❛ you inability to learn complicated handshakes is tearing this gang apart ❜
❛ i hope no one lowkey hates me. highkey hate me. hate me with every fiber of your being. go big or go home ❜
❛ my style isn’t even my style, i can’t afford my actual style ❜
❛ i feel like everyone has a teacher from high school that they’d 100% fight ❜
❛ i don’t mean to interrupt people i just randomly remember things and get really excited, i’m sorry ❜
❛ sir, you cannot name your son ‘Papa_Roach_Scars.mp3’ we just won’t allow it ❜
❛ if you asked me what my sexuality was, i couldn’t give you a straight answer ❜
❛ i just wanna wear lingerie, smell like lavender, and have soft skin ❜
❛ yabba dabba done with your shit ❜
❛ 5 years ago i was a fucking mess and now i’m a fucking mess but at peace with it and with a cooler fashion sense ❜
❛ the only reason i’m staying in school is so i can provide for my future ❜
❛ occupation: sleepiest girl on the planet ❜
❛ true friendship is willfully making someone’s emotional devastation over fictional characters worse ❜
❛ (not so) breaking news: i’m sad again and everyone’s tired of hearing about it ❜
❛ my new year’s resolution is to stop ❜
❛ people keep posting ‘what’s REALLY in your food’ articles like i’m gonna stop eating whatever it’s about lmao listen, death is coming. death is coming. pass me a hot dog ❜
❛ do you sometimes wonder why you have weird friends but then you snap and realize that you’re as weird as them ❜
❛ have you ever met someone who’s smile looks like it could make flowers grow ❜
❛ is ‘no’ an emotion because i feel it ❜
❛ i wanna be the one girl who looks really cute but also gives off the vibe that she could snap your neck if you disrespect her like is that possible for me ❜
❛ concept: me, having friends and being liked by people ❜
❛ the human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single fucking one of them ❜
❛ replace my heart with another liver so i can drink more and care less ❜
❛ i need a hug and six months of sleep ❜
❛ good morning i’m obsessed with being loved ❜
❛ don’t come back when you realize that i’m rare ❜
❛ i’m stuck in between ‘i really wanna meet new people’ and ‘why can’t everyone leave me the fuck alone’ ❜
❛ can you believe some people meet each other and just hit it off right off the bat and just… date??? and fall in love? ?? that sounds fake ? ? ? ❜
❛ painfully average looking with a great sense of humor and always down to get drunk ❜
❛ people are always like ‘are you a morning person or a night person’ and i’m just like… buddy, i’m barely even a person ❜
❛ you ever talk to a stupid boy to pass time? ❜
❛ don’t talk to me or my 78 insecurities ever again ❜
❛ i’ll always have a soft spot for you ❜
❛ i hate being tickled. i do not think it’s cute, i do not think it’s funny. i will kick you in the fucking face ❜
❛ you inability to learn complicated handshakes is tearing this gang apart ❜
❛ there’s no blood in my veins anymore it is coffee and broken dreams ❜
❛ i’ll pay you $7 to have a crush on me ❜
❛ i’m a hopeless romantic… emphasis on hopeless ❜
❛ i deal with my personal problems the same way i study for tests… i don’t ❜
❛ half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other half of me is, well, an asshole ❜
❛ my biggest problem is i don’t like, do shit ❜
❛ how am i supposed to be productive when netflix just automatically plays the next episode for you? ❜
❛ a girls sleepy voice is probably the cutest thing that has ever existed on this earth ❜
❛ at like a really specific time at night i feel like i wanna fall in love or some shit but then i wake up and i’m ok again ❜
❛ i’d really like to be taken out tbh. in a date way or a sniper way. i have no preference ❜
❛ i don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions ❜
❛ i want to be one of those people who does yoga and eats berries for breakfast, but i’m one of those people who stays in bed until 4 pm and eats pizza ❜
❛ why are there waiting lists for preschools?!?! babies are small!!!! 800 could fit in one room, just stack them ❜
❛ raise your hand if you are scared shitless about the future yet couldn’t care less at the same time ❜
❛ i hate being the stereotypical emo bitch, but life sux, my dude ❜
❛ i wanna learn how to throw knives so i can throw ‘em like real close and graze somebody to let them know to shut the fuck up ❜
❛ my heart says yes but my mom says no ❜
❛ if we are ever invaded by aliens and they wanna destroy earth and whatever that’s fine, but leave old friends senior dog sanctuary out of it ❜
❛ i don’t want to get involved in the drama, i just wanna know 103% of the information on what happened ❜
❛ if i had the power to control time i would probably just use it to sleep more ❜
❛ guess who got shit done today….. not me lmao but congrats to somebody out there ❜
❛ i promise i’m a lot nicer than my ‘walking to class’ face would lead you to believe ❜
❛ why spend money on booze when i can get fucked up by conspiracy theories for free? ❜
❛ binge watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant ❜
❛ merry crisis, everyone ❜
❛ my whole life is the one episode of friends where ross drinks all those margaritas and keeps telling everyone that he’s fine when he clearly isn’t fine ❜
❛ i’m a huge supporter of things which annoy misogynistic rich white men ❜
❛ kinda wanna go on a date, kinda wanna get hit by a truck too ❜
❛ do i even have a sexuality at this point or is it literally just ‘oh yes i’d kiss you’ ❜
❛ not interested dot com forward slash you ❜
❛ napping together is my kind of date ❜
❛ i’m trying to stop being a hater but it’s just so hard when there are so many things that need my hate ❜
❛ i need to stop imagining things i’d say in interviews if i was ever famous because i am not ❜
❛ guess who got their life together!!!!! …not me, but someone probably has ❜
❛ concept: the worst is over. everything’s gonna be okay now ❜
❛ me, giving your eulogy at your funeral: ‘we are gathered here today to mourn a friend, a relative, a companion and a loved one, and to kinkshame them one last time’ ❜
❛ one day i will take a really good selfie and you will be sorry….. you will all be sorry ❜
❛ i was so ugly in 2008 because i didn’t care about my looks, i cared about the jonas brothers ❜
❛ i’m the whole package: bitter AND petty ❜
❛ my life is that awkward walk/jog you do in front of a car when you’re crossing the street ❜
❛ i use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a fucking moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon and i was raised better than that ❜
❛ my aesthetic is looking really tired even when i’ve had enough sleep and having a lot of bad habits and responding poorly to criticism ❜
❛ yes you’re allowed to have other friends, you just have to love me more ❜
❛ i just want to be somewhere warm and making questionable decisions ❜
❛ i don’t have plans for tonight or the rest of my life if you want to have a drink or get married ❜
❛ screenshots don’t scare me, i know what the fuck i said ❜
❛ ‘you’re kind of annoying’ kind of? kind of??? excuse me. excuse you. i am fully annoying. i am very annoying. there’s nothing half-assed half-hearted ‘kind of’ about it ❜
❛ *jumps over hole in sidewalk* yeah you could say i’m pretty fucking athletic ❜
❛ i don’t ‘dress to impress’ i dress to depress. i wanna look so good that people hate themselves ❜
❛ sorry, i couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue ❜
❛ valentine’s day is coming up, i don’t know what to buy myself ❜
❛ you’re really cute and it’s ruining my life because i think about kissing you all the time ❜
❛ ‘dude, i’m wasted’ and by wasted, i’m talking about my wasted potential because i’m a lazy piece of shit ❜
❛ i may be a terrible person but at least i say please and thank you and use my fucking blinker ❜
❛ is it too late to try to be myspace famous ❜
❛ ask him if he’s good with his hands, then when he comes over, make him put together ikea furniture ❜
❛ if a woman’s hand is steady enough to put on winged eyeliner then it’s steady enough to stab you in the heart ❜
❛ please don’t get tired of me ❜
❛ finals? fuck a final. gone girl myself. ❜
❛ i really thought quick sand was going to be a bigger issue in life when i was little ❜
❛ i’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire ❜
❛ why must the cute ones (me) suffer ❜
❛ nasa actually stands for ‘not any straight aliens.’ gayliens are real and out there ❜
❛ not to be bitter or anything but i hope everyone that has ever hurt me is absolutely miserable ❜
❛ my mind says college, but my heart says isolated sheep herder in iceland ❜
❛ i am an adult oh god make it stop ❜
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