moderncalamity

Memories are killing. So you must not think of certain things, of those that are dear to you, or rather you must think of them, for if you don’t there is the danger of finding them, in your mind, little by little.

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That last photo. My birthday gift from Karsten two years ago. I found it and started crying. I got down on my knees and prayed and as I was on the ground I saw a pair of his boxers. I went and got a match.

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[auroralacks-blog]

Emotional support isn't enough

You cry for me but you cling to your lust. I want to tell you "you are base, crass, and you're a waste like the ash you leave on my counter. You don't know what love is. Temptation is too strong for you? And here I thought I'd found a man. Stable ground to for me to rest. But at last the test A test You couldn't take Is it fake Your "love" Is it? You make a scene and say you don't want to go And you walk away real slow. You walk real slow. I'm having a hard time believing you though.

[auroralacks-blog]

Today is misty. I'd forgotten something I returned to the cold. This feeling of old fear Was present. Adding to the haze was the imperfections of my gaze In my haste I left my lenses behind. The altered view was my cue I felt it. Felt it Heard it call my name Am I insane? What is this state I'm emoting All this time I'm devoting All this love I'm coating For? What is it for. Then the sudden slam of a door No the tires on the wet ground. I had heard the actual sound. The call. My name. The owner of the voice wasn't my own brain. I feel more at ease but I still rush for I have the need I must seize what I left behind. The dark envelops producers of sound feet on the rocks then hitting the ground. Figures in the glaze of the night. Then the feeling of fight or flight. Reminding me evermore of my humanity. My capability to feel. And hear things that are real. Life is killing us. When are we supposed to notice?

[auroralacks-blog]

You really wrenched my gut Deep cut Tut tut My gut You fucked me up I'm aching in my genes Splicing the seams of my wires My synapses desperately seeking to receive some sort of closure. Severed corpus collosum. Unable to comprehend the input. The sacred totem of our devotion Collapsed I made a god out of you. You were guilty of it too. Idolatry. No wonder it's a sin. You don't have the power within yourself to resist humanly temptation. How bitter was that forbidden fruit? A herbivore who leaks meat. You said you'd never retreat. You hypocrite. Your weak. For only those of little might Find themselves in the midst of the same fight they've complained about for years. Is it humanity to reduce those who worship you to tears. And yet though I spill saline from my ducts I find myself liberated from you and your lust. I'm not there yet but it will come. My strength carrying my long keen dignity. And it will slice you in two and everyone will see you're just a common man. My great idol. Filled with blood that seeps and reeks of your betrayal. Impermeable from now on. You're a woman from now on and the tears you shed alone are the seeds of strength you've sewn. You'll be more than fine and you'll find ways to pass the time with people who are worth your time. Theres so many in this world with a heart like mine who will recognize your light. And like moths they'll swarm. forever keep you warm. I'll forever keep you warm.

[mindfulvibes]

[auroralacks-blog]

If you haven't already seen Drive, see it.

[auroralacks-blog]

And I cut you off like a sleeve. Can you believe Just a tease. Simple, I shed you off like excess skin Left you behind This state I'm in Invincible? No Realistic. Logic pulled me through Reason pushed me from you. Honesty Honestly I never thought I'd get over you, but it happened. So slow at first And then exponentially You became erroneous. Ha Erroneous Ha Ha Ha In my time away I've learned from my feeble displays Of affection That love cannot last between two people I can't think about you for too long You become too strong. I fall beneath the weight Because I don't have another way of resisting Now I never let you cross my mind. You've acknowledged that and stayed out of my dreams.

[auroralacks-blog]

a lack of time

perhaps

is the source of my anxiety

a lack of respect 

perhaps 

is the problem with this society

an excess of judgement 

perhaps

is weighing me down

without love or compassion

anywhere to be found

in my heart,

I've found hate

and remorse

for all our mistakes

I thought I knew better

I thought I had grown

but i've only become more confused

At least that's what I've shown

It's a hole

there is

a 

hole

that

I can't

see

but maybe he

maybe he saw it

and didn't feel it was worth a shot 

didn't think of me a lot

it's cold when your here too

youre not the only reason i'm blue. I live

I've lived years

not to many

but many enough to see

to feel 

to know 

to seal the fate

[auroralacks-blog]

Pure. Morning.

http://vimeo.com/4546050

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where did you 

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everyone keeps asking me what it is i want

What 

do you

want

what 

anything

what 

is it

I want to believe what i want to

but i can't

how 

they ask

one might

one might ask 

or 

why 

she will ask

why not

s/he will ask

and I 'll say

because I don't have the power to

I want to believe I am strong

but I don't

I want to believe they're is more to you

there isn't

I want to believe that I'm equally devoted to my friends as they are to me

but i can't

why

because

beacause of some malice

some malice i feel

felt towards them

at one

or many times

many oca

or simply just one 

just one ocasion

in particular

to this

this

that which

this

to whom

to whom this

  this may be

to whomever this

concerns 

affects

provoke

involves

results

insults 

and demotes

to whom ever may be able to

to demote

demote this no

denouces this concept

we are not free to believe what we want to believe

and we have no controls over I desires

our desires

they

they require 

little to no

no to

to nothing 

of our permission

not one drop of our permission

for if i could i would not allow

swallow

any bit of doubt

it would be prohibited

if i wanted to believe that the sky was red I want to believe it's red

I want to believe in god

no matter what i see

or say

I want

to believe 

god

in god 

godlike

a god like being

loves me

me

in a way

I find strange 

find strange because

becayse it's foreign

foreign because it's so pure

too pure

purest of 

of the

pure

praying for pathological relief

[auroralacks-blog]

keep all your high thoughts and well wishes

if you really care

you'd be here

words can't make up for a lack of involvment

excuses can't cover up the fact that we've lost it