@bettab12 - Tumblr Blog

Shout everyone else taking the vow of silence today

farcille isn't "toxic yuri." nothing remotely toxic about them, they both treat each other with a great deal of care and affection and respect. just because marcille is willing to do forbidden necromancy and arguably cannibalism for her wife doesn't make her toxic that's just what you do for a woman with broad shoulders

Drawing art you can't post and then it looks pretty good but you can't post it

#betta talks #I feel gay #and stupid

r0bottob0t

grosssamers

Wander over yonder zine

And flags

marzlucek

happy 12th anniversary to my favoritest tv show ever

I used to draw only for myself for years aside from a brief time I posted my art on instagram, mostly cause the thought of posting my stuff was scary and I thought my art style was ass. I spent most of my time developing my art completely isolated from like, outside opinions or smth, and it was really nice in a way. It felt intimate and personal to draw my own stuff, it was special, and there were really no consequences to what I did or didn't do with it after I drew it, it was neatly self contained. And of course I drew because I wanted to show my stuff to someone eventually but i was fully enjoying my peace sorta. The public was really just imaginary, and art was really just a conversation with myself.

When I started sharing my art it was a massive shock because I really wasn't used to it nor am I used to talking to people online since ages, it was never a normal part of my life or an intended way for it to go. It doesn't feel right a lot of the time. For a while it was fantastic because I discovered what it was like to have people care about what you draw, compliment you, draw you things in exchange and similar things, but eventually the negative of it caught up as well. Stuff like comparisons and people being weird, but not like, cartoonishly weird and evil, because God knows we'd all be at peace if things worked that way. It's only really maddening when the other person is as human as you, I think. It only gets under your skin in those cases.

Regardless it added a level of complexity to the entire thing I was unprepared for because maybe my relationship with art wasn't mature enough to be put to test like that, and making sense of the larger world my art is now part of takes much more energy than the drawing itself. Drawing classes being a disappointing experience also felt similar. I feel I've grown bitter about my own art because the scope of it all is much larger now and I've lost the original purpose of these things. If that makes sense. It feels irreparable in a way? It can never be as simple as it was before now. Or it could be but only in like 10 years when this is all long gone.

So I guess that's it. I just don't know I'll ever get that balance back? It sounds like some people suffer this feeling for decades as a choice, and it worries me to become that. It poses the question of "should you have ever shown your art to anyone? Was it worth it?". I don't like when any question ends up with an answer of "self isolate if you love yourself or suffer like an idiot finding the middle ground". Surely eventually it will work again, right?