EXPECTATIONS

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Snaps from my Birthday Weekend ☺ #Libragang #OVO https://www.instagram.com/p/BZ_3TdhHbliPz6X1MrrEOdeH-UjA6B3ycIWMmQ0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=cjbw1mgzy0tk
What’s poppin (at WITS Junction) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bbm2Wc7HuejhYMDmN8f9foAEHfbaasqF_QdkEQ0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1lmtnm6cpudb3
Looking like a 90s movie 💛💛💛 https://www.instagram.com/p/BfV_TtvH8hXHxwRlJNB81Ksm-hKDu-eIP2IBkA0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=mfvrt1jr4ct
One last one for the aesthetic and because I deleted it the other time ❤ https://www.instagram.com/p/BogZDRfHn9zj6UezzuXE_c4Lf6pgSNuIPfLeQ40/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1kvxqxrccu495
*insert Bob Marley quote * https://www.instagram.com/p/BgbX9POlYWjx1EEwiMQ1SHbUuIaNmseIPTdzno0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1rk12fopmcdd8
I'm happy 😭❤last time mans felt like this, was a good 8years ago. 😔 https://www.instagram.com/p/BgbX9sAFvtE7hf0OtH5c79y_QJ14BVmlW-NUDU0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1kzxurszs9eq8
This was me in 2015 😭 how was this almost three years ago sis?!?!?!?! I've grown sooooo much 😢 #TBT https://www.instagram.com/p/Bn8dERBD3woA_cLISNXUPpxkLBGOyyCbMuUgGA0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=z4amj5rtpy0j
2016 #tbt https://www.instagram.com/p/Bn8drSXDugdaULygB4AZ3GqYdXfFX-PI_3XFIM0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=18hn77vj4ki16
P I N K | S E A S O N https://www.instagram.com/p/Bol-VORDctiGEFNv-Y0CKPdQxpSbzASmzlPJ-Q0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=d9d09eyf08lm
Would you want to be a friend of yours if you were a stranger?
For some reason, this question weighs so much guilt on me low-key 😂
To be honest...I don't have a definite answer for this question. I think it's because I keep weighing the good and bad traits about myself, and I can't seem to come to a decision, but don't get it twisted I think I'm pretty cool, I just need a little more understanding from others than the average human being I guess.
According to my friends, I am a huge goofball, I go the extra mile for those I care about, those fools think I'm funny, so I guess I'll go with that 😂 (love y'all ❤) , and apparently they feel like they always learn something about the world/life in general when in my company..and I'm always willing to be there for any kind of emotional support and advice/opinion.....BUT:
I am private, I feed off of energies instantaneously, hence trusting a person is very tricky.
So being friends with me would sometimes be me, intentionally making the friendship about you so we can avoid getting to personal on my end.
I might make you think you know me by being my goofy self and talking so much about everything that happens in the world, but limiting any conversation that has to do with me....only if I am not 100% confident in trusting you.
See why I need understanding?
But then again, since I am big on intuition and energy, I feel comfortable opening up around people whose energy I feel is genuine, and is fairly pure.
Meaning, I could meet a person and get to know them within a period of three months, being that there is constant communication and there after I could feel the need to be completely naked...emotionally that is 😅
And when that's the case I feel the need to express love and care for the person uncontrollably.
Fortunately, im usually right when it comes to energies, but the unfair part about everything, is that if the vibe is off it becomes tricky for the counter party. They find it hard to read me and get to know me. I become really closed off and awkward as a result.
I just really need to feel comfortable around your energy. Sometimes it takes Months years or even decades.
I can know someone for a really long time, and still feel closed off, and it's not that the other person is a bad person, not at all, I just need to know that your energy will welcome everything I might open up to you about, that you won't judge, or think any differently about me. Basically I'm a little too analytical and observant before being THAT comfortable in a friendship.
When I feel like I need to figure out more of who I am and who I aspire to become, I become reclusive for my own sanity, to focus on me and do things to feed my soul, but fortunately I have a support system at home that is very helpful understanding that helps through any challenging times. So it's not that I'm completely alone when I'm reclusive, I just need some time from friends for that certain period. But, again, that's unfair for the counter party .
It's just that sometimes we have to do what we have to do to protect our little hearts.
Being friends with me is low-key a gamble, we don't know what I might be thinking, if I'm feeling it or not. And my worry is that I could be honest with someone that I am not feeling their energy, which is why I am not open about personal things, but I really do enjoy their company, but that truth is very very hurtful . And such a hard truth is extremely difficult to accept because we are all raised to think that everyone must want to be our friend and that we must fit in and be liked and be accepted. We are never raised to understand that sometimes you might be a really good person but you just might not be a good person for someone else. It's an energy issue. That's all. And that's okay. There's really no depth to that situation.
Not all energies can connect, and that is okay.
I think I might sound more complicated than I thought I was to be honest .
All in all...I need a friend who will be patient and understanding of what I just explained 😂
So the answer to the question in my title is
I don't know.
Favorite Rihanna looks in 2015 (Part 1)
Genuinely one of my favorite human beings. Every time I see a Riri post, the 9year old me fangorl comes out. 12 years later, still part of the Navy .
For quick makeup, lips or eyes?
She is my mood, always x
Duckie Thot photographed by Sasha Samsonova
Duckie is just gold 😭
RIP MALCOM, MAC MILLER
The past few hours have been quite emotional for me, the world has lost such an incredible artist- rapper/producer/songwriter/actor and more.
I don't know Mac Miller personally, but I am deeply touched by his passing, especially due to the fact that he was suffering. He was suffering behind all the music and the art.
He told us through his music that he was suffering, and it was evident that he did fear death.
But sometimes when we struggle with something emotionally, and we don't know how to fix it ourselves, we tend to look for different ways to escape. A coping mechanism.
For Mac, it was music.
And unfortunately, all these thoughts and ways to cope probably led him to using substances.
My point is, no matter what coping mechanism or escape you may think you have, it will never ever be enough to solve the root of the issue, the thorn.
Mental Health amongst all groups in society is very important. If you ignore your issues and tell yourself, "it will be okay, I just need to be strong, it will pass", to be honest it won't pass. Your issues that you are dealing with mentally and emotionally will ALWAYS catch up to you. They will always have power over you, until you confront it, deal with it, pray it, meditate, cry it out, look for answers- until you do whatever it is that you need to do, to feel at ease .
I find it very unfortunate that mental health is not taken seriously in schools , instead kids are being made fun of for being "bipolar" for being "depressed".
If we can be taught ways and given support and healthy ways to coping with mental issues in (high) schools, it would be much easier to cope with issues in our adult years
Mac's passing affected me because I too have dealt with mental health issues, and that time in one's life is so daunting, and although we did not experience the same issues, but I can only imagine what he went through especially being in the spotlight.
Mac Miller, thank you for sharing your talents and story with us. As your fans, we might feel like we could have done more to help you, because you have told us many times through your music, that you weren't always okay, but we thought you would be okay, but we know that you are in a better place. A place free from pain and worry.
For selfish reasons, we will mourn, but we know that you are at peace.
We will continue sharing and enjoying your gift to us- your music