Lost in his green eyes

Moker<3

[april-5th12-blog]

Late Night Thoughts

It is currently 2:20 am and i cannot sleep. I’ve been doing English homework all night, and when i can’t focus I just come on here and read old things I’ve written about us, but today i felt like writing.

UPDATE: I am not sure if this is bad to say because it looks bad on previous years and thoughts, or if this is a really great moment that all relationships face.

I have always known i love Mojy, from the day i met him, I can’t put into words this feeling i felt i just KNEW something but i was unsure of what that something was cause I’ve never felt that before. Shortly after hanging out like two times, we were still basically strangers i knew I loved him, and that i wanted him all to myself, forever and always.

Over four years and one serious break, coming back together has made me realize so much about love, that i almost feel like the love feeling i had for him before was so immature, because the love feeling i have for him now is so much more real.

Saying this, isn’t me saying i don’t believe i didn’t actually love him then too, i 100000000% did, Just the way i love him and appreciate him as an individual is better.

When i first fell for him I fell hard for this man who was mine, and slowly over years thats how i pictured him, i loved him because he did things he knew wouldn’t upset me, did things to make me happy and vice versa.... Although i knew every detail about him i didn’t fully appreciate him for being HIM. 

This is the hardest confession ever because i don’t want it to take away from how much i’ve loved him over these years, but at the same time i’m so excited for the rest of our lives because i get to love him right, the way he deserves.

Looking back on everything i wish i could tell me self how love WORKS, because i knew how it felt, i just was inexperienced and so was he so we had so much to learn.

Waking up in the morning almost every other day to my habeebe makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world, I seriously count my blessings everyday for still being able to love him and getting to share my life with his.

I’ve never been so excited for the future, because i want to spend the rest of my life showing him how much he means to me, how much i appreciate him, and of course how much i love him. I’m sorry i couldn’t get it right the first time, and made you question a whole bunch of things that just weren’t true, but those thoughts came from me. But if you ever read this, just know it’s you and me forever babe, and till the day i die thats how it will be, I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you and loving you the way you deserve. 

Keeb

[deeplifequotes]

I’m a very strong believer that whoever is meant to be in your life will always gravitate back towards you, regardless how far they wander.

Unknown (via deeplifequotes)

[april-5th12-blog]

Home

It’s been a bumpy road for moker but we started so young, we were kids who had a lot of growing up to do. After this break we are back, and i couldn’t be happier because now we have the tools to be a stronger better version of us.

I honestly believe everyone makes a mistake and everyone deserves a second chance. i made a mistake and will always regret hurting him like that, but I'm forever thankful he has given me this second chance. Mojy if you’re reading this, I love you. You are the one I want. We matter. I am so sorry for the pain I caused you and us. It feels scary right now, but we'll get through this.

ya it’s going to take time to rebuild his trust again but we had an amazing 3 years building it together so it might be weak right now but even if it take another three years to get back to where we were it’ll be amazing because it’s spent with the love of my life.

I count my blessings everyday now that i’m back home, thank you for letting me in again, i will never let you down. I became a stronger and better person for you i can’t wait to show you because that is what you deserve. 

I love you with all my heart, forever and always habeebe, 

Me. 

[april-5th12-blog]

I miss this, I miss you, I miss us 

xo

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my sisters wedding He’s so handsome 

[darynberry-deactivated20170114]

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told him not to piss me off lol #onlykidding 

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missin’ your kisses 

[collarthiskitten]

[april-5th12-blog]

What it’s like being in love with depression

“No one will love you until you learn to love yourself” is an easy enough phrase to believe is true. But it’s terrifying, especially when you have depression. What if you never learn? As a young girl, it made me fear for my life as a young adult I was certain I would never be capable of being in a relationship, but I was very wrong. because in April of 2012, a boy fell very, very much in love with me.

I have dealt with depression for as long as I can remember. I’ve been on and off medications, been to therapy, but it’s still alive and well, comfortable in its home in my mind. I can feel it every day, a tiny thought that causes emotional pain at the most inconvenient of times.

My depression doesn’t care that I am in a relationship with a boy who makes me laugh, tells me I’m beautiful 20 times a day, and cares more deeply for me than any other boy has. I am grateful for the nights he holds me while I cry for hours for no reason. I am thankful that he puts up with my random periods of irritability. He constantly attempts to comfort me if I am suddenly uncomfortable when we’re out in public. He fills me with hope for the future when I lead myself down the darkest of paths, plays with my hair when I’m having trouble sleeping, and encourages me to eat when I have no appetite. He takes care of me and I never even had to explain myself. I still consciously think to myself, almost 4 years into this relationship, “Wow, someone is in love with me.” I often think about how lucky I am to be loved, regardless of my flaws in chemistry.

This intense love is frightening, because every day, I fear that one more thing will push him over the edge. That one more time of me taking my own frustrations out on him, teary-eyed, for no reason, could push him away. I know it upsets him, and I reassure him through my salty, blurred vision that it’s not his fault. I am often overcome with guilt and I hate that my feelings about myself cause any pain on his part. Sometimes he is not easily convinced, but I try as hard as I can with the little energy I have. Some of our nights end in a tight hug and an “I’m sorry” mumbled from my lips, but I’m just thankful that he is happy to wake up everyday and still be mine.

Every day is a struggle. I am constantly on edge, going back and forth between caring too much and not caring at all, wondering when he will have enough. He is quick to remind me how much he loves me, but I am just as quick to be overcome with crippling doubt. We both know that it’s something i just can't shut off, but we both know I'm on the very bumpy road to recovery, and if he hasn’t given up yet, I’m certain that he is 100% all in.

Never let anyone tell you that you are not worth being loved if you don’t love yourself. Never let anyone tell you that your mental illness is the reason why you are not in a relationship. Never let anyone tell you that you should smile more, fix your hair, or wear more color. Never let anyone makes you feel bad about what you can’t always control.

Someone will be in love with you regardless of your most comfortable state, and if that happens to be curled up on the floor of your room, crying as you listen to your favorite sad songs, then you have found true love 

[april-5th12-blog]

It’s been a while

I must apologize for my absense for my busy life has taken away from my hobbies. ANYWHO I’M BACK! 

I’m not too sure where we have left off but let me tell you whats new and good. Mo and I surpassed our 3 year anniversary and we are smitten! it’s a whole new feeling of love, a comfort, a trust, and a happiness i never thought I’d be able to feel due to my unhealthy state of mind. Enough was enough, i took action. Mo deserved better than to love a girl who couldn’t even love and take care of herself, so I did. I got help and I’m finally back to being Keri, who was someone I didn’t know for quite some time. Every day I get a little bit better, and everything in my life just seems to be falling together so nicely, even the not so great parts! 

I’m almost done my last year of high school and I am so ready to start the new path of my life which is studying the arts of becoming a professional makeup artist! So many exciting things to look forward to and it’s going to be a great summer with my honey, will update more often i promise :) 

[damaged-]

Before I met you, I had never been so happy to call someone mine, and only mine. Before I kissed you, I had never got the feeling of getting so lost in a single kiss that left me craving more, like I do with yours. Before I held you, I had never felt more at home then I do wrapped in your arms. Before I looked at you, I had never fallen so in love with a single persons eyes, like the way yours light up my entire day. Before I met you, I didn’t think i’d make it this far..

[april-5th12-blog]

Read me beeb

My whole world shattered when i found out the love of my life didn't want to be with me anymore. But i haven't given up. True love is what we have and you do not give up on that. 

So baby if you are reading me right now, i miss you and want to kiss your soft lips, and be held in your arms. I'm sorry I'm far from perfect, I'm sorry i get too much, I'm sorry i pushed too far. I'm sorry, and all i can promise you is that I will love you forever and get better every step of the way. 

I was scared for you and me because i knew my heart was in the palm of your hand, so i pushed to see if you still felt the same, twisted i know not sure what i was thinking i let my nerves get the best of me. I pushed too far and you back away. 

I'm right here wait for you baby, because we make love work. We work through everything, we are stronger than anyone. We are amazing together and I'm sorry i made you feel differently about us. 

Just know that i am right here.

Forever and Always

I love you beeb

[staypozitive]

[april-5th12-blog]

Sweep me off my feet

I am honestly happy to say our relationship has never been so good. If there is one thing I know in this world for sure, its that I want to spend the rest of my life with him! I'm writing today because he keeps sweeping me off my feet, literally and figuratively. I think he is the best man on this earth and no one else could love and treat me like he does, and I could never love anyone but him. I know there are going to be fights in the future but I won't let them get out of hand anymore. I hope one day he reads this so he knows how much I appreciate him for treating me like I'm the only girl in the world. He is so sweet and loving. I couldn't ask for anything more

[couplesandlovequotes]

[staypozitive]