Musings of a Lousy Princess

This is where the description goes but there's really nothing to highlight here. This blog is a place for me to vent thoughts that I feel like sharing, but not sharing with any one person. Some of the thoughts expressed here have been worked through and are no longer applicable, so the deeper you go, the more salt you should take with each post. Recurring themes, obviously, are still valid. Thanks for reading and I love you.

[about-mildlyalice]

338.I thought that I’d never really had a dream broken, but I remember, shortly after starting ballet, I told the teacher excitedly that I wanted to continue to practice ballet and be a great ballerina. I remember she told me “No, boys can’t be ballerinas” and I remember being really crestfallen over that for a while.

[about-mildlyalice]

337. I got my first boyfriend! Happy days! But I keep finding myself worrying that he’s just gonna leave some time. I’m scared to lose him, and I worry a lot that I’m not good enough for him.

[about-mildlyalice]

336. I got hit by a car today and it made me realise that even though I don’t actively pursue death, I’m all too welcoming of its sweet embrace.

[about-mildlyalice]

335.

pff ok so I corrected my name on Facebook and is it super stupid that the first semi-negative comment kinda worked positively in my eyes?

Chick-with-a-dick is better than dude-in-a-dress, right?

[about-mildlyalice]

334. I’m kinda stuck in crisis mode atm

I’m biting at those I want to be closer to, I’m sabotaging my own attempts to escape this mess, I’m shutting down, my motivation is gone. I’m back to going through the motions. I didn’t want to get back here.

[about-mildlyalice]

333. I’ve fallen in love with my best friend and it really hurts. Why him?

[about-mildlyalice]

332. A personality test

Results of my quiz from http://www.colorquiz.com/

Your Existing Situation

"Inclined to choose luxurious things, which are gratifying to the senses.  Turned off by things which are tacky and tasteless."

Your Stress Sources

"Feels empty and isolated from others and wishes to overcome this feeling.  Believes life has more to offer her than what she was experienced thus far, and doesn't want to miss out on anything.  she purses all her goals and dreams, fearful that any missed opportunity will cause her to miss out on even more.  Quickly becomes an expert in any field she pursues and can sometimes come off as overbearing and nosy."

Your Restrained Characteristics

Current events leave her feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation.

Emotionally distant even from those closest to her.

"Although she is able to find contentment through sexual activity, she feels hopeless to change her problems and difficulties and continues to make the best of what she has."

Conceited and is easily insulted.  Holds back emotionally but is able to find satisfaction through sexual activity.

Your Desired Objective

"Highly optimistic and outgoing personality.  Loves to learn new and exciting things, and craves new interests.  Looking for a well-rounded life full of success and new experiences.  Does not allow herself to be overcome with negative thoughts or self-doubt.  Takes life head on, with enthusiasm. "

Your Actual Problem

Is afraid she will be held back from obtaining the things she wants leading her to act out with a hectic intensity.

Your Actual Problem #2

"Fights resistance or limitations, and insists she is free to develop in her own way.  Rewarded by accomplishing things on her own, with little to no help from others."

- See more at: http://www.colorquiz.com/results.php?code=f,4,1,3,5,6,2,0,7,6,3,4,5,6,2,1,0,7,2&p=full#sthash.qvgJtPhC.dpuf

[about-mildlyalice]

331. sgafrolg

[about-mildlyalice]

330. In the ninth or tenth grade, I had a friend who signed my email up for Libra girls’ club. To this day I wonder, was it just a harmless prank, or was it because she saw me for who I am? Probably the former, but I mean, I never did cancel that subscription, and it actually made me really happy.

[about-mildlyalice]

329. Why can't I shrink smaller? I just wanna shrivel up and disappear and not be anymore.

[about-mildlyalice]

328. It's started to feel bizarre to type or write my birth name on forms since I go by this one in most circles now.

[about-mildlyalice]

327. Musings

What if there is a god and They made children sort of gender-neutral "human" creatures for the first 7-12 years of their lives just in case They accidentally made an error in assigning body and mind. What if it's the loading time like "are you sure you want to use these settings?" What if, by forcing kids into genders and not enabling them to possibly discover their gender for themselves (and most people will go sex=gender!), we're throttling Their backup plan. What if God just forgot to account for the human error, while making humans?

Arrogance is assuming that you won't make a mistake.

Confidence is knowing that you might, but having a plan for that.

[about-mildlyalice]

326. I really want someone to hold me tight and tell me everything is gonna be ok but I don't even think anyone really cares I exist on here with the exception of the few mutuals who follow this blog and irl I'm always a second or third option and I just don't think it's worth it. Even on tumblr where I feel that I fit in most, nobody really cares because I'm just another anime blogger that they add to their queues.

[about-mildlyalice]

325. I actually kinda like my legs...

[about-mildlyalice]

324. Today's moral of the day is that "financial security" is a myth and you can always be wiped to zero in an instant.

[about-mildlyalice]

323. I'm getting so frustrated being so close to hrt but so far, too. I'm seriously considering self-medication..

[about-mildlyalice]

322. I feel like I'm not allowed to be self-conscious about my stomach because I'm relatively thin but I really really am and I feel guilty because I'm not overweight at all but ughh my tummy bulges and it's gross