AMIELJAMESA

'Deus volt'

[amieljamesa]

It’s a hard pill to swallow because it feels like you are trying to fix me. I am not broken to be fix in the first place.

[amieljamesa]

Parang ang unfair naman ng demand mo sa akin na yun. It doesn’t mean na when you have your goals and life put together right now, you’ll question how I / we move forward. You don’t get to mix our individual goals from what we have as a couple. Dahil okay ka na, settled, and may inaachieve na goal, you’ll ask paano naman yung tayo? Tapos you’ll disclaimer na, “I’m not pressuring you” or “No offence.” Punyetang yan. Then, you’ll speak words of micro aggressions like “I don’t want you to be like your father” and “I want you to call the shots. It doesn’t have to be me every time”. Puta. Offend na offend ako. I was lost in translation. I was quiet. Not because kailangan ko siyang iprocess but because I feel like every words you said invalidates how was I towards you or us.

[amieljamesa]

Paano nga talaga kung naging matapang ako, ‘no? Baka hawak natin ang mundo ngayon.

[amieljamesa]

I love how I created an altered world here. But, for how long?

[antigonick]

“He stayed close to the madness. Watching it breathe or not breathe.”

— Anne Carson, excerpt of “TV Men: Artaud”, in Men in the Off Hours

[amieljamesa]

Tired.

Restraint.

Suffocated.

Help.

[amieljamesa]

punyeta. masarap magmahal.

[amieljamesa]

“Okay na ko.”

“Hindi ka okay.”

“Okay na ko.”

Hindi ka okay.

“Okay na nga ko.”

“Hindi ka nga okay. Kasi kung okay ka, bakit ka nandito? Bakit ka nagpa-iwan? Bakit ka nag-extend? Bakit ka nandito ngayon kasama ko?”

[wwoodaengie]

Alone/Together

[amieljamesa]

“Tapos what-if, what if natupad yung what-if na yun?”

[amieljamesa]

“Raf, mali ito.”

“Tin, we are in the New York of our dreams. Ito na yun. This isn’t our past, our present, or our future. Ito na yun. Ito na yung what-if natin. So let me hold your hand, and let us be the lovers we were supposed to be.”

[amieljamesa]

“Nandito ka.”

“Nandito ako.”

#alonetogether

[seatawinan]

Dear Karl, 

 I look forward to the movies you’ll be writing and I’m sure they’ll be better than this. But for now, I hope this suffices. The last month felt like getting drawn into a screen – a film I wasn’t meant to be in, one I could’ve easily been written out of – thank you for writing me in. It’s been swell. 

See you outside, please. We deserve it. Don’t you think? 

Vlad 

[amieljamesa]

Siguro, hindi pa/talaga natin panahon.

Siguro nga naduwag / na duwag ako.

Pero paano nga kung ikaw yung pinili ko noon?

Ano kaya yung saya (natin) / takot (ko) ngayon?

Maligayang kaarawan sa pusong binatawan ko pero nag-iwan ng mga bakas sa buhay ko.

Mahal kita at masaya ko para sa’yo.

[amieljamesa]

Tangina ang hopeless romantic.

[amieljamesa]

I still relish the fact that we lost each other along the way when I started to let go.

Paulit-ulit kita ng binabalikan.

[amieljamesa]

Grabe pala yung fenceposts that I created surrounding me. Binakod ko yung sarili ko sa lahat. Hindi ako maging malaya. Hindi ako buong malaya.

[amieljamesa]

Ben&Ben’s Ride Home hits totally different now. Isayaw natin?