Being Me. @bizingaxliss-blog - Tumblr Blog

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“The magic of the forest, it requires first that you enter it and then that you get lost within it. You may think there is a path to lead you straight through but soon enough you’ll be on what is known as the path less, path. There are tricksters here dense foliage and entanglement but equally present are the glimmers of fairy light and friends along the trees.”

You’re on an adventure now and there’s no turning back. So embrace the dim light and moving shadows whether literal or imaginary, brave the forest and get lost to get found.

No where else to turn.

I'm going to fight for, justice, love, and friendship

How’s It Going?

Hey there Tumblr World,

Alisa here. I hope everything is going well for your Friday night. As for me, I just had dinner which was pretty filling along with a few beers. So my mind is pretty relaxed at the moment.

Just wanted to fill you in on what’s been going on in my life lately. A big highlight that I was pretty happy about was last night. On Facebook, there was an advertisement saying they were going to premiering the Sailor Moon Movie R for one night at a movie theater close by. I’m not a die-hard fan to the point I know every spec and details of the show but I know I grew up watching it and was a fan since. So I decide at the last minute to purchase tickets to see the show.

I didn’t regret it one bit. I felt as though I was re-living my childhood all over again which was a great memory of my younger years. Since I was at an age like that I was very outgoing, bubbly, and so full of energy. There wasn’t a fear in the world in my eyes in that time. Yeah, some girls were into Barbie and stuff but for me, my life rotated around Sailor Moon and the Sailor Scouts. I remember waking up early every Saturday morning to turn on the TV and watch the latest episodes of the show while eating my breakfast.

The thing that stood out to me the night I was at the theaters watching the movie was this show really brought joy to my life. How I deeply admired Sailor Moon when she would fight for justice, love and even friendship. That made me want to go by a code such as that. Because those are great values to have to apply in your daily lifestyle. It even showed me self-acceptance and to just be who I truly want to be. No masks to hide behind.

A huge tear jerker was near the end of the movie when the space comet seed filled with flowers was heading towards earth thanks to Usagi when she tried to use her crystal to save her and her friends. She was risking her very existence trying to save them... That true dedication and respect that I give Usagi. And for her friends and Mamoru, they realized that sacrifice and didn’t want her to do that from the beginning since they would end up losing Usagi.

I balled crying because with my life experience at the moment I haven’t really met a friend who would do such a thing for me. No, I don’t mean to sacrifice themselves for me but to just be a genuine friend and be that backbone a need when I’m dealing with life's troubles. Also, to share crazy adventures with and create amazing memories with. That is something that I wish and try to attempt daily to find my sailor scouts I can rely on.

Well, I can keep going on and on but I think today. I’ll just end it here. Thanks for listening to me a really appreciate it. And I hope you're having a great night yourself.

Take care,

Alisa V.

Take me back to when the weather was warm. Please.

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bizingaxliss-blog

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Hey there. I’m Back.

Hello,

To the World of Tumblr. It surely has been a good minute since I last was on here. But it feels nice to hop on in and just get back into it you know?

Looking back into my profile I was last on here when I was eighteen??? Now I’m 23, so that is a very long time since I was last on here. Haha. Well moving forward what I’ll be talking about is just my life and the things I go through whether it’s positive or negative. Because why not? If I choose to make the decision I can. I’m not going to filter it out because I believe, I can make this place a safe space for myself.

Let’s see if I’ll keep my promise and put up a few posts here and there. Yeah, sure some are going to be random or what I like in the moment. So I’ll tumble upon what I like. (:

#welcomeback #selfexpression taketimeforyourself

Put a gun to my head. I'll be happy. Call me weak. I don't care. This is the cloest to being happy. I try to live life. I try to fight. No results come hitting my way. I lost close people in my life and gain some who are complete strangers. I may have trust issues but I have reasons why. Life is cruel but yet so beautiful and where I stand is at it's uglyist. I admit. I'm sad. Not for any fucken attention, no; this is how the way I'm fucken feeling. I want to scream and cry out of the top of my lungs. I want to be normal but what is the definition of normal? I've been a hypocrite to myself and yes it sucks. Knowing that, what can I even do to prevent that. Analyzing people and reading them and predicting in the things they may do. This is driving me crazy, I'm scared of people. It makes me not want to know them. I have taken so much ecstacy so many times to run away from all my problems and fears. This has made the best of me but yet the worst. When the high comes down. The last thing that it leaves me with is my thoughts.

Taking ecstacy kinda took my happiness away. Weird I know. I feel some what emotion less. Or maybe it's me. I don't know. But I just feel like I must depend on a drug to feel happy and I'm not the one to be that. I've suffered from depression. The thing keeps me going forward on this path of life is that everyone has their own depressions too. I shouldn't feel alone.

But at this point I'm in a state of mind of being alone. Where there is no hope, no positivity. No light to guide me in that darkness. I give thanks for those who try to show me the light but it isn't enough for me to believe that I will go on. Darkness has been in the corners of my mind and here and now. It surfaced so high for me that I can't control it any longer. This sounds selfish I'm sorry. I'm a bad human being for being like this but I can't help but feel this way. This is how I'm feeling and I can't help it at all. Maybe I'll be ok maybe not. I don't know. How the way I'm feeling right now is just too painful. My heart fucken hurts... I can't breath... It's stupid of me to even write this and I am going to post this. I will accept the consequence of even writing this. But so be it. This is my heart, and soul, tears everything bottled inside being released. So I may at least find the little bit of comfort.

So please once you read this don't say anything and if so then okay, I'll be fine if I hear it from you or someone else. The main matter to me right now is this is over and self expression of how I'm feeling. Tumblr is just a place where I feel like a can at least post something with no reget. It sucks because I fear what people would say. And right now I just don't care because this is my breaking point and I need to vent.

I know, I can be happy but some how it's hard to keep smiling when I'm not happy.