Lifesteal incorrect quotes
Rek: How was the honeymoon?
Branzy: Clown got drunk and tried to destroy our marriage certificate.
Branzy: He said, “good luck trying to return me without the receipt”.
Branzy: I love him.
Zam: Leo was banned from the buffet place, so we had to go out of town to get food.
Leo: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it.
Zam: Leo, you ate a chair.
Ashswag: You know you’ve made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.
Rekrap: Those are wanted posters
Ash: You’re pretty bad at this.
Ash: Wha- That wasn’t a compliment!
Red: I’ve decided to focus on the positive aspects of life now!
Red: So you just called me pretty!
Parrot, to Rek: There are two types of people in this group. Observe.
Parrot: The floor is lava!
Vortex: *quickly helps Ro, Zam and Woogie onto the counter*
Mapicc: *pushes Spoke off the sofa*
Subz: If we die, I’m going to get Vitalasy’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play music, so I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.
Clutch: I’ll just hire Oasis’s ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.
Oasis: My ghost won’t associate with your ghost
Zam, texting: Leo, there’s a spider on the outside of the bathroom door. Can you get rid of it?
Leo, texting: Leo is dead. You’re next.
Leo, texting: love, The Spider.
Branzy: Can I have some water?
Vitalasy: *starts chugging his water bottle* Vitalasy: *chokes from drinking too fast*
Vitalasy: *spills water all over himself* Vitalasy, coughing: I don’t have any water for people that betray purple duo >:(
Mapicc: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare.
Rek: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great.
Mapicc: Not when you’re playing with Ro, it’s not. They put words like “carpe diem” and I put “dog.
Zam: Why are you like this??
Ash: I used too much “No More Tears” shampoo as a kid and I haven’t felt a single emotion since
Spoke: What if the ‘g’ in 'gif’ is silent?
Clown: Get the fuck out of my house.
Spoke: What gif I don’t want to?
Zam: What if I pour coffee in my cereal instead of milk?
Don, walking by and taking the coffee pot: And what if you don’t?
Zam: That’s okay we still have orange juice!
Spepticle: It’s so nice to feel wanted, you know?
Branzy loading a crossbow: NOT BY THE LAW!!
Ashswag: I am not out of control! I’m a law abiding citizen!
Reddoons: Really? Name one law.
Ashswag: Don’t kill people?
Reddoons: That’s on me. I set the bar too low
Reddoons: Ah, we meet again, my old arch enemies.
PrinceZam: I thought I was your arch enemy?
Reddoons: I have a life outside of you, Zam
Hairdresser: How would you like your hair cut?
Clown: Preferably with scissors, but a sword could be badass.
Branzy: Sweet dog you got there.
Police: Yes, this is our new drug sniffing dog.
Branzy: Still training huh?
Police: What do you mean?
Branzy:
Branzy: Never mind.
Branzy: Welcome to my very first vlog, in which I try different hair products!
Branzy: *sprays hairspray in their mouth*
Branzy: Well, right off the bat I can tell you this one is not very good.
Branzy: I would do anything for money.
*later*
Branzy, covered in blood: THE STATEMENT STILL STANDS!
Spoke: So according to the cease and desist order I got, apparently you can’t ‘legally’ be a lawyer if your license is ‘cut out of a cereal box’.
*the TV is freaking out*
Branzy: Don’t worry, you have to treat an electronic like you treat a patient on life support.
*unplugs the TV, then plugs it back in again. nothing changes*
Branzy: Yeah, that didn’t work with my grandma either.
Mappic: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Ro and not do the thing,
Mappic: Well there’s a clear right answer here.
Mappic: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke
Spoke: I lost my fish, can you help me find it?
Parrot, cooking the fish: What? I couldn’t hear you, please speak up.
Subz: I trusted you!
Vitalasy: Why
Subz: What is wrong with you?
Vitalasy: Loaded question. Elaborate.
Vitalasy: How does one turn their emotions off?
Subz: Okay, so first go to settings.
Subz: I’m a fucking idiot, I thought that said emojis at first.
Vitalasy: No, I’m still willing to try this, go ahead. I’m at settings, what do I do next?
Vitalasy : I am literally evil incarnate.
Vitalasy : I’m not actually, I just enjoy being evil.
Vitalasy : Which I think actually makes it even more evil because I’m making a conscious effort.
Subz: We’re all in this together. If one of us falls, we all fall. Nobody is expendable on this team.
Vitalasy : Sounds fake but ok.
Clown walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Branzy, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.
Branzy, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)
Zam: Hey, I see those leaves, where are you from?
Don: Canada.
Zam: AAYYYE, I KNEW IT! ME TOO!
Parrot: Did you just identify a country by looking at its leaves
McClutch: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this.
Vitalasy : Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!
Vitalasy : Ashswag, we’re hungry!
Branzy: Ashswag! What’s for dinner?
Subz: We’re hungry, Ashswag!
Ashswag, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*
Clown, confused and exasperated: Branzy, how do you plan on telling a bear to go vegan?
Branzy: Politely
Reddoons, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed?
Ashswag : *half asleep* Red, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it’s for *gestures vaguely to himself* the Queen.
Reddoons: Hey, can you do me a favor?
Ashswag: Sorry, I have to go do literally anything other than this.
Reddoons: You don’t even have a legitimate reason?
Ashswag: Oh, no, I do.
Reddoons: Well, what is it?
Ashswag: You see, I simply don’t give a fuck.
Parrot, smugly, after security arrives to escort Branzy and Ashswag out: So, do you wanna walk out of here or do you wanna be carried out?
Branzy, in defeat: Let’s go.
Ashswag: Wait.
Branzy: What?
Ashswag: I’d kinda like to be carried out…
Vitalasy : Adults are the most insanely stupid people I have the displeasure of interacting with.
Branzy, referring to themself and Subz: Even us?
Vitalasy : Especially you guys.
Subz:
Branzy:
Subz: Petition to kick Vitalasy out so he stops insulting us.
Branzy: Seconded.
Branzy: I just found out that humans are capable of fitting a light bulb into their mouth with ease but can’t take it out without shattering it, and now I have to physically restrain myself from putting a light bulb in my mouth
Vitalasy : FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED!
Vitalasy : BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF COMFORT YOU SUPPLY!
Ashswag: Vitalasy just threw a tantrum about a chair.
Ashswag: I just won Vitalasy Tantrum Bingo.
Branzy: Come on, Ashswag! How any times do I have to apologize?
Ashswag: Once!
Branzy: …No.
Vitalasy : So we’re gathered here today for a very special reason and I think you’ll all agree with me here.
Vitalasy : And if you don’t well then fuck you.
Vitalasy : I’m looking at you, Subz, you jealous mop.
Reddoons: When I see attractive people like Ashswag, I just laugh because I know if we lived in the Aztec culture, they’d be sacrificed for their beauty.
Vitalasy : I mean, that’s one way to cope with not being attractive.
McClutch: Works for me.
Branzy: I warned you.
Branzy: I’m perfect.
Ashswag: I’d make fun of your height but there isn’t enough to make fun of.
Vitalasy : I just wanna be called cute 21/7.
Branzy: Why no 24/7?
Vitalasy : Snack breaks.
Branzy: So I got this amazing plan!
Rekrap : We fail almost every time you say that.
Branzy: Well this is the same! But with a chicken involved.
McClutch: I wouldn’t put it in those words exactly.
Branzy: Why not?
McClutch: Because I don’t know what they mean.
McClutch, as a child, reading their school assignment out loud: I love my library because…
McClutch, mouthing words while writing: I love reading, fuck you.
Vitalasy: I hate you.
Branzy: Well, according to this picture I drew of us holding hands, that is untrue.
Clown: I love you.
Branzy: I love you too. I’ve waited so long to hear you say that.
*Clown and Branzy kiss passionately*
Rekrap, to Chief : You owe me 20 dollars.
Vitalasy : I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.
*out grocery shopping*
Subz: *takes a free sample twice*
Subz: Robbery and Fraud. I am a Rebel.
Subz: You… you saved me. You’re not a beast at all. YOU’RE A HERO, AN UGLY UGLY UGLY HERO!
Ashswag: Call me ugly again, and maybe I will eat you.
Ashswag: I am an expert at identifying birds.
Reddoons: Okay, what about those ones flying over there?
Ashswag: Yeah, they’re all birds.
Ashswag: Ugh, there’s always that weak bitch in the group who isn’t down with murder.
Ashswag: *glares at Spepticle*
Spepticle: Well, sorry I have morals!
Vitalasy , seeing a banana on the car seat: What the FUCK??
Vitalasy , buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it’s the LAW!
Clown: Branzy, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason.
Branzy, wearing a hoodie that’s 5 times bigger than their size: Spooky.
Branzy: Protip is you do not feel good about yourself after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce.
Vitalasy : What’s wrong with you??
Branzy: I literally JUST said I ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce?? Pay attention.
McClutch: No, they mean other than that.
Branzy: Ohhhhhh.
Branzy: I haven’t slept in 4 days.
Vitalasy : What’s worse than a heartbreak?
McClutch: Stepping on a cat’s tail and not being able to explain that you’re sorry.
Vitalasy: I have been tricked, I have been backstabbed, and I have quite possibly been bamboozled.
Parrot: I’m not mean. Name one mean thing I’ve ever done.
Spoke : When we were younger, you convinced me eggs weren’t real.
Parrot: They’re not.
Spoke : Haha, very funny.
Parrot: I’m serious. Didn’t you hear?
Spoke: No… what happened?
Parrot: …Why would you fall for this again-
Reddoons : I intend to stay pissed at you forever.
Reddoons: Even if I seem helpful.
Ashswag : Then you’re in luck.
Ashswag: Because you don’t.
McClutch: What happened to Ashswag?
Subz: They died.
McClutch: They what?
Subz: They died, but they’re okay.
McClutch: …Can you please clarify?
Ashswag: Clarification is for the weak.
Branzy: *pitches an idea*
Chief, impressed: Huh, there might be something here!
Rekrap, under their breath: Yeah, a lawsuit.
Rekrap: Isn’t a bit dangerous?
Branzy: Rek, please. We’ve in a lot of unexpected predicaments before and we always escape unhurt.
Rekrap: …
Branzy: Okay, we sometimes escape unhurt.
Rekrap: …
Branzy: Alright, we escaped unhurt once… Then we hurt ourselves in the way home.
