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h

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@bonbonbandit
notputtinghandembroideredcandypatchesonyourjacket.jpg
maledictora gurl u so hexy
me nd my witch gf
me: girl U so hexy her: *turns me into a peanut*
whats the deal with airplane food????????
[[My laptop has been broken for like two weeks.... all my icons... gone...]]
Cherche was only a few minutes late; Minerva’s unruliness needed to be tamed for before she could go anywhere. Gods knew the camp didn’t need an angry Wyvern on the loose. She was quiet with her entrance, taking Gaius’s lowered defense as a chance to slam a book atop the thief’s head.
“Feet belong on the floor, not on the table. No leaning back in your chair either. Sit up straight.” It wasn’t until now how difficult this task of something so simple was going to be dawned on her with his sheer lack of obvious manners. Gaius is a mess.
"WauGH!" Gaius promptly smashed into the ground. A satisfying "SLAP" could be heard as face hit cobblestone.
"Well... They're on the floor." He muffled through the rocks before climbing shakily back into his chair. Gaius immediately slumped over the desk and let out a deep groan from the pit of his chest. "Why am I the only one who has to take this class..? Last I checked, thieves didn't need things like manners..." If he didn't look a mess before, he certainly was now. Hair ruffled, cape askew, and crushed chocolate leaking out of his pockets, Gaius suddenly became the poster child of... well, children.
"Cherche? Anyone? Hello?" Gaius poked his head into the room. Nothing was in there, save for a few stray tables and chairs haphazardly placed around, a blackboard, and a small bookcase to the side.
"Cripes... So this is how it's gonna go, huh?" Slipping into an empty chair, Gaius immediately propped his legs up on the desk, tipping his chair back and up against the wall and preemptively placing a hand on the stick in his mouth.
"Cherche? I'm here for the..." He groaned. "...Ettiquette lessons..." A moment of silence passed.
"What, is she late? Talk about irony...."
[I could work on my myriad essays.... OR..... i could write starters.
so yeah ill do that]
Have you noticed how attractive like half the enemy npcs are because
“‘Nice body?’ S-Surely you two cannot be serious! I’m beginning to doubt this idea entirely.”
"I cannot say I am in agreement with your suggestions. Revealing attire of any sort is… unfitting for a holy man, don’t you agree? Perhaps we could tone it down a bit. The… sorcerer’s outfit sounds agreeable."
"You’re going to don the sorcerer’s attire?! I mean, yes of course, something as modest and covering as the… sorcerer’s uniform would be much more befitting of a man of the cloth such as you, Libra."
"Well, since that’s settled, lets get you down to the uniform tents! Gaius, I’m sure you might be able to have a talk down with the personnel there, since we need a sorcerer’s uniform, but I’m sure our darling Libra won’t be practicing black magic any time soon."
"Modest? Cripes, Ruffles, there's nothing 'modest' about those skimpy-" Gaius caught on pretty fast. To say that the entire conversation up until now was totally innocent would be a complete lie, but claiming that it was all purposeful would be just the same.
"Right, right! This is where the old sweet talking comes in, doesn't it? I'll go run off ahead, then." Gaius sped off, chuckling snidely to himself. The Uniform Tents weren't too far off, not that Gaius particularly cared. He only had one outfit, after all, and it only needed to be washed maybe one every two months. Having a brown and black color scheme worked in your favor once in a while...
The attendant was amiable, if not a bit faceless. It never occurred to Gaius that apart from about 40 or so-odd members of the army, everybody else they ever met was so insignificant as to be almost... dispensable.
Nevertheless, the attendant presented a particular problem: The only Sorcerers in camp at the moment were Tharja and Henry. Needless to say, Libra didn't possess the same... assets as Tharja. As for Henry, well... Being around 2/3rds the height of a person didn't exactly contribute to accurate sizing.
"...Perfect." Gaius snatched the spare uniform right off of the rack, clicking his tongue and winking at the attendant before swoocing right out and back towards the others.
"Here you go, Padre." He held out the outfit. "A perfect fit." Minus two or three sizes.
[I'm getting really antsy waiting for replies so.... Like if you want a starter?]
"Gaius will do anything for candy."
“Anything.”
“I-I hope you’re not making fun of me, Gaius! You’d better not tell… I’d rather not have the others sneaking around trying to hear me. They already do that with my dancing, and we all know I’m not too impressive.” She felt her cheeks heating up and a tiny smidgen of anger arose in her voice as she looked at the candy thief with an accusatory glance.
But then she heard the real bulk of the stuff, mind finally clearing of the absolute mortification that he’d heard her out-of-tune chorus. A little band? Sure, it sounded cute, as long as Olivia wasn’t involved. “Y-you want me to sing? For you? Like, on purpose?”
Knowing that someone had heard her singing couldn’t have been embarrassing enough on its own, could it? And Gaius off all people, too — he’d never let her hear the end of it. Especially not if she refused his offer. Olivia could barely even dance when in front of an audience. But singing? How could she ever do both? Wouldn’t her voice shake? And Gods, she didn’t even have a pretty voice, did she?
Olivia’s eyebrows came together nervously and she twiddled her hands in front of her body. He left her with no choice, and he even procured that thing he was holding, as if he knew she’d comply with his wishes. Her eyes looked to the side as she tried her best to think of an excuse not to join his little band. A breathing disorder? Lack of coordination?
“Um… I-I don’t need to make any money right now. Have you ever even composed any music? If you had a plan, then maybe it’d help with morale, even…”
"Aw, come on, Babe. Don't be like that! You're not the official army dancer for nothing, right? Why, I'd even wager to go so far as to say that we'd be nothing without you! Seeing you dance, hey, even a guy like me feels like he can do anything twice over!" Gaius beamed. In fact, it almost looked as though a stream of light were emanating from his very figure. To Olivia, at least, he must have been a paragon of praise, singing words that oozed of confidence and pride.
...Of course, in reality, it was nothing more than cajoling. Marks like Olivia, they wouldn't be too hard to wheedle around. It's not that Gaius bore any ill will towards the woman. No, she just happened to have the particular... skills he needed. No, Olivia wasn't the mark in question. Not by a long shot. All he needed was Olivia to...
"...Oh... You don't need any money, huh?" Gaius broke his composure for a second.
It was only a minor wrench in the plan, to be sure, but if Olivia wasn't willing to dance for a few townspeople... Not to mention, the idea of composing music had been completely lost on Gaius. He wasn't a musician, of course. If anything, he would be lucky if he could just play two or three chords over and over for a few minutes. But he DID have a plan. Oh, did he have a plan. Only a few more steps to go.
"Morale, huh? Not a bad idea, Babe. Pretty good, actually." Gaius grinned again. "In fact, why limit it to only the army? We should spread mirth like that all over! A time of strife like this is the best time for people like us! Hells, we could be beacons of hope all over Ylisse!"
...Gaius deflated internally. This was getting bombastic. He had to cinch the deal, and quickly.
"So.. How about this? I have some music sheets I... 'borrowed' from Stahl and Cordelia. Why don't we get some practice in?" He handed Olivia a small stack of papers. "We can start on the down low. Maybe hit a few small markets outside the castle. So? How about it? You ready?"
Gaius get your stupid fucking ape hands off of me touching bananas and shit god damn i hate you so much i can’t even eat you because I get the power of looking like a fucking onion
fuck you gaius
Henry once referred to himself as rather spicy
"SPICY?!!"