All Those Unspoken

Hereby I write my silence.

[allthoseunspoken]

Passing, we only ever pass

A dear friend of dad passed away today, and dad was angrily devastated. He was angry that he never got to see the friend again before he left. Truth is, his family did not want any visitors, so the last time dad saw this friend was something like a year ago. But I told dad there's no one to blame. I thought no one should be obliged to accommodate 'visitors' during the last few months of their life. The reason is simple: because all our lives we've tried to adjust to other people's needs, and I think it makes full sense to be alone and spend the last period of your life with people you're really closest to, and to act 'selfish' that way. I told dad, it's okay. Besides the presence, memories are the second most powerful thing. And after all, how lucky for dad to have met someone that makes saying goodbye so hard.

[allthoseunspoken]

You are behind me, but not beyond me

That day when I woke up, I realised the horizontal furrows that have been on both of my thumbnails have finally grown to the tip, and that I could finally cut them off, and leave them behind me. For the past four years, I've been so paranoid about their company and have been so looking forward to a day when they'd finally grow out of me. I looked up a lot of information online about why they are there, and the consensus was that they are witnesses of one's physical or psychological stress and pain in the past. They're something so concrete and intimate, that almost no one around me knows of their existence. You may be confused about why I'd be this uncomfortable about something so small, so unnoticeable. In simple words, I guess it's the signification behind it. I don't like the idea that something physical, tangible could be the witness of something I so wished I could do without, of the memories I've desperately wanted to make disappear. That morning when I saw them growing out of me, I told myself that it'd be a rite of passage in my life. For so long, I've not felt enslaved by things or emotions like I have before, and I must say that I like being this way. I like taking control. I like the generous downtime I get to commit to myself, the genuine decisions I make spontaneously to spend time with the people I love and feel most alive with, the blessed moments of realisation which I wouldn't be able to profit from had I made another turn in life... All that! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've moved on. And the part of me that I so wished I could do without, the part of the story that makes me scream every time I re-visit... they are behind me, but not beyond me. As cliché as this may be, I feel somewhat infinite.

[allthoseunspoken]

以后我有了孩子，我一定会告诉他要加油向上。不仅仅为了学习和成绩，或是未来和展望，而我要告诉他因为只有自己的达到了一定的高度，才能接触更好的人，了解更有意思的想法，拓展各方面的知识面。现实是，对于层次高的人信手拈来的事，大部分的人却想都不敢想。人在的平台实在太重要，好奇心和推动力太重要，待人接物的能力亦太重要… 我希望等我有了孩子，我可以滔滔不绝、孜孜不倦地跟他讲我在世界各个角落看到的人生、听到的故事，而非枯燥道理让他认识这世界。

[allthoseunspoken]

有时想飞，有时却只想匍匐前进。昨天观察到母亲滑稽的样子我笑得小腹酸痛，而今天看到了电视里的一幕我竟然一屁股坐在地上放声大哭。今天三个人跟我讲了他们的故事，一位是顺风车的60后司机阿姨，一位是久仰大名的画家，另一位是如我一般爱感慨生活的你。我常常忘了生活的模样，却还是会被最琐碎的小事提醒。又到了道别的时候，鞠个躬，握个手，我们都扬长而去。

[allthoseunspoken]

既不害怕未知的将来，也不憎恨某一部分的自己。

[allthoseunspoken]

All this time I've thought that I was being so healthy, both physically and mentally. I thought I was keeping my body hyperactive, strong, motivated, and I kept my head held high and welcomed challenges of all sorts. I was happy to not be feeling things, and I enjoyed the kind of pride that came from feeling unattached to anything, anyone. I thought it was the right state to be in, to not be hung up on feelings I wouldn't be able to fully confront and manage. In a way, I liked feeling lukewarm about things I didn't think deserved much of my attention. I laughed at those in love, and rolled my eyes at those sweet talks unworthy of the word 'love'. But I was somewhat wrong about the state, or the 'stability' of the state, shall I say, I was in. I guess some kind of interludes, when they come, they come unannounced, hidden yet manifestly; subtly yet ritualistically. I never knew that one could play such a powerful part in my life, like the power gathered in a sprint, perhaps short, but all the same unforgettable. There are no proper reason or domain of definition to cap this type of feelings, confusion, and hesitation. I think the ambivalence itself has manifested the entire picture well enough. I don't know if further writing is much needed. I don't think further reflection would be much helpful to a perplexed mind like my own.

[allthoseunspoken]

感恩看到那些能以各自的形态，自由生活的人们。并不千方百计把自己塞进方方正正的模具，压缩成同样形状的罐头。 我希望当我年老之后，不会在深夜入睡时，枕头里装满了发霉的梦。

[allthoseunspoken]

Nothing lasts forever

Not everything has to last forever. Some people come into your life to enlighten you with a tale; some people come into your life to show you what they believe as right or wrong, to show you who you can be, and teach you how to love yourself. Some people come and make you feel better for just a little while, or to just be a stranger who walks parallel to you and yet brings you an invisible sense of company. Not everything is supposed to be long-lasting; no one lives forever. All we can do is to keep going and thank them for what they've given us. One day when we see their reflections in the littlest decisions we make, we will smile and stand up proudly, because we know we'd never be here today without their memories.

[allthoseunspoken]

人爱破壳取食的过程，人打心眼根上，对侵略、征服与肢解上瘾，人爱拨云见雾，人爱破除装甲，人爱费半天劲，才吃一小口的仪式感。

[allthoseunspoken]

Most of what I know about writing fiction I learnt by running every day.

Murakami

[allthoseunspoken]

Big My Secrets

All words unspoken All actions undone All expectations betrayed All rêveries unréalisées; The ineluctable The invincible We the tempête Big our secrets.

[pedromgabriel]

- September colors -

by Pedro Gabriel

Prints

[upknorth]

All white, minimalist A-frame loft space.

Instagram: @upknorth

[allthoseunspoken]

曾经唠叨着要热爱一辈子的东西，却一不留神就嗤之以鼻了。 ​​​

[allthoseunspoken]

All those unspoken 2017 first shot

I could meet you by the river where we held hands like believers of eternity; or the shop that we frequented every Thursday afternoon; or the park that we kicked about that early summer. I’ll meet you there at noon, at dusk, or by dawn. But not at night. I’d sing you the song that I used to be infatuated with in the morning. I’d paint you the elephant I told you I’d get tattooed before our favourite matinee show. I’d talk about the silly promises we used to joke about in the afternoon. But not at night. Never at night. For the night always wins. For I’ll always lose. For I know well we’ll never ever turn back again.

[bokehm0n]

Evenings in Hallstatt.

[salboissettphoto]

Morning mist slowly fading across the sea of trees.

Instagram: young.seeker