Apence

she’s been lifting the weight of the world for others. But she’s done being stepped on

[apence]

I fear being alone more than anything else. So why do I do this? Why do I push away the people I love? What is so very wrong with me? I don’t know. And I don’t know how to make it stop.

Glass Sword: Red Queen - Victoria Aveyard

[apence]

How can I, as a resultat of such a horrible act, expect myself to be caring and loving? How do I come to terms, with something so incredibly unforgiving in my own eyes? How do I accept, and move on?

[apence]

Life used to revolve around being sad, or being happy. Now, it revolves around people. How will they feel if I’m suddenly gone, how will everyone feel if I’m not here?

I’ve always been an understanding person, and no matter what  I accepted the crap. But lately, I’ve been trying to stand up for myself. Today, we were a little gang drinking. When it got late, one of my best friends in the world started crying and wanted to go home. Another one of my friends, was puking. But I was looking out for the girl crying, the one who used to be depressed and the one who couldn’t go out on her own. 

Then I overheard the other girl, someone I considered a friend. Just minutes ago, I told her to just go to sleep in my room, I’d be right back. And she said no. She was sick, she was going home. But now, she was calling her mom and telling her I’d left her. I was standing right next to her, and she was telling her how she didn’t know where she was - and she was all alone. And I just couldn’t take it. I have friends with parents dying, and she was making it all about her. I just... I couldn’t take it. I got mad, and I’m not sure what I said. But I damn sure told her that wasn’t alright. And I’m pretty sure she knew too, because she left before I got back. 

And now I’m here all alone. I was supposed to have two friends here, and somehow I always end up alone. Maybe I’m the problem, the reason there’s always drama. Maybe I am the problem. 

[apence]

24 years old, still feeling like an anxiety filled teenager. Happy birthday too me I suppose

[apence]

I spent the majority of the night taking care of everyone else, and the rest of the night crying. People keep telling me to pull it together, but I can’t. I’m tired, I can’t handle it anymore. I just... wish it would all end

[apence]

Some nights, everything is just bad. And no matter what happens, you’re simple just alone.

[apence]

Somehow, I always seem to be not enough. I’m too wild, and yet not wild enough. I’m quiet, yet not quiet enough. I’m a good person, but not good enough. I always seem to end up in the middle. In Norway, I’m too nice and sweet. Yet other places, I’m not nice enough. It seems to be the story of my life, and I’m still waiting patiently for the ones who doesn’t see me as a middle person.

[colorehs]

[relhentless]

[candhles]

the moon and the stars have nothing on you 🌙 more here 🌌

[warmity]

[baiibbyy]

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[adoir]

“be kind, always”

[oceancuresall]

[sassyeh]

[sage-struggler-deactivated20201]

[florial]

[florial]

You’re beautiful

[lqvenderhoney-deactivated202409]

“ sometimes I think I was born to love you. ” -ben maxfield

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[lavendergin]

[unaccxptable]

the best kind of people are the ones who come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw the clouds. the people that believe in you so much, you start to believe in you too. the people that love you, simply for being you. the once-in-a-lifetime kind of people.

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[vogeu]

hugs

[nitroxed]

n i t r o x e d

[adoir]

“be kind, always”