Saw Iron Lung yesterday, and I haven’t seen anybody talk about my favorite line in the movie yet.
After his first encounter with the eel, with the speaker box, Ava contacts him again. And he goes to tears, screaming at her “You’re not there! You’re broken! I’m broken!”
And that one line set the tone for the whole rest of the movie for me. He thinks he’s broken. He apologizes for everything, constantly, over and over. That man is an abused dog trying to satisfy his master even though he knows it will never be enough.
Simon "the butcher", who is horrofied when he finds out he sentenced a man to death by pressing the camera button.
Simon "the butcher" who keeps apologizing for not knowing better, for causing harm to the people in the room, for being rightfully angry and lashing out, turning every knob and lever and pressing that damn button because why would it work when he doesn't have any power and why didn't they just Tell Him??
Simon "the butcher" who gets teary and has the look of a hurt child on his face when ava mentions filament station and his voice trembles when he is quick to say "that wasn't supposed to happen"...
Simon "the butcher" who apologizes to the sm-13, an inanimate object, after hitting the console.
Just... Simon being so unbeliebably human throughout the whole movie, it makes my heart ache for him
Long post! This is the transcript of Bolaire's speech in c4e4, his confession & his true nature.
I really liked this speech. And there are some fascinating themes running through it that I wanted to see for myself, so I typed it all out. None of this is my work (obviously) but pasting it all below.
Key:
- Bolaire
- Others
- Brennan
- Actions/action descriptors
Do you remember the day I met your brother, at your house?
One week after I met your brother, at your home, Thimble arrived at the museum with a letter. Your brother had discovered things about me that could get me, I’d say put away but that sounds like I’d done something. He knew things about me that were, if put out into the open, would have made my life if not difficult, unbearable. He told me I had to work for him and he forced me to start stealing from this library. For him, for other people.
He told me, if I told you any of this, that would be the end of me.
I have tried so hard to never lie to you. Any lie I’ve ever told you is because your brother forced me to, and I thought finally I would be free. I thought finally I could just, just, know that my contract was over, know that there was someone who would let me go, so that I could start cleaning up this fucking mess that your brother put me in.
He has compromised every level of my life that I was very happy with and just treated me with more disdain than I can possibly express. And it has broken my heart that I’ve had to sit here and think about that in front of you for so long.
Your brother was a very complicated man. Many people I’ve heard have said many things about him. He could also be very cruel…and hateful…he was not kind to me to the bitter end and I did not deserve it. Any sins that I have put forward pale in comparison to the things that I have done for him or the things I have seen him do.
I thought Thimble- I thought maybe, since she had been kind, and worked very hard to make sure I never had to be in his presence.
Used to say that she- I would give her gifts and in return she would, as a thimble should, keep me from coming into contact with a prick.
So he’s dead. And there is something wrong out there. You know there’s something wrong. There is a shadow- on the world- and I need you to trust me, and that is why we are in here, because I don’t know how else to get any of you to trust me without Thimble.
------------------
Where to start?
I fought in the Shapers’ War.
I helped, with my family, murder a god.
I watched it happen with my own eyes.
I was created during the Shapers’ War. I woke up two days before the death of Rauwyn, the trickster goddess. Two days before, I was- created, to destroy her. I’m not- I’m used to half truths, it’s what I do best. This is uncomfortable.
What do you mean created? You were born-
You’re an orc, so the pariah blades were the swords that were forged to destroy the god of war, and you know that there were other weapons of the mortals of the Shapers’ war-
Humans had made staves, there were spellcasters that were to destroy the god of the sun.
The elves only made one arrow, the last arrow, to destroy their goddess.
But sitting here as Bolaire invokes the name of the dead trickster god, the god of the halflings, you realise you’ve never heard what the weapons of the halflings were. You don’t know that with certainty. You don’t actually know what those weapons even were.
Born a little less than a century ago.
Not born.
Made.
Made.
He belongs in a museum.
You are alive, yes?
I mean, I suppose that depends on your definition of alive? That gets very complicated.
Are you a machine?
No, I’m not.
Are you somewhere in between?
I am a part. I am a character. I am of the panto. A series of masks created to perform a very very specific play, and a play that was designed to murder a god. This mask could be worn by anyone.
No, the mask can wear anyone. I can wear anyone.
Can we speak in prose for a moment here?
This is me, unfortunately stuck to this. I need this, but I’m not in here. This is just what I need.
So if you put on a different mask, would you be a different person?
I really thought you were more clever than that. No. If I put on a different person, I’m still the same mask. Do you understand?
All right, is this the way it’s going to-
Come here. Come here.
Azune tracing the shape of the mask, the cheekbone, the jaw, does it feel like flesh?
Is this flesh? Does it feel like flesh?
How would I know?
You and I have spoken about literature for over 200 hours over coffee in the neighbourhood around the Rookery, you have attended performances where my daughter played music. I want to hear you say the words. Speak plainly and true.
Who or what are you?
I’m an object created to kill a god. I am a thing. I am a mask that can be worn. I am a mask that wears other people.
I am as old as the war itself.
When I am not worn, I sleep.
Minutes after the death of the trickster, I slept, until the next war, where I was worn and used and then I slept, and then I was worn and used and then I slept, through battle after battle. And then one day, during the Falconer’s Rebellion, I suddenly had the first thought that hadn’t been put in my head when I was created. I had realised that the play I was written for was long over.
I was a character whose play had ended, and I had just been left there, waiting, just- running through the motions, and I suddenly knew there must be more.
And so I ran away. I saw an opportunity, I took the body that was holding me, and I- left. And I found my way here.
I knew, I know these things, I have seen all these things, I am- this was something I was good at. This was something I could do that was not what I was made for.
And I went through the motions, and I didn’t change, really. I was just another character.
And then one day I saw one of your plays, and for the first time, theatre was more.
And- my god Hal- everything you write changes everything. Knowing you has made me bigger. Watching your talent has made me- capable of wanting to be more. And I don’t know how to express what it is because you are the only friend I’ve ever had.
But I will- I was ready to tell you everything before your brother- and instead he poisoned it. And you are genuinely all I have beyond this. He’s ruined my- career. He’s poisoned the only friendship that ever mattered to me, and I- will do anything- anything to make this work, to make this better, because this is the most important thing I’ve ever known. This theatre is so important, you’re so important. Your children are so important.
None of that explains why he hated you.
He didn’t hate me. He thought I was a thing. He had no compulsion about treating me as one.
You were useful to him.
I was useful, and I wasn’t real.
How did he find out?
I don’t know. I have my suspicions. During- when I was woken during the Falconer’s Rebellion, I was used for some clandestine missions, nothing I thought about, I didn’t think about these things, and someone must have known. I have brothers and sisters, there are more masks, they have not been found.
You remember shattered pieces of a black ceramic mask in that coffin, the coffin with Halfling writing on it. You also remember your brother’s, at times juvenile, sense of humour.
If you took that mask off of him, I suspect you’d have him well in hand.
Wait- before you leave-
(Is there any imperfection on it anywhere? Just that it was handmade, maybe bone, maybe clay. The eye sockets, they are nothing, they are just voids)
I would show you- but I doubt you would trust to put on- and I would show you
-That’s not what I’m looking for-
-This body is ornery.
Bolaire, that’s not what I’m looking for.
(I find the closest thing to a nick and I cast mending on it.)
(And I pull back)
I want to put my faith in you. I want to. For now I am just going to take a leap of faith.
-------------
I will accompany you because- I want you to feel- I want you to be safe.
Mending. But you can mend things that you don’t even know what they are? You don’t have to know. The word you say is remember. And the candle remembers what it was.
(I'm never truly active on here... Still, feel free to say hi if wished!!)
Howdy everyone! Since I have been getting into AIB and Chirisu currently, here's the masterlist for everything I have posted under this ship!
(Updated to: 04/08/25)
All fics are readable as standalones if you wish to!
List is under the cut! Have fun reading! ＼(≧▽≦)／
crawl inside my soul (find me where the ruins remained):
Arisu found Chishiya drinking alone. Drunken shenanigans ensued, and then some.
beloved stranger (familiar smile):
What happened the morning after, as Chishiya and Arisu talked about their feelings (or try to, at least.)
happiness is a butterfly (but dear, you're everything I've ever wished for):
Arisu's presence had slowly crept into every aspect of his life, and Chishiya didn't know what to do about it.
you spoke in warmth (and I believed):
Arisu went through several different stages of grief, embarrassment and love all in one day, and Chishiya was the cause of it.
look at you (the centre of my world):
Love was always about the little things, wasn't it?
grief hummed in my vein (and burnt everything in its wake):
Chishiya was recruited by his father to investigate a sensitive matter related to one of his business connections. It might or might not stir up a storm in both his and Arisu's life.
toward me (where your love nestles):
Arisu received a pleasant surprise from Chishiya, of all people, on White Day.
dearest (my luck is to have you):
Snippets of their lives together.
in fleeting dreams (please never leave):
Chishiya never stayed in his dreams. Arisu yearned for those dreams to never become true in real life.
kiss me if you dare (I don't mind):
Chirisu and the Pocky Game. That's it that's the fic guys. They are embarrassing. I'm embarrassing too.
'til love gives in (between the space of our hearts):
They got together in the end. Now what?
little words (that carried your love to me):
Their conversations throughout the years.
i'm heavy (alone inside):
Sometimes things get difficult. It's a good thing that Arisu has Chishiya.
are we smaller in another world? (are we worth the mention?):
How it truly, actually started between the two of them.
i love you (and it's the truth, my dear):
Chishiya just needed to be honest with himself at times.
be with me (alone with me):
A peak into Chishiya's diary and his personal struggles.
you got all my love (come here, by my side):
Arisu took care of Chishiya when he needed it the most.
tell me without telling me (and I'll stay, always):
Chishiya tended to hide his pain, so they talked about it.
"He’s like the ultimate monster. You both are actually." "Oh, I’m ultimate alright. Except the only way I can coexist with non-gorgons is if I keep my snakes and eyes covered. Every minute. I guess I’m too ultimate."
Frankie Stein & Deuce Gorgon in MONSTER HIGH 2 (2023)
after the night at the lighthouse, charles was scared to pick up his cricket bat again.
he'd scared crystal and niko, and even edwin- he seemed... disgusted, by him.
(he wasn't - but charles was always the best at understanding others' feelings)
but without hesitation, he picked up the bat again to fight david. because he was going to hurt crystal.
without hesitation, he used it on esther's snake. because crystal and niko were depending on him.
edwin's afterlife depended on him.
he'd been listening to edwin's screams in the other room, his pleas for her to "not come any closer," and the sobs that wracked through him shook his body with such intensity he burned his neck on the iron collar. but that pain didn't compare to the pain of hearing edwin cry.
you know, he'd never heard him cry before that night.
his trusty cricket bat, the bat that had served him well for over thirty years of his afterlife, the bat he wielded so well in school - it broke.
he remembered, vaguely, staring at the cricket bat while his dad yelled at him. while he hit him. there was a part of him that wanted to grab it, swing it around and free him and his mother from his father's abuse - but he could never muster the strength.
he would never, never let his loved ones get hurt like that again. as long as the red earth rolled.
edwin fixed his cricket bat, imbued it with just a little magic - nothing special, just a faint yellow glow - and charles knew what that meant.
to most, it would seem like his cricket bat just emanated light. but charles knew:
a part of edwin's soul existed in that bat, to give him courage to fight.
because what is the brawn without his brainy partner to protect?
someday, charles would return that favor - find a way to give edwin a part of his own, glowing soul. but for now, he would fight a million demons and witches to protect the ghost he loves.
edwin became a tiefling after the 'ardor sacrifice' incident at st. hilarion's.
charles rowland, a student from his class, had saved his life - pulling him from the flames of sacrifice, beating a couple of the other boys down with his bat along the way.
a week later, the boys on charles' team tried to kill him by stoning him in the lake. edwin found him afterwards and brought him to the school attic to warm him up and tend to his wounds.
this was the first time charles truly saw edwin's new form - the night of the incident, edwin had run away so fast, and he'd been wearing a cloak to school ever since. they didn't share any classes, and while he'd heard about the 'boy with horns,' he didn't see what they'd meant.
"don't matter one bit to me, mate."
the boys escaped st hilarion's. they were no longer welcome - a human-turned-tiefling "mary ann" and the stupid human that saved such an "abomination" were not welcome. besides, charles had only made it into such a prestigious school with a sports scholarship, anyways, and his leg was horribly injured in the lake incident.
ten years later, the boys are 26, and they're solving cases together as the "dead boy detectives." (edwin said he had "died" that night in the basement, and charles only started living when they ran away from the school).
edwin stares at himself in the mirror. his skin is a 'hideous' shade of blue, the whites of his eyes were now black, the runes from the sacrifice had been burned into his face, and one of his horns had been broken during a case. he called himself an abomination.
charles had his own flaws. there was a scar over his lip from one of the rocks thrown at him, his lips were tinted blue - something edwin could never heal away from the hypothermia - but that was 'it,' he supposed.
edwin never forgave himself for what happened to charles. the scar, the lips - they were reminders that, because of edwin, charles had his life ruined.
but charles didn't see it that way.
one night, he held edwin, running his fingers over his horns, kissing the burn scar across his face (his cold lips could soothe the burn, he told him jokingly), and reminded him how beautiful he was. how 'blue was his color,' how the 'runes in his skin were badass,' or how 'the black makes his emerald eyes glow.'
to charles, nothing else was more true - edwin payne was beautiful, tiefling or not.
when edwin dies (and let's put him at 18 for this), he isn't allowed into heaven until his demon lets him go. Death doesn't think that's fair, so she gives him another option: roam the earth as a guardian angel.
he's assigned to protect one student at a time at st hilarion's. he protects them until they graduate, when another guardian angel will be assigned to them, or until they have a near-death experience.
so basically, edwin is given the responsibility of protecting these teenagers, and if he fails, they will never have a guardian angel again. but he can never the school.
he watches 20 generations of teens pass by. he never failed to keep them safe through high school. but it kills him every day, not knowing if those 20 boys are still safe.
then he's assigned to one boy that changes everything: charles rowland.
charles is different. edwin knows from the bruises he comes in with after holidays, or the way he flinches when he gets yelled at - there's more going on at home. edwin begs Death to allow him to travel just to charles' home and back. nowhere else. she agrees.
he sees the horrible things going on in charles' home, and there he serves his purpose - he keeps charles from a near death experience by guiding his thoughts. he has the ability to pop ideas of what to say into his head - and while it's charles' choice to say them or not, he always listens to the 'angel on his shoulder,' as he calls it.
then, when charles is 17, the lake event happens. edwin gives him idea after idea, but charles is too scared - or the boys do something else that edwin doesn't expect.
he could tell he was going to die of hypothermia in that attic, so he brought him a lantern - but then charles asked him who he was, and he knew: he had failed. Death would come any moment and assign him to a new boy, and charles' life would be in his own hands. but edwin knew he wouldn't survive without him.
he silently begged Death to give him a chance to save this boy. she didn't show up until he was safe, and he survived that night. then, it was time for him to get a new boy to protect.
charles begged for edwin to stay. edwin told death it was cruel, and that this boy had it worse than any he'd been assigned to before. he begged her to allow him at the very least, to stay with charles until he finished st. hilarion's. she didn't agree.
but through the protection of another boy, charles could still see him. and even with death's warning - that interacting with the supernatural like this would only bring him bad luck - he didn't care. edwin was his friend.
and then they fell in love.
charles graduated, and edwin was left chained to st. hilarion's. but charles made it his goal to find the boys edwin had protected, find out what happened to them.
he returned every month or so with that information. until one day, he didn't show up for over half a year.
then he was assigned to protect a boy at st hilarion's. he had died at 19 years old in a car accident, but death decided that the afterlife meant for him wasn't in heaven. it was with edwin, protecting the boys of st. hilarion's.
eventually edwin was free to pass on, but he didn't. he and charles did what they could to keep their assigned teens safe - then they started keeping half of the school safe, even without being assigned to most of them.
then death set them free.
they started what they called the 'dead boy protection agency,' where they would take on requests of who to guard. sometimes it was a simple escort for women that felt unsafe in their towns. sometimes they would watch over a family for a few years. they found ways to watch over them through mirrors, able to keep several clients safe at once, and able to get to them in a flash.
the dead boy protection agency would eventually protect crystal palace - a medium, who could see them. she joined and helped where she could for several years.
they also protected niko sasaki, who nearly died to a supernatural disease. she became friends with the boys for several years, as well.
eventually, the two girls moved on from their eternally-young friends, but they still visted once a year to check on them.
but the boys would continue to protect as many people as they could, breaking plenty of death's rules along the way.
I shared the isolated audio of Charles' death scene where his "friends" taunted him as they killed him, and in that video, they called him "Charlie." This confirmed what many people in fandom already believed: Charles, a sporty teenage boy in the 80s, would not have gone by his proper first name and likely went by a nickname/shortened version of his name instead.
Now that we know that to be true, it does beg the question: why does Edwin call him Charles? I told you all not to get me started on this in the tags, but you stinkers want me to yap, so let's get into it! 😜
This is a very uninteresting answer, but I think Edwin does not call Charles "Charlie" simply because Charles did not introduce himself as such. Had he introduced himself as Charlie, I don't think Edwin would call him anything else.
This actually brings us to the "meat" of this analysis, and the more important question we need to ask: why would Charles choose not to introduce himself as "Charlie" if that's what people seemed to call him?
I have a couple of theories:
The first one: when Charles meets Edwin he's in a fragile state. A boy he's never seen in all his time at school approaches him, seeming to come out of thin air, just to bring him a lantern without any strings attached (even though Charles cannot give him anything in return). Charles has never experienced that kind of unconditional kindness in his life, and I'm sure that alone was enough to be a bit earth-shaking, mind-scrambling, and intimidating.
But it doesn't end there! The boy who brings the lantern is also claiming to be dead. Delerium/hallucinations are a common symptom of hypothermia so Charles could have though that Edwin was not real or was maybe even some kind of angel-like figure coming to keep him company in his final moments. I mean, the boy's wearing a dated school uniform, enters in a halo glow of golden light, and can walk through walls...it's not the wildest conclusion to jump to.
I think either of thos things individually or a combination of having your guard up, being a bit frazzled from the whole "dying" thing, and believing you're in the presence of an ethereal deity (combined with the fact that you're a people pleaser at your core) is enough to feel compelled to introduce yourself not in formal manner. Not to mention if Edwin introduced himself first, hand outstretched in a formal matter and proper posh accent on full display (something I can totally see him doing), Charles might have felt a bit silly calling himself by such a casual title.
While I think all of this can be varying degrees of true, however, my biggest personal headcanon is that Charles might not have introduced himself as Charlie because who's to say he LIKED that nickname? My circumstances were similar to Charles' growing up, I also had many nicknames from friends and family that I didn't ask for but was given anyway against my will... and I always hated it. Still cringe at some of them to this day, actually! So I think it's possible that Charlie Rowland met Edwin Payne, with all his formal stature and proper professional-sounding name, and took the opportunity to choose what he'd like to go by, without the influence of family or friends. In that way, his chosen identity that would kick off the rest of his existence moving forward (unknown to him at the moment, but true from a narrative standpoint nonetheless) serves as a "Taking your power back" moment for Charles who literally just heard the name "Charlie" being hurled at him as he begged for mercy from people who were supposed to be his friends. Even if he tolerated the nickname "Charlie" before, it certainly wouldn't have fond associations following the event that ended his life (if it had any positive associations to begin with).
Again, speaking from experience, Charlie also sounds like the kind of nickname that could be sugar-sweet on some tongues, innocent even, (his mother cooing over a young Charles), but terrifying from an abusive figure... a scathing kind of mockery. I've always imagined that Charles' dad more than likely called him Charlie, for example, and not in a fond, loving way (in the same way his so-called "friends" were not doing so in a loving way).
So yeah, why would Charles WANT to go by Charlie?
Now that we've established that, we can go back to Edwin...what you came here for!
All that in mind, I still don't see Edwin as the nickname type at all. From a romance standpoint I could maybe see him using a few dated, sappy endearments, but we don't ever hear him use a casual name toward anyone. In his lifetime Charlie would have been a perfectly normal name, but the kind of "fond" nicknaming practices and casual male friendships that happened in 1989 were not common practices in 1916, the Edwardian era. Even with his infinite fondness of Charles, I could never see Edwin uttering "Charlie." It doesn't feel right.
Plus, let's be honest: Edwin says Charles' name with enough love and reverence that he doesn't need to use an endearment. His tone says it all (lol).
Beyond that though, like I said above, I can't see Edwin feeling to impulse to call him "Charlie" because that's not how Charles introduced himself. Edwin strikes me as the kind of person that would be like, "If he wanted to be called Charlie, he surely would have said as much" and left it at that. But a name like Charlie also conveys a sort of youthfulness, and while he and Charles are 16 forever, technically, they have been detached from their lives for a long time and they're MUCH older than 16 in experience and in their professional life.
The only question I was left with, and one I've seen several people ponder, is why Charles would suggest they call The Night Nurse Charlie, (like from Charlie's Angels), as it seems a bit strange if his own name is Charlie/he went by Charlie. My answer/interpretation isn't that exciting, but it's one I feel makes the most sense: I honestly think this can easily be explained away by the fact that Charles is so far removed from that identity and so dissociated from his life that he no longer associates the name "Charlie" with himself in any way. Like it literally didn't even occur to him, in that moment, that Charlie/Charles are so similar because he has built a barrier in his mind between himself and that nickname; they're two entirely different identifiers to him. Whether that be a coping mechanism, or simply just something he wasn't thinking so deeply about (it has been 30 years since anyone called him that, except for Brad and Hunter in Port Townsend), we can't say for sure. However, it's clear Charles does not want to go by Charlie, and at least now we can safely assume why.
Let me know your thoughts! Do you agree with my interpretation? Do you have your own opinion that I didn't cover? Feel free to share with me!
Keep streaming Dead Boy Detectives & screaming about it ! Hugs to each and every one of you! 💜
you put all of this into the words i couldn't, love this!!
i always wondered if maybe part of the reason charles gets so angry at the end of episode 5 is bc brad and hunter call him "charlie-boy," then say he's "victim blaming." probably not a great combo.
charles probably has had that name said that way to him before, in that tone, and it made him think of when *he* was a victim. and these jocks are treating him exactly like his "friends" did. proving something for the second time:
charles keeps trusting bad guys.
that's why he's so scared. so angry. he wants so desperately to be a good guy, but he keeps trusting horrible people. but coming from personal experience, that doesn't make him a bad guy at all.
charles wants to trust first, ask later. which can hurt you in the end, but it shows a sign of being a good person. of not judging others.
i hope in season 2 we get to see charles start really trying to observe people more, make sure he doesnt let the bad guys in anymore. maybe even put up *too much* of a shield, and have to find that middle ground because that is honestly the hardest part.
but the good thing? there is one person he knows he can trust. the boy that brought him a lantern in the attic, tried to protect him where others wouldn't, and always comes back to him. and never, NEVER judges him for hiding his trauma.
even in episode 4, he says charles' actions were "extreme," but is clearly not upset *with* charles - edwin's the only one that follows as charles backs night nurse up into the water. he was worried about charles, upset *for* him. what kind of "nightmares and sick smiles" did charles just see to make him react like that?
edwin will always be his light. even if he has to put his shield up to protect himself, that light will still reach him.
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turnnoffyourmind
