Halo, i want to write some blackhill in this beautiful day of fuck secret invasion
i write soft drabbles so if u want to send me a prompt or comment something you would like to see in something i write on my own i'll be grateful <3
You've just finished a year long mission and a conversation with Maria Hill brings back feelings and memories that you were fine with ignoring. But the engagement box that is still sitting on the dresser refuses to be ignored.
The sound of soft pattering against the window next to the bed brings you from the land of dreams, the room is splayed in the aura of lazy days full of rain. The blankets are a warm cocoon from the chill in the air.
You feel safe and content.
Soft rustling to your left makes the hazy fog of just waking up lessen but you don't want to start the day just yet.
"It's morning." You murmur out into the room before a hand grazes your bare shoulder underneath the blankets.
"Stay." A whisper that's more of a sigh rather than a word makes you smile.
You immediately want to give in to the plea, you want to stay and ignore the world for just another day.
"You know I can't." You whisper back and the hand that's on your shoulder travels further south, touch light as a feather, teasing.
"Stay," The plea is stronger now, more word than breath, "Please."
Fingers graze soft skin that protects your ribs and you fight the chill that runs up your spine. "Stay."
You let out a soft sigh before opening your eyes to see her.
Her eyes are so very blue, like the sky on a sunny afternoon, so blue and so bright and you feel like you're peering into her soul.
There is nothing hidden in the depths of her gaze, all the yearning and hoping and wanting, you see it, you see all of it.
“Maria,” Her name a plea of your own. You don't want to hurt her, you don't want to tear this moment away from her, you don't want to do that. She’s so special and so beautiful, and she’s been your friend since forever. You don't want to cause her more pain than you already have.
You close your eyes when you feel her move closer, you can't look because there is so much in her eyes and you want to cry. “Please, please.”
Thunder sounds in the distance, the sky a darker grey. The rain has picked up in speed and force, thrumming against the window. “I want you to stay,”
You can feel her breath fan over your face, you can feel her against you. You feel her warmth and the softness of her skin, and you want to stay, you want to stay so bad.
She’s slow, cautious when she leans closer, sharing the air you breathe. Giving you plenty of time to deny her, but you don't, you can't.
You let her steal your breath, you let her pull you in, you let her make your choice.
…
The sky is blue when you look up, the few clouds are scattered to win a race that declares no winner.
The sun is bright and daring, and looking down on you as the minutes tick by as you wait. Birds chirp and prance around the sidewalks as they look for anything edible, children laugh and scream in glee as they explore the park as parents watch like guardian angels.
It’s peaceful.
“Hey there stranger, long time no see.”
You’re brought from your thoughts when you hear her voice and you give the blonde a smile when you catch sight of her, walking towards you with purpose and a smile.
“It’s good to see you too Carol.” You barely have time to stand from the bench before she’s pulling you into a hug that steals the breath from you. You’ve forgotten how strong she is, how amazing her hugs are as you relax in her embrace. “You can't leave for that long again. I won't let you.”
You chuckle at her declaration. “I don't doubt it.”
Light brown eyes search your face when she pulls back, hands still on your shoulders. “How are you doing?” She asks and you give her a soft smile. “I’m doing good.”
She nods with a smile that you know all too well. “I’m glad you’re back, now come on.”
You follow her, slightly behind but close enough.
“Where exactly are we going again?” You wonder aloud as Carol slows to walk beside you. She glances up as she thinks and you wonder if she misses the stars, the need for nothing to hold her down. “Where do you want to go?” She asks after a few steps, turning to look at you and the sun makes her hair shine enough that you remember the first time you saw her glow, she was glorious and proud and showing no fear.
Carol Danvers is a sight to behold.
“Lost in the stars?” She nudges your shoulder when it takes too long to respond.
“Not the only one,” You tease her and she shakes her head with a grin. “Always.”
“How was the mission?” She rolls her shoulders back and pushes her hands in her front pockets as the two of you stop at a crosswalk.
“You know I can’t tell you.” You say as you press the arrow button three times just for good measure. Turning to her when it repeats that you have to wait.
“Well,” She shrugs her shoulders and you raise an eyebrow at her as cars breeze past, people hurrying to work or doctors appointments or to meet family, everyone seems in a hurry to get to where they need to be.
“You know the rules, captain.” You remind her as you reach out and press the arrow again because you can. “Yeah,” Carol lets out a sigh before she takes a step closer, her eyes glued on the traffic light.
“You’re okay though, right?” She sounds concerned and you choose not to look at her as the light turns green and the two of you start walking.
The seconds count down as you walk across the street, big and red as it gets closer to zero. It reminds you of a timer and you find yourself biting your tongue to stay in the moment, away from the memories that have shaped you as you are.
“I’m back,” You tell her as if she doesn't know. “I came back when I didn't want to.”
“I know.” Voice low and soft, a realization to what's already known.
…
The whispers of the morning linger as the day draws on and you’re not quite able to forget what happened.
You don’t think you’ll ever forget what happened.
The echoes that were drowned by the pouring rain, the feather light touches that seem to linger still, the view you see when you close your eyes makes you wish this morning never ended.
She was so beautiful, so willing to give you everything. So very-
“How’s Natasha?” Maybe you're trying to distract yourself from your thoughts, maybe you really do want to know how she’s doing. Maybe you still aren't running if you ask about her.
You glance over at Carol who’s picking apart her sandwich, pulling the bacon off and placing it on the side of the plate, she looks deep in thought and you don't want to repeat the question again, not if she’s lost to the stars at the moment.
“She was worried.” Her words are well thought out, slow and calculated and you know she’s trying to say the right things. “When you left, everyone was.”
She wipes her hands off with a napkin and you wonder if she will continue. “Why didn’t you tell anyone you were leaving?” She finally looks up from the food to look at you, she looks hurt and you swallow the guilt that you feel.
“I did tell someone.” You respond after a second where you wish you didn't have to face what you did. Carol nods and you choose to grab a fry and eat half of it so you don't have to say anything more.
“Yeah, you told one person.” You see her nibble at her bottom lip and yes you do feel guilty.
You clear your throat before explaining more. “I told who I needed to, that was it.”
“But you didn’t tell her.” No, you suppose you didn’t.
She picks up her sandwich, elbows on the table as she goes to take a bite and you want her to let this conversation go, let it drift past like the wind that rustles the leaves that still cling to the tree.
But she stops short, looks you in the eyes when she says her next words, and you swear for just a split second she wasn't your friend anymore.
“You hurt her.”
You look away from eyes that have seen past the universe, eyes that blaze like burning suns. You look away and pick up the napkin that’s resting next to your drink, bring it into your lap and wad the tissue up in a ball.
A part of you knows she doesn't mean to hurt you with her words, hopes that she doesn't intend to rip open old wounds and let them bleed free, prays that she doesn't mean to blame the pain you feel on you.
“She hurt me.” Your words are a weak whisper, a declaration on your behalf. She knows this, the entire team knows this.
It’s not a secret well kept.
You let out a sigh when you accidentally drop the wadded up napkin on the ground, watch it roll away like it doesn't want to share your burden.
“You hurt everyone when you chose to run away.” The judgment in her voice makes you clench your jaw. “Do you know what happened after you left?”
“Do you really think I’m oblivious to the pain I’ve caused?” You look at her and you make sure not to let her see how much it hurts. “Do you really think I did this on purpose? I left because if I didnt I don't know what I would have done if I stayed.”
Maybe you ignore the knot in your stomach that makes you want to vomit, maybe you ignore the look in her eyes when she realizes that she might have pushed you too far, but you dont ignore the people who turn your way, the ones who eavesdrop and gossip.
The two of you have brought more attention to you than you're comfortable with. “I’m leaving.”
Your half eaten sandwich and few fries that are left stay on the table as you get to your feet and walk away.
…
The smell of salt and the view of the sea does nothing to help the nausea you feel. It should be relaxing and calming and able to push your worries away but it doesn't help.
You see the waves crash and chase each other, never still for more than a moment. The gulls that ride the breeze as it drags the smell of the ocean through the air, the pelicans that are not bothered by the crashing of dominance as they only look for fish close enough to steal.
It reminds you of home, of days full of sun and sand. Treasure hunts to find the biggest and prettiest shell you could, races to see who could build the tallest sandcastles.
You wish it wasn't accompanied with the guilt in your stomach and the weight on your shoulders.
You want to run back to before you left your bed, you want to feel what you felt then. Safe, content, loved.
You want to hide under the covers and bask in the warmth of the person next to you, you want to memorize the depths of the sky.
But here you are standing alone on a pier looking out at the sea feeling sick to your stomach and terrified of what you have to face.
You feel like such a terrible person.
For running, for feeling so many things you think you might break, for wanting to hang the towel up and say that you’re done, for begging for an excuse to not look her in the eyes.
You wish that you never bought that ring, you wish you never even considered the idea. To want to marry her, to want to share her name, to want for things you knew were out of reach.
With a breath that brings you almost to tears, you try to ignore the way your feelings seem to bleed out for all to see.
You love her, you still love her. You don't think you'll ever stop loving her. But Natasha chose what happened, she decided that you weren't enough, that she wasn't enough.
“I’m sorry.” You watch as a boat moves through the sea at a crawl, slowly growing smaller as it bravely sets out for some adventure you hope is fulfilling.
“I don't want your pity, I don't want your regret.” You say the words you hope she will listen to as you lean back and gaze at the sky, hands still holding the wooden railing.
You let out a breath that is stolen by the breeze as you force yourself to leave a fraction of your pain where you stand.
The view above you is still so blue and bright, not a cloud in sight and you remember this morning with a sad smile.
You've always loved how Maria's eyes share the color of the sky.
“I just want you to be my friend.” You turn to the blonde when you speak those words.
“Okay.” She nods and you give her a smile before letting go of the railing and walking back to the beach. She doesn't say anything more as she comes to walk beside you and even though you know there is something on her mind you choose to take what she’s given you.
…
Steve greets you with a cautious smile when you finally give in and follow Carol to the compound and even though you still haven't completely forgiven him you smile back.
“How are you?” He asks after Carol excuses herself and you shrug off his comment with a shrug.
“How are you? You look good.” You notice his hair is a little longer and he hasn’t shaved in a few days but he looks well rested and not so brought down by the weight of so many responsibilities that come with being such a hero. “Yeah, yeah. I’m good.” He nods and you watch as hair falls in his face.
“You need a haircut buddy.” You tease him and Steve glares at you playfully before he runs his hand through his hair and that does absolutely nothing to fix it.
“I kind of like it.” He admits with a shrug and you nod, it does look good on him.
“You just get back?” He asks and you smile through the lie. “Yeah, just got back.”
You follow him into the kitchen where you hear the familiar sound of the coffee maker, taking a seat on one of the empty stools that stand at the kitchen island as he goes to grab a cup from one of the cabinets.
“Why are you having coffee now?” You ask in curiosity and Steve does a terrible job at hiding his amusement as he places his cup next to the coffee maker and waits.
“It’s not for me,” He gives no more explanation than that and you only wonder who it’s for, the coffee mug he chose doesn't look familiar.
“Cool, cool.” You nod before silence pushes its way between the two of you, and you can't help the selfishness you feel for blaming him for what happened back then, for not hearing him through when he tried to explain before you left.
You felt so many things back then, so much and so deeply and you don't even know how you didn’t end up do something stupid or reckless.
A part of you had wanted to follow her when she walked out, wanted to understand why she thought you weren't enough for her.
Maybe it was your pride, maybe it was your bleeding heart that rooted you down making it impossible to move, or maybe it was the fear of everything blowing up even more than it already had but you let her walk away.
“I don’t want what you want.”
The words ring in your mind like church bells, loud and all consuming, echoing but never leaving you in silence.
“I’m sorry.” The soft spoken apology brings you back from thoughts of the past and you blink away the tears that carry your pain.
“It's…” You trail off.
Not okay.
You wish you could forgive him, you wish you didn't blame him even just a little but you do and you don't know when you can fully forgive him for something that wasn’t solely his fault. “You were only doing what I asked you to, it’s not… your fault.” He nods at your words before turning and busying his hands with pouring the coffee into the mug.
He told you once, before you got the courage to ask Natasha out, that he thought the two of you would be good for each other. That you should face the uncertainty of her feelings toward you with confidence, you would never know if you didn't ask, right?
“You’re still my friend Steve. That hasn’t changed.”
You call out as he’s about to turn the corner to leave the kitchen, you need him to know that. That no matter what, he’s still your friend.
He gives you a nod that lets you know you haven't lost him and you breathe a little easier.
...
“Hey,” You don't turn around to see her, you don't look up from the glass of brandy in your hands, you don't think you can.
“It’s… good to see you.”
“Yep.” You mutter as you finish your drink and place it down on the counter. “So good,” The sarcasm is clear in your voice and you ignore the urge to look up when you feel that she’s moving closer.
You don't want to look up, you don’t want to see her a year older than before. You don't want to feel your chest cave in when you see her, when the breath is stolen from you and held hostage.
You missed her, god you missed her so much and now she’s right here and you can’t even look at her.
“I’m sorry.” Maybe it’s the drinks you’ve had or maybe it's the emotions that keep piling up that pull the words from you, but all you know is that they ring true.
You’re apologizing to her and a part of you wants to snatch it back before it takes flight, before there is no way you can get it back.
But you are sorry, for being weak, for falling head over heels for her, for loving her so much that she had to turn away to breathe.
“Stay, please?” You couldn’t help how your voice wavered or how tight you were holding onto her wrist. “Please? Don’t leave.” Your vision is blurry and you wish you could keep yourself from crying but you're exhausted and you can't fight it as tears slide down your cheeks.
“Nat...” Your grip on her wrist tightens and you tug on her which causes her to take a step towards you, her legs hitting the edge of the bed. “You can't leave.”
You were crying when she cups your cheek with her free hand and you want to stop but you can't, her hand feels so warm and soft that you can't help but lean into her touch, not letting your grip on her loosen.
“Please?” Your voice broke and you know you looked pathetic, begging her to stay, clinging to her like she would disappear; like she wasn't real and you don't know if you could take it if she was just a dream.
“Shh.” Her fingers wipe your tears away, and she's giving you such a soft smile that makes you want to never let her go.
Her other hand takes your own in hers and brings it up to her cheek and you can't help but cry, even more, when you feel how soft her skin is against your hand, how solid she felt.
“I’m sorry.” You croak out as she sits beside you on the bed and pulls you into a desperate hug that you needed more than you would ever care to admit. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”
"Your eyes are so pretty." The compliment makes her smile and you grin because she's stunning and beautiful and you're here on the couch with her drunk because why the hell not?
You run your thumb over Natasha's cheek, the soft shade of scarlet that heats her face fuels your pride. "You've told me," She subtly leans into your touch and your heart chooses to skip a beat. You did tell her, three times before to be exact. "It's true." She chuckles softly at you. "I think you've had enough to drink for tonight." She kisses your palm before taking your empty glass and moving to place it on the coffee table. "I'm not going anywhere." She says reassuringly as she settles back against the couch and relaxes, sending a smirk your way because she did see that pout that you tried to hide. You give her an unconvinced look before smiling victoriously when you come up with the best idea to keep her from going anywhere.
Without a second thought, you crawl into her lap and position yourself so you're straddling the Natasha Romanoff. "Stay." You give her a very serious look and she's the one who can't keep a straight face. "You're so drunk." Her hands find your waist to keep you in place, for safety reasons, of course. "You're so beautiful."
You feel buzzed and your brain refuses to blame it on how much you've had to drink. She's the reason and there is no other. "Your eyes," You lean even closer to her, "are so green.." You can't help but get lost in the dark green rings the color of moss that fades to something lighter as they travel inward towards a black abyss. Eyes that are usually so cold and calculating towards others remind you of the color of pine trees and fresh-cut emeralds.
You know you look like a creep, but you're drunk and you don't care.
You giggle because she looks so open and soft and her lashes are so long. You love seeing her like this. "You okay?" She asks cause you've been quiet for a moment too long and her voice sounds distant but she looks so close. Her eyes light up as she finds a way to tease you because she knows you're a moment or two behind due to the alcohol, she closes her eyes for a few seconds because she knows you're fixated on that one feature of hers.
“Look at me.” Your whisper is a plea after a second or two of silence because the room is so quiet and you feel like this moment only belongs to the two of you. Natasha peeks one eye open to look at you with a teasing smile. “I am looking at you.” She whispers back and she is, and seeing her all playful and carefree makes you smile. "Perfect" You respond with ease, the two of you are so close you could easily rub your nose up against hers, close enough to feel her breath on your face. She's beautiful and captivating and you know that tonight, these moments with her, you wouldn't trade them for the world.
"Can I kiss you?" There is a subtle blush on her cheeks as she asks in a whisper like the two of you were sharing a secret rather than a question and you're the only one with the answer.
This is shorter than I originally planned on it being.
pairing: Natasha Romanoff x reader
...
Natasha brings her hand up to cup your cheek, her fingers gently grazing over a fresh cut. "Are you alright?" you felt like you should be the one asking her that not the other way around.
"Are you?" You counter her question as she lets her thumb brush just below your left eye, where a fresh bruise was forming.
"I am," she gives a small nod bringing her other hand up so she can now cradle your face. You close your eyes from her gentle touch. She must have known doing this would help relieve stress because you now suddenly felt like you could fall asleep just from her caress.
It didn't look overly intimate from any other point of view but the moment felt comfortable to you. Still, she knew you better than you did sometimes, especially at the moment.
You needed a reminder that she was still here, that you were here with her, that you both were safe.
"Are you okay?" She repeats her earlier question with soft words that barely meet your ears as you reach up and cup your hands over hers. You give a gentle kiss to her palm before answering her.
"I am now." You don't see her small smile or her emerald eyes as they scan your face looking over evidence from your earlier mission. Still, now you were back, and despite knowing that you were more than capable of taking care of yourself, she wanted to keep you close.
She lets her fingers run through your hair, marveling in how soft it was despite how rough you looked in front of her at the moment. You looked exhausted and tense, looked like you haven't had a good night's sleep in a while. But she knew you wouldn't sleep anytime soon, she knew that being alone was the last thing you wanted right now.
She lets you soak the moment in as her fingers move through your hair before her hands trace down to your arms. Her fingers feel like a gentle breeze as they ghost over your skin.
You feel her arms wrap around you as she pulls you towards her into a hug that tells you without words that she wasn't going anywhere. You automatically wrap your arms around her, bury your face in her neck and take a breath that makes your shoulders heave.
She felt like home, felt like a familiarity that always lingers, she felt secure and steady. Natasha reminds you that you've repeatedly felt safe with her no matter the circumstances as she holds you close to her in comfortable silence.
You didn't want it to end, you didn't want to let her go. "Can we just stay like this?" Your question tickled Natasha's neck as her hands rubbed your back soothingly, her lips touch your shoulder in a soft kiss. "As long as you need."
I have been stalking your blog for a while and honestly? I love the content so much, is love to contribute via ideas. Also I'd like to ask if you guys would accept wlw asks? Because not only do I love some handsome guys, I also love some beautiful ladies. Could I get refered to as 💎 (Diamond anon)?
HELL YEAH, WE DO WLW ASKS! Mod L and I both identify as bisexual and we utterly adore the MCU women so hit us with those requests or your own headcanons or whatever else!
ALso hi yes you are our shining diamond anon now, we shall cherish you and protect you and only give you the best and not pass you on to our relatives in our will because some of the said relatives are assholes who don’t deserve your beauty and your grace
