📱 TFLN Starters – 12/?? 📱
[text]: I am sure I don’t wanna know but I have to ask… Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
[text]: The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german…..
[text]: I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
[text]: Actually, I’m graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
[text]: Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
[text]: when I’m not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
[text]: Yea. It’s kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
[text]: Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
[text]: All I heard was “I swear it’ll be funny” and then we were in jail.
[text]: I have tasted many bathrooms
[text]: Worst wingman u don’t do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
[text]: I just feel like if we dated, he’d just be crying the entire relationship
[text]: I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
[text]: Man, I’m real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
[text]: The highlight of my night will be digging in other people’s garbage
[text]: Bc u told a stranger in the hotel “I have sinned’ and made him get into the hotel fountain and “baptize u”. I’ve got a vid
[text]: He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
[text]: There’s a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street….
[text]: I’m pretty sure the Bible says “He who is most sober may cast the first stone.”
[text]: I’ve seriously never been more thankfully for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
[text]: My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
[text]: Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
[text]: so like i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
[text]: That’s brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET’S DO THIS
[text]: I’ll just say I told you so at your funeral