I was in love. That head over heels butterflies in your tummy when you think of them love. That once in a lifetime love. Sadly we were oceans away. He would be going to bed and I would be starting mine. But he still has a hold on my heart. (A you always will) I knew no one could ever love me as much and as well as you have. Iāve made peace with that, the universe had other plans for us.
As soon as I knew we could not go on I tried to replace you with C now he was a good guy (he wasnāt you). I thought he was great and funny, just an all around cool dude. But I was trying to fill a void. The void you left, I thought he was sweet and I didnāt think he could hurt me. Even when I was with him I thought of you. I remember one night I caved and messaged you while I was w him we just talked briefly but still I knew I loved and missed you. I even went to the bathroom to wipe a tear away.
After that night I vowed to not reach out. I knew it wasnāt good for either of us. But fast forward earlier this month found out C was getting busy with his ex. And oof that hurt my heart I thought he was a safe choice. I thought I wouldnāt have gotten hurt, but I did for a second and after a few days I reached some type of clarityāI was never in love with him sure I liked C but like how you like a good friend maybe even a best friend. I let him fill the hole you left. But now C is no longer in my life and Iām okay with that.
Iāve been writing a lot more recently, more in my journal than on a public form. But Iām ready to find myself and one day someone else who will love me just like you did A. I donāt know if Iāll have anyone in the next few months but I know one day Iāll be happy and not an artificial happy.
Thank you for loving me A
Thanks for filling a hole C
Thank you for finding me (my future)
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