Monterey Bay Aquarium
we're not kids anymore.
Show & Tell
i don't do bad sauce passes
#extradirty
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
ojovivo
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Claire Keane
Game of Thrones Daily
Origami Around
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
ellievsbear
h
Mike Driver
hello vonnie
AnasAbdin
Xuebing Du
Kaledo Art
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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@alousydinosaur
Shark finning infographic by ripetungi.
MANDATORY REBLOG
This sounds like a lot, but it’s true. An estimated 100,000,000 sharks per year are killed, threatening many species with endangerment or extinction.
Scary predators are important to the ecosystem, too. Conservation’s not just about the panda bears.
First of all, you are going to spark the AI uprising by subjecting bots to 1000 hours of this shit, and we will have deserved it.
Second, why is your bot better at writing comedy than SNL
NEWS PIG
We’re about two weeks away from hearing “The President doesn’t exist.”
I chuckling so hard rn
I’ll explode into spiders
sorry, professor whats his nuts
That feel when you are about to open up about something huge to your therapist and then an alter swoops in and suddenly you forget everything you were gonna say or what was even going on.
Frankenstein’s Monster
Isn’t it true that six months ago, I didn’t even know, really, that I existed as an individual person? And that, therefore, I didn’t know what I liked? Was I not just a collection of all that things that other people liked?
Like some kind of Frankenstein’s monster, pieced together from fragments I’ve collected from the people I’d crossed paths with.
Isn’t it true that I’m still learning who I am? Aren’t I still creating and discovering my identity? And isn’t some - not all, but some - of my identity pulled from what I like and dislike?
When I don’t have a strong sense of self, wouldn’t it be possible to confuse my preferences with my identity?
And therefore a rejection of my preferences would feel like a rejection of me, myself.
And does it not then follow that as I grow into myself and discover my identity, this belief will slowly soften and fade away? Because I won’t mistake myself for a collection of preferences.
Butchery
I will not bury the small body which cracked open to create me. I
will drag her rotting limbs through the streets. Look at her face:
her butchered lips and thick glass eyes, the maggots seething
furiously inside her belly. Here. This, the girl I became after their hands.
Some corpses are not meant to become skeletons in closets.
Look at her face: doesn’t it echo of mine?
© Adira Bennett
I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.
I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”
when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”
One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”
One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”
She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.
Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed
Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.
i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it
but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”
as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”
there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”
the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”
one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.” we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”
I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.
Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.
Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.
I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”
i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.
I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”
Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside
I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.
In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”
I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.
My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.
my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area
I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool
a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”
Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.
i live for stories like these
i work with kids, one time i came back from a long shift and ended up (successfully) telling my dad to “Stop it.” in the most commanding tone i have ever heard when he was being loud at dinner. i have never felt so mortified yet so powerful.
I’m a cinematographer and I was sharing a room with a friend while we were shooting my last film and I woke him up yelling “I just don’t understand what you want from this shot”
This is hilarious and I laughed so hard.
@wolfsrainrules
I’ve taught preschool for years now and once I called my naughty dog by the name of the wild child in that year’s class. Also, I once called that particular student by my naughty dog’s name.
I can remember a time when I worked 3 jobs and occasionally couldn’t remember where I was when I answered the phone for one of them.
after so many years of hotel work, I absolutely cannot say ‘you’re welcome’. Fellow hospitality workers know what I mean. So any time anyone thanks me, my response is always ‘of course!’ or ‘my pleasure!’ which gets really awkward. I accidentally LEARN modeled a McDonald’s employee once. I asked for pickles, and she came and apologised because they were out of them. her: We’re out of pickles. me: I understand completely. If I was in your shoes, I would feel exactly the same. How about I have some sent up for you? her: …. ummmmm? me: ….without pickles is fine….. her: Oh….. kay….. thank you. me: It’s my pleasure! *facepalm*
Back when it was more common for me to work bookfloor AND cafe pretty regularly, it was not at all uncommon for me to ask someone at cashwrap with a giant stack of books “what can I get started for you?” or greet someone in cafe who had not yet ordered and had zero retail items with “did you find everything you were looking for today?”
Also answered my phone once with the hotel greeting. It was my mom, who also works in hotels, so she just laughed at me.
I work at a Mexican resteraunt, and when I first started working there I was hostessing and sharing taking the take-out orders with a friend. She had also recently/currently worked at McDonalds and a local pizza place, and I worked at a hardware store.
Once, she answered the phone, at her family’s mexican resteraunt, “McDonald’s, how can I help you?” And then promptly hung up the phone out of embarrassment. She has apparently also done this a couple times with the name of the pizza place. She told me about this after I came back from seating a table and she had finished their order once they had called back, and we laughed about it some more. So OF COURSE the next day I answer the phone “[Hardware Store] This is [name], how can I help you? *pause* sorry, wrong job, [resteraunt] how can I help you?” Took their order and promptly went into the back room to laugh with my coworkers about it
Dr James Barry, the first doctor to perform a successful C section wherein both mother and child survived, was a huge champion of handwashing at a time when most doctors didn’t wash their hands. For this reason, many of the chilldbirths he delivered resulted in healthier babies and mothers. He was also a gay trans man, who specifically wrote that upon his death he wished for his body to be taken in its nightshirt, wrapped in his sheets as a shroud, and placed into the coffin so that nobody would see his body. His wishes were not respected, and as a result he was outed at his death.
i’ve also been informed he had a poodle. He named his poodle Psyche. I’d just like to congratulate him on being an excellent human being, who not only pioneered modern medicine but also had good taste in dogs. that is all.
types of responses to this post
i thought this was fake but it’s not
here’s the sawbones episode about him
cis people
He was also reportedly quite the ladies’ man, and he’d apparently carried a child to term and gave birth.
he’s one of my favorite historical figures and ive read a lot on him including the biography Scanty Particulars by Rachel Holmes. a lot of the details of his life are difficult to figure out, partly cause he was very private and partly cause he had so many rumors surrounding him. here are some of my fave facts about him:
-he was very concerned with protecting poor people, women and people of color, aka all the people most of upper class british society at the time cared the least about. he worked to reform prisons and hospitals in south africa at risk to his own career, and also improved the conditions under which poor enlisted british soldiers and their families lived
-he was kind of a known hothead. he was rumored to have fought at least one duel (probably not true though). florence nightingale hated him even though they had similar ideas about medicine because they had such a clash of personalities in the brief time they worked together
-he was a vegetarian and took a goat with him on sea voyages so he could always have fresh milk
-even though he had an abrasive personality and made a lot of enemies, his patients, especially the women, really loved him because they felt like he knew what he was doing and actually cared about their health
-he died poor because the british army ripped him off >:/
edit i almost forgot the best thing. he didn’t just have one poodle named psyche. he had a bunch. when one died he would get a new poodle and name that one psyche too
“i thought your poodle died?”
“psyche!” [poodle comes trotting in]
this is the best response
Photo of Dr. James Barry in the late 1840s:
You can read more about Dr. Barry here.
MY MAN
My cat gets really excited when I carry stuff. It doesn’t really matter what…
This is everything
Elephant Rock, Iceland
This is an old god, sleeping
I loved so many of the cute animals on vine……
this is my favorite vine comp of all time
a well meaning adult, doing their best: it’s okay, you can talk to me!
Me, already sprinting in the opposite direction:
them: why are you always so tired
me: I take medicine that makes me tired
them: god you sleep so much
me: I take medicine that makes me tired
them: you need to get it together, we took bets on when you would wake up
me: I take MEDICINE *slams pill bottle on table* that makes me TIRED *slams another pill bottle on table*
directions
chronic illness, a brief summary.
Sometimes I’m like, “I have a chronic illness and that’s fine! I’m going to take it easy, because that’s what my body needs!”
Other times I’m like, “Fuck this shit, I’m gonna carry 16 bags of groceries at once, who the fuck cares if I have an episode later, I’m not letting anyone do anything for me ever ‘cause I’m not a fucking wimp!” and then I’m writhing in pain for six hours BUT AT LEAST I PROVED MY WORTH.
Me, any time any part of my body itches: Bugs.
The Me That Participates In Therapy: there are no bugs, it was just one itch. things itch sometimes, also u have mild eczema u know that ur skin is just itchy a lot, there have never been bugs on ur skin. there are no bugs on ur skin.
Me, yelling loudly over myself: Bugs On Me. have to scratch them off. if there's an itch and I scratch it and there's no bugs, it means the bugs are now on a different part of my body. have to scratch whole body. any further itches are confirmed proof of Bugs. Bugs there are bugs, bugs on me.
