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skz performing 30 min away but I can't go because I don't know how to drive and I'm scared of public transportation

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Yesterday I broke the last bottle of tapatio in this household (it didn't have that much left anyway)

Mom can't say it was because I was "mad" because I was jamming out to txt while making food

She has not made a big deal of anything yet so she either doesn't know, or I did a good job cleaning up

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Sometimes I really am surprised I haven't freaking decided to just off myself

Life is so miserable when I'm not distracted by something that I like

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I now understand why people run in order to run from their problems

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Only the Sakuma's can pull off roses the way they do

I am biased

And I don't give a frick

Eichi can suck on it

Although I guess I don't need to pull so whatever

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Will begrudgingly agree that fine sounds fine in starlight parade but being the crazy KnightsP that I am, I would have loved having only them cover the song 🥲

Still, I like the tori and ritsu parts quite a lot

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Starlight parade is a great song and Knights does a great job, the only thing I don't like is eichi being there lmao

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Whenever I meet someone, and after some time I believe I can trust them, I do my best to be honest about my hobbies because yeah I'm sorry I've been ignoring you but I was playing for the event 5 Star in enstars

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Gaawwdd why does no one wanna hire meeee

It's just being a cashier snd puting stuff on the shelf

I can't do that wrong come oonnn

I even have experience

Pllllleeasee I need a jooobbbb

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Yall don't know how bad I want a cat, but I just can't adopt one without the resources or space to take care of one

Oh how I wish I was greeted by a cute little meow whenever I come back home

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Now that I think about it. They did kinda pressure me to close today even though I was originally gonna go in the morning....maybe they realized I'm weak to pressure from that....

Aaaa I really want a new job, but either all those job posts I've applied to are fake or people dont like me

I did manage to say no this time though....even though I dont get many hours in the first place, which is the main reason why I wanna leave but well

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I absolutely hate when I'm asked if I can go an extra day not on my schedule to work

Why can't you just put it on the schedule?

Once I see the week's schedule my brain expects these things to happen but when I suddenly get asked I have

1. The pressure to say yes (which I usually do)

2. Anxiety because now I have to deal with an extra day of work that I was not wired to deal with earlier

Do you know the way my heart fucking wants to break out of my chest everytime I get a message from my manager

It's like that whole spot heats up and you feel an expansion like a really slow and deliberate heart beat with its super fucking loud beat in my ear

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The scariest part about that one moment I had the thought is that everything I like/enjoy doing stopped mattering; it was very much a "fuck it" moment that had me just wanting to get it over with once and for all

Not one of the things I get excited about had me wanting to cling to the future in that one moment

"Do they really matter that much to me?" Type of thought

I would like to think that the media I'm happy to consume and wait for is what's making me keep going, but is that really safe?

Of course, right after I was like "nah, I'm too coward to actually go through with it" and I am.

I'm not sure what I would do once I stop being afraid

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Being unable to sleep is freaky as fuck because yeah I do tend to have more serious conversations with myself but a day or two ago I had the legit thought that I didn't want to live lmao I was like "maybe I really should unalive me" all the while counting in the background hoping it would put me to sleep

Thinking about the future really gets me depressed

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This close 👌 to paying someone to talk with me about my problems (as in psychologist) because there's gotta be a way to fix me and the way I haven't been able to get the guts to ask for a session with my school counselor for the oast couple of years and how I avoid everything and how it's so hard for me to just think about money because life literally went to shit when covid went down but then that's probably the excuse I'm using, isn't it

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Every now and then (actually quite often tbh) I think about every opportunity I couldn't get because of the situation that I was born in and how that shaped who I'm supposed to be today or who I could have been had I been born in a different area with different customs or popular activities

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WHILE USING MY MOM'S PHONE I RESPONDED TO MY SISTER THINKING IT WAS MY BROTHER

I'm gonna die I don't even talk to her