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@bloodied-and-commander
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Red
Cinnabar
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(Red, Lapis)
"The next thing out of your mouth better be an apology."
༘⋆。 stirring the pot starters
~💧~ Lapis opened her mouth up and mumbled...
"Go jump in a river."
Red's pupils shrink just a little at that response, a look of haughty disain on her face aimed right at Lapis. The gem hybrid steps forward as she clenches her fists at her side, looking tense and agitated. Unsurprisingly, she snaps right into anger.
"You think you're so much better than me, don't you? Y'know, I should kick your ass, now that your little guard dog isn't around to protect you, huh?", she says in a snippy retort, a nasty scowl on her face.
LET’S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING A MOMENT.
you don’t need fancy icons to roleplay with me.
you don’t need to write in small fonts to roleplay with me.
your theme doesn’t have to look like you gave your soul to photoshop to roleplay with me.
i won’t rp with you if you don’t read my rules.
i won’t rp with you if you have a sucky attitude.
LET TUMBLR ELITISM DIE.
snifs . sawry i have been gone for 1 million year. i promise i want to come back i have just been busy ....
@bloodied-and-commander
CINNABAR
bloodied-and-commander:
Something tells me they will, Lapis. Cinnabar made haste to get inside and soon, her feet raced up snow covered wooden steps. Snow melts and withers away under her feet as she made her way up. She adjusts her grip for a moment so she could open the door with her elbow. Cinna makes sure to be mindful of Lapis’s head so she doesn’t get bonked. The warm gem steps inside and the door closes itself. Almost instantly, Cinnabar’s body heat leveled out and became a stable, comfortable warmth. Without another word, she goes straight for the temple door and opens her room up. She steps in and the door closes behind her with a dull thud. The room isn’t as warm as Cinnabar is, not yet, but it’s warming up. The commander gem gently sets Lapis down on the bottom bunk then sits next to her on the edge of the bed. The room is eerily empty and quiet. The animals were nowhere to be seen as of right then.
~💧~ Cinnabar was careful to bring her shorter friend and mind her head from the doorway overhead, which in turn so was the water gem ducking. They crossed on into the door once they reached the heated interior the blue gem comfortably laid back.
“Ahh. That’s a familiar feel.”
Lapis sighs as she was warmed up by the inside of the old fire stove of the temple except now it was much more bigger now. Mostly Lapis was grateful to get out of the cold after all, she was very affected in the fact it would freeze her wings to ice.
“Aww. man.”
She silently complained. The warmth of the living room would not last for very long because in no time at all Cinna was already getting that fire encrusted room to show up. Lapis was quick to lift up the shark fin tail that was originally half dragging the ground. Just in case, it was hot enough to catch flames. Thankfully she was gently set down on the bottom bunk that had the most cushiony soft surface. Lapis strokes her shark tail protectively.
“One of these days this place is going to be scorching 10 out of 10 and I’m going to come out sizzling… Like a fajita. I should just call this room “The Sizzler.”
Cinnabar glances around the room, finding it odd that neither Solarex or Artemis were around. Maybe they'd come around when the room warmed up a little more.
The warm gem turns her attention back to her friend. That "sizzler" comment gets a small laugh and a lighthearted eyeroll out of her. She scoots back on the bed and leans against the wall.
"Maybe I'll borrow some water for my coffee," the firey gem says teasingly.
"Don't worry. Nothing's going to happen to you," she says after, letting go of the tease in her tone.
She relaxes her shoulders, and then criss crosses her legs in a more comfortable position. But…she can't help but notice the scratching and squeaking noises coming from somewhere in this room.
At first, she thought she was imagining it, but as she listened more closely while Lapis spoke, it became more obvious. Before, it was almost imperceptibly quiet. But now, it was faintly audible in the quickly warming room.
Cinnabar tries not to flinch at being yelled at, but it shows in her body language anyways. Her shoulders become tense and her eyes widen just a little bit, flinching back minutely. She raises her hands a little defensively, but quickly relaxes with a small, friendly smile.
She knew not to take other gem’s outbursts personally, especially when they were so sudden. It likely wasn’t personal at all.
Usually, there’s something else making the gem snappy.
“Hey, no, it’s alright. Don’t worry about it,” she says, still slightly frazzled by the outburst and the encounter.
The firey gem then remembers herself and speaks more formally this time, “Are you alright? You seemed rather upset. Excuse my curiosity, I know it’s none of my business…..”
Spinel doesn’t even pretend to be fine. “No, I’m not fine. There’s this gem in my house who won’t leave.! Who does she think she is? She was literally chasing me,shapeshifted! I thought a gem had corrupted!”
Cinnabar seems a little surprised at first, but at hearing Spinel's description it's increasingly obvious who she was talking about. The red gem lets out a slow breath and makes an effort to manually relax her shoulders.
"Alright, alright. Slow down. Did this gem also happen to have blue skin and dark hair...? That sounds a lot like a gem I know...."
She looks a little uncomfortable and that's because she has a bad feeling like she knows where this is going.
Because Cinnabar was so “in her head”, she failed to notice the pink gem coming her way. The moment she bumped into said gem, she was startled out of her little reverie.
Cinna snapped back into focus and almost hesitated to reach out, awkwardly attempting to keep the gem from nearly falling over.
“Oh-! I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, are you alright?”, she says, her speech a little rushed and informal.
She just holds her hands up harmlessly as she gives her some space. Her hands drop to her sides after a moment.
Her brain finally caught up with her eyes and she recognized this gem as Spinel, the same one that nearly brought this world to an end. She’d come a long way since then, though…
At least the esteemed commander tried to conceal her shock. She had just about a million questions for her.
This clearly was not the moment, and Spinel, angered by the previous events, found herself reacting harshly before she could even think about it.
“YOU REALLY SHOULD PAY MORE ATTENTION YOU-” She froze mid sentence, a apologetic look on her face.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted like this I wasn’t thinking right it was just as much my fault I’m so sorry”
Cinnabar tries not to flinch at being yelled at, but it shows in her body language anyways. Her shoulders become tense and her eyes widen just a little bit, flinching back minutely. She raises her hands a little defensively, but quickly relaxes with a small, friendly smile.
She knew not to take other gem's outbursts personally, especially when they were so sudden. It likely wasn't personal at all.
Usually, there's something else making the gem snappy.
"Hey, no, it's alright. Don't worry about it," she says, still slightly frazzled by the outburst and the encounter.
The firey gem then remembers herself and speaks more formally this time, "Are you alright? You seemed rather upset. Excuse my curiosity, I know it's none of my business....."
How to make your writing sound less stiff
Just a few suggestions. You shouldn’t have to compromise your writing style and voice with any of these, and some situations and scenes might demand some stiff or jerky writing to better convey emotion and immersion. I am not the first to come up with these, just circulating them again.
1. Vary sentence structure.
This is an example paragraph. You might see this generated from AI. I can’t help but read this in a robotic voice. It’s very flat and undynamic. No matter what the words are, it will be boring. It’s boring because you don’t think in stiff sentences. Comedians don’t tell jokes in stiff sentences. We don’t tell campfire stories in stiff sentences. These often lack flow between points, too.
So funnily enough, I had to sit through 87k words of a “romance” written just like this. It was stiff, janky, and very unpoetic. Which is fine, the author didn’t tell me it was erotica. It just felt like an old lady narrator, like Old Rose from Titanic telling the audience decades after the fact instead of living it right in the moment. It was in first person pov, too, which just made it worse. To be able to write something so explicit and yet so un-titillating was a talent. Like, beginner fanfic smut writers at least do it with enthusiasm.
2. Vary dialogue tag placement
You got three options, pre-, mid-, and post-tags.
Leader said, “this is a pre-dialogue tag.”
“This,” Lancer said, “is a mid-dialogue tag.”
“This is a post-dialogue tag,” Heart said.
Pre and Post have about the same effect but mid-tags do a lot of heavy lifting.
They help break up long paragraphs of dialogue that are jank to look at
They give you pauses for ~dramatic effect~
They prompt you to provide some other action, introspection, or scene descriptor with the tag. *don't forget that if you're continuing the sentence as if the tag wasn't there, not to capitalize the first word after the tag. Capitalize if the tag breaks up two complete sentences, not if it interrupts a single sentence.
It also looks better along the lefthand margin when you don’t start every paragraph with either the same character name, the same pronouns, or the same “ as it reads more natural and organic.
3. When the scene demands, get dynamic
General rule of thumb is that action scenes demand quick exchanges, short paragraphs, and very lean descriptors. Action scenes are where you put your juicy verbs to use and cut as many adverbs as you can. But regardless of if you’re in first person, second person, or third person limited, you can let the mood of the narrator bleed out into their narration.
Like, in horror, you can use a lot of onomatopoeia.
Drip Drip Drip
Or let the narration become jerky and unfocused and less strict in punctuation and maybe even a couple run-on sentences as your character struggles to think or catch their breath and is getting very overwhelmed.
You can toss out some grammar rules, too and get more poetic.
Warm breath tickles the back of her neck. It rattles, a quiet, soggy, rasp. She shivers. If she doesn’t look, it’s not there. If she doesn’t look, it’s not there. Sweat beads at her temple. Her heart thunders in her chest. Ba-bump-ba-bump-ba-bump-ba- It moves on, leaving a void of cold behind. She uncurls her fists, fingers achy and palms stinging from her nails. It’s gone.
4. Remember to balance dialogue, monologue, introspection, action, and descriptors.
The amount of times I have been faced with giant blocks of dialogue with zero tags, zero emotions, just speech on a page like they’re notecards to be read on a stage is higher than I expected. Don’t forget that though you may know exactly how your dialogue sounds in your head, your readers don’t. They need dialogue tags to pick up on things like tone, specifically for sarcasm and sincerity, whether a character is joking or hurt or happy.
If you’ve written a block of text (usually exposition or backstory stuff) that’s longer than 50 words, figure out a way to trim it. No matter what, break it up into multiple sections and fill in those breaks with important narrative that reflects the narrator’s feelings on what they’re saying and whoever they’re speaking to’s reaction to the words being said. Otherwise it’s meaningless.
—
Hope this helps anyone struggling! Now get writing.
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