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[ayaka-bpd]

Sodium Nitrite

Curing Salt

When im out of here say hello

[ayaka-bpd]

Got into a fight with my family

I saw a scissors nearby.

Grabbed it and tried to cut my hand infront of them.

I know I shouldn’t have done it

I know I threatened them

But I just could not think clearly.

I heard voices telling me “NOW! I WANNA CUT NOW!”

I was overloaded couldn’t handle the yelling from my family I panicked

Thankfully no one including myself was hurt

But this really is a reminder how severe BPD’s emotional dysregulation really is

[ayaka-bpd]

On Friday I was telling my psychologist that I’m worthless

and I was feeling like that for a long time. Then I called my mum who isn’t a christan but supports my faith.

She said” if you think you are worthless what does god think of you” I took a moment and said

“I think I’m worthy in gods eyes because god made me and gave his only son on the cross to die for me out of love” then she said” that’s your answer” it made me realise it doesn’t matter if I’m worthy in humans eyes but gods eyes

I was suicidal during weekend but today I decided if I’m worthy in gods eyes I shouldn’t give up

I’m gonna try to live again

[ayaka-bpd]

[bpdizasta-deactivated20260503]

[ayaka-bpd]

I hate the word happy new year

There is absolutely nothing happy about a new year

[ayaka-bpd]

It’s New Year’s Eve I want to end it all before 2026… But I can’t because I’m in psych ward…

[ayaka-bpd]

If I had 3 wish from the magical lamp.

1. Please make my FP love me instead of her husband

2. Please make me normal.

3. Please help me to believe I have purpose in life cause right now everything is so dark I can’t see anything

[decayingrain]

Im such a fucking burden on the ones I love.

[ayaka-bpd]

I’m sooo burden that I feel the need to kill myself.

Living is a privilege. I don’t deserve it.

[bxrderlinebxy]

maybe killing myself is the only way to sever the attachment i have to you.

[youwillleaveme]

i’m not getting better anyways so why not get worse

[ayaka-bpd]

EXACTLY!!

[prettyfukinalone]

I can’t die. I can’t live. I don’t know where to go.

[p3rf3ctcha0s]

[ayaka-bpd]

I’m sorry Nurse ***** for ever loving you.

knowing that you have a husband and a child at home. I can’t help it you mean the whole world to me

[baddogmari]

when you feel like you’re starting to get better and suddenly the impending doom sets in again and you know the cycle is about to repeat

[ayaka-bpd]

And this how I end up dragging my discharge

Forever…

[loullipopx]

My Pokémon ❤️💙

[ayaka-bpd]

❤️

[hivnegative]

I don't have a morning routine. I wake up on straight survival mode.

[condemnedbody]

I think bashing my head against a wall will fix me.

[ayaka-bpd]

I seriously relate to it