BioWare According to Mom

Things my mother has to say about BioWare's Dragon Age and Mass Effect games, from text conversations to phone calls to observations. Dragon Age Female human noble rogue Female city elf. Tag :: Dragon Age According to Mom Dragon Age 2 Female mage Tag :: Dragon Age (2) According to Mom Mass Effect Female infiltrator Tag :: Mass Effect According to Mom

[biowareaccordingtomom]

A Quick Update

Much as Mom and I try to keep life from interfering with posts, that doesn't always happen! 

We took a brief break for Christmas. Then I started a new job. And I moved. In so doing, I took the only computer in the house that will run Inquisition with me. She should be finishing up Legacy next week (I think, I'm not sure what she's doing right now) since her computer can run DA2, but she's shopping for a computer that will run Inquisition, too! 

Stay tuned, we're not gone! Promise!

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom and the Heart of Many

Mom: qunari spies r on that list! Reg: What are you going to do about it? Mom: i demanded the scroll but she just gave me this tacky necklace Mom: i like her but i probably should have tried 2 kill her Mom: mayb next time

Inquisition is just going to be death and blood everywhere.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom and the Duke's Deal

Mom: so teh duke was makin a deal w the qunari Mom: nd then killed this salit Mom: now were killing him and his wyvern Mom: today is a good day Reg: ...dare I ask why? Mom: we were heros Mom: im hopin the wyvern eats him tho

Wide-eyed idealism mixed with bitter ruthlessness.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom and the Rescue

Mom: haha Mom: broody and v r the worst rescuers Mom: they got lost nd we got out ourselves Reg: You're still friends with Tallis even though she lies to you? Mom: shes killed ppl 4 me Mom: shes ok

How to get in good with Mom: assassination.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom and the Ambush

Mom: got thru Mom: got ambushed Mom: tallis is a qunari assassin?? Mom: :-O Mom: thats y teh mark on her armor looked familiar Mom: should have guessed Reg: You're freakishly genre savvy already, it's okay to be surprised. Mom: im surprised

There's a "no one expects the Inquisition" joke here somewhere.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom and the Puzzle

Mom: :-( Reg: What's wrong? Mom: ive been doin this puzzle 4 30 minutes Reg: It can't be that bad. Mom: im rly bad at puzzles :-( Reg: Give it one more shot and if you can't get it, go to YouTube. Mom: there r answers on utube??? Reg: Walkthroughs, yes. Mom: but thats cheatin!!

Will kill hundreds of apostates, templars, tal-vashoth, etc., but will not cheat on puzzles. My mother.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom Murders her Way through Chateau Haine

Mom: i think tallis is mad at me Reg: Why? Mom: she said we could sneak Mom: were not sneakin Reg: Are you murdering your way through the castle? Mom: sneakin takes 2 much tiem

To be fair, sneaking through that place is agonizing.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom and Finding the Key

Mom: poor tallis had 2 sleep w some1 i think Mom: [several minutes later] now i do Mom: i cant b unfaithful 2 broody Mom: mayb i can just punch him and search his body?? Mom: i punched him

Forever with the direct approach.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom and the Party

Mom: what am i wearing?? Mom: that outfit just doesn't work Reg: Did you not notice Hawke's awesome pajamas when you're in your house? Mom: y Mom: i was 2 polite 2 say anythin then Mom: but this is Reg: Heinous? Mom: y

Fashion is serious business of course.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom and the Wyvern, Part 2

Mom: i spent all that fight running in circles while my friends killed teh wyvern Mom: it kept chasing me Reg: Hey, kiting is a sound strategy. Mom: this french punk is tryin 2 steal my victory Reg: Did you really call him a French punk? Mom: do u not say that these days??

Mom is trying to be hip. Mom is failing.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom and the Wyvern

Mom: i no i say this a lot but i want 1 Reg: Oh God what a wyvern? Mom: y Mom: its pretty Mom: w the varterel nd a dragon it would b good security Reg: By dragon do you mean high dragon? Mom: y Mom: teh big 1 Mom: im sad i have 2 kill it

We can indiscriminately slaughter millions, but heaven forbid animals get hurt in the making of this blog.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom and the Final Piece of Bait

Mom: n Mom: i would no b putting my hand in poop Reg: You wouldn't? Mom: its unsanitary Mom: y do i have party members if not 2 have them touch teh poop 4 me

Mom asks the important questions.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom and the Poisoned Hound

Mom: made an antidote 4 some1 Mom: but saved a puppy w it Mom: i guess i cant save ppl but i can save puppies Reg: That's the attitude to have! Mom: unless some1 i care abt gets poisoned nd i just wasted teh antidote Mom: these ppl would do that

You're right.

Bioware would.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom, Mating, and Cheese

Mom: so were goin 2 make sounds liek mating wyverns?? Reg: Yep. Mom: theres a corpse here covered in cheese Mom: y is there a corpse here covered in cheese

Questions for the ages.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom and the Altar

Mom: i touched teh alter tallis told me no 2 touch Reg: How badly did that hurt? Mom: i died Mom: but now its personal trying again

Mom doesn't like to lose.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom and the Hunt

Mom: !! Mom: is killing a wyvern goin 2 b like teh time i took grunt 2 kroger prom? Reg: I don't even know how to respond to that. Mom: remember i killed teh giant worm?? Reg: Oh, the thresher maw! Yes, actually, it's kind of like that. Mom: !! Mom: im so excited

I'd forgotten about that time she thought thresher maw fights should replace prom. Or something like it.

[biowareaccordingtomom]

Reg's Mom and Tallis

Mom: theres a pretty elf girl Mom: :-O Mom: shes amazing Reg: You haven't even met her yet, have you? Mom: shes throwing knives and jumping around liek a pro Mom: i liek herMom: even if she does want me 2 steal Reg: You have a moral issue with stealing but murdering everyone is okay? Mom: true Mom: no real world consequences so i can do what i want

A terrifying sentiment from Mom.