1-800-BIGDEAL(S)

SPAMTON G. SPAMTON, CYBER WORLD'S #1 RATED SALEMAN (1997)

[bigbizspam]

Hey, hey, hey, everybuddy!

You've reached the one and ONLY Spamton G. Spamton with Big Shot Autos—and the co-host of Spamton and Tenna’s TV TIME!!

You know the ones.

But THIS ain't just another bargain-bin broadcast, no sir-ee! You’re lookin’ at the hottest rising names in Cyber City Showbiz, fueled by PRIME DEALS, premium-grade charisma, and a little something I like to call GOOD OLD-FASHIONED HUSTLE.

We’ll be bringing you updates, sneak peeks, behind-the-scenes bits, and only the FINEST hand-picked EXCLUSIVE OFFERS you can’t get anywhere else—not even on Tenna’s after-hour segments(sorry, pal, you KNOW it’s true).

So buckle in and keep your eyes locked.

Because @bigbizspam & @askmrtenna are revving up for our BIG holiday debut this year, and you’re gonna want FRONT-ROW SEATS.

Profile picture art belongs to @/colliholly.

This blog takes place sometime in the 2000's, but before Spamton left. He's still partnered and in his prime with Tenna. While focused on advertising, asks are welcome and will be answered with texts posts and MAYBE the occasional drawing—treated like posting a rerun of a call-in segment... or something.

No restrictions for asks, but do note that Spamton straight up won't answer what doesn't interest/benefit him.

#dealmaking - general text posts (usually ads)

#customer inquiries - asks answered

#cathode - tenna's posts

EVENT/EXCLUSIVES

Christmas - #S&TCHRISTMAS

Valentine's Day - #VDAYSPECIL

Writing Contest - #TVTIMEWC

I'll update this post with added rules or tags as needed but otherwise:

I'll rarely go out of character on this blog and it will always be denoted with a cut.

[bigbizspam]

Hey Mr. Spamton! Love the show!

I've got a couple questions: Let's say you lived in an alternate universe where you and Mr. Tenna swapped places. Everything else would remain the same.

What do you think that would be like? Would you want that life more than the life you currently have?

Thanks for your time, Big Shot!

Hey, hey, hey, kid!

I got a million other inboxes to get to but you get to cut the line 'cause I found it interesting.

First of all, THANKS! We're workin' real hard every day to bring ya QUALITY CONTENT (INCLUDING in the ad break!)

Second,

what would life be like if Mr. Tenna and I switched places? Well... uh. That'd be a lot on my plate, no doubt! And probably a lot on HIS, too. We got businesses to run, you know! And we're the only ones who know how to run em!

(Between you and me though, I'd probably be able to do HIS job a LOT better than he can do mine. I mean, seriously, his sales pitches just AIN'T it. Love ya, Tens!)

I'd say we're pretty suited where we're at! But... Maybe... switching could be good for us. In the future, you know? Like... Well. You wouldn't get it!

Thanks for askin!

[bigbizspam]

So…if Tenna can PRETTY much close his entire hand around your waist and do the same with a martini glass- does that mean you’re equal to the same height as one of Tenna’s martini glasses?

Hey, so, you can probably close your entire hand around a pen AND a kitchen utensil, but that doesnt mean theyre the same height OR width!

I am NOT that small! (Thanks for callin' in!)

[bigbizspam]

Mr. Spamton, what is love?

Check the dictionary!

[bigbizspam]

i heard from a little birdie you used to be quite unsuccessful before quickly rising to fame! was there perhaps any,, outside help getting to "big shot" status? 👀👀

Heh... yeah, secret's out! I wasn't ALWAYS a BIG SHOT. But, you know what! That just means I WORKED HARD to get here. I beat the ODDS! So what if I had a few helping hands? We all need them sometimes!

And with a little bit of luck, you could be a big shot too!

[bigbizspam]

Ok pretty unrelated to the writing contest but,

Mr. Spamton are you susceptible to peer pressure? I feel like you might be but I can't prove it yet.

Ok thanks

ME? Do I SEEM like somebody who'd listen to a bunch'a people's whozits and whatzits!? I'm a BIG SHOT now!

[bigbizspam]

One week and change late delivery!

Heard you'd like strawberry cake with vanilla frosting and a lot of berries? Here's two cakes for you!

Cake on the left is closer to a strawberry shortcake, with more strawberry jam + berries and less frosting.

The spin cake on the right is full on strawberry with a lot more berries and frosting, if you're more of a sweet tooth-

There was a- minor error with plating that caused the spin cake and it's plate to be revolving in opposite directions-

But just consider it a challenge cake to safely cut!

Hope you had a good birthday, and no unwanted phone calls interrupted your day!

HEY, WOAH, YOU'RE KIDDIN!

You did this the day I responded— I saw! Hey, well, I don't mind a challenge and these look DELICIS. What was this for again? My BIRTHDAY?

Heck, maybe Mr. Tenna was right that it oughtta be EVERY DAY!

[bigbizspam]

*shakes you aggressively* YOURE GONNA FUCKING DIEEEEEEEEEEE SPAMTONGGGGGGGGGGGGGG DEATHHHHHHHH wait shit do you die i havent finished ch2 um YOURE GONNA GET TURNED INTO A PAIR OF GLASSESSSSSSUHHHHHHH AND WE CANT DO SHIT ABOUT ITTTT BECAUSE ITS KN THE PROPHESYYYYYYYYY

...Pff.

[bigbizspam]

hispamton do u lik3 appl3s

Hey, sure I do! Do YOU like apples?

[bigbizspam]

WHOOPS wait. More specifically: is there any tag floating around for writing contest submissions I can use and/or look through?

THAT is a yes!

#TVTIMEWC

Is the official tag for the thing, but all you're gunna find are mine and Tenna's posts! Nobody's gone ahead and posted their things!

Folks, I just GOTTA give my apologies. I... think I got locked out!

[bigbizspam]

Hey so have you found those writing contest submissions yet.

Heh... Uh....

[bigbizspam]

have you ever thought about being human?

Eh, Mr. Tenna likes to think about it so I humor him.

Personally, I...

[bigbizspam]

sagson, listen to me and listen to me closely. i dont have much time. you're going to get kicked out of the queens mansion and eventually drown in acid only for you to look like an unidentifiable creature that lives in a dumpster. please dont call security im not crazy i swear. sagson, beware of the acid , sagson.

I wasn't gonna answer this one (sorry, not sorry), but SAGSON. Really!?

I was away so long, I almost forgot this whole name-game was a thing!

[bigbizspam]

I did rioting image just now. Reminiscing. first is MEGA scrapped cuz i got bored. ahem.

I present to you historical and SACRED images:

--First, we have an ancient scrapped artistic depiction of what Patchy imagines every time Tenna disappears off the platform. oh how the mighty CRT has fallen! will he ever regain his relevancy? will he ever learn about the harrassment his beleoved mailmen faces on the daily? and if he does will he defend him like a mom to thier roblox kid? or (my fav) will he join.

--Next- somewhat related- we have- the riot. ah yes- dont let them fool you! the riot was the biggest event around valentines day besides the special itself. Mr. Spinach, I'm honestly interested in what your reaction was to the whole thing. sure you had a few passing comments, but it sure got outta hand! (rioters i promise ill draw the "hosts brushing noses briefly and more" scene from the special eventually! please! god! dont go after me next!!)-- AHEM!

i figured it'll be a long time till the next scene illustration. So im giving you and the community this. PFFFFT-- goodluck with the handwriting LMAO.

ok but fr i love drawing stuff for you. feel free to make requests, Spinach. (anything for my Spamton Social Credits™ back... ill even delay what the rioters want from me...)

Dont abuse that power now AHAHA ha ha...

PS- say hi to Mr. Tenna for me :) hope he's having a nice break.

Hey, buddy! Good to see ya!

I know this little number's been sitting in the box for a while, but rest assured I had Mr. Tenna get eyes on it THE DAY OF! We think you're a real hoot! (I'm personally pretty big on creativity myself.)

And you captured that big oaf's temper pretty well. (Yeesh...)

Be careful with my name, kid! You're not winning me over that way!

P.S.

He'd join. I'm keep him away.

[bigbizspam]

Ah, it's your birthday?

Seems like cake is in order! (Or whatever your favorite dessert is)

Got any favorite flavors Spamton? Any preferred frosting?

I know I'm a week and some late, but I figured I'd ring in on this one anyway. 'Cause if it WERE my birthday, I think I'd like a strawberry cake with some vanilla frosting and plenty'a berries on top! Hoo, boy...

Where's Tenna when you need him?

[bigbizspam]

(https://www.tumblr.com/bigbizspam/810896056286068736/just-how-bad-is-tennas-internet-knowledge)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSEEEEEEEE SHOW US A PHOTO!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️

I WOULD. Really! I would. But if Mr. Tenna finds out, he'd have my tail!

[bigbizspam]

I think you're cool

Hey, thanks, Kid! I think I'm pretty cool, too, bringing you cold deals like mine! You'll never find a salesman so trendy!