her head to the side, ears flopping, tongue lolling as if mocking her.
“Oh, she knows,” Ellie muttered darkly. “She’s doing this on purpose.”
You snorted so hard it made your stomach ache. “She’s a dog, Ellie.”
Ellie sat back on her heels, throwing her hands up. “A dog with an agenda. Look at her. She’s smug as hell.”
As if on cue, Daisy wagged harder, her tail thumping a little faster against the doorframe. You laughed so hard you had to curl on your side, covering your mouth, while Ellie raked a hand down her face.
“I swear to god,” she muttered, pointing an accusatory finger at Daisy, “I did not sign up for this when I brought you home. I knew you’d ruin my life.”
The room was still heavy with the lingering heat of what you’d almost had—the uneven breaths, the swollen lips, your shirt still rucked halfway up your chest. But now it was tangled up with laughter, the kind that left your ribs aching and your eyes watering.
A moment passed before Ellie sat up suddenly, a mischievous gleam cutting through her annoyance. You knew that look—it was the same one she got when she spotted an opportunity to cheat at cards or hustle someone in pool.
Without a word, she leaned over the nightstand, snatching the first thing her hand landed on: a pen. She held it up between two fingers, brandishing it like it was Excalibur, and then snapped her gaze to Daisy, who was still sitting there like the world’s happiest voyeur.
“Hey,” Ellie said, voice low and conspiratorial, like she was about to pull off the greatest heist in history. Daisy’s ears perked immediately, head tilting just a bit. Ellie wagged the pen dramatically, then pulled her arm back in a pitcher’s wind-up. “Go get it!”
Her hand snapped forward, but the pen never left her palm.
Daisy’s eyes followed the invisible arc like she’d seen it fly, her whole body lurching forward before she launched herself down the hallway at full speed—paws skittering, nails clicking, tail wagging furiously.
The sound of her bounding away echoed down the hall. For a moment, there was silence, and then—Ellie moved. Fast. She was on her feet, the door clicked shut, and the lock slid into place just as the faint patter of Daisy’s paws returned.
You both froze, listening.
There was a pause outside the door, followed by a single confused scratch. Then another. And then… silence, except for the faint whine of a very betrayed dog.
Ellie turned back toward you, triumph blazing in her green eyes like she’d just conquered Rome. She spread her arms wide, pen still clutched between her fingers. “And that,” she declared, chest heaving with victory, “is how you outsmart a cockblocker.”
You tried—tried so hard—not to laugh, but the image of Daisy’s baffled little face popped into your mind and your composure cracked. You burst into giggles, hiding your face in the pillow as Ellie dropped the pen onto the nightstand like she was sheathing her sword after battle.
“She’s going to hate you,” you managed between snorts.
“She already hated me,” Ellie countered, crawling back onto the bed, her grin wolfish now. “But guess what? I don’t care. Because we—” she hooked her arm around your waist, tugging you close until her mouth brushed yours again— “finally have some privacy.”
LATER THAT NIGHT…
Twilight stretched on like a thread pulled too tight, thin and threatening to snap. Hours ago, everything had been laughter and warmth—Ellie’s hands greedy against your skin, your breath soft against her neck, the both of you burning up like the world outside didn’t exist. But that version of the night had been stolen, traded in for this one: a hallway cloaked in shadows, a locked door, and the unrelenting sound of your body turning itself inside out.
Ellie’s shoulders pressed to the bathroom door like she could absorb some of your pain by osmosis, as if sheer willpower could bleed through wood and paint. Her eyes kept drifting to the slice of light that leaked across the floorboards, sterile and unwavering, like a spotlight meant to interrogate her helplessness.
The sound came again—wet, guttural, brutal in its honesty. You gagged, choked, and the toilet caught what you couldn’t hold. Ellie’s whole body seized. Her jaw clenched so tight the muscle ticked like a clock wound too far. She bit down on her thumb until the crescent of her teeth left angry red divots in her skin. A metallic tang of blood bloomed on her tongue, sharp and grounding, but not enough to dull the helpless panic running through her veins.
“Babe?” Her voice cracked, barely holding itself steady. She knocked lightly again, as if the door itself could bruise. “Talk to me. Please.”
There was a pause, broken only by your ragged inhale. “I’m fine,” you whispered hoarsely. Then almost immediately, the sound of you heaving again echoed, so violent it rattled straight down into her bones.
Ellie squeezed her eyes shut. “Fuck,” she hissed, forehead thunking lightly against the door. The wood was cool against her overheated skin. “You don’t sound fine.”
She wanted—needed—to be inside, kneeling beside you, holding your hair back, rubbing your spine in circles until the sickness eased. But she stayed put, because you’d locked her out. Because sometimes loving you meant listening when you said you needed space, even if that space was killing her to respect.
She slid down the door, spine curving until she was sitting on the floor, knees pulled up, head bowed. The bathroom fan droned on like a cruel metronome. Every retch was a punch to her gut, every silence between them a cliff she dangled off.
Then—soft and unexpected—something brushed against her shin.
Ellie blinked and glanced down, startled out of her spiral. Daisy stood there, golden coat dulled by shadow but eyes wide and liquid, gleaming like they were carved from the same light that spilled under the bathroom door. Without hesitation, the dog pressed her nose into Ellie’s leg, insistent but tender, and leaned her full weight into her as if to say you don’t have to hold this alone.
Ellie’s throat tightened. “Hey,” she murmured, her voice frayed around the edges. “Shouldn’t you be asleep, stupid?”
Daisy tilted her head, then did something so absurd it almost broke Ellie: she wrapped her front paws clumsily around Ellie’s thigh and held on. It wasn’t graceful. It wasn’t even practical. But it was stubborn, an anchor in the form of a hug.
Ellie’s laugh came out shaky, a half-sob disguised as humor. “Jesus. You’re ridiculous, you know that?” Her hands found Daisy’s ears, scratching absently, her fingers tangling in the soft fur.
The golden retriever leaned harder into her, panting lightly, as though she knew exactly what Ellie needed and wasn’t going anywhere until she got it.
Ellie let her forehead drop against Daisy’s neck, the smell of dog fur grounding her more than she’d admit. “I’m supposed to take care of her,” she whispered into the fur, words splintering as they left her. “Not stand out here like—like some useless fucking—” Her voice cracked, tears she refused to name prickling at the corners of her eyes. She shut them tight, swallowed hard.
Inside the bathroom, you groaned softly, the sound thinned out by the door but still enough to make Ellie’s chest cave in. Her hand clenched into Daisy’s fur, clutching tight.
The dog licked her knuckles, slow and deliberate.
Ellie huffed out a breath that was half a laugh, half a cry. “Yeah,” she murmured, stroking Daisy’s ears again. “I know. I know. I just…fuck, I hate this.”
Daisy tilted her head up at her, calm and unbothered, tongue poking slightly out of her mouth like she was trying to smile her way through the tension. Ellie shook her head, chuckling wetly. “You’re supposed to be the dumb one in this house, you know that? Not the one keeping me together.”
Another retch echoed from the bathroom, and Ellie winced so hard her whole body curled in on itself. She was trembling, she realized, hands shaking even as she pet Daisy, trying to give comfort when she was the one unraveling.
The golden retriever pressed her nose more firmly against Ellie’s leg, then gave a small huff of breath, like settle down, I’ve got you.
Ellie exhaled a laugh, ragged and soft, then let her back press into the door once more, sliding lower until she was almost lying flat on the hardwood. Daisy flopped down beside her, warm body a steady line against her hip.
And so Ellie stayed, one hand on Daisy’s fur, the other curled into a fist against the wood of the bathroom door. Waiting. Listening. Loving you in the only way she could right now—through patience, through presence, through the vow that she wasn’t going anywhere, not tonight, not ever.
PRESENT DAY.
The hallway stretched out like it was designed to test patience—long, sterile, blinding under the buzzing fluorescent lights that made Ellie’s temples throb. She walked stiffly, jaw locked, the muscle ticking there with every step. Her hands were buried in her jacket pockets, fists balled so tight she could feel her nails bite into her palms. The smell of disinfectant clung to everything—sharp, chemical, invasive—and it only stoked the restless fire in her chest.
Beside her, the nursing student all but wilted under the weight of her presence. Clipboard clutched to their chest, they walked too fast, then slowed down suddenly as if afraid to outpace her. Ellie’s green eyes flicked sideways every so often, a deliberate, razor-edged side-eye that made them flinch each time. She could practically hear their heart hammering in the silence.
“Uh, i-it’s, um… just d-down this hallway, ma’am,” they stammered, voice wobbling like a poorly tuned guitar string.
Ellie’s brow arched. “Ma’am?” she muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes so hard it was a miracle they didn’t stick. She didn’t bother correcting them—didn’t even bother hiding the way her irritation bled off her in waves. The kid was practically vibrating, sneakers squeaking against the linoleum as if trying to keep tempo with their nerves.
When they reached the door, the poor thing nearly dropped the clipboard fumbling for the handle. Ellie’s stare pinned them in place, sharp and cutting, and for a second the air between them felt like a live wire. She exhaled, long and slow, a puff of frustration that fogged the cold edge of her anger.
But then—
The door cracked open, hinges whining, and she stepped inside.
The sight of you hit her like someone had yanked the floor out from under her.
There you were, propped up in the hospital bed, the thin blanket tucked around you like a half-hearted shield. The gown hung loose on your frame, the pale blue making your skin look almost ghostly in the too-bright light. The IV line snaked from the crook of your arm, the bag above you swaying slightly in the draft of the vent. It should have been just another hospital scene—clinical, sterile, forgettable. But with you in it, it was devastating.
Her whole body softened in an instant. The storm she’d carried down the hall evaporated like mist in sunlight.
“Jesus Christ…” she whispered before she could stop herself, the words breaking apart in the back of her throat.
Your head turned, and the moment your eyes found hers, the exhaustion there was eclipsed by something small, warm, familiar. You smiled—tired, yes, but real—and it cracked her wide open.
Ellie crossed the space in seconds, boots thudding against the tile like her body refused to waste another second not being near you. She dropped down at your side, one hand gripping the edge of the mattress like it might try to float away from her if she let go.
Up close, you looked even smaller, swallowed by blankets and tubes and pale light. She wanted to scream at the world for putting you here, for making you look like that. Instead, her fingers twitched until they found the outline of your leg through the blanket, a cautious brush like she was testing whether you were really tangible.
“You scared the shit out of me,” Ellie rasped, her voice raw, like it had been dragged over gravel.
Her eyes roamed frantically over you, taking in everything—the pallor of your cheeks, the tired slump of your shoulders, the way your chest rose and fell too slowly for her liking. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed hard, and she leaned forward, elbows planted on her knees like if she got any closer she’d climb right into the bed with you.
For once, she didn’t care if she looked soft. Didn’t care if her voice cracked or if her face betrayed everything she usually tried so hard to keep bottled up. Because sitting there in a hospital gown, tethered to a drip, you were the only thing that mattered.
Ellie reached up, fingers hovering just shy of your wrist, careful of the IV line. Finally, she laid her hand over yours—gentle, grounding, like she was terrified of breaking you.
Ellie’s thumb brushed over your knuckles, tentative, as though she were still convincing herself you were warm and real. Her green eyes searched your face, desperate for any sign beyond the obvious, for something solid to anchor her.
“You’re okay?” she asked finally, her voice soft but urgent, every syllable strung tight like a bowstring.
You gave a small nod, lips curling into a faint smile that was half reassurance, half exhaustion. “Yeah. They’re just… keeping me here for a few more hours of observation. Just to make sure everything’s all set.”
The words settled over her like a balm, not enough to erase the ache in her chest but enough to let her breathe again. Ellie closed her eyes for a second, exhaling a heavy sigh that came out shaky at the edges, the kind of sound that carried both relief and the memory of fear. When she opened them again, the storm in her gaze had cleared into something softer, steady, and almost reverent.
Her hand slid fully over yours, fingers weaving between yours with a kind of practiced intimacy that came from years of knowing exactly where each other fit. The warmth of her palm was grounding, a tether that pulled you back from the sharp edge of the day.
As her grip tightened, the fluorescent light overhead caught on the ring hugging your finger. A simple silver band with a diamond, understated but luminous, it flashed with every small shift of your hand. The sight made her chest squeeze; it wasn’t new to her, but in this moment, under the sterile light of a hospital room, it seemed to burn brighter, like a declaration no circumstance could dull.
Ellie’s gaze lingered there for just a moment, her thumb grazing the band before she looked back up at you. The audience wouldn’t need words to understand—after everything, the two of you had crossed into forever.
“Good,” she murmured, leaning closer so her forehead nearly brushed yours. “That’s good.”
You caught the way Ellie’s eyes lingered on your hand, the way her thumb ghosted over the band like she was memorizing the texture of it all over again. Her stare wasn’t sharp—it was quiet, almost reverent, like she was standing in front of something holy.
A smile tugged at the corners of your lips, and for a moment you forgot the wires taped to your skin, the slow drip of the IV. All you could think of was the weight of her gaze, heavy with memory.
“What?” you asked, voice soft but teasing, the ghost of a laugh in your chest.
Ellie didn’t answer right away. She only blinked, dragging her eyes up to yours with a small shrug that failed to mask the redness threatening at the edges of her eyes. You followed her glance back down to the glint of silver on your finger.
And suddenly, your breath hitched. You remembered.
The memory slipped in like a tide, pulling you backward into it—
—It had been Ellie’s idea—a “stupid little hike,” she called it, though you’d seen the way her mouth twitched nervously every time you teased her about the effort she was putting in. She’d been strangely insistent on this one trail, the one that wound out past Jackson, where the pines gave way to an open meadow. You’d argued, half-serious, that you didn’t have the stamina for her “shady cardio schemes,” but Ellie had promised to take it slow, to carry whatever you couldn’t.
And she did. Every time you paused to catch your breath, she filled the silence with chatter—half-jokes about rocks shaped like sad faces, half-rants about how Joel once called this stretch of woods “romantic” (which she’d mocked endlessly), and half-sweet comments she thought you didn’t notice, like how the sun looked better reflecting off your hair than it did the trees.
By the time you reached the ridge, the sky was bleeding into twilight, all streaked purples and honey-gold, the kind of sky that made you feel like the whole world had slowed down just for you two.
And then you saw it.
Spread below the ridge was a meadow, wild and unruly, dotted with splashes of white and yellow—daisies. Dozens, maybe hundreds, their petals glowing faintly in the low light like lanterns scattered in the grass. You’d laughed when you realized what you were looking at, a breathless sound carried off by the breeze.
“Ellie,” you had said, tugging her hand, “you dragged me all the way out here for flowers?”
She’d smirked, but it looked nervous, her thumb twitching against your palm. “Not just flowers,” she said softly, like she was trying to convince herself, too.
You hadn’t noticed at first—how tense she was, how quiet. Your gaze was too caught on the field below, the way the daisies swayed like a sea with every gust of wind. You thought about telling her that it reminded you of when you were younger, about afternoons spent braiding crowns from weeds and blossoms, but before you could speak—she moved.
Ellie had pulled her hand from yours, and when you turned, she was already dropping to her knees in the dirt.
Your heart had lurched into your throat.
She was fumbling in her jacket pocket, muttering something under her breath that you couldn’t catch, and then she was holding it—her palm open, trembling, a tiny band resting there. It wasn’t flashy or store-bought. The silver was a little scratched, imperfect. But nestled against the dusky backdrop, it gleamed like it had swallowed the last of the sunlight.
“Don’t freak out,” she blurted, her voice just as shaky as her hands. “Please, just—don’t freak out.”
You could only stare.
Ellie licked her lips, exhaled hard, and finally looked at you. And it was like the whole world narrowed to just her—the freckles darkened by the fading light, the stubborn scar at her brow, her green eyes blown wide with fear and love all tangled together.
“I don’t have some big speech,” she started, rushing the words before she could lose them. “I know I should, but—fuck, you know me. I’m not… I’m not good at that. I just—” She faltered, her voice catching, and you swore you saw her eyes glisten. “I know I don’t want a world without you in it. Not for a day. Not for a second. You’re it for me. You’ve always been it.”
Her throat bobbed. She swallowed.
“So…” Ellie’s fingers tightened around the ring box like it was keeping her together. “Will you marry me?”
The daisies swayed below, whispering in the wind, and for a moment you couldn’t breathe. Your chest ached with how much love was pressing against your ribs, begging to spill out.
You remembered the sound of your own laugh then—raw, wet, disbelieving. Your hands shot up to cover your mouth, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes before you could stop them.
Ellie’s panic had flared immediately. “Shit, are you crying? That’s bad, right? Fuck, this was stupid—”
“Yes,” you interrupted, the word tearing out of you like a prayer. Your knees hit the dirt, your hands reaching for hers, clumsy with urgency. “Yes, Ellie. Yes, of course, yes—”
She froze, stunned, like her brain had short-circuited. “Wait. Yes? You mean—yes, yes?”
“Yes,” you laughed, shaking your head wildly, tears streaking your face. “I mean yes, yes, yes—”
Her jaw had gone slack, and then her grin—her grin had split her face open like sunlight, wide and toothy and unguarded. She’d laughed, half-relieved, half-overwhelmed, as you let her slip the ring onto your finger.
The second it slid into place, you threw your arms around her, pulling her in so tight she nearly toppled backwards. She clutched you just as desperately, her face buried in your neck, laughter and little hiccuping sobs tangling between you.
When she finally pulled back, her hands were cradling your face, her thumbs brushing your wet cheeks. “You’re stuck with me now,” she whispered, so soft it barely carried over the wind.
“Good,” you whispered back, voice raw. “That’s exactly what I want.”
And when she kissed you—hungry and shaking and full of everything words couldn’t carry—the daisies bowed in the breeze, as though even the earth itself had bent to witness the two of you choosing each other forever.
Back in the hospital, the flash of memory cracked apart like glass, leaving your heart aching in the best possible way. The ring still gleamed on your finger, just as it had that night.
And Ellie, still holding your hand like she couldn’t let go. She hadn’t stopped staring at your hand. More specifically, at the ring glinting on your finger. When she finally looked up, her mouth curved in that crooked half-smile that always gave her away.
“You cried like a baby that day,” she said, voice low, teasing.
Your laugh came out soft, breathless. “I did not.”
“You totally did,” Ellie insisted, leaning back in her chair just enough to raise a brow at you. “Like, full-on ugly tears. Sniffling, gasping, nose-red kind of crying.”
You scoffed, tugging your hand from hers just to swat weakly at her shoulder. “Shut up, you were crying too.”
She blinked, her smirk faltering, then admitted it with a shrug. “Okay, yeah. But mine was cool and mysterious crying. Yours was, like… puffy-eyed toddler crying.”
“Ellie.” You narrowed your eyes, but the corners of your lips betrayed you, pulling upward despite yourself. “You were shaking so bad you nearly dropped the ring in the dirt.”
Her ears went pink, and she bit the inside of her cheek, caught. “…Maybe. Doesn’t matter. You said yes anyway.”
There it was. The humor slipped under her words like sunlight behind a cloud, warm but edged with shadow. You felt it settle in your chest—that familiar ache, that undercurrent that no amount of joking could fully drown out.
“Of course I said yes,” you whispered, your voice softening as you squeezed her hand again. The IV tugged uncomfortably at your arm, a reminder of where you were, of why she’d rushed here in the first place. “There was never a world where I wouldn’t.”
Ellie looked at you then—really looked at you—and her smile cracked open into something rawer. She lifted your hand and pressed her lips against your knuckles, lingering there as if trying to memorize the shape of you, the warmth of you, as though the ring wasn’t enough proof you were hers.
“You better not scare me like this again,” she murmured against your skin. Her tone was light, but the way her thumb trembled against your hand told the truth.
You swallowed hard, throat tight. The monitor kept beeping its steady rhythm, the sound a fragile anchor in the quiet. “I’ll try,” you said with a little smile, though you both knew trying wasn’t always enough.
Ellie leaned back just enough to see your face, her eyes searching, tracing, drinking you in like she couldn’t quite believe you were here, whole and breathing. Then, finally, she exhaled, the tension in her chest loosening just enough to let a faint grin return.
“Still cried like a baby, though,” she muttered, breaking the heaviness with a smirk.
You laughed, shaking your head. “And you still proposed like a disaster.”
Her grin widened, crooked and stubborn, but the hand holding yours never let go. And it never would.
The scene cut like a jump in a reel: from the dim hush of your hospital room to the sterile brightness of the hospital’s gift shop. The air smelled faintly of plastic wrapping and faint perfume sprays, all the bouquets lined up in stiff buckets against the wall, their colors too cheerful for the place they lived in.
Ellie stood in the middle of it all, hands jammed deep into the pockets of her hoodie, looking about as out of place as a wolf in a candy store. She scowled at the flowers as though they’d personally offended her.
There were roses—too formal. Lilies—too funeral. Carnations—she wrinkled her nose. Then her eyes caught on a small, shy cluster of daisies tucked in between louder blooms. Their white petals looked like little suns, simple and unpretentious, and something in her chest loosened.
“Of course,” she muttered to herself, almost rolling her eyes at how obvious it was. “You’d pick the damn daisies.”
The clerk behind the counter glanced at her nervously as Ellie awkwardly tugged the bouquet from its bucket, nearly knocking a few others over in the process. She righted them with one hand, ears going pink as she muttered a rough, “Sorry.”
“Gift for someone?” the clerk asked gently, trying to fill the silence.
Ellie shot him a look, sharp enough to make him stiffen. “What’s it look like?” Then she softened a fraction, guilt flashing across her face. “Yeah. For—uh. My fiancée.” The word felt strange on her tongue, like it hadn’t quite settled into her vocabulary yet. But saying it made her chest feel warm, too, like the sound itself was enough to steady her.
The clerk smiled, rang her up without another word. Ellie slapped a few bills on the counter, not even waiting for change before she grabbed the daisies and shoved her way back toward the hall.
By the time she hit the elevator, the scowl had slipped off her face, leaving only the truth beneath it: the way her fingers curled too tightly around the bouquet, as though holding it wrong would break the fragile stems. She leaned back against the elevator wall, eyes closing for a second, the cool metal biting at her shoulders.
When the doors opened, she straightened, adjusting her grip on the bouquet, and headed back upstairs.
Because if you were going to be stuck in a place like this, the least she could do was bring you a little piece of the world you loved.
Ellie’s boots clicked softly against the hospital floor as she walked, bouquet in hand, and for a fleeting second, it almost felt normal. The smell of antiseptic lingered sharp in her nose, but the daisies in her palm cut through it with their faint sweetness, grounding her. They were simple flowers, not extravagant, not showy—just soft white petals and golden centers, humble and honest. They looked like you. They felt like you.
She imagined the scene before her like a film reel she had already watched a hundred times in her mind: she’d walk in, you’d look up from whatever boring daytime TV they had you watching, your lips would curve into that grin that always cracked her ribcage open, and you’d tease her for being predictable. “Daisies, huh? On brand, Williams.”
That was the reel in her head.
But then reality tore it apart.
Two nurses came sprinting past her, the urgency in their steps sharp enough to cut through her haze of thought. Ellie froze mid-step, stomach hollowing out, before her brain caught up with her body. They weren’t just sprinting anywhere. They were sprinting there. Toward your room.
The bouquet slipped slightly in her grip, petals folding under the sudden force of her hand as she clutched them like a lifeline. Her throat tightened. The hallway around her blurred, tunneled, as if the walls were closing in, as if the fluorescent lights above were glaring just at her.
Her chest seized. No air. Just dread.
And then she was running.
The bouquet battered against her thigh with every frantic step, stems bruising, petals scattering. She could feel her pulse in her teeth, her ears, every inch of her body screaming go, go, go. By the time she reached the door, the nurses had already disappeared inside, swallowed up by chaos.
She shoved herself through the gap just before it closed.
“Ma’am, you can’t be here—” a nurse’s voice snapped, sharp like a whip.
Ellie didn’t even look at her.
Because there you were.
And nothing in her life had ever hurt like seeing you like that.
You were small against the bed, the patient gown hanging too loose on your body, wires and tubes snaking around you like cruel restraints. Your face was so pale it looked drained of all its warmth, as if someone had taken the sun out of you. The heart monitor beside your bed was screaming, a shrill alarm cutting through the room, the jagged green line spiking and dipping like a storm-tossed sea.
Her heart plummeted straight to the floor.
She felt her knees weaken, like her body was considering collapse, betrayal under the weight of her fear.
“No… no, no, no, no…” The words came out strangled, broken shards of sound. Her throat burned. She didn’t even realize she was moving closer, shouldering past a nurse’s outstretched arm until she was almost at the foot of the bed. She couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think.
The voices around her blurred together—
“—she’s tachycardic—”
“—possible arrest, grab the crash cart—”
“—start prepping—”
Ellie’s brain couldn’t translate any of it. The only language she knew was you. And right now, you looked like you were slipping through her fingers.
Her hand shook violently around the bouquet, stems snapping beneath her grip, petals tearing like paper. The daisies—the little symbol of everything good, everything you—were being crushed in her fist, ruined in her desperation.
She wanted to scream. She wanted to tear the machines away, to beg you to just look at her, to remember that you promised forever, that she promised she’d never let anything happen to you. She wanted to bargain with every god she never believed in. Take anything, take everything, just not her.
But her mouth only formed broken syllables. “Baby… please… please, no…”
She thought about the ring on your finger—the way it had caught the hospital light earlier, glinting like proof that the world could still be kind. She thought about daisies scattered across the ground the night she proposed, how you laughed and cried all at once. She thought about Daisy, your dog, sleeping back home, blissfully unaware that her namesake might be ripped away.
The monitor shrieked again, louder, higher. The nurses swarmed, their scrubs blurring in her vision. One reached for a tray. Another barked something about epinephrine. The beeps turned jagged, erratic, like the sound of her world fracturing into pieces.
Ellie couldn’t move. Her legs might as well have been cement. All she could do was stare, tears flooding so hot and fast that they blurred everything, dripping onto the broken bouquet in her hands. Her chest ached with every beat, a brutal reminder that hers was still working while yours threatened to give out.
And she realized, with the kind of clarity that split her open from the inside: daisies weren’t enough. Her hands weren’t enough. Nothing would ever be enough if it meant losing you.
So she stood there, sobbing silent, shaking like the world itself was ending—because for her, it was.
Because if you slipped away now, nothing would ever bring her back either.
A sharp, serrated gasp tore through the room—thin, wheezing, as though your lungs had forgotten how to be lungs.
Ellie froze, heart jackhammering so violently it hurt, her head whipping toward you. Your body shifted weakly against the mattress, trembling, and your hand… your hand tried to lift. It barely made it an inch, shaking violently under the strain, but the intent was unmistakable. That silent plea: Ellie, come here.
The flowers fell from her hands, stems snapping as they scattered across the floor. White petals floated down like snow in slow motion, like some cruel parody of the daisies you loved. Ellie didn’t feel the fall of them. Didn’t even hear the crash of glass against tile. She was already moving, shoving past the nurses, eyes burning tunnels into you.
Her knees nearly buckled as she reached the bedside. She grabbed your hand with both of hers, clutching it like she could tether you to this plane of existence. Your skin was icy, your pulse a faint stutter beneath her thumb. She pressed frantic kisses across your knuckles, over the glinting ring, as though she could breathe life back into you by sheer will.
Your eyelids fluttered, heavy, your gaze struggling to meet hers. But when it did—when those glassy, drowning eyes locked onto Ellie’s—time split in two. Nurses’ voices blurred into static. Machines wailed, their jagged alarms clawing at the edges of her mind. But none of it mattered. All that mattered was you.
And then—God—your lips curved. Just barely. A trembling shadow of a smile, fighting its way through agony. It shattered Ellie to pieces.
“Els…” The word scraped out of you like gravel dragged across glass. Your voice cracked halfway through, breaking apart, your throat seizing as another cough ripped from you. You choked, your whole body shaking under the force, and Ellie felt her insides collapse.
“I—I love—” another wrenching cough cut you off, your hand twitching violently in hers. Tears streamed down your cheeks, pooling beneath your jaw as you gasped for air. Still, you tried again, voice shredded and trembling. “I… l-love you, Els.”
It was half-swallowed by pain, but Ellie heard it, and it caved her chest in. She bent over your hand, sobbing into your skin, her tears hot against your cold fingers. “Don’t—don’t talk like that, baby. Please. You’re fine, you’re okay. Just hold on. Please.”
Your head moved weakly side to side, barely a shake, but it gutted her. Your lips quivered, your throat working furiously as though your body was betraying you, denying you breath. Then, with every ounce of what little strength remained, you forced out one more sentence, fractured, broken in pieces:
“You… you c-complete…” Your voice cracked, faltered, your chest hitching violently. Another choked gasp. Another cough that sounded like it ripped your lungs raw. “…me, Els.”
The words splintered in the air between you, so small, so fragile—but they struck Ellie like a war drum. Her sob caught like a snare in her chest, her tears dripping onto the ring that still glinted defiantly under the hospital lights.
“No—no, don’t you fucking dare say that like it’s the last time,” Ellie pleaded, her voice wrecked, desperation ripping her throat to shreds. She leaned so close her forehead pressed against yours, her tears smearing across your temple. “You’re not going anywhere. Do you hear me? You’re mine. You’re mine, and I need you. I need you like air, like blood, like—I can’t—I can’t live without you.”
Your breathing stuttered violently beneath the words, jagged little gasps slipping through your lips like glass shards. Tears welled in your eyes again, spilling hot, unchecked, your body too weak to even wipe them away.
Still, your gaze held hers. So soft, so unwavering despite the storm tearing through you. And in those blurred, watery seconds, Ellie knew—you were trying to memorize her. Her face. Her freckles. Her tears. Her soul.
The monitor screamed again, jagged spikes painting terror in green across the screen. The nurses’ voices rose in urgent unison, a tangle of commands and clipped medical jargon. But Ellie didn’t flinch. She didn’t move. She couldn’t.
Her world was right here, in your trembling hand wrapped weakly inside her own, in the faint press of your knuckles against her lips, in the desperate flicker of your smile through tears.
“Stay with me,” she begged, voice breaking into a sob so deep it echoed in her bones. “Please, stay. Please, don’t leave me. I’ll do anything, anything you want, just—just don’t let go.”
Your lips parted, a final tremor of sound caught between a gasp and a whisper. “Els…” You coughed sharply, violently, your whole body convulsing for air. “…p-promise me…” The last word cracked, splitting apart as tears poured freely down your face. “…don’t f-forget me.”
Ellie’s scream lodged in her chest. She collapsed further against you, kissing your damp temple, your knuckles, every inch she could reach. “Never,” she sobbed. “Never, never, I swear, you hear me? You’re in my blood. You’re in my bones. You’re in everything. You’re not leaving me. Not now, not ever.”
The ring caught the light once more between you, glinting like a cruel reminder—of the promise, of the life you’d sworn to build, of the daisies, of everything teetering on the edge of loss.
Your lips trembled, forcing air into words that were thinner than smoke. “Els…” Your throat worked, swallowing around the pain, your breaths jagged. “…say h-hi… to Daisy… f-for me.” Another cough ripped through, shaking your chest, your hand spasming weakly in hers. Your eyes welled again, a watery little smile tugging faintly at your lips. “…tell her… n-not to pee… on the carpet… again.”
The laugh Ellie gave was not a laugh at all. It was a strangled sob, ripped from her lungs like a piece of her soul. Tears fell in torrents down her cheeks, soaking into the hand she held so tight it was as though she could fuse her flesh to yours. She bent her head against your knuckles, shaking, her whole body wracked with grief.
“God, baby—why would you… why would you say that?” she whimpered, voice splintered. “You’ll tell her yourself. You will. You’ll walk in the door and Daisy’ll jump all over you and—and you’ll laugh and yell at her for getting your clothes dirty and—” her breath broke, trembling into the shape of a sob, “—you’ll tell her yourself, I swear it.”
But the machines disagreed.
The monitor shrieked, shrill and merciless, and the nurses surged forward. A wall of bodies in scrubs, sharp commands cutting the air like bullets. “We need space! Move her!”
Hands clamped around Ellie’s arms, wrenching her back. She fought like a wounded animal, thrashing so violently that one nurse grunted in pain from her elbow. “NO! I’M NOT LEAVING HER!” Ellie screamed, the words rasping from her throat until they were raw, until they tasted like copper.
Her grip on your hand faltered as more hands tore at her, dragging her back inch by inch. She clawed at the sheets, at the bed rail, at anything to anchor herself to you. Your fingers slipped, knuckle by knuckle, until only your pinky clung desperately to hers.
Then nothing.
Ellie’s scream broke the ceiling. It ripped the sterile air to shreds, guttural and cracked and wholly inhuman, the kind of scream born from something deeper than lungs, deeper than voice. Nurses struggled to contain her, two at her arms and one at her waist, but she thrashed with a strength that came from raw panic, her boots kicking the tiles, teeth bared in grief.
“DON’T TAKE ME! LET ME GO—I NEED HER!” she bellowed, spitting fire and tears alike.
And because they were so occupied restraining her, because Ellie refused to give up an inch of ground, only three doctors made it to your side. Just three pairs of hands working frantically over your body. Just three voices barking orders into the void.
The heart monitor began to falter, the jagged green line stumbling across the screen. Beep. Beep. Beep—
Ellie’s chest heaved, the sound of her own sobs drowning in the storm of commands and rattling instruments. She strained against the iron hold of the nurses, her neck stretched so she could keep her eyes on you, always on you. “Y/N! BABY! Please, I’m right here! Don’t let go, don’t—”
And then silence.
The heart monitor flatlined into one single, unbroken tone.
It pierced the room like a blade, sharp and merciless, a sound that seemed to slice Ellie’s very spine in two. Her knees buckled under her, her body folding as if someone had punched the life out of her. The nurses barely held her upright as she let out a cry so ragged it tore at the walls.
“NO! NO, NO, NO, BRING HER BACK! DO SOMETHING!” she shrieked, her voice cracking, breaking apart, shattering into jagged edges. Her face was soaked in tears, her skin blotchy and red, her lips trembling so hard she could barely form the words. “You can’t—she can’t—she’s my everything, please!”
She lunged again, feral, breaking half free from their grip, reaching for you as if sheer willpower could restart your heart. Her fingertips brushed the sheets, the faintest whisper of contact—before she was yanked back again, screaming and kicking like the world itself had betrayed her.
Her eyes never left your face. The sight of you lying still, gown wrinkled, lashes wet from tears that would never fall again—it carved itself into her memory with brutal permanence.
And all around her, the silence stretched—broken only by the long, merciless drone of the monitor, the single sound of finality.
Flatline.
THREE YEARS LATER.
The world had no right to be this bright.
Ellie squinted against it, a frown pulling at her mouth as the sky stretched wide and blue above her, not a single cloud in sight. The sun hung there like it had been forged to mock her, spilling golden light over cracked pavement, bouncing sharp off the glass windows of passing storefronts. The air was warm, buzzing faintly with cicadas and laughter from strangers, with the clatter of dishes in open patios. A perfect day.
The kind of day you would’ve loved.
The kind of day you would’ve dragged her outside for, saying it would be a crime to waste sunshine this soft, this honey-sweet. She could almost hear you now—teasing her for being stubborn, calling her a vampire for squinting at the light. You’d tilt your chin up toward the sky and tell her, like it was some kind of secret, “It feels like the sun’s kissing us, Els.”
Now, Ellie only felt burned.
Ellie’s hands tightened inside her jacket pockets. Jacket—thick, heavy, suffocating. It was too hot for it, sweat prickled at the back of her neck, but she refused to shed it. The weight of fabric was easier to deal with than the weight of remembering.
Anything to dull the sharp edge of this unrelenting day.
But nothing dulled that.
The silver band on her left hand.
It caught the sunlight with every step, winking cruelly when her fingers shifted on Daisy’s leash. Simple, plain, perfect—the same ring she’d slipped on your finger in a field of daisies three years and a lifetime ago. She wore it still, defiantly, in the spot it belonged. It wasn’t just jewellery; it was tether, it was anchor, it was wound. She caught strangers’ eyes lingering on it sometimes, a flash of pity or curiosity flickering across their faces when they noticed the ring without the bride. She never took it off.
Daisy trotted happily at her side, nails tapping the pavement, tail swishing in lazy arcs. Her ears perked every so often as though she still half-expected you to come around the corner, voice lilting with laughter, arms outstretched to scoop her up. The sight of her—still loyal, still warm—was a comfort Ellie clung to, and at the same time, a knife twisted deeper.
Because Daisy had been yours too.
And just like Ellie, she’d lost you.
Ellie’s lips pressed into a hard line, and she glanced up at the sun again with something close to hatred. The light was the same shade it had been that last morning with you. The same color that once drenched your hair, painted your skin with gold. The same brightness you’d loved to bask in.
It felt obscene now.
She pulled Daisy’s leash tighter when the dog veered toward a tree, urging her along, until they rounded the corner—and stopped dead.
There it was.
The fajita shack.
It hadn’t changed much. Red paint still peeled from the siding in ragged strips. The same crooked awning sagged lower than before, edges unraveling into thread. The chalkboard out front leaned lazily against the wall, its messy letters announcing: Today’s Special – 2-for-1 Chicken Fajitas!
The smell hit her like a blow.
Peppers, onions, sizzling meat. The tang of lime carried on warm air. It wrapped around her like memory, yanking her backward so fast she nearly stumbled.
You were there. She could see you so clearly—propped up on one of those cheap plastic chairs, chin resting in your hand, grinning wide with a smear of salsa you refused to wipe away. You’d laughed when she teased you, laughed harder when you stole from her plate, laughed loudest when she finally leaned over to kiss the taste of smoke and spice from your mouth.
The ring on her hand seemed to weigh ten times heavier.
Daisy tugged at the leash again, nails scraping impatiently, and when Ellie glanced down, the dog looked up at her with wide brown eyes. For a second—just a second—Ellie swore Daisy remembered too.
Her chest seized. Her boots stuck to the pavement. Every instinct told her to keep walking. To save herself from drowning in it again.
But the pull was too strong.
Her lips parted, the words falling into the heat between her teeth like she was trying to rationalize it:
“Wouldn’t hurt to check it out again.”
The words tasted like a lie.
She pushed the door open. The brass bell above it jingled cheerfully, and she stepped inside.
The smell was stronger, wrapping around her lungs until she couldn’t breathe. The low murmur of voices, the clatter of forks on cheap plates, the faint sizzle from the kitchen—it was all exactly the same. Too much the same.
Her hand twitched at her side, the ring flashing in the light like it knew where she was. Like it remembered too.
Ellie froze in the doorway. For a heartbeat, she saw you—spinning lazily on a counter stool, eyes lighting up when she finally walked in.
But the stool was empty.
They all were.
Her fingers twitched against the leash, the silver band flashing once in the light. Daisy sniffed at her boots, whining softly as if urging her to move.
Ellie sighed, the sound rough and jagged in her throat. Too much. She couldn’t do this. Not today. Not with the sun burning holes in her skin and memories clawing her apart. She turned toward the door, shoulders heavy, jaw set.
“Need anything?”
The voice stopped her cold.
For half a second she could’ve sworn it was you—your voice carried on the air, tugging her back into the living. But when she turned, reality greeted her instead.
Behind the counter stood a woman.
Dark hair fell over her shoulders, catching the glow of the overhead lights in a way that made it look almost silky. Her skin held the warmth of sun-kissed tones, her eyes round and kind but sharp enough to notice. She wasn’t smiling in the way people smile at strangers because they have to. No, this one was different—smaller, quieter, the kind of smile that made Ellie feel… seen, even if only for a heartbeat.
Ellie blinked. Once. Twice. Her throat worked around a reply, but her instinct was to retreat. To wave off the question, mutter no, thanks, and walk out before the smell of sizzling fajitas buried her alive in memories of the night you’d dragged her here on a whim.
She almost did. The word no sat at the tip of her tongue, sharp and defensive. But then—Daisy, damn dog—perked her ears at the sound of the woman’s voice.
And maybe it was that. Or maybe it was the ring pressing against her skin on her left hand, the metal hot from the sun, reminding her she was still tethered to something even if you were gone. Or maybe it was just bone-deep exhaustion, three years of grief grinding her down until the thought of rejecting someone’s simple kindness felt impossible.
So instead, Ellie forced herself to look up. Her voice was hoarse, but steady enough. “Yeah. Uh… sure.”
The woman’s smile widened, not dazzling, not forced—just genuine. The kind of smile that warmed rather than burned. She wiped her palms on a rag, stepped out from behind the counter, and picked up a menu.
Ellie sank into a booth before she could second-guess herself, the cracked vinyl sticking to her jeans, the table cool under her calloused palms. She felt… restless. Like she’d walked herself into a mistake, but too tired to crawl back out of it.
The woman came closer, her steps unhurried, balanced in a way that told Ellie she wasn’t nervous about the silence hanging between them. When she leaned forward to set the menu on the table, Ellie caught the faintest whiff of soap—lavender maybe, or something softer, mixed with coffee grounds and a hint of spice from the grill.
Ellie didn’t mean to look. But her eyes dropped anyway, catching on the small rectangle of plastic pinned to her shirt.
Dina.
The letters hit her chest like a punch and a caress all at once. Simple. Ordinary. Yet for reasons she couldn’t pin down, Ellie’s throat tightened, her breath stuttering against her ribs. She stared too long, she knew, but couldn’t drag her eyes away.
“Menu’s all yours,” Dina said softly, her voice carrying none of the pity Ellie had gotten used to. No careful tones. No hushed sympathy. Just… normal.
Ellie swallowed hard, her pulse hammering in her ears.
Normal.
She hadn’t felt that in years.
She tightened her hand around the leash, the silver band on her finger glinting beneath the fluorescent lights. Daisy huffed, tail brushing against her shin like a push.
Ellie let out a shaky breath, finally lifting her eyes to meet Dina’s.
“Uh… what d’you recommend?”
It was simple, clumsy. A filler question. But it pulled a small laugh out of Dina, and the sound rolled warm through Ellie’s chest like a sip of whiskey.
“Well,” Dina leaned against the table’s edge, tapping her finger thoughtfully against the menu, “the fajitas are kind of the star here. But personally? I’d go with the quesabirria tacos. Messy, but worth it.”
Ellie’s mouth twitched, not quite a smile, more like a reflex she couldn’t control. The way Dina said it—teasing, casual, like they’d known each other longer than thirty seconds—gnawed at her defenses.
Messy, huh? Figures,” Ellie muttered, her voice low but carrying a trace of amusement.
“Yeah,” Dina said, head tilting just slightly as her gaze flicked to Daisy, who was sprawled at Ellie’s feet, tail thumping against the tile. “Guessing you’re not afraid of a little mess.”
Ellie’s breath caught, chest tightening as though the words had an echo only she could hear. A mess—God, she’d been nothing but one for three years. She almost wanted to laugh at the irony, but her throat locked up. Instead, she busied herself with scratching Daisy’s head, avoiding Dina’s eyes.
“You could say that,” she murmured, words heavy, but Dina didn’t press.
There was something in the way Dina’s gaze softened—curiosity without intrusion, kindness without pity. It made Ellie uncomfortable and oddly… steady at the same time.
“So,” Dina said after a beat, shifting her weight, “what’ll it be? The safe bet, or the messy option?”
Ellie hesitated. For years, every choice had felt like a test she was destined to fail—eat or don’t eat, stay or leave, breathe or suffocate. And now here she was, staring at a menu, asked to pick between fajitas and tacos, and it felt bigger than it should.
Her eyes slipped to her left hand, the silver band catching the light. For a heartbeat, the air around her thickened—your voice in her memory, teasing her about always ordering the same damn thing, always playing it safe. “Come on, Els, live a little.”
Her chest ached. She let out a breath that trembled just barely, then looked back up at Dina.
“Messy,” Ellie said finally, the word a little shaky, but there.
Dina’s smile widened, not triumphant, not gloating—just warm, like sunrise after too many nights of rain.
“Good choice.”
Ellie sat stiffly, shoulders bunched as if she were bracing for impact. The menu Dina had set down lay untouched, words still swimming, but she kept her eyes fixed on it anyway, pretending to read. Her finger traced the laminated edge over and over until she realized she was doing it and forced her hand flat on the table.
Dina returned a few minutes later with a glass of water and a basket of chips, sliding them onto the table with easy grace. “On the house,” she said, flashing that same disarming smile. “Figured you and your girl could use a snack.”
At her feet, Daisy lifted her head at the word snack, ears pricking, tail drumming against the floor. Ellie huffed out a breath that might’ve been a laugh, if not for how brittle it sounded.
“She’s spoiled enough,” Ellie muttered, but still broke off a chip, letting Daisy crunch it between her teeth.
“Guess that makes two of you,” Dina teased lightly, before adding, softer, “She’s beautiful.”
Ellie glanced down at Daisy, who had laid her chin on Ellie’s boot, amber eyes content. A knot pulled tight in Ellie’s throat. She’d say the same thing. She’d say Daisy was beautiful. She always did.
“Yeah,” Ellie said after a long pause, her voice almost a whisper. “She is.”
The silence that followed wasn’t uncomfortable. Dina seemed to understand—like she wasn’t going to pry, wasn’t going to fill the air just to hear herself talk. Instead, she gave Ellie the space to breathe. It was unsettling, how much that small act mattered.
When the food came, the table filled with sizzling plates, the steam curling up in fragrant waves. The tacos were exactly as promised—oozing with melted cheese, dripping with broth that threatened to stain Ellie’s hands the second she touched them. She stared at them like they were some kind of puzzle.
“Best way to eat ’em,” Dina said, sliding a small bowl of consommé closer, “is to dip first, bite second. Don’t worry about looking pretty. No one ever does.”
Ellie raised a brow, smirk tugging faintly at her lips. “Yeah? You sayin’ I don’t look pretty?”
Dina grinned, eyes sparking. “I’m saying you’ll be covered in sauce in about two minutes, and I don’t want you blaming me for it.”
For the first time in a long, long while, Ellie let herself chuckle—low and quiet, but real. It slipped out before she could stop it, and the sound startled her. She hadn’t heard her own laughter in so long that it almost didn’t sound like hers.
She ate slowly, awkwardly at first, until the food distracted her enough that she forgot to be self-conscious. For a fleeting stretch of minutes, it was just Ellie, Daisy, and a stranger with kind eyes who didn’t expect anything of her except to exist in the moment.
But grief had a way of sneaking in, even through cracks of warmth. Halfway through her second taco, Ellie caught sight of the ring on her left hand again—silver dulled with time, the light catching just so. Her chest constricted. She could almost hear your voice, teasing her about sauce on her chin, reaching across the table to wipe it away with a napkin.
Her appetite faltered. She set the taco down carefully, fingers trembling.
“You okay?” Dina asked gently, noticing the shift. Not pushing, not intruding—just offering.
Ellie swallowed hard, throat burning as if she’d eaten glass. She opened her mouth, then closed it again, because how the hell could she explain? How could she tell this stranger that the tacos, the laughter, the sunlight—all of it—felt like betrayal?
“Yeah,” she muttered finally, voice hoarse. “Just… messy.”
Dina studied her for a moment, then nodded, accepting the answer without pressing further. That kindness—quiet, steady—hit Ellie harder than any question would have.
They sat in silence after that, Ellie picking at the edge of her plate, Dina occasionally checking on other customers but always returning to Ellie’s table with a smile that said she noticed without demanding. And slowly, ever so slowly, Ellie felt something loosen—not healed, not fixed, but less suffocating.
When she finally stood to leave, Daisy at her side, Ellie glanced back once. Dina was behind the counter again, laughing at something another customer said, her smile bright as the sun.
Ellie’s chest ached. She slipped her hands into her jacket pockets, thumb brushing against the wedding band that never left her finger. The guilt was sharp, but beneath it, hidden like a seed in dirt, was something else—something she wasn’t ready to name.
TWO MONTHS LATER...
The grass pressed cool against Ellie’s legs, damp enough to darken the fabric of her jeans. She didn’t care. She never cared when she came here. The little clearing was quiet except for the breeze stirring the branches, their leaves clattering together like hushed whispers. Daisy had long since flopped down beside her, tongue lolling, the rise and fall of her chest slow and steady against Ellie’s thigh.
Ellie picked at a patch of grass, twisting the blades between her fingers before tossing them aside. She swallowed hard, her voice coming out low and hesitant, as though she needed to test the air before letting the words leave her.
“So, uh… yeah. I’ve been doing okay, I guess. Some days better than others.” She chuckled weakly, but it came out hollow, like an echo that never found its source. “Yesterday, Daisy chased a squirrel up a tree and got stuck trying to climb after it. Can you imagine that? Her dumb paws slipping all over the bark. I had to scoop her up before she fell on her ass.” Ellie scratched Daisy’s head, receiving a lazy tail thump in return. “You would’ve laughed. You always laughed at the stupidest shit.”
Her gaze drifted skyward, squinting at how mercilessly bright the sun was. A glare she’d come to resent. “It’s been sunny. Too sunny, if you ask me. I hate it. Feels like the sky’s mocking me or something—like it doesn’t give a damn that you’re not here. And every time the light hits just right, I remember you. You in the morning, squinting through the blinds, always saying the sun was your alarm clock before I dragged you out of bed. You loved it. I… can’t stand it now.”
Ellie’s hand slipped to her knee, fingers twitching, restless. “I’ve been trying to keep busy. Fixing little things around the house, changing out the strings on my guitar, patching the fence in the backyard. Doesn’t matter. Everything feels… quiet. Like the whole place is holding its breath, waiting for you to come home and fill it again.”
Her voice cracked. She tried to clear her throat, to pull it back together, but the sound clung like barbed wire. “And when I do play guitar? It doesn’t sound the same. Feels like half the song is missing.”
Daisy whined, pressing her nose into Ellie’s leg, as if sensing her unease. Ellie stroked her fur absently, eyes locked on the stone in front of her. She reached out, brushing away a cluster of dead leaves caught at its base, her fingertips lingering against the cold surface.
“I still wear it, you know,” she whispered, lifting her hand slightly, the silver band catching a shard of sunlight. “Every day. Right where it belongs. Can’t bring myself to take it off. People notice sometimes—they look, and I can tell they wanna ask. But they don’t. Guess they’re too scared of the answer.”
She let out a sharp, uneven laugh, shaking her head. “Hell, I don’t even know what the answer is. I just know I can’t take it off. It’s you. And if I take it off, I’m scared of what that means.”
The silence stretched, thick and unbearable. Ellie filled it the only way she knew how—by talking, even if no one responded.
“You’d be proud of Daisy, though. She’s been keeping me going. She doesn’t let me skip her walks, no matter how much I wanna just stay in bed. She still hogs the covers. She still looks at me like I hung the moon, even though I’m barely keeping it together. Sometimes, when it’s dark, I swear she’s the only thing keeping me from… from falling apart completely.”
Her voice wavered, tears welling hot behind her eyes. She dropped her head, pressing her forehead into her hands, breathing hard through the ache that bloomed in her chest. “God, I miss you,” she whispered, her words breaking apart like glass shattering. “I miss you so fucking much.”
Ellie let the silence fall again, raw and merciless, before dragging her hand across the cool stone once more. Only then did the reveal sharpen into focus—the gravestone carved with your name, anchored deep into the earth.
You.
She tilted her head toward it, speaking so softly it barely rose above the rustle of leaves. “I.. I’ve met someone,” She swallowed, tugging at the torn thread of her pants. “She’s nice, works in that little fajita shack we used to go to..” Ellie leaned her head back with a trembled sigh, watery lashes shutting tight. “Real patient, you know? But I don’t... I—I don’t think I can let go of you just yet..”
Ellie let out a shaky breath, the kind that rattled through her ribs like broken glass, sharp and uneven. Her chest heaved, but no sound followed—just silence, thick and crushing, until even Daisy’s steady breathing seemed too loud. She sat there consumed, swallowed whole by her own thoughts. Every one of them began and ended with you. Every memory was a loop, a noose tightening around her heart.
Her trembling hand drifted toward the silver band clinging faithfully to her skin. For a long, suspended moment, she stared at it—the way it had dulled over the years, the way it still felt heavier than anything else she carried. With a deep inhale, she slid it from her left hand, her thumb hesitating as if it might burn her to let it go. Then, in a single trembling exhale, she slipped it onto her right.
The gesture was small. Simple. But to Ellie, it felt like moving mountains. Her entire body broke open around it. A sob tore through her throat, raw and unrelenting, and she doubled over, pressing her forehead to the ring like it was a holy relic, like your touch was still stored in the cool curve of the metal. Her tears streaked her skin, wetting the band as if anointing it with the weight of everything she’d never get to say.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered hoarsely, the words muffled against her trembling hand. “I’m so, so sorry. I don’t know how to do this without you.”
For a moment, there was nothing. Just the sound of her own grief, fractured and unsteady, filling the clearing.
And then—soft, fragile, improbable—a flash of movement. A butterfly, wings painted in delicate strokes of pale blue and white, drifted lazily into her orbit. Ellie blinked through her tears, dazed, as it circled Daisy. The dog lifted her head curiously, nose twitching, tail giving the faintest thump against the grass. The butterfly danced around Daisy’s ears, flitting like laughter in the air, before it changed course.
Ellie’s breath hitched as it hovered, close enough for her to feel the faint beat of its wings against the air. Then—gentle as a secret—it landed on the tip of her nose.
For a heartbeat, Ellie froze. Her lungs forgot how to work, her tears stilled, and all she could do was stare cross-eyed at this fragile thing resting so fearlessly against her. Something cracked inside her chest—not pain this time, but release. The tiniest piece of something she hadn’t felt in three years.
Her laugh stumbled out, uneven and broken, tangled in sobs. It shook through her, trembling, almost hysterical, but it was laughter nonetheless. A sound she hadn’t known she was capable of anymore. The butterfly clung stubbornly to her nose, as if refusing to be brushed away, and Ellie pressed her palm against her mouth, muffling her laugh like she was afraid to scare it off.
The ring gleamed faintly on her right hand as she lowered it, her tears still streaming but her chest loosening, just enough to breathe.
“Is that you?” she whispered, voice cracking but softer now. “Tellin’ me it’s okay? That I can… that I can keep going?”
The butterfly fluttered once, twice, before lifting off, weightless and free. It hovered in front of her face, catching the sunlight like a sliver of stained glass, then drifted up, up, and away into the blue. Ellie’s eyes followed until she couldn’t anymore, until all she saw was the endless sky—the same sky you used to love, the same one she used to hate.
For the first time, she didn’t.
Ellie sat there in the grass, Daisy pressed close to her side, the gravestone quiet but no longer suffocating. The ring was warm against her right hand now, not heavy, not binding—just present. A reminder, not a chain.
And though her tears hadn’t stopped, Ellie found herself breathing just a little easier, as if the world had finally loosened its grip around her throat. As if, somewhere in the rustling leaves and the fading whisper of wings, you had found a way to tell her what she needed most.
a/n: IT'S DONEE YAYYAYYAYYYYY,, i'm so sorry for not posting in literally a whole month, but hopefully this makes up for it <3 tbh i've never really tried to write something that's almost completely angst, but this may just be one of my most favourite works i've ever completed 🙂↕️ tysm to everyone who read this insanely long fic, your patience is SOSOSOSOOSOSOOOOOO APPRECIATED 🤍🤍🤍
you’ll never hear maki zen'in apologise, but you’ll hear the same excuse, over and over.
you, a normal, teenage girl. maki, a jujutsu sorcerer. both the same age, fast friends after an accident she saved you from.
friends? be serious.
it’s fine, it’s cool—friends can describe your relationship, sure.
“friends” can define seconds-too-long glances that you steal of each other. “friends” can define the jealousy she feels after you talk about boys at your school. “friends” can define the ache in your chest when she talks about the latest boy that confessed to her.
“friends” can define the feeling of adoration and protection she gives you.
so yeah, it’s not fair. you cry, but crying doesn’t erase the world’s unfairness, right?
maki cuts contact with you out of no where. you don’t hear about her for days. days turn to weeks, and weeks turn to a month. you recieve no messages, but there’s news reports. one of which mentions her school.
that’s not an update that you hoped for, but hope is a futile thing in this world, as you’ve come to learn.
so weeks turn to a month, and several more weeks follow. no contact.
no news reports.
your friendship—or whatever the hell you guys had—ended there.
there’s no “or so you thought,” to this; no contact meant its over.
and you did try texting. several missed calls piled up over the weeks, and messages upon messages. first messages every few hours on the first day. then every few days. then weekly. then once or twice a month.
its over. it well and truly is over.
it was hard to digest—it really was. but what could you do?
fuck, for all you know, she could be dead. and you’re out here moping over some one-sided love.
ah, there’s that word.
love.
they say that you never realise how much you love someone until you lose them. hm.
so with maki declared dead in your mind—but not yet your heart—you have to keep living.
oh, but what use or meaning is there to living, if not her?
what meaning is there to living, if not to see her? if not to touch her? if not to lull to her melodious laugh? if not to long for the next time you’ll meet her?
if not to love her?
you recall her once telling you, in the jujutsu world, they say that love is the most twisted curse of all.
and fuck, was she right.
thus, with the start of winter in late 2018, you had to bury your feelings for maki 6 feet under.
years pass by. the ache in your chest lessens significantly. the fog in your brain from missing her almost disappears. almost. your love for her shifts into grief.
after all, what is grief, if not love with no where to go?
you roam the streets of tokyo in the winter of 2028, just about ten years after you had to give up on her. bury your love in the exact same spot, this exact time of year, all those years ago.
maki zen’in was no longer breathing.
both of you died that day, but only one stopped breathing.
and hell, if you hadn’t considered death to see her again.
as you trudged through lightly falling snow and dirty, semi-melted sludge on the pathways, you stop dead in your tracks.
dark green hair. burn scars adorning every inch of her exposed skin. a tall-ish stature, one that stands with strength and confidence. a smile that you could never forget.
sure, it could be anybody.
but fuck, maki zen’in isn’t just anybody.
she’s not just anybody; she’s one person. but she’s everything.
you run towards her, without thinking. you slip forward, landing in the murky puddles of melted ice, right in front of her. she immediately turns to you, a seemingly stranger, asking if you’re okay and helping you up.
there’s no telling if the liquid running down your face was melting snow, or your tears.
it was maki.
and something cold touched your face, on her hand that was cupping your cheek.
a ring.
a wedding ring.
a man stood beside her, equally concerned. he was holding a handkerchief, offering it to maki to help wipe your hands.
it was over.
it was meant to be over.
all these years you spent longing for her. as a teenager, as a grown woman. ten years.
ten years, you tried to forget about her. but that brain fog, that memory of her that plagued your mind; that beautiful smile…
it was meant to be over.
oh, but it never began.
you excused yourself, running off. and slipping face-first, into an alleyway.
the world kept spinning, but yours stopped. dead in its tracks, stuck in place.
the world could stop, but this feeling… good luck with it.
now listening to . . . ᴍᴇʀʀʏ ᴄʜʀɪꜱᴛᴍᴀꜱ, ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ᴄᴀʟʟ
pairing: Jinx x fem!reader, modern au.
synopsis: The breakup was supposed to be final. Jinx is trying to move on, and so are you. Vi, on the other hand, has a plan: a snowy cabin getaway, some well-intentioned meddling, and maybe a quiet miracle if the universe cooperates. Neither of you knows what you’re really signing up for when you accept the invitation.
ᯓ ☘︎ lucky speaks: baby’s first time making graphics but this series is my treasure now so it deserved something special (..◜ᴗ◝..) layout inspo from the EXTREMELY talented @grotesquevi <33 dividers by @cursed-carmine !!
──ACT I : ᴘᴀᴛᴄʜᴏᴜʟɪ & ʟᴀᴠᴇɴᴅᴇʀ
You had broken up at the end of August.
It was a strange time to end something—too late to call it a summer breakup, too early for the seasonal loneliness people joked about. The windows were open, and the traffic murmured below while the cicadas buzzed. Somewhere down the block, someone was laughing too loudly, the sound drifting up through the heat like it had nowhere better to be. Jinx had spent most of the day on the living room floor, grease on her fingers, surrounded by half-built scraps and wire trimmings. She'd promised you you'd go out. Just for food, maybe drinks. Maybe even that movie you'd been talking about for weeks.
But one more adjustment turned into three, one test turned into five because of a little motor she couldn't get to run without burning out the coil, and the sun had already dipped behind the buildings before she even looked up, brain humming the way it always did when she was so close to figuring something out.
You had watched her for a long time before you spoke.
Jinx hadn't noticed at first. She was used to you orbiting her like that—quiet, patient, waiting for the right moment to interrupt. She was used to you leaning in doorframes, arms crossed, watching with that soft expression that always made her feel steadier, somehow. Like whatever she was building mattered more because you were there to see it. She knew you had been quieter, more withdrawn. She'd chalked it up to stress, to the world being too heavy lately, to the natural ebb and flow of long relationships. You had been together for years, after all. Long enough that your routines had fused into something seamless. Long enough that Jinx couldn't remember a version of the apartment that didn't have your things woven into it: your books stacked unevenly on the nightstand, your shoes by the door, your presence filling in the gaps that she didn't even know she'd left. It wasn't casual, nor was it experimental.
To Jinx, that was care.
She didn't say it out loud often, but she showed it in a thousand small, practical ways: letting you sleep while she stayed up late, fixing things before you noticed they were broken. Her work took up a lot of room in her life—too much, maybe—but it wasn't a replacement for you. It was just… part of her. The way her mind worked. The way she focused, disappeared into projects, surfaced hours later blinking and buzzing with energy.
She'd assumed you understood that.
Apparently, you had been unraveling quietly for months.
You had started feeling it in the small spaces first. In the way Jinx would promise you'd do something together "after this one thing," and then forget. In how plans became tentative. In how you were waiting for a future that never seemed to arrive—always promised in vague gestures, always postponed by another project, another late night, another just give me more time. You'd told yourself you were being dramatic. That this was just how long-term relationships worked. That wanting more didn't mean Jinx was giving less.
But the doubt had crept in anyway, like mold in the corners of your shared life. It sat with you when she stayed up all night working and forgot to come to bed. It followed you through the apartment when she nodded along to conversations she was only half-listening to. It gnawed at you during quiet dinners, during long pauses, during moments that should have felt reassuring but didn't.
You had started to feel like you were waiting.
Waiting for her to slow down.
Waiting for her to notice.
Waiting for proof that all of this was going somewhere and not just looping endlessly in the same comfortable orbit, holding your breath for milestones you never quite reached.
You wanted a life that moved forward, and you were terrified that if you stayed, you'd wake up one day having waited yourself into nothing, loving Jinx forward into a future she wasn't sure she wanted.
By the time you finally did speak, you'd already made peace with the idea that she might not hear you the way you needed her to. That night, sitting on the edge of the couch, you hadn't meant to fall apart like that, with ugly, hiccupping sobs that made you fold in on yourself. You hadn't meant to cry so hard you gave yourself a headache. But it came out of you all at once—months of doubt, longing, and heartbreak condensed into one terrible statement:
"I don't think I can do this anymore."
The words were clumsy, cracked around the edges. They felt like betrayal, even to yourself. And Jinx—who'd always known how to fix a circuit board or a busted valve, who could probably rebuild an engine with her eyes closed if she tried hard enough—just froze for a moment too long, speechless.
And then? It was panic. Pure, visceral panic. You watched it bloom in her eyes, wide and wild, like the world was cracking under her feet and she couldn't tell if it was your doing or hers. She stood up so quickly the tools clattered around her, hands twitching like she didn't know whether to reach for you or pull at her own hair, eyes scanning your expression like she could undo the last four seconds if she just looked at you hard enough.
Oh, how she had shattered—it was like something detonated inside her. She didn't know what to say, so she started saying everything at once. Apologies and promises tangled in each other, her breath hitching, tone rising—not in anger, but in desperation. She had begged. Not with those exact words, but with the way her voice cracked, the way her knees hit the floor, the way she searched your face like it was the only map she'd ever learned how to follow.
She reached for you like she was falling.
You almost caught her.
But the truth was already out. And once it was, it didn't fit back into your chest the same way. You were already slipping away, heart in your throat.
You loved her. God, you loved her so much. And you had seen—clearly, finally—just how much she loved you, too. But you had also seen that it had taken this to shake her awake. By then, it wasn't about love anymore. It was about the months that stacked on top of each other, heavy with misunderstanding. About how many times you'd whispered I miss you into her shoulder while she nodded absently, half-asleep, thinking proximity meant peace. You told her you felt foolish for wanting certainty when she seemed content floating where you were. That you were scared of waking up one day and realizing nothing had changed—and never would. That she was elsewhere more often than not—inside her work, her machines, her endless cycle of building and breaking and soldering and solving. That maybe she just wasn't the type to fully commit.
Jinx had stared at you like you'd spoken in another language.
Commitment?
The word landed wrong—heavy and misplaced—because Jinx was committed. She'd never questioned that. Never once considered leaving. Never imagined a version of her life that didn't include you moving through it in quiet, constant ways. She had never called anything home the way she did you. She thought you knew that—you had to know that. But she hadn't known you were keeping score. She hadn't known you were spiraling silently, mistaking distraction for disinterest and absorption for avoidance.
When she tried to respond—tried to explain that she wasn't drifting away, that she was building things, planning things, thinking further ahead than you realized—it was already slipping out of her hands. None of that mattered when your bags were already packed in your mind, when you'd already mourned her a hundred times over.
You had moved out before summer fully turned, before autumn settled in properly, like you were racing the season itself—afraid that if you stayed long enough to watch the leaves fall, you'd lose your nerve. Jinx watched you go in pieces. She didn't chase, didn't argue anymore—because she didn't understand how something so fundamental could have been missed so completely. She stood in the doorway after you left, listening to the echo of your footsteps on the creaky stairs, and felt something unsteady crack open in her chest: shock. Because from her point of view, this wasn't a relationship simply falling apart. It was one being abandoned mid-construction. She felt blindsided, like she'd been left behind by a future she hadn't even known was in danger.
Autumn came anyway. Leaves turned, air cooled, and time did what it always did—moved forward without checking if either of you was ready.
Jinx still lived in the apartment, in the space where you had last loved her, existed beside her. That shitty, cramped, too-blue thing you used to call home—half-leased, half-loved, fully haunted.
She told herself it was inertia, that it didn't make sense to uproot her life when everything else already felt unstable. The rent was cheap and manageable. The neighborhood was loud enough to drown out her thoughts when she cracked the window open. The location wasn't terrible, either—a corner store, a bar she liked within walking distance, her workshop. She'd gotten used to the squeaky plumbing and the warped floorboard in the hallway; she could live with it. It wasn't ideal, but what was? And yeah, maybe the couch still smelled like your perfume if she breathed in deep enough—jasmine and the end of something—but that wasn't why she stayed. Of course not. That would be pathetic.
It was just too much of a hassle to find a new place, that's all. Moving was expensive, exhausting. She'd do it eventually. She just hadn't gotten around to it; too busy with work, too many prototypes in progress, too many hours at the shop.
At least that's what she told Vi the last time she asked.
"You don't have to keep sleeping next to a grave just because it's rent controlled, y'know."
Jinx had flipped her off and changed the subject.
But at night, when the apartment went still and the radiator ticked like a slow bomb, she caught herself staring at the door you used to walk through—still half-expecting it to creak open, still hearing keys that weren't there. The space hadn't changed much. A few things have shifted out of place: less artwork, more dishes piling up in the sink, a dead houseplant in the corner because you weren't there to guilt her into watering it. But the bones of it stayed the same; your fingerprints were still everywhere, invisible and unbearable.
She had tried to clear you out of the space. She really had. She packed the shared mugs into a box. She deleted the playlists. She even threw away the heart-shaped magnets on the fridge. But somehow, you still lived there. In the grooves of the hardware floor, in the scuff mark on the wall from when you'd moved in the dresser together and Jinx insisted you didn't need to measure it first. In the nail by the door where your jacket used to hang—still there, bare and useless, but not forgotten. Her eyes still snagged on it every time she passed, like something unfinished tugging at her sleeve. In the mirror, sometimes, when she looked too long and thought she saw you—half behind her, just out of reach.
Three months gone, and the place was still soaked in you—a love fossilized mid-moment, preserved, like a museum of you. The longer she stayed, the more it began to rot in a way only she could feel. At least it was proof that somethind had lived… and then died between these walls. She missed you with a kind of ache that lived in her molars—deep, stubborn, gnawing.
But missing someone didn't fix what they broke.
You had moved out and on in the only way you knew how: by downsizing your life until it fit inside something manageable. Smaller space, fewer comforts, less room for doubt. But the guilt still bloomed in your throat like an overripe fruit whenever you saw a flash of blue hair on the street, or caught the sharp fizz of citrus and cherry from someone's perfume, or heard the noise a faulty lighter made when it clicked but didn't catch. You hadn't wanted to leave Jinx—you'd wanted her to see you. To choose you before you were already gone. To meet you halfway, to look up from her soldering iron or whatever gadget she was wrist-deep in and realize you were right there. And there were nights where you'd whisper apologies into the pillow as if they could drift into her dreams. You never knew what exactly you were apologizing for: for leaving, for waiting so long to leave, for wanting her to fight for you and hating her for not getting the timing right?
Sometimes, you hated yourself more for hoping she still missed you—it felt selfish, really.
It didn't help that people kept saying dumb things like "you did the right thing," or "you had to protect your peace." They meant well, you knew that. But it felt like telling someone they'd done the right thing by cutting off their own arm—maybe it was true, but that didn't make it easy to live with the phantom limb.
And now you were here: not quite free, not quite sure, trying to build a new life around the outline of a wound.
Still, you told yourself this is what growth looked like.
Jinx told herself staying put meant nothing at all.
She spent September in that liminal space between sweat and sweaters, where the heat hadn't quite lifted—nor had her grief—but the light had already started dying earlier each day. She usually loved that time of year—the in-between, the slow dissolve, the promise of it all. She used to love watching the city molt, signs of summer fading like healing bruises. She loved the crispness creeping into the air, the way colors deepened; greens turning to gold, sidewalks freckled with leaves that looked like little burnt suns. But it didn't feel like a transition this time—it felt like loss, like a funeral with no procession.
She'd made it through October—Halloween—by getting high with strangers. Through November by simply pretending the holidays didn't exist, because everything felt like it was built for couples that time of year: pumpkin-scented candles, hands brushing under a shared umbrella, someone always laughing a little too close to someone else's ear. And by the time December arrived—real December, with its long nights, salt-stained pavements, and trees stripped bare like they'd finally given up the act—the distance between you felt vast. Winter had always been Jinx's least favorite season, but this one bit deeper, felt heavier. Every light on every balcony reminded her of the ones you'd strung together last year. Every store selling peppermint candles. Every ad playing some nostalgic song she used to hum into your neck when you were tangled together on the couch. It was like the world was mocking her with memories, ones she hadn't agreed to keep. You were still breathing the same cold air, just not together.
The snow, when it finally appeared, didn't fall so much as settle—like dust over forgotten furniture. It covered everything and softened the edges. She smoked out the window with the curtain drawn halfway, watching flakes catch in the warm streetlamp light and spiral down, like they were too tired to fall straight, with the kind of hard stare she usually reserved for her most difficult schematics; because she was just starting to notice how many of her habits didn't make sense anymore: still brushing her teeth quietly so she wouldn't wake someone who wasn't there, still leaving half the closet empty like it had a name attached to it.
The frost had come back, and you had not.
Inside, it was too warm.
Inside, it was still August.
Inside, it was still the night you left. Still the silence you left behind.
And when Jinx sat at the kitchen table, alone, running her thumb along the lip of a chipped mug, she thought—not for the first time—that missing someone who's still alive must be its own kind of death. Snow didn't cover that kind of damage—it only made it harder to see where it started.
Vi kept in touch with you. She didn't hide it. Didn't flaunt it, either—but Jinx wasn't an idiot. They'd known you for years, loved you long before Jinx ever kissed you. You weren't just hers—you were theirs. You were someone who'd been there through birthdays and hangovers and all the worst years of Vi's twenties. You'd been there for Caitlyn's first promotions, the blurry middle years where everyone was a little reckless and a little codependent and didn't know yet just how much they'd miss it. You'd laughed through bad decisions, held hair back over toilet bowls, made midnight snacks and 3AM phone calls and patched holes in more than one heart.
You weren't just Jinx's ex.
You were family.
So yeah, Vi still texted you. Still brought over takeout when you said you were too tired to cook. Still let you cry on her couch with the TV turned low and a blanket tucked over your knees while Cait handed you a mug—always warm, always calming—and looked the other way. Neither of them took any sides—but the loyalty cut both ways and left a trail.
And for Jinx, it came in the form of conversations gone sideways. Vi dropping updates like stones in water, small but heavy, sinking slow. Things Jinx didn't ask to hear and didn't want to hear.
That you were living in a shoebox of a studio now, above a closed-down laundromat in a part of town that ate hope for breakfast. That the heat was unreliable and the walls were so thin you knew your neighbors' schedule by heart. That you kept a space heater in the bathroom just to get through your morning routine, and sometimes it tripped the power.
That you were working two jobs—your regular one plus whatever seasonal retail shifts you could scrounge up—and your rent was still late more often than not, but you always said you were "managing." Whatever that meant. Whatever it cost.
That you looked tired. Not just in the way people say when they mean someone's not sleeping, but tired, down to the bone. The kind of tired that sinks into your posture and dulls your voice and makes you flinch when someone asks if you're okay, because the answer is so obviously no that the question feels almost cruel.
Jinx absorbed the information like a bruise she kept pressing just to make sure it still hurt. She carried each update like a pebble in her shoe—small enough to pretend she didn't feel it, painful enough to ruin every step.
And still, she kept walking. Because what else was there to do?
You'd left.
You'd left—and somehow, you still haunted every conversation she didn't know how to leave, because saying stop would mean admitting she was listening.
Jinx, for her part, never really talked about the breakup. Not with Vi. Especially not with Vi. Which was funny, in a way—if you squinted. Because Vi had always been the one person Jinx did talk to, even when she didn't want to. Even when the words came out as static, wrapped in sarcasm and smoke and whatever else she could weaponize to soften the landing.
Their relationship had never been clean. It had history, knots in the wood, fractures filled in with gold and guilt and effort. They'd spent years pushing each other away and then clawing their way back—fighting like enemies, loving like blood. They'd been in each other's pockets since childhood, but closeness didn't always mean comfort. Their bond was tight, yeah—but not always gentle. It came with long shadows, years of bruised egos, and the kind of loyalty you don't always want but can never shake. Some things still echoed if they opened the wrong doors in their minds.
Still, they always came home to each other.
That was the unspoken rule—family above everything.
And once they got their shit together—mostly—they'd found a rhythm again; something real and solid. Jinx had even warmed up to Caitlyn, in her own way. She balanced Vi out in ways that made Jinx feel like maybe her sister wasn't doomed to repeat every mistake twice. So, she started letting her in on the jokes. Started sitting through dinner instead of skipping out halfway. Started acting like she was part of it, because, well… she was.
Until the breakup.
Because after that, Jinx had pulled back. Not with malice, not with words. She just stopped showing up to things. Let texts go unanswered, let visits get shorter and shorter. She became all sharp edges again, like she was regressing—like the person she'd spent the last few years building had packed a bag and moved out alongside you.
And of course Vi had noticed. Vi always noticed when Jinx was bleeding, even if she didn't know where the wound was.
But she didn't push. Not at first, at least. She'd learned the hard way that pressing Jinx only made her disappear faster. She just kept inviting her anyway, kept sending dumb memes, kept asking how she was with a voice that was too gentle to bear.
It was worse because Vi had seen it. All of it.
She'd been there when Jinx and you had met. She'd watched you fumble through friendship and flirtation and something deeper, all under the same roof. She'd watched Jinx fall. Not gracefully, not quietly—but with all the devotion of someone who didn't know what to do with love except hand it over, palms open, teeth bared. She'd watched you build something out of that chaos. And now, she was watching Jinx pretend she hadn't wanted to spend forever in it.
And Jinx hated that—hated being witnessed, hated knowing there was someone walking around who knew just how hard she'd loved, and how thoroughly she'd been wrecked by it.
That was the thing no one really tells you about heartbreak: it makes you feel stupid.
Not just sad. Not just lost. Humiliated.
Like you were the last one to see the ship sinking. Like you kept patching holes while everyone else was climbing into lifeboats.
Jinx didn't want to explain that. Didn't want to sit across from her sister and say, She left, and I didn't see it coming. I thought we were okay. I thought I was building something. Didn't want to see Vi nod in that way she did—slow, knowing, full of pity Jinx would take as condescension even if it wasn't meant that way.
So, she said nothing.
She let Vi come and go. Let her linger in the doorway with groceries and good intentions. Let Caitlyn fill the silences with stories about work or neighborhood gossip—too polite to prod, too loyal to leave. Let them pretend everything was okay in the ways people do when they love someone too much to leave them alone.
And maybe that should've been the end of it. Just letting time pass. Letting everything settle into some dull, quiet ache that no one named directly. Letting the space grow between Jinx and the people trying to reach her, until even that started to feel normal. It was a quiet routine stitched together with secondhand care and the unspoken understanding that grief didn't like to be looked at directly.
It could've stayed that way.
Should've, maybe.
But Vi had never been particularly good at leaving things alone.
The idea came slow and stupid, like most of her ideas did. She brought it up in the middle of an otherwise uneventful Tuesday, while she and Caitlyn were making dinner—Cait at the counter, slicing carrots into uniform coins with her usual clinical precision, and Vi hovering near the fridge, brows furrowed, chewing the inside of her cheek like she was trying to spit out a thought.
"We could just… get them in the same room. See what happens."
"Vi."
That was all it took—just her name, clipped and careful, carrying the weight of a hundred previous disasters she had pitched in that same exact tone of voice.
"Cait."
That earned her the look, eyebrow arched just enough to make her point before she even opened her mouth, knife poised mid-slice. "That's a terrible idea."
"You don't know that."
"I know they’re adults," Caitlyn said patiently, like she was reasoning with a puppy who had just chewed the corner of the couch. "They're healing. Or at least trying to. You can't just trap your sister in a cabin with her ex and hope for a Christmas miracle.
"Why not?" Vi threw over her shoulder, tossing a handful of salt into the pot, the smugness already leaking into her voice. "Worked in that one movie. The British one."
"That was a romcom. And they weren't actively grieving each other like a pair of wounded animals."
"Okay, but think about it." Vi straightened, waving a spoon like it doubled as a compelling argument. "They haven't seen each other since August. It's December. That's months of radio silence and both of them are—what's the word—miserable."
Caitlyn turned back to the carrots, but her slicing slowed. That was all the confirmation Vi needed.
"And I mean, yeah, maybe it'll go badly," she continued. "But maybe it won't! Maybe they need to see each other to get closure. Or clarity. Or whatever."
"And you've appointed yourself… what, matchmaker?"
Vi finally sighed, drifting closer under the pretense of helping, and stole a slice of carrot straight off the board. She barely got it between her fingers before Caitlyn slapped her hand away with a sharp tsk.
"Look," Vi said, undeterred, wiping her fingers on her sweatpants, "it's not fixing. It's… reminding. They've been apart long enough to forget how good they were. Maybe seeing each other again shakes something loose."
"And what if it doesn't?"
"Then they'll leave the cabin a little more sure."
"Or a little more broken."
Caitlyn didn't raise her voice. She rarely did. But her words were soaked in something firmer than logic—care disguised as discipline. The kind of concern that believed caution was a form of love.
Vi paused. Let the space stretch. The only sound was the stove ticking and the faint hiss of something simmering.
"You didn't see them when they were happy," she said eventually. "Not the early days before everything got so damn complicated."
"Vi–"
"I'm not saying they have to get back together." She turned then, earnest, almost pleading. "I'm saying… I don't want to watch them rot alone when they don't have to. And we already talked about getting away for the holidays. Just a few of us, no pressure. If they both happen to show up–"
"Coincidence," Caitlyn supplied dryly.
"Exactly!"
"You do understand," she said, finally setting the knife down with deliberate grace, "that meddling like this could backfire." Her tone was too even, too polite—neutral in that unmistakably not neutral way Caitlyn always used when she was testing a theory she'd already proven.
"I've backfired harder," Vi replied, huffing a breath that might've been a laugh.
Caitlyn didn't respond right away. She reached for her tea instead, wrapping both hands around the ceramic, letting the warmth sink into her fingers while she considered, staring through the kitchen window fogging at the corners. Her gaze drifted to the frost webbing across it—fine and lacy, like the delicate porcelain her mother used to display but never let her touch. Outside, the winter dusk started settling in, dimming the light in a way that felt almost staged, like the world was backing away to give her space to think. Vi knew that look. That quiet resistance—not rejection, just… the slow, methodical grinding of logic. She shifted her weight like someone who expected a blow but wasn't willing to step back from it.
"They're adults, Vi," Caitlyn repeated at last, quiet but unwavering, each word slow and chosen carefully. She could sense the familiar discomfort settling in her chest—the one that always came when empathy threatened to overstep principle. "It isn't our job to intervene."
"I know," Vi replied with a weary sigh, not even pretending to argue this time. "I know it's not."
"And you can't want this just because you're tired of watching them suffer."
"What's wrong with that?" There it was—the flicker of something unguarded in her voice. The kind of vulnerability she usually covered with a joke or a punch. It was brief, but Cait made it out like a pulse beneath the words.
She exhaled slowly, setting the mug down. She felt it again—that tug of guilt-tinged affection. Vi was trying to do something kind, and misguided, and deeply human. And Caitlyn, in her endless pursuit of being just, was starting to feel like the only cold thing left in the room.
It's wrong, she reminded herself. It undermines their agency.
And agency? Autonomy? She believed in them above all else. She'd grown up in rooms where decisions were made quietly and handed down like favors. In a house where doors opened because of names, not merit. She was a Kiramman—her path had been paved before she could walk it, where expectations pressed in from every direction, gilded and suffocating. Daughter of a Councilwoman. Educated in the finest schools. Measured in posture and posture alone. Caitlyn had spent the majority of her life carving space for herself with her bare hands—refusing shortcuts, refusing strings, refusing to be ushered anywhere she hadn't earned. She'd wanted choice and independence, the dignity of deciding your own future.
And now, Vi was asking her to undermine that very thing for two people already stripped raw by heartbreak.
The thought made her stomach twist.
"It's their grief to navigate. Not ours. You can't just swoop in with a winter cabin and hot chocolate and trick them into reconciling if they're not ready. You can't orchestrate healing like a… like a dinner party."
Vi smiled faintly at that. "Could be a messy dinner party," she offered. "With yelling and passive-aggressive gingerbread houses."
"Vi."
"I'm joking."
"You're not, and I don't know if I can be okay with this." Cait's voice didn't crack, but something in it hollowed out. "I've spent my whole life trying to make sure no one else made choices for me. What gives me the right to make one for them?"
Vi pushed off the counter then, crossed to the sink in a few strides like it gave her a reason to walk away. She fiddled with a stray spoon, rinsed it even though it was already clean. The kitchen, once cozy with clinking dishes and simmering broth, felt still now, almost solemn. Her voice was softer when she spoke again.
"I just want them to breathe again. I don't want to force anything, I just… want to give them something. That's it."
It sounded so simple. It wasn't. Caitlyn should've stood firm. She wanted to stand firm. That was her role, after all. The one who made sure the plans had backup plans. The one who asked the hard questions. The one who thought about consequences before emotion.
And this—whatever this was Vi wanted—reeked of emotion.
Cait had told herself she wasn't going to get tangled in someone else's heartbreak—not Jinx's, not yours, not again. You were two grown women, however messily you had handled your endings. It wasn't right to drag you together under false pretenses just because you used to be happy. That wasn't love—that was nostalgia in disguise. She didn't want to be a part of this. Truly, she didn't. She'd spent her entire career trying to do things the right way, the honest way, the ethical way. But when she watched Vi's back, shoulders hunched ever so slightly under the weight of hope she didn't know how to let go of, she felt herself shift. Just a little, or maybe just enough. Because Vi didn't hope often. She'd seen too much, been through too much. Hope wasn't a luxury she often reached for. But when she did?
God help Caitlyn, it was contagious. And wasn't that what love did to people? Made fools of the reasonable. Made conspirators out of those who once preached patience. Her moral compass pointed due north; but what was north when you were standing between two broken people and the person you loved was right there, asking you to bend just this once? She felt it now—reluctant, but real. A delicate thread of maybe.
Maybe there was a version of this that didn't end in disaster. A brief window cracked open, should either of you feel like breathing through it. A chance, however foolish, for softness. Maybe it was… 'facilitation.' She felt absurd for even entertaining it, but she didn't shut the door on the thought. She just let it sit there, even if they didn't decide that night. The conversation settled into the walls, unresolved, like steam rising from the stove—there, but not acknowledged, lingering in the air long after the dishes were done and the lights were off. And when Caitlyn climbed into bed that night, she stared at the ceiling longer than usual, moral boundaries looping themselves into knots behind her eyes.
But in the morning, she emerged from the bedroom with her robe cinched tight, laptop already balanced on one arm while Vi hummed low in the kitchen. The screen glowed pale blue in the weak winter light, two cabin listings open side by side. One had a vintage fireplace and wood-paneled walls. The other promised a lake view and a hot tub. Both looked like the kind of place people went to try again. Both boasted "board games and complimentary mulled wine."
Ridiculous.
And yet…
She didn't say a word—just slid the laptop across the table between half-eaten toast and a jar of marmalade.
Vi stared. First at the screen, then at her. She blinked, grinned, and sat up straighter with something bright blooming behind her ribs. For a moment, her expression softened into something warmer than surprise—something close to awe. "You serious?"
"I'm still not convinced," Cait said, rubbing her temples. "But I'd rather be a part of it than let you do it wrong on your own."
"You're the best morally conflicted co-conspirator I've ever had," Vi murmured, reaching across the table to kiss her brow, lips warm from coffee.
She rolled her eyes but let it happen. "If this ends in tears," she muttered, "I reserve the right to say I told you so over the wreckage."
"As long as you say it with wine."
"There will be plenty of wine."
And when she stood to refill the kettle, Vi caught the smallest smile curling at the edge of Caitlyn's mouth. The kind that said that maybe she missed the two of you together, too.
Vi drafted the invitations like she was diffusing a bomb. Not because the words were explosive, exactly, just… heavy and coiled, carrying more weight than they looked like they should. She sat on the couch, phone tilted low in her hand, blanket pulled around her legs. The glow of her phone screen lit up her face in the darkening afternoon like something sacred—or incriminating.
"Alright," she murmured under her breath, adjusting her grip like she was about to pick a lock. "Let's do this."
Across the room, Caitlyn sat at her desk by the window, pretending—poorly—not to watch. She scrolled through a series of open tabs, making notes in neat bullet points: cabin arrival instructions, a list of nearby shops in case they forgot something essential, holiday activity ideas (Vi had insisted on sledding, of all things), and a running list of movies that wouldn't make anyone cry too hard. She was nothing if not thorough, but it was mostly busy work—a way to feel useful while her girlfriend crafted emotional landmines beneath a blanket cocoon and hoped for the best. The apartment was quiet except for the soft clatter of a keyboard and the explosions from the action movie playing low in the background, but the occasional side-eye was practically audible.
"Stop judging me," Vi muttered without looking up.
"I'm not," Caitlyn replied evenly. "You're doing a perfectly good job of that on your own."
Vi smirked, sucked in a breath through her nose, and hit delete on an unfinished draft. "Fair."
Each message had to be short. Friendly, warm, but not too warm. They had to be simple. Casual enough to pass for genuine and believable. She opened Jinx's contact first—easier target, familiar terrain—then hunched deeper into her blanket fort.
to: blue booger 💣 [5:08PM]
yo. me n cait are renting a cabin in the mountains for xmas. nothin fancy, just a break from the city. us, snow, quite
quiet*
no pressure, but would mean a lot if you came. think about it yeah? unless you're too cool for snowball fights now
Send.
Then, she opened your thread and immediately felt her stomach lurch—this part felt worse. This was where the nerves kicked in.
to: lil sis 2.0 🧸 [5:13PM]
hey you! me n cait booked a cabin for the holidays. quit place, hot cocoa vibes, the works
quiet*** fml
anyway. i know you said you didn't have any plans and we would love to have you. please say yes?
Then, she paused and bit the inside of her cheek. She almost mentioned Jinx. Almost wrote something like she's not coming or you won't run into her, but stopped herself. If she planted the idea, you would sniff out the bait. Better to say nothing, let you think what you wanted.
She hit send before she could hesitate again. The moment the last message left her screen, she flopped sideways on the couch and groaned, dragging the blanket over her face like it could shield her from karma. "I'm going to hell," she mumbled, muffled by wool.
"For lying?" Caitlyn asked mildly.
"For lying to both of them."
Cait didn't even look up from her planner. "It's a scenic route. You'll enjoy the ride."
Meanwhile, Jinx was at the workshop, hood deep in the guts of a sputtering space heater someone had left outside and then remembered they needed once the weather turned. There was grease on her wrist, a spare part between her teeth, and her playlist was humming in the background. When her phone buzzed on the workbench, she almost didn't check it; it was curiosity that nudged her. When she wiped her hands on the back of her overwashed cargo pants and glanced over, Vi's contact name blinked up at her like an ember. She opened the message, eyes flicking across the screen, and by the time she reached "too cool for snowball fights," she was already smirking.
"Too cool my ass."
She read it once. Then again, letting the words roll in.
A cabin.
Snow.
Christmas.
Her immediate reaction was ugh. Of course Vi would go full snowglobe. Of course she had roped Caitlyn into something that sounded like a tourism board ad for a small-town charm—stupidly cozy and rustic. Jinx could already picture it: full of ugly sweaters, pine needles, and the kind of conversations that got people crying into their glasses of cider. It was the kind of trip where people wore flannels and pretended to enjoy puzzles. The kind of trip where they drank cinnamon tea and said things like it's nice to unplug. If there weren't any sleigh bells involved, she'd be shocked. She started to scoff aloud, but the sound never left her mouth fully. Her eyes lingered on the phrase "would mean a lot." It wasn't Vi's usual way of asking for something. Not a push, not a demand; just a quiet offering that tugged somewhere soft.
The wrench in her hand suddenly felt heavier. She set it down, brushed a strand of blue hair behind her ear with the back of her knuckle, and stared at the phone again as she sat down on the nearest stool.
Well… been a while.
And she missed Vi, even if she hadn't said as much. She missed sitting around the kitchen table while Caitlyn made something fancy and Vi dumped hot sauce on it anyway. She missed arguing over board games she pretended to hate but secretly crushed at. She missed what normal used to look like before everything slipped sideways and the silence got so damn loud again.
She typed back slowly.
real postcard shit
what's the catch?
Her sister responded within seconds, like she'd been waiting.
fat hands 🥊 [5:18PM]
no catch. just wanna hang. swear
so… jinxmas 2.0? you need a break
And maybe Jinx did. Maybe she needed to let herself be around real people again, not customers who grunted thank you after hours-long fixes and coworkers who thought "you good?" was viable small talk. Maybe it was time to stop licking old wounds like they were going to heal differently the hundredth time around.
sounds stupid. i'm in
ur lucky i like snow
and u sometimes. i guess.
Then, after a second:
DONT expect me to sing carols.
Vi's reply came in the form of a red heart emoji and a snowman.
You read your message hours later, standing in the fluorescent glow of the convenience store where you'd picked up a closing shift. It was almost 10PM, and the humming of the overhead lights mingled with a sad pop song playing on the radio. Your feet were hurting, your sweater reeked of capitalism, and your phone buzzed in your back pocket long before you swiped it open absently between stocking shelves, expecting a reminder about rent or a work update.
What you didn't expect was Vi, even if you still occasionally texted. It always caught you off guard—like hearing from a cousin after a divorce. You weren't sure if you were still allowed to belong.
You opened the message with a soft exhale.
The words were simple enough, but your chest tightened anyway. A cabin for Christmas? A soft, warm place with wood-paneled walls and the kind of quiet company that didn't make you feel like an inconvenience just for existing? God, you missed that. You missed them—Vi, Caitlyn, their weird little family dinners and inside jokes and the way they made space for you without asking for anything in return. Still, your thumb hovered, because your first instinct was suspicion. Not at Vi—Vi didn't lie. Not about important things. But…
are you sure Jinx is okay w/ me coming? wouldn't she be there?
There—you said it. The question felt too exposed, too vulnerable, even typed out. Three agonizing dots appeared, and it took less than a minute for the response to come through, guilt already curling like frost behind Vi's ribs:
uncle vi 🥸 [9:54PM]
nah. said it's too hallmarky for her lol
you know how she is
Your heart stuttered at that, staring at the message longer than necessary.
Jinx isn't going?
That should've made this easier. Somehow, it didn't. You were grateful, maybe—relieved in the practical sense. No confrontation, no risk of reopening things you'd spent the last few months trying to bury. You didn't have to worry about saying the wrong thing or looking too long across the room. And yet, something in you sagged quietly, like a house with a crooked beam. You'd never admit it, but a part of you—one you hated—had hoped. Not for some grand reunion, not even to talk, just… to see her. Prove that she was still real, that you'd existed, that you hadn't just come undone and drifted out of each other's orbit forever. Instead, there would just be… snow. Pine trees. Vi and Caitlyn and a fireplace.
In theory, it wasn't a bad offer.
You checked the clock above the register. Still another two hours on shift. Still another week until Christmas. Still another thousand things you hadn't unpacked in your chest when it came to her. When you looked down again, Vi had already followed up with a link—a rental listing, snow-covered and absurdly charming, with candles on the windowsill, smoke curling from a crooked chimney, and a winding path leading toward the forest. It looked like the kind of place where everything bad could—at least for a moment—be left outside.
uncle vi 🥸 [9:57PM]
🛷⛄️🎄 (festive coercion)
just thought you might want some company. you deserve that
You exhaled slowly, staring at the screen until your eyes went out of focus. It would be nice, wouldn't it? To see someone for the holidays. To not pretend you were fine while watching bad TV reruns alone in your cold apartment, nursing a bowl of lukewarm soup. Maybe you could do this, just for a few days; just to be somewhere that didn't ache like loneliness dressed up in festive garlands.
okay. i'd love to be there
thank you for thinking of me :)
Vi responded with a gif of someone sledding into a tree. You managed a quiet laugh under your breath, smiling in spite of yourself.
Still, something lingered. You stared past your reflection in the window, out onto the streets. The snow was staring to fall again—thin at first, the kind that doesn't stick but whispers of what's coming. A few bundled-up kids raced with armfuls of cheap gift bags, laughing too loud while their tired-looking parents struggled to keep up. The city hadn't changed, but you had. Or maybe you hadn't at all, and that was the problem. Because even now, with months between you and the echoes of your last conversation still looping in your ears, you cared. And your mind—a traitorous thing—drifted to her. Jinx, in your old apartment—her apartment nowadays—alone with nothing but leftover takeout and the buzz of her tools for company. The image made you feel sick, and your fingers were moving again before you could stop yourself.
is she really gonna be alone for christmas?
The typing dots returned, then disappeared, then returned again.
uncle vi 🥸 [10:03PM]
says she wants it that way
but we'll drop by after, promise
won't let her go ghost mode forever
You nodded to yourself, even though no one was watching.
She'll be okay, you told yourself.
But even as you went back to restocking the lighters with shaky hands, something inside you didn't quite believe it.
"How much longer?" Jinx’s voice pierced the quiet from the backseat, like a fork scraping a plate, chin propped dramatically in her hand as if the journey had already stolen years off her life.
"Twenty minutes," Vi replied, not even glancing away from the road.
"You said that twenty minutes ago."
"No, I said forty," her sister replied evenly. "Time moves, Jinx. Wild, I know."
Jinx made a displeased sound and went back to squinting out the window. They'd been driving for a while now, leaving the main roads behind somewhere past a diner with peeling signs and entering deep postcard territory. Somewhere back there, cell signal had tapped out, too. Caitlyn tried to be optimistic about it, announcing it was "good to unplug," at which Jinx had dramatically rolled her eyes and muttered called it under her breath.
The road carved its way through half-asleep forests, stretching ahead into a horizon wrapped in fog—gray sky thick with snowclouds, Tamaracks standing tall and stripped bare except for the ones stubborn enough to cling to their needles, the hum of tires soft against salted asphalt. The world beyond the windshield looked dipped in powdered sugar by the time they turned off the last recognizable highway. Inside the car, it was almost too warm. A low hum of heat pulsed through the vents, running long and high enough to start fogging the windows at the corners. The scent was a mix of Vi's cheap patchouli air freshener and Caitlyn's lavender hand cream, clashing in a way that was stupidly comforting.
Vi was driving with one hand on the wheel, the other resting lazily along the bottom, fingers twitching to music Jinx had refused to connect her phone for.
"Not everything has to be a punk's wet dream," her sister teased casually. "It's Christmas. Let Mariah have her moment."
"It was Gorillaz," Jinx grumbled in reply, knees up against the back of the passenger seat, nudging it just enough to make her presence known.
Caitlyn, always the diplomat, had taken charge of directions—phone in her lap where the route pulsed in pale blue, voice calm and measured as she relayed the next turn or noted an upcoming stop. Occasionally, she reached over to adjust the heater or pass Vi a sip of coffee from their shared thermos. Jinx didn't miss the way they moved around each other—comfortable, practiced, familiar. There was a kind of choreography to it: Vi humming under her breath, Cait tapping her fingers on her thigh in time and looking over every now and then, like she was checking if Vi was still hers.
Jinx watched from the backseat through half-lidded eyes, her bottom lip caught loosely between her teeth. It wasn't jealousy, but it scraped against something inside her—aching and brittle around the edges. Not because she didn't want them to be happy—she did—but because she remembered what it felt like to be that synced up with someone. The shared language of glances. The dumb little rituals that only made sense to the two of you.
She'd had that once.
Now, she had the window.
"Remind me why I agreed to this again?" she asked, just loud enough to be heard.
"Because you love me," Vi tossed back, not bothering to hide the grin in her voice.
"Debatable," Jinx replied with a grimace, nudging the seat again.
The silence stretched, save for the occasional "Left up ahead," or "Do you think that gas station has decent snacks?" Cait's voice was always a soft kind of anchor—clear and kind and maddeningly unbothered. Vi, bless her, didn't push. But Jinx caught her glancing in the rearview mirror sometimes, eyes flicking up like she was checking on a sulky teenager in the backseat of a family vacation they didn't want to be on.
"Don't pout," Vi said eventually, after a long patch of road with nothing but trees.
"I'm not pouting," Jinx replied automatically, not even looking up.
"Your sighs are fogging up the windows."
"I'm breathing."
"You're brooding."
Caitlyn cut in gently, without looking away from the road ahead. "You didn’t have to come if you're not feeling up to it, Jinx."
That got her to lift her head. "I'm already here, aren't I?"
Cait gave a little hum in response. "Then try to enjoy it. If only for the view."
Jinx pressed her temple to the glass, letting her breath cloud it again. "Yeah. Throw blankets and snowmen," she muttered. "Real scenic."
"See? She looked at the pictures," Vi whispered loudly, feeling half-amused and half-victorious. "She brought her slippers, too."
"You went through my bag?!”
"You left it open on the floor. Rookie move."
Caitlyn smiled faintly, leaning over and brushing snow off the windshield with a flick of the wipers. "At least pack some dignity with you next time."
Jinx muttered something incoherent and retreated deeper into her hoodie, zipping it up to her chin and slouching further. She put the hood up, tucking her blue hair loosely beneath it. Neither of them reacted; not because they were ignoring her, but because they knew better. Jinx in moods like this was like a thunderstorm without the lightning—gray and heavy, but not ready to break yet. It would pass, eventually. In the meantime, Vi reached for Caitlyn's hand on the center console and gave it a small, grounding squeeze.
Jinx caught it and looked away again.
Not jealousy. Just… a memory wearing someone else's coat.
"You two are disgusting, by the way," she groaned, picking at a loose thread in her sleeve.
"Excuse me?" Caitlyn looked behind her shoulder, startled, like she wasn't sure if it was a genuine insult.
"All this lovey dovey shit." Jinx made an exaggerated gag and threw her head back for effect, tongue poked out.
"Aw, she noticed."
Jinx grinned, small and crooked, before giving a single middle finger in the rearview mirror. Caitlyn snorted softly under her breath. She finally seemed to catch the playfulness behind the barbs—realizing, maybe, that this was Jinx's version of affection. Or, at the very least, her version of not being a total porcupine.
"How much longer now?" she asked again, noting the way Vi exhaled through her nose.
"Fifteen."
"You're lying."
"She's not. We're almost at the turn-off."
Jinx's cheek rested against the cool window, watching the landscape blur. She barely blinked, eyes tracking the way the snow chased itself across the road, a few brave flakes clinging to the glass before melting away. Somewhere in the distance, a creek ran beneath the ice, barely visible through the trees. There were no streetlights out there, no neon buzzing over storefronts; she hadn't realized how far they'd gone until now. She dragged a finger through the fog on the pane, drawing nothing recognizable before it faded again.
"How long?" she asked, softer this time, almost sleepy.
"Ten minutes."
"That's suspiciously round," Jinx huffed.
"You want me to give you decimals?"
"Yes."
"Fine. Nine minutes and forty seconds."
"Better."
She shifted for what had to be the hundredth time, hoodie bunching at her neck as she dropped her head against the window once more. A family passed them in a beat-up SUV, kids pressed to the glass and making faces at her as they went. She stuck her tongue out in response, lazy and half-hearted, before rolling onto her side like a cat in protest. She yanked at her seatbelt like it had personally wronged her, snapping it taut like a leash. It caught awkwardly against her collarbone no matter how she angled herself, and she twisted in her seat like a restless animal trying to get cozy in a cage too small. She flailed a few minutes longer—desperately and with increasing violence—before wriggling back into some loose approximation of comfort.
"I can't feel my ass anymore," she whined, completely slumped, her limps draped like a marionette with cut strings. "Are we—"
"Five minutes," Cait said preemptively, noting the arrival time.
Jinx perked up, suddenly more alert, heart beating a little faster than she wanted to admit. "Actually?"
"Yes."
"Swear?"
"Yes."
She leaned forward with renewed purpose, bracing her hands on the back of the front seats, peering out between them like a curious creature. "You better not be lying."
Ahead, the trees began to thin, pinpricks of light appearing through the branches—porch lights glowing a warm amber against the cold-white snow, windows lit like softened stars. They rounded a bend, and suddenly, the small town appeared below them, tucked into the valley like a well-kept secret. It looked unreal, like someone had shaken up a snowglobe and set it on the dashboard. A child was pulling a sled across the street, laughter muffled by a scarf.
"Oh," Caitlyn exhaled, voice thick with awe.
Even Vi had to admit—quietly, to herself—it was beautiful.
Jinx didn't speak. She just stared, arms still hooked over the seats while her fingers loosened slightly, something unreadable softening her usually sharp eyes. It wasn't that she was sentimental—though she was. She just hadn't expected it to look this… peaceful. She watched as they passed a tiny bookshop with a candle in every window, a coffee shop where someone was sweeping snow off the stoop, a dog in a puffy coat and booties trotting behind its owner.
Vi turned onto a narrower road, flanked by tall pine trees and occasional mailboxes half-buried in snow. The tires crunched over packed slush, and the headlights swept across a hand-painted wooden sign that read: Powder Pines — CABINS 1-4.
They pulled into a gravel drive that looked untouched except for the occasional deer track. A two-stories cabin stood ahead, the wrap-around porch strung with fairy lights and smoke curling steadily from the chimney like a welcome sign. A split log sat near the steps, a basket of freshly chopped firewood beside it. Icicles framed the windows, and someone—most likely the rental owner—had already shoveled the path to the door.
Vi turned off the ignition. The engine quieted, and for a moment, the silence outside was deafening.
"…So who wants to be the first to get murdered in the hallmark horror reboot?" Jinx asked, deadpan.
"Not it," Vi said, immediately grabbing the keys and opening the door.
The heat vanished from the car within seconds. The cold bit at their skin as they stepped out, breaths fogging in the air. The scent of pine hit them first—real pine, not candle-fake—and under it, the subtle smell of wet bark and woodsmoke. Vi had already rounded the back to pop the trunk while Cait came around the other side, scarf tight around her neck, fingers red from the sudden drop in temperature. Jinx simply spun once before kicking snow onto her sister's jeans.
She yelped, tossing a glove at her. "Cut it out and help with the bags."
"Could we please not freeze to death while squabbling?" Caitlyn interjected, already shivering.
"Fine," Jinx muttered, dragging herself toward the trunk and grabbing the first duffel she could reach, slinging it over her shoulder like it weighted nothing.
The walk up to the cabin was short, maybe a dozen steps or so, but it felt like a slow unveiling. There was a handmade wreath on the door; spruce, dried oranges, and cinnamon sticks all bound together with a plaid ribbon. She hesitated at the foot of the stairs, snow crunching beneath her boots, and Vi, halfway up the porch, looked back.
"C'mon. It's warm inside."
"Sure it's not cursed?"
Caitlyn turned the key in the lock and pushed the door open, the smell of warm spices and something sweet like mulled wine lingering in the air while the heat rushed out in a wave. "It's even better in person," she noted, visibly pleased.
"God, that's way better," Vi groaned, stomping snow off her boots and stepping inside like she owned the place—which, she did, for the next few days at least.
Jinx followed slowly, gaze darting everywhere at once. The cabin was beautiful, she couldn't deny it: open-beamed ceilings, soft rugs layered on polished wood floors, and a fireplace waiting to come alive. A massive couch dominated the center of the room, draped with patchwork blankets. On the mantel, someone had arranged tiny carved animals around candles while a stack of board games sat on a side table. The kitchen gleamed just off to the right, copper pots hanging above a neat row of dried herbs like something out of a magazine.
"Gross," she whispered, stepping inside, eyes already skimming the walls. "It's like Pinterest came."
There were framed pictures all around: landscapes, a few vintage ski photos, one of a husky in a santa hat. She caught her reflection in the hallway mirror—hood still up, hair a little wild and frizzy, face a little pale and freckled. She looked like a stray cat just let into a stranger's house.
But she was here. She hadn't bolted… yet.
She made a show of dropping her bag with a dramatic thump before slouching into the couch with a long sigh, kicking her boots off with loud thuds. Her feet, in ridiculous mismatched socks, curled into the blanket piled at one end of the cushions, and she let herself feel it—the warmth soaking into her bones, the way the tension in her shoulders loosened.
Caitlyn peeled off her coat and set it carefully on the rack, then busied herself unpacking a bag of groceries they had bought beforehand. She moved with practiced ease, placing things in the cupboards like she already knew where everything would live for the next few days. Vi hovered nearby, rubbing her hands together from the cold, looking like she was about to help when her phone buzzed in her pocket, breaking the moment. She fished it out without thinking, and the message lit up the screen.
lil sis 2.0 🧸 [4:36PM]
just finished my shift! gonna catch the 6:30 bus so i should be there by 9ish :)
sorry i couldn't ride up w/ you guys :( hope it's not too weird i'm coming alone
Vi's heart did a little flip—the kind that held nerves and excitement in the same beat. She didn't know what to write back at first, because the truth was… you not coming up with them had been the biggest gamble in this whole plan. If you'd finished work early… if you'd asked for a ride… if you so much as texted her the night before and said, "Mind picking me up on the way?" Everything would've crumbled before it even began. She couldn't have said no—not without giving the whole thing away, anyway. And that would've meant you walking into the car and seeing Jinx in the backseat. It would've meant boom, done, game over, everybody go home.
not weird at all!!! can't wait to see you
travel safe yeah?
She hit send, then stood still a moment longer, phone slack in her hand. Behind the counter, Caitlyn turned just slightly, glancing at her out of the corner of her eye. There was no question in the look, just that subtle tilt of her brow, the flicker of expectation. Vi didn't say anything—she just turned her phone so her girlfriend could see the message.
Cait read it with a slow inhale, her fingers pausing on a box of tea she was lining up. A shared understanding passed between them like a secret handshake in a silent language: It's happening. They're really going to be in the same room together. She turned back to the cupboard and resumed unpacking, but her motions were just a little more deliberate now.
"Why do you two look like you just got away with murder?"
Jinx's voice cut through the silence, casual in that sharp way that meant I'm watching you.
Cait froze mid-step, holding a packet of hot cocoa like it had suddenly become evidence. "We don't!" she exclaimed—too fast, too cheery. It was the kind of tone that only made the guilt ring louder.
Jinx narrowed her eyes, still planted on the couch with her arms crossed loosely across her chest like she couldn't be bothered. She didn't move, just stared at them—through them—from across the room, head tilted slightly in that feline way she had when she sensed bullshit, attentive enough to show that she was filing it all away for later.
Vi—who was far better at this—recovered with a mild shrug, barely blinking. "We're just tired," she offered, wiping her palms down the thighs of her jeans. "Long drive, y'know?"
The words were fine. The delivery was fine. It was everything around it that wasn't.
They held each other's gaze long enough to feel the shift, the silence between them deceptively light. Jinx's mouth twitched. It wasn't quite a smile—more like recognition, something settling into place.
"Right," she replied flatly, stretching the word just long enough to show she didn't buy it.
The suspicion had landed.
The radar was pinging.
She hadn't cracked it yet, but the match had been struck. She could smell the lie burning, faint and acrid beneath all the central heating.
And once you smell smoke? You don't stop looking for the fire.