Michael Cohen’s Congressional Testimony, In Summary
Above: Michael Cohen and some of his many water bottles. © Time Magazine
The interaction between any Republican member of the House Oversight Committee and Michael Cohen:
REP: [rants for several minutes about how they shouldn’t be having this hearing] COHEN: [sucks down the contents of one of those little bottles of water] REP: Mr. Cohen, you’re a liar, right? COHEN: Yup. REP: Didn’t you want to get something more out of this than being the President’s personal lawyer? COHEN: Nah. REP: Don’t you owe money to _____? COHEN: Nope. REP: You gonna try to get a book deal after you’re out? COHEN: Uh… Yeah. Duh. Hey, I have some potentially damning information about the President if you want to– REP: Nah. The mean man says my time’s up. COHEN: Cool. I didn’t have an answer to that question you didn’t ask anyway. REP: You’re still a liar. COHEN: Yep. That’s why I pled guilty.
Interaction with Democratic members:
DEM: Yeesh! Republicans, amirite? COHEN: [sucks down the content of another tiny bottle of water] DEM: So, all that stuff you say happened, happened? COHEN: Yup. Especially the stuff where I said he told me what to say, and the stuff where I point out his signature on a personal check. DEM: Yeah, we should probably look into that. I yield the remainder of my time.
