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Game Changer & Make Some Noise
Love Begins
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One Nice Bug Per Day
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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Today's Document
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@ashtonxmccallum
reggiecattermcle:
Ash,
No, but I also told you that I’d handle that and I did. It’s been discussed and taken care of. So drop it.
Because I missed her, isn’t that the most obvious answer? I missed her and I wanted to see her and then I fucked it up again.
Reggie,
You discussed it? He did that to Mary and you decided to sit down and have a conversation with him? What the actual fuck is wrong with you?
I’m never gonna fucking understand you.
U (for Am)
Am,
Look in a mirror before you talk to anyone today. You have a split lip.
--Ash
Maybe Mary just wanted to forget Reginald for awhile. Maybe Mary just wanted to forget everything for awhile. Maybe she just wanted to stop being perfect for two seconds. Maybe she wanted to be a rebellious teenager. Or maybe, she just liked the taste of the ancient wine on the top shelf of her father’s cellar shelves. She sat cross-legged, a bubble of laughter leaving her lips as she opened the second bottle. She’d finished the first one, but to be fair it had only been half full when she’d picked it from the rack. Painted fingernails drummed against the side of the bottle of wine as she lifted it to her lips, the not-so-sweet red wine between her lips.
She knew better, of course. She didn’t like to get drunk, not when it meant her judgement was clouded, when it put her at risk, when it made her vulnerable, but a few drinks in had clouded such worries, and she could relax. It was better than the pills, she supposed. She’d be able to sleep after this, at least. Her eyes lifted, raking over her companion. “You could just ask, I’ll share.” She promised, holding the bottle out.
This was not good. When Ash had offered to meet in Hogsmeade, he meant for a visit to Honeyduke’s and the bookstore, for a chance to see her in person and make sure she was truly alright. Not... this.
“I don’t drink,” he shrugged, uneasiness apparent for a moment behind his forced nonchalance. It wasn’t strictly true, but at the absolute least he didn’t drink like that. “You sure you haven’t had enough already?”
Ü (Ash)
Ashton,
Hey thanks for last night. Needed that.
-AC
mcrymac:
Ashton,
I’m not letting him starve, Ashton. I’m trying to care for his health, like a responsible friend. I know he’s sad, but he’s going to be spoiled for Christmas, and he’ll be happy again in no time, and perhaps even healthier. Granddad even found these marvelous treats that are healthier, and Yogi adores them. He’s eaten so many.
I love granddad, he’s wonderful. I’d be lost without him. He’s telling all the best stories again. I especially love the ones about his time in the service. I’ll probably get more presents too, yes.
Eight cats? Oh goodness. You’ve renamed them? Ashton! Those are people’s cats. You can’t steal people’s pets. That’s unkind.
I miss you. Promise we’ll meet up sometime over holiday?
Mary,
Only because people like your granddad and I intervene and feed the poor baby. The point of him being healthy is to make him happy, right? Is he actually any happier on his healthy diet? I’m glad someone is giving him food he likes, though.
Your family is so good. It’s weird. Feels like the Stepford Wives shit where it’s gonna turn out that everyone’s a robot.
Eleven now, plus Snowy. It was unkind for their owners to leave them in the castle over break. They don’t deserve their cats if they aren’t going to love them. I love my new cats, so they are better with me.
There’s the Christmas Market in Hogsmeade that those of us stuck in the castle are allowed to go to. It seems like the sort of happy holidays stuff you would like.
P.S: Ask your dad about the lizard people again for me.
reggiecattermcle:
Ash,
You think I’m letting you stab Regulus, you’re out of your fucking mind. He’s been through plenty of shit, too. Stab me all you want, I’ll take it, for me and for him.
Yeah, I know I’m a bastard, I’m not denying that nor am I trying to justify my actions. Not like I intended to show up and make bad decisions.
Reggie,
We’ve all been through plenty of shit. Doesn’t give him the right to do what he did to an innocent person. Nobody put a gun to his head and made him hurt Mary, did they?
Then why did you show up at all? Bad decisions seem to be your specialty.
demyanmikhailov:
Dear Pureblood-Based Diet Supporter,
I apologize for the incorrect number of cats, however, I counter that with four huskies and two toads, a cat in this house would perhaps suffer. Breed information is used for that, yes, and it’s horrible, however it is also used for medical purposes. For instance, knowing that our dogs are huskies helps us in caring properly for their hips. Snowy is remarkable. I am concerned about how you came into possession of eleven more cats. Did you rob a shelter? That sounds like something you would do and I feel obligated to tell you that stealing is wrong, even if we are conditioned by the government to normalize and accept it. This is a different sort of stealing.
I’ve told you who makes the list, but enclosed with the envelope are the addresses to all three internationally accredited Cat organizations. I hope that you’ll write to them, and list the specifications. Does the Trash breed cat require a missing appendage of sorts?
Dear Small Commie,
You are right in that that is perhaps not the best environment for most cats. What you really need is a big, tough cat that can watch out for itself. Such a cat would not get almost eaten by another cat. Not saying that toads are bad-- all animals are good animals-- but cats are better animals. Breed information can be useful. I know a lot about dragon species. But breeding animals just because you like the way they look isn’t good. Have you seen all of those small dogs that look like they can hardly breathe? That isn’t good for anyone. That is why Trash is the best breed.
I did not rob an animal shelter-- I like animal shelters. I volunteer at an animal shelter during the summers, actually. Mary’s dad set that up so that I wouldn’t have to go to jail. It came to my attention that a number of students had left their cats for the elves to take care of while they went home for break. Such people do not deserve cats, so I appropriated their cats.
Thank you. I’ve written angry letters to all of them demanding they recognize Trash. I got one letter back already, actually. They told me it isn’t nice to call my cat Trash. Clearly they’ve never met Snowy, because Snowy is clearly Trash and Snowy is beautiful. Trash cats have to be missing an appendage, have a rather fierce temperament, and must have been adopted from the streets. Any cat that meets those requirements is a Trash.
marianne-mckinnon:
Ashton,
Soak it in petrol? What is petrol? Okay, I guess I could go into the muggle town and look for some, am I looking for a particular brand? Don’t worry, I’m used to running, so that won’t be a problem.
How is your Christmas break going so far?
Marianne,
God, purebloods are clueless. Petrol is what muggles use to power their cars. It’s a liquid and it’s very, very, very flammable. Don’t get it on your clothes. I don’t think it would need to be a particular brand, but watch out for the difference between gasoline and diesel. Gasoline burns hotter and faster, diesel is more of a steady flame.
I’ve stolen eleven cats. How is your Christmas break?
demyanmikhailov:
Dear Medium-Sized Sir Who Has Not Specified His Political and Economic Affiliations,
I’m a fan of cats too, though we have four dogs and two toads and zero cats. I quite like them. I like that they purr. It is in fact, not useless information, as breed identification helps to outline patterns and care for cats properly. Different breeds have different typical ailments, this knowledge therefore affords more effective veterinary care. I will agree that all cats are beautiful.
Trash is not one of the accepted breeds from the list of (maximum) 58. However, I believe Snowy could be considered a mixed breed. She’s very beautiful, regardless. I’m glad you rescued her from the trash can. You’re very kind to do that. Snowy must love you very much.
Dear Small Commie,
I don’t care much about politics but I do think we need fewer purebloods and more dragons. Maybe the dragons could eat the purebloods. Is there a political party for that?
That is an incorrect number of cats. I suggest you start leaving food out for strays. You will soon have many cats, although not as many as I currently do. Breed information is useful for rich fuckwads who pedigree their cats. My Snowy is a Trash, so I didn’t need breed information. However, I have recently come into possession of eleven more cats. Two are orange. Four are black. Three have grey stripes. One is white with black ears. One is grey and fluffy. One is solid white like Snowy, but has two ears and so cannot be a Trash.
Trash is the most beautiful breed. Tell me who makes this list and I’ll make them fucking accept it. I’ll write some stupid specifications list and all.
ashtonxmccallum:
Reggie,
It’s amazing. I’m sorry for calling you the Hufflewhore now.
I named it Lucille.
Ash,
I kind of deserve the ‘Hufflewhore’ moniker. Since, y’know.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you, cause I know you’re gonna hear it from Mary, anyway. Yes. I fucked up. I showed up at her place and I was honestly not planning on anything happening but we kissed? And I might have told her that I still love her, but I couldn’t be with her and she was crying when I left, I’m pretty sure I upset her. Like, a lot. And I feel like an ass about it.
I’ll let you christen Lucille with my blood when I get back. But. Yeah.
Reggie,
I think I’m now going to have a policy of stabbing anyone with “Reg” in their name on sight. Your blood will definitely be the first on Lucille.
You know what Mary’s been through. You’re a bastard for making it worse for her.
Ash, ( @ashtonxmccallum ),
Saw this, thought of you. Hope you’re having a good time at the castle, and Merry Christmas.
Reggie,
It’s amazing. I’m sorry for calling you the Hufflewhore now.
I named it Lucille.
[ @ashtonxmccallum ]
Hello Ashton,
If a hideous reindeer jumper refuses to burn when you light it on fire, does that mean I am cursed or the jumper is cursed? Either way, I need to destroy it before it breeds and killing it with fire didn’t work, so got any suggestions? I left all my spell books at Hogwarts.
Hope you’re having a great Christmas,
Hello Big McKinnon,
I normally don’t help people, but I do love destruction. You might need to turn to muggle methods for such a difficult problem. I suggest soaking it in petrol— you can get that easily in any muggle town. Be prepared to run once you light the match.
Dear Mr. McCallum ( @ashtonxmccallum )
I heard you like cats.
Did you know that the International Cat Association recognizes 58 breeds of domesticated cats, while the Cat Fanciers’ Association recognizes 44 and the Fédération Internationale Féline recognizes 43. Isn’t it interesting that they disagree? Do you think cat associations feud?
Hope Snowy is alright. What breed is Snowy?
Dear Small Commie,
I do like cats. I did not know how many breeds of cats there are because that is useless information. All cats are beautiful and that is what matters.
Snowy is not a breed. I found her in a trash can as a kitten and took her home. So unless Trash is a breed, she’s a nothing.
no shame 💀
ashtonxmccallum:
Mary,
Hope Yogi is well. School is empty, it’s great. I’ve made it a game to see how many cats I can steal and keep in my dorm. My wonderfully empty dorm.
Happy holidays,
@mcrymac
Ashton,
Hello love. Yogi is doing very well. Granddad spoils him almost as much as you do. I’m just happy granddad is here. He surprised me when I got home. He was all dressed up in a Christmas box, and he popped right out and it was funny and delightful. I’ve missed him so terribly, it’s good to have him round for holiday. Yogi has also reclaimed my bed, despite the fact that he has his own bed, and it cost more than mine.
How many cats do you currently have in your dorm? You do intend to give them back, yes?
All my love,
Mary,
I’m glad someone isn’t letting the poor baby starve. He’s so sad on that diet you have him on, it’s cruel. And of course he can have any bed he wants.
That’s good, I guess? You like your granddad, right? Or at least you’ll be getting more presents that way?
Eight. I intend on giving none of them back, who do you think I am? I’ve already renamed them!
Movie theatre going okay? I can still make good on theat threat to break heads if they get too bad about holiday schedules.
@catgotyourtongueannie
Going as well as can be expected. Got some leftover churros and had them for dinner last night. But to be fair, I’m the one being bad about holiday schedules. I’ve worked every day.
Plan to keep working every day.
Making good money, though.
How’s Hogwarts? How many cats have you stolen?
Don’t work yourself to death. But yeah, money’s important. I get that for sure. They’re not forcing stupid things on you, though?
Are holidays busy at the theatre? Right before is always death at the bookshop, with everyone buying presents. Sam’s not thrilled I’m staying at the castle, but he’ll live.
Who told you? The answer is seven, not including Snowball. If they left their cats with the elves instead of taking them back for break, they deserve it, though.
How are things with whatshername?
