Dear 2018
You are many words but easy isn’t one of it. You are like that one person I have to encounter for the sole reason of growing. Writing this alone doesn’t even seem to come off easy like it’s supposed to be. You robbed me off of my dreams, my passion, it almost felt like nothing was left of me. You stole the fire inside my chest again and again. You made my heart cold as I watch the embers of my hope slowly fading away. A spark that meant I had something burning so bright inside of me.
Courage. I lost and lost and lost and this was one thing I stumbled upon as I fell down with bleeding knees. It was courage that held me back up because I had no choice. It was the hand that wiped my tears and lifted me up just when I thought nothing was going right. It’s heading straight to vast skies not knowing where it leads or if it’ll ever work out (Spoiler: It did.)
Hope. When everything was lost into darkness and dreams started to slip away, it was the little ounce of hope that became my anchor. When waves turned bigger, wilder, and more destructive --- I watched myself drown. I watched as it washes away everything I thought I would never lose. It was the light, that ounce of hope that saved me from losing myself into the depths of the ocean. I am breathing.
Strength. I had no choice, obviously. It was the only thing left for me to choose so I took it and banked on it. Now, I’m better than I’ve ever been.
I’ve searched for so many people, thanked them for my pain even. But all along, It was myself that I owe my thanks to. People come and go but I’m still here standing on my own two feet. At the end of the day, It was me who had to live with all my issues, and it was me who faced it head-on. It was me who had to endure the lonely night, the endless breakdowns. It was me who felt my heart crushing right inside of me and it was me who mended it as I lay in bed at night. It was me who had to wipe tears off of my face just so I can push through everyday. It was me who took care of myself despite it being hard, despite the mornings when waking up was the hardest. It was me who pulled myself through. And from now on, I won’t let anyone steal the credit for my growth.
I am my own person. Fuck you, 2018.