autistickiwi

hey!! call me kiwi! i'm autistic and this is my blog to ramble all about it! | this is a safe space, no hate here | she/her

[autistickiwi]

(Tw for.. ableism? Idk, also I wish I could say this in a way that’s asking less) How do I feel ok with/accept other autistic people hiding or wishing they weren’t autistic?——I know why someone could (ex: trauma, stigma) and it’s none of my business but.. it’s just sad to me. I want to focus on positive things related to autism, but I don’t want to ignore voices y’know? —— Also, I started feeling messed up about this after I met someone who tries to hide theirs and thinks I’m ‘slow’.

I’m sorry to say that I don’t have much advice to give on this :/ 

All the autistic people I’ve met have been really chill about their diagnosis and just talk about it casually all the time, so I’ve never actually met someone who was more secretive about being autistic. But, I can say for sure that you aren’t slow at all for looking at the good side of things. Positivity is a strength after all, and who knows, maybe your good attitude will help them be more comfortable in their identity in time :)

[autistickiwi]

Hello all!

Just some quick info for you guys, and some proof that I haven't vanished off the face of the earth... To put it simply being a student is something that takes up a lot of anyone's time, and in 2020 that has been amplified for me... significantly. I've needed to take a step back from this blog to catch up with life and school, but I'm eager to get back to being active in this lovely community. If my activity seems erratic, apologies! I may still not be super active for a while with everything happening for me IRL. I'll try to work out a happy balance for you all, but it may take time :)

Thanks for your understanding, patience and kind words during these crazy times!

- Kiwi

[autistickiwi]

executive dysfunction is like

me: hey brain! let’s do this very simple task that needs to be done. it’s not hard at all, so we should have no problem doing it. it’ll stop me from being stressed and means i can have fun later and relax! so we’ll do it, right??

my silly little hellbrain, for NO reason:

[autistickiwi]

I think I’m autistic but I’m really scared of sharing it with my parents to get me diagnosed, any recommendations and also how diagnostic works like how’s the process ? You could help me a lot answering but it’s okay if you don’t

Hi there! The process of getting an autism diagnosis can be very different depending on what country you live in, but I’ll tell you what my experience was like here in New Zealand anyways. After I worked up the courage to tell my parents about the idea that I’m autistic, we brought it up with our family doctor / GP who recommended we see some specialists in the field. We met some people who were experienced with the diagnostic process and one lovely lady got us in touch with someone who could actually diagnose me. Your doctor should be able to point you in the right direction and will be able to recommend professionals who can help or give you a diagnosis, it’s always good to get multiple opinions to be sure. 

The actual session of being diagnosed works a little something like this. You’ll sit down with the professional and they’ll ask you a bunch of questions about yourself. This could include questions about any sensory issues you have, any crucial routines you rely on, repetitive behaviors you’ve noticed, if anyone in your family is autistic, so on and so on. Asking about your childhood is also important, and it helps professionals work out if you are autistic or if there’s something else going on. If you are a minor they will also want to talk to your parents/guardians as they’ve known you a long time and will be familiar with how you behave. If you’re not a minor they will still wish to speak to someone who has known you for a long time, preferably since childhood, because they can offer helpful insight. 

Some questions they ask can be confusing or unclear to you, and you should always ask for clarification and offer a little explanation of your answer. I’ve seen a lot of people be tripped up by the question ‘do you often hear sounds that others don’t?’ or something similar because it’s kind of misleading. While it seems like this question could relate to sensitive hearing (which makes you hear sounds that others wouldn’t notice, like a car alarm that’s super far away), but the professional is actually trying to work out if you suffer from auditory hallucinations. This can cause confusion in the diagnostic process and can ked to you being misdiagnosed with something else. 

The process will differ depending on where you live, but I hope this gives you an insight into what to expect if you decide to pursue a diagnosis. Making the decision to go for a diagnosis is a big step, and I wish you the best! (apologies if this was confusing, it was a whirlwind process for me that’s become a little blurry in my memory :P )

[autistickiwi]

I’m autistic. I have the ability to talk to people, I want to, but I just don’t know how to start talking to people when I’m used to not. Help?

Hello, anon! I feel this situation in my soul honestly, it can be so difficult when you know you could talk to people but just... don’t... know how!!! The way I’ve started learning how to hold a conversation is by observing the people around me, I’ve sort of written up a basic ‘script’ in my head of normal things to say based on what I’ve seen others do. (scripting is a popular strategy among autistic people!) I have an array of basic responses, reactions, and small talk questions that I can whip out whenever they’re needed. if you’re meeting a new person I’d recommend asking if they have any pets, what their favourite hobby is, etc, anything to get them talking. It’ll take the focus of the conversation away from yourself long enough so that you can think of your next move. In my experience, if I talk to a person enough with my ‘script’ I’ll start to become more comfortable, slowly stop relying on my practiced responses so much, and then I start trying to be more myself. It’s scary when you feel like you just don’t know what to say, but I promise you that the right people will want to listen to you and will try to make an effort, even if it’s a little awkward sometimes! And really the best thing to do is to keep working on it, even if it’s frustrating. Practise really does help, and it does get easier even if it takes a while.

If you’re looking for more concrete methods and actual explanations on how to talk to others, I’d recommend looking for some social skills books geared towards autistic people. It can feel a little weird at first but I know books like these are a great starting point for many on the spectrum :) I’ve never really looked into it myself, but a quick google search should start you off with many options. Be mindful of the authors you see, though, it’s best to do a little background research to see if they have any association with organizations that do more harm to autistic people than good (see autism $peaks). You can usually get books like these from your local library, and some books have e-versions available online if you look for them. 

I hope this was helpful, and good luck!

[anosmic-sheep]

Me: I need to accomplish this thing.

My brain and body:

[autistickiwi]

this is probably a dumb question, so sorry in advance... is it possible to be autistic and be able to read people well? i think there's a possibility that i'm autistic, but i can usually tell how people feel from their face/body language. again, i'm rlly sorry if that's a stupid question 😅

hello anon! there’s no stupid questions here on this blog :)

it’s definitely possible to be autistic and not struggle with reading people. autism is a wide spectrum and it’s different for everyone, and i know many people who are diagnosed but don’t have a problem with reading faces and body language. it’s not something that I really struggle with either! i hope this helps you out <3

[nonbinary-adhd]

idk if anyone rly cares but ive recently discovered smth very helpful for executive dysfunction!

basically, keep track of all ur accomplishments! like write em down, even for little things like got out of bed or brushed ur hair!

heres mine so far

keep track of things that help u and progress w things and note ur accomplishments!! even better, if u have someone u trust, u can tell them these notes as a way to share them and feel proud abt it!!

if u dont have anyone, my dms are open and ur free to pop in and tell me 'hey today i showered!!' or 'today is 1 day clean from (x)!' and ill listen and cheer u on! 💕

[autistickiwi]

executive dysfunction can be a real pain for neurodivergent people, so this is super helpful!

[autistickiwi]

Hello! Is it an autistic thing to never outgrow irrational fears? Like mine is stuff like SCPs and Slenderman. I even have very specific rules to keep myself “safe” from these irrational things. (Mostly they help my anxiety.) Also, is it an autistic trait for triggers to be emotionally draining rather than causing a freak out? Like, textures and noise cause meltdowns but I was watching a show and it made me physically tired. Am I just weird?

hi! i’m not too sure about this and i’m having a hard time finding some clear info in my research, but I’ll do my best :P 

irrational fears can be experienced by absolutely anyone, but autism can start to amplify anxiety in a different way. the way that we respond to or try to overcome these anxieties can vary a lot when compared to how a non-autistic person might react. your experience of having specific rules to help you feel safe is an example of this, and (if i’m not totally wrong here) these rules can become like a ritual or routine that you need to do otherwise it just feels wrong. having very important routines is a common trait amongst autistic people, and they often find a way to work into our anxieties. 

and don’t worry anon, you’re not weird at all. the way autistic people react to triggers doesn’t always end up in a meltdown. often times being very exhausted or emotionally drained is something experienced when you’re leading up to a meltdown, but you may not always get to that point. i know triggers exhaust me so much, and when i recognise this i can remove myself from the triggering situation to avoid a meltdown. experiences like meltdowns don’t just happen instantly, there is often a leadup of anxious and overwhelmed feelings that come before, which is what tires you out so much!

i hope this was helpful anon <3

[autistickiwi]

hey I'm autistic, but i don't really stim. Is that weird? I rarely flap my hands, and i don't relate to the sensory issues other people have. I bounce my leg, and i pace when i listen to music. Does that count??

greetings anon! even though it’s a very common trait, not every autistic person stims a lot or stims in an easily recognized way. anything can be a stim as long as it, well, stimulates the senses :P leg bouncing and pacing to music totally count as stimming, i do both myself! it’s also common to not even realise that something you do is stimming, and many stims go under the radar.

autism is also a wide spectrum and not everyone has big deal sensory issues. in some cases, the sensory issues that a person may experience are really minor and may not even be something that stands out. everyone with autism has different strengths, struggles, and symptoms, but we’re all valid in our own way!!

[autistickiwi]

hi! i've been wondering if i'm autistic for a while now. the problem is that most of my traits could be explained with just social anxiety and me being so introverted. i stim a lot and i'm quite sensitive to noise (and some other things, but less significantly.) any advice how to figure it out?

hello! i can really relate to this, for years I thought I was just anxious instead of suspecting I was autistic as well. it’s always hard to figure this stuff out, but stimming and noise sensitivity are pretty convincing autistic traits. not every autistic person has a bunch of sensory difficulties, so it can just be specified to something like sounds! annoyingly there are a lot of crossovers between anxiety and autism, and the conditions often go hand in hand, but if you do think you’re autistic and have felt so for a while keep looking into it. trust your gut feelings and research, if you are pretty convinced there’s always a good chance you’re right!

[autistickiwi]

Sorry if this is a weird question (you totally don’t have to answer if u don’t want to), but I wanted to get an opinion from someone who actually has autism and I’ve been following u for a while. I’m not autistic but I do flap my hands, rock, chew on things, etc. Is it okay to call these things stimming, or is that term specifically used for autistic ppl?

Hello there anon! It’s totally up to you if you want to describe those things as stimming, and there is no problem with it at all in my opinion. Even people who aren’t on the autistic spectrum stim, and as long as you are mindful of how you use the term it’s all good. It’s kind of tricky to explain, but some autistics are wary of neurotypicals using autistic ‘coded’ words because they think it undermines the fact that we experience things like stimming in a different way. As long as you stay respectful to people on the spectrum and recognize that we may use and/or need these behaviours for different reasons, there is no issue with using the word stimming for yourself :)

[autistic-dragonkid]

neurotypicals: why are you so weird? you’re really weird

me: I’m autistic

neurotypicals: but then why are you so normal? you’re really normal

[autistickiwi]

oof this is me :/

[yaboiseatbelt]

Getting sensory overload is one of the weirdest things ever. Because one second I’m completely fine, then I start getting to a point where I’m like “woah, everything’s very loud”, then in seriously like 2 seconds everything is VERY loud and every noises in a ATTACK on my ears and suddenly I just want to just sit down and hold my head in my hands forever.

[autistickiwi]

whenever this happens to me it’s just like. crying mode: initiated

[realsocialskills]

Social skills: noticing when repetition is communication

So there’s this dynamic:

Autistic person: The door is open!

Other person: I *know* that. It’s hot in here.

Autistic person: The door is open!

Other person: I already explained to you that it’s hot in here!

Autistic person: The door is open!

Other person: Why do you have to repeat things all the time?!

Often when this happens, what’s really going on is that the autistic person is trying to communicate something, and they’re not being understood. The other person things that they are understanding and responding, and that the autistic person is just repeating the same thing over and over either for no reason or because they are being stubborn and inflexible and obnoxious and pushy.

When what’s really happening is that the autistic person is not being understood, and they are communicating using the words they have. There’s a NT social expectation that if people aren’t being understood, they should change their words and explain things differently. Sometimes autistic people aren’t capable of doing this without help.

So, if this is happening, assume it’s communication and try to figure out what’s being communicated. If you’re the one with more words, and you want the communication to happen in words, then you have to provide words that make communication possible. For example:

Other person: Do you want the door to be closed, or are you saying something else?

Autistic person: Something else

Other person: Do you want to show me something outside, or something else?

Autistic person: Something else

Other person: Are you worried about something that might happen, or something else?

Autistic person: Worried

Other person: Are you worried that something will come in, or that something will go out?

Autistic person: Baby

Other person: She’s in her crib, and the baby gate is up. Is that ok, or is there still a problem?

Autistic person: ok

[poisondartwolf-deactivated20150]

Holy fuck.

This changes everything.

[jollysunflora]

*leaves for reference*

[byenyewhy-deactivated20181016]

I babysat an autistic kid for a few years, it’s hard to understand how their brain works sometimes but when you click, everything pays off. patience and love, my friends.

[darkstrangevirgilanxiboi]

My brother is autistic, and I can assure you ,this helps. Also, if they seem agitated when you ask them questions, use a calm, soft tone of voice

[marauders4evr]

But with that said, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you to talk to them using a ‘baby’ voice.

[autisticspecialeducator]

Important communication reference!

[dankmemeuniversity]

[autistickiwi]

my whole sense of humour in one post :P

[autistickiwi]

me: hm online school is really difficult because of reasons related to what I think could be me being autistic, maybe I should talk to my mom and ask if she'll let me get tested. *flashes back to all the times she yelled at me for showing traits that could be linked to autism, the times she told me to stop rocking because I "looked too autistic" and my dad yelling at me for refusing to do things that would set my sensory issues off* oh yeah nevermind

i’m sorry you’re having a hard time anon, it can be so difficult to get people to understand you sometimes :/ even if you aren’t in a situation to get diagnosed, myself and lots of other autism blogs support self-diagnosis so you’re always welcome here! it may not be much but you’re valid to me! i hope school gets better for you soon <3