I woke up on the couch, a small ache in the middle of my back. This sleeping on the couch thing wasn't working out for me, but I got nowhere else to go. I winced as I slowly sat up. I put my glasses on before walking to the bathroom and doing my morning routine.
It was weird, though. I didn't hear the patter of feet running around. I didn't hear any video games. I didn't even hear Ron. Where was everybody?
I sighed and sat down on the couch and turned on the TV to watch something. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air reruns was on. I was getting hungry but I was also getting a little too lazy to get up and make something. And all I could think about was my Whitley.
I miss waking up next to her, and her waking me up for work with kisses. I miss her corny jokes and her occasionally funny ones. I always said her nagging voice would be the death of me but I barely hear it anymore. The country accent with a hint of drama queen. I never thought I'd miss that voice.
Suddenly, I heard the front door start to open. Three kids ran their way inside, followed by a walking Whitley and Ron.
DJ and Aiko ran to me, devouring me in hugs. Whitley walked straight past me with bags in her hand, into the kitchen.
Luna waved, “Hi, Uncle Dwayne.”
“Oh, you come here and give me a hug, too,” I motioned for her to join the group hug.
Luna giggled before running to hug me, too.
They all let go, but Aiko still straddled her way onto my lap.
DJ smiled, “Mom and Uncle Ron took us out for breakfast.”
Ron sat next to me on the couch, “We decided to let you sleep in. You looked a little… tired,” he smiled in a sarcastic way.
Aiko smiled, “And Mama bought you food.”
“Did she?” I smiled at her.
“I'll be right back,” I kissed her cheek before picking her up and putting her next to me on the couch. I was gonna try my luck with Whitley… again.
I walked inside the kitchen, she was washing her hands.
“Hi, Whitley,” I sat down at the table.
She turned the water off before grabbing a paper towel to dry her hands. She threw it out before turning to me, “Hi.”
“So… you got me food?” I looked at her.
She stood by the table, “I did. It's in the refrigerator. I couldn't feed everyone and not you,” she paused for a second as she played with her fingers, “We need to talk.”
Finally. Finally, she wants to talk to me about this so we can try and move past it.
“Whitley, again, I'm so so-”
“Not about that,” she stared blankly at me. Fuck.
“Oh,” I sighed, “Talk about what?”
“About our living situation. We've been at Ron’s for two weeks and haven't agreed on a place. I can't keep staying here, the kids need their own rooms. They need their own space. Aiko is sharing a bed with Luna when Luna’s here. It's me and DJ in that bed downstairs--”
“And me on the couch with a sore back.”
“Should've thought about that before you went and cheated on me Miss Yoko Ono,” she stared at me. I could see the hurt in her eyes.
“Whitley, I'm trying to make things right with you-”
“I'm not having that conversation with you right now,” her tone became hostile, “We need to agree on a place to live, okay? And soon,” she stormed out and I watched her.
She’s always so beautiful when she’s angry. But I need to fix this. Somehow. And I think I have an idea.
Sometimes it's so hard being upset at Dwayne. Especially when he knows he's wrong because he is the sweetest thing and that’s so hard to resist. Part of me wants to forgive him and part of me wants to stay mad forever. But what do I do?
While I was at breakfast with Ron and the kids, the thought of Dwayne at home alone bothered me. Every time we would go out to eat, we'd go as a family. But we haven't been in a while. And I wasn't ready to have to sit in such a small space with him. I didn't know what to do so I just didn't wake him up. But I couldn't leave him without something to eat. I'm mad at him, but I just couldn't do it.
Ron also wanted to talk to me about the situation alone. To hear my side. Since the kids were there, I was very brief. I simply told Ron that I was hurt and needed time. Nothing more, nothing less.
The doorbell rang. I looked around to see who would answer it, but Ron and DJ were playing with that video game once again and I'm sure Dwayne is eating in the kitchen.
I got up and walked to the front door. I opened it to see my mother, Marion. This is not a great time, but I haven't seen my mother in years.
I forced a smile, “Mother! It's so good to see you. What a surprise,” I smiled nervously.
She walked on in, “Well, you told me you were in town! I couldn't pass up the chance to see my grandchildren. Come give me a hug, sweetheart. Not too tight,” she opened her arms for me.
I closed the door before hugging her gently. She never wanted me to mess up her clothes.
“Now where are those grandbabies of mine?”
“In here,” I walked her to the living room.
DJ looked up quickly, “Hi, grandma!” He dropped his controller and ran up to hug her.
Aiko ran to her to with a doll in her hand, “Grandma!” Aiko hugged my mother's legs.
My mother hugged DJ back before he ran to his game. She picked up Aiko, “Hey, sweetheart.”
My kids loved my mother because she'd buy them whatever toys or games they wanted with no questions asked.
My mother noticed Luna. She walked over to her, before putting Aiko down, “Hi, you're Lilly, right?”
Luna smiled, “No, my name is Luna. You're Aunt Whitley’s mom, right?” She smiled.
“Yes, I am, sweetheart. It's nice to see you again, you're so beautiful. You look like your father.”
Luna smiled sweetly, “Thank you.”
My mother walked over to me, “Where's that husband of yours?”
I inhaled sharply, forcing a smile, “He's in the kitchen, eating. You really shouldn't interrupt him, he hasn't eaten all day.”
I really just didn't want my mother to notice the tension between us.
“Oh, nonsense, I'm just going to say hello,” my mother walked right on into the kitchen.
I stayed on the outside. I didn't want to be in that room with them.
Shortly, she walked back out from the kitchen. She came to me, “So where are you staying so I can put my bag?”
“You can just leave it on the couch, mother.”
“With all these children, I'd rather not.”
I sighed, “Follow me,” I didn't want to hear her mouth about my living conditions but it's bound to happen. Telling her is one thing. Her actually seeing it is another. I walked downstairs as she followed me.
We entered the basement and I saw her face change in disappointment.
“Whitley…” she shook her head.
“I know it isn't the ideal place, but I'm still looking.”
She sighed, putting her bag down on the bed, “Even the decor in here just clashes with each other. You didn't want to customize it up a bit?”
“Well, I don't plan on staying here. I don't want to make it more home-like because I don't want to get comfortable in here. Although, it is hard to get comfortable in here to begin with because it's so crowded,” I sighed.
My mom nodded, “Mhm, I understand. But this bedding. You could've at least changed the bedding.”
I looked at her, “Really?”
“I'm just saying, sweetheart. Also, you should really think about relaxing Aiko’s hair soon. It would be so much easier to tame and more presentable.”
“We already had that conversation, and the answer is no. She's only three, I'm not going to damage her hair that way.”
“Well, you should've thought about how your children were gonna look before you just upped and married Dwayne.”
“What's wrong with how my kids look? My kids are beautiful.”
“They are beautiful, darling, but wouldn't a looser curl be easier to work with? Maybe a texturizer?And all those problems she was having in Japan, she wouldn't have had them, if you had married a man of Julian’s caliber.”
“Of Julian's caliber or Julian's skin color and hair?” I glared at her.
“Whitley, all I'm saying is… you don't want Aiko to stick out like a sore thumb.”
“It doesn't matter. I'm going to teach my daughter to love her natural hair. And her brown skin. And I absolutely did not worry about how my kids were going to look with Dwayne because my children would've been beautiful regardless of who I had them with. So no, I'm not perming my daughter’s hair. I refuse to teach her that the hair she was born with is unkempt and unpretty. So please do not ask me again,” I glared at her.
She looked at me quietly for a moment. She opened her mouth as if she had something to say then paused. She continued, “I didn't mean to upset you, Whitley.”
I sighed. I shook my head, “It's fine,” I paused looking down at my hands, “I've just been going through this with Aiko since I had her. Her and DJ being dark in Japan wasn't easy for them.”
“Dwayne has thick skin. He doesn't care what anyone has to say about him.”
She nodded, “And speaking of Dwayne, what's going on between the two of you?”
“We’re fine, mother,” I lied.
“Mhm. You two are usually all over each other and today just seems so off.”
“We just… we had an argument last night, so we're being a little distant,” I lied again.
I didn't want my mother saying I told you so. I couldn't tell her about what Dwayne did to me, she'd never let me forget it.
“Well, I want to take the kids for a few days. May I?”
“I don't know. They haven't been away from me in a while.”
“Please, Whitley? I need time with them, too.”
I sighed, “Okay,” I nodded, “But only three days.”
She smiled, “Why don't you bring Aiko up here so I can fix her hair.”
“I already did her hair this morning,” I looked at my mother.
“And she's been playing around since. It's all frizzy. She has to look nice and neat when she steps out the house with me, you know that,” she grinned at me.
I sighed in frustration, keeping a forced smile on my face, “Sure,” I made my way up the steps, onto the main floor.
I saw Dwayne walk out of the kitchen and into the living room. He kept his eyes on me. I hated that this happened to us. I really do.
I cleared my throat as I stepped towards Aiko, “Koko, grandma’s gonna be taking you for a few days and she wants to fix your hair up, come on.”
“But I'm playing with Luna,” Aiko frowned, “And my hair is done,” she looked up at me.
“I know, baby, I told her that but she wants to do it over.”
“Why do you always let her do that to you?” I heard Dwayne’s voice.
“You always let your mother walk all over you,” he frowned.
“She isn't the only one, is she?” I stared at him, “I guess I'm just one, big doormat.”
He sighed, raising his hands up in defeat. He stayed silent for a few seconds.
I looked down at Aiko, “Come on. You can finish playing when you're done,” I picked her up.
“I'm gonna be going out. Okay?” Dwayne looked at me.
“Will I have anything to worry about?”
“Not at all,” I could see the sorrow in his face. He was upset that I even had to ask this.
“Okay. Go ahead,” I walked away with my daughter.
I brought her down to my mother and my mother took her hair out of the ponytail I had it in. She sat between my mother's legs while my mother used a comb to part her hair in half. She was doing two buns in her hair.
“Whitley, do you have any barrettes for her hair? Two of the same kind if you have.”
I went into my suitcase. As I took out her barrette box, filled with hair accessories, I tried to find any two blue barrettes, as they would match her shirt.
“Grandma, daddy does my hair sometimes,” I heard Aiko speak.
“Does he really?” My mother entertained Aiko’s conversation.
“Yea..” she became quiet for a few seconds. She started again, “Daddy is sad now. All the time.”
“Is he?” My mother asked.
I frowned. I didn't know she picked up on that.
“Yea. I think it's cause mama is mad at him.”
I shook my head as I took the barrettes out the box. My eyes swelled up with tears but I quickly wiped them away, “Here, mother,” I handed my mother the clips.
Her hair was almost finished. As smooth as ever, and perfect. She placed the two blue barrettes in her hair, one in front of each bun.
“Okay, sweetheart, you're finished,” my mother tapped Aiko’s thigh, “You can go back to playing with Lisa now.”
“It's Luna,” I looked at my mother.
“Luna. Right,” My mother turned to look at Aiko, “Do you need mama to help you up the stairs?”
“Nope,” Aiko jumped off my mother's lap, “I can do it by myself,” she ran to the steps.
Me and my mother both watched her as she wobbled her way up. Once she was out and closed the door, it was silent.
“So,” my mother looked at me, “Are you gonna tell me what's really going on between you and Dwayne, now?”
“Don't you lie to me again, Whitley. If it was just a small argument, that child wouldn't have noticed a thing. But she did. What's going on?”
“Okay, okay,” I looked down, “Dwayne…”
“Dwayne, what?” she raised an eyebrow.
“He… he cheated on me in Tokyo.”
“He cheated! Okay? That's what he did,” I plopped myself on the bed, “He cheated on me,” my eyes started to swell with tears once again, “And it’s so annoying having to tell this story over and over and over.”
“Whitley…” my mom moved closer to me. She wrapped her arms around me.
I cried into her shoulder, “I'm so mad at him. But I love him, so, so much. I don't know what to do,” I sniffled.
“Is that why you moved back?”
“It was one of the reasons,” I wiped my tears from my face.
She nodded, “And was this woman Japanese?”
“Now, Whitley, didn't I warn you about marrying him?”
I jumped up out of her arms, “See?! That's exactly why I didn't want to tell you!”
“Well, I was right about him! That man does not a thing for you, Whitley. I didn't raise you to live like this at all.”
“Now, you hold on a minute. Dwayne may have cheated but he's done a whole lot for me. Don't go there,” I folded my arms, pacing back and forth, “And excuse me for marrying a man who genuinely loves me, even if he did mess up! I wasn't just some arm candy to Dwayne, I was his best friend. Unlike Julian. And unlike any other rich man you could think to hook me up with.”
“Yea, well, he betrayed his best friend. I suggest you divorce him before you become the divorcee.”
“If Dwayne wanted to leave me, he would've done it already. And divorce? I can't hurt my children like that. I can't,” I stood in place looking at my mother.
“Sometimes you have to do what's right for you. You followed this man all the way to Tokyo to get cheated on. He doesn't deserve you anymore, Whitley. You know it.”
Tears streamed down my face, “I know he doesn't, but-”
“I don't know, mother. I don't know,” I wiped my tears, “I'm gonna need time to think about this.”
I came back into Ron’s house with an huge smile on my face. Yea, I had just spent a fortune but Whitley’s face will all make it worth it. It's something she's been asking for, for a minute now.
The house was empty and quiet. I opened the door to the basement and walked downstairs.
“Whitley?” I spoke as I walked down the steps.
“Yes?” She sounded concentrated on something. I walked down to see her reading her book.
“He went to drop off Luna. And he said after that he's spending the night at his girlfriend’s house.”
I walked over, “May I sit on the bed?”
She looked up at me, “You can sit here. You just can't sleep here.”
I nodded, “Got it,” I sat in the bed, “Can we talk? I got something for you.”
“Actually,” she closed her book, “I wanted to talk, too,” she observed what I was wearing, “Did you say goodbye to the kids before you left?”
“Yea, I did. Speaking of, I have a boys night out with DJ and Ron next week. There's a car show.”
I nodded, “That's fine. Maybe I’ll do something with Aiko and Kim. But enough of that,” she ran her hand through her dark, loose curls, “Before you give me anything, I just want to say you hurt me. Deeply, Dwayne. And I've been sitting here and contemplating for almost two months what I want to do.”
“What do you wanna do, Whitley?” I looked down at my hands. My palms were sweaty. My heart was beating a thousand beats per minute.
She took a deep breath, “I want a divorce, Dwayne.”
My heart broke immediately at those words. I looked down, “Why?”
“Is that really a question?”
“I mean I get it. I betrayed you, Whitley, but please, I want to make that up you,” I reached out to touch her hand.
She snatched it away, “Dwayne…” her voice started to crack, “Please don't make this harder for me.”
“I love you. Okay? There isn't a person in this world who can mean to me what you mean to me, baby,” my eyes began to tear up. I barely ever cry but I couldn't help it. I messed up so bad that she doesn't want to be married to me anymore. She doesn't want to be my wife anymore.
Tears rolled down her face, “Dwayne, please, stop it.”
Seeing her cry made me even more upset. I don't think I’ve ever seen Whitley cry in front of me. At least not with me being the reason.
“You're my best friend, Whitley, I can't let you just walk away from me,” I shook my head, reaching for her hand again. This time, she let me grab it. I kissed her hand, “I love you, so, so much. Please, Whitley…”
I was begging. I knew I was begging and I didn't care. This type of woman doesn't come around very often and I was stupid not to remember that when I was cheating on her. I was lucky to have her and I’m determined to keep her. Whatever it takes.
And she just cried. She cried and cried.
“I won't ever hurt you again, Whitley,” I reached to wipe her tears and surprisingly, she let me. My hands gently held onto her face, while my thumbs wiped her tears away.
“How can I believe you, Dwayne? Hm?” She looked at me. The tears subsided.
And idea jumped into my head, “Counseling. Let's do counseling.”
“Marriage counseling?” She sniffled.
“Yes,” I nodded, “Anything to make you happy. Whatever my issues are, I want to change them. I'm willing to change them.”
“You promise?” She stared at me, “Don't suggest it if you don't mean it.”
“I promise, baby,” I grabbed her hand once again, and kissed it. I wanted to kiss her lips, but I knew she wouldn't let me.
We sat there in silence for a few minutes, getting ourselves back together from that emotional conversation.
I looked at her, “And you never let me give you my surprise.”
“What's your surprise? You better not be buying my forgiveness,” she fondled with her fingers.
“Is it buying your forgiveness, or is it just knowing what makes you happy, and pricey things happen to be one of them?” I poked her on nose.
She giggled then looked away, “You're not allowed to make me laugh, I just almost divorced you 5 minutes ago,” she tried her hardest to make a straight face, “What is it?” She blinked with those long eyelashes of hers, her eyes still a little red from crying.
I got another idea. I smirked, “Did Ron leave us the house key?”
“Good. Cause I changed my mind on how I'm gonna show you what I got you. Quick, put some clothes on. We're going somewhere.”
“Do you wanna see what I have for you or not?”
She sucked her teeth, “Fine. Excuse yourself while I change. You're not allowed to see this body no time soon.”
“Aw, man,” I got up and made my way to the stairs.
“Maybe little miss Yoko Ono can mail you some pictures of her body,” I heard her say in a little snappy voice.
I shook my head, “That's childish, Whitley. And she don't have nothing on you, baby.”
“That's Whitley to you. And I know,” she smirked, “Now go on,” she gestured for me to leave with her hands.
I chuckled and shook my head before making my way upstairs and waiting in the foyer.
Minutes later, she opened the door. She was wearing this dress that hugged her in all the right places. I can just imagine her with it off. I miss seeing that. And I miss being the one to take it off her body.
“We aren't going on a date or anything,” I looked at her.
She smirked, “I know. I can't look good?”
“You can do whatever you wanna do, Whitley,” I couldn't take my eyes off of her figure.
She opened the front door and lead the way out. And I didn't let that back view out of my sight.
The closer we got to our destination, the more Whitley started to ask questions.
“Shhhh,” I focused on the road. Our destination was right around the corner.
“Whatever. And don't get used to this.”
“Me being nice to you. I don't forgive you, yet. Let's see how you do during counseling.”
“Whatever you say, baby.”
“Whitley! I mean Whitley. Sorry,” I looked at her, “It's a habit.”
“Uh huh,” she folded her arms.
I parked the car in the parking lot of a home.
“Uh, Dwayne. Are we allowed to park here?”
“Why wouldn't we?” I looked at her, taking the key out of the ignition.
“Because this is somebody's house. Somebody’s huge house,” she looked out the windshield.
“Oh, really? Well guess what?”
“What?” She looked at me.
I took a key out of my pocket and dangled it in front of her face, “It's your huge house.”
She gasped and snatched the key, “What?!”
“That's right. 2 stories, 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms,” I smirked.
“Oh my god!” She hopped out the car.
I chuckled at her as I got out the car behind her.
“I thought you didn't want to spend money for a house this big!” She said as she ran up to the front door of the house.
“I didn't want to, but I owe it to you. And guess what else?”
“What?” She looked at me as she used her key to unlock the door.
“You can decorate it all on your own.”
She opened the door to the house and gasped at the interior, “Oh my god…” then she realized what I had told her, “I can?!” She clapped her hands excitedly.
I chuckled, “You can. And you can have my card to do it.”
“I can?!” She asked even louder, her eyebrows raised.
“Do you promise to be mindful of a budget, though?” I raised an eyebrow.
She nodded, before hugging me.
I hugged her back. I kept her in my arms for a minute, I haven't felt her in a long time.
“Dwayne?” She said while hugging me.
“You're still not off the hook.”
I chuckled, “I know,” I ran my hand through her head full of hair, “I know.”