?

I hope making this blog counts as self care Posting visual art and/or word art I come up with

[badtransartblog]

Health

Am I not who you raised me to be?

Not a woman and not what you’d call healthy?

My silhouette is no longer a skeleton

And I’m more flesh than bone. 

You gave up your agency in raising me

And condemn how I turned out. 

You thought I looked healthiest

When I was always trying to kill myself  

When every time I tried to stand

My vision faded and I almost passed out. 

When I thought growing up was starving

And looking how men want. 

Now I can carry my body and community for miles

And you tell me about health. 

Health that never includes loving my body or myself

Only criticizing at every moment. 

You tell me to watch what I eat

But you never watch what you say. 

Your need to control is always about restriction

So that’s what my first puberty was about. 

The second time, it’s all a gift. 

I give my body testosterone.

I give it clothes it wants to wear. 

I give it what it needs to grow. 

I would hate to live my life for a health

That never leads to happiness. 

[badtransartblog]

Clouds

When I make bad art,

I remember

it doesn’t need to be appealing

nor inventive.

If you want good art,

look to the Clouds.

I can never capture their marvel.

Why even try

unless the point

is to be imperfect?

[badtransartblog]

WE WOULD HAVE LOVED EACH OTHER THROUGHOUT TIME

[badtransartblog]

HAZARDOUS WASTE

[badtransartblog]

learning to speak

I often find myself listening to 

straight people as they

stumble over their words

when trying to talk about me.

The pauses before the “they”s

and the “transgender”s and “homosexual”s.

Looking into my eyes to see

if they got it right

like a child looks to a parent

as they babble and 

try to form words.

The language I speak with my community

is a mystery to them.

They struggle to solve

the simple reality that is

Me.