lover of the light

Tessa Bones; 25; Auror; Sunshine. "Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow."

[bonestessa]

malfoycaelum:

The business of being a Crime Lord was not an easy one. Nor a safe one. War was a constant part of Caelum’s life. Every waking moment, he could feel the blood being spilled all around him. At his order. In his defense. That was why, every hit, every knife that came clamoring his way–it felt earned. 

His reasoning, however, for showing up in the bar that night, those were the more confusing aspect of his life. Had he been smarter, he would’ve hid until his wounds were healed. Instead he was being bold, too bold. Sure, it was important to create fear, but walking around looking half dead rarely created that feeling in people.

“I think I’ll switch things up and try some of that vodka. Top shelf.”

Tessa continued to stare blankly for a few stunned moments, and then she threw her hands up in defeat. “Right. Top shelf vodka.” She turned around to get it, pleased for the time it gave her to collect herself. The last time she had seen him he had told her they weren’t friends, that he was too dangerous to be in her life. Now he was here and covered in injuries. That had to mean something, but what she couldn’t say, and it’d be unwise to push it. She had a feeling that they were at an impasse. She’d have to play it cool, she decided, so as not to send him running again. He was just another customer for now. 

She turned around, the vodka in her hand. “And how are you having that- neat, on the rocks, with a mixer?”

[bonestessa]

ameliascones:

Amelia did want to listen to what Tessa was saying. Keeping all her worry suppressed and secret was eating her up from the inside out, and she knew that Tessa was right. She should tell them. She just couldn’t. It had been hard enough to come to Tessa, but talking to her entire family… In this conversation it could just be a speculation. A fluke. Maybe there was something wrong with her. Maybe despite all her health food and workouts and attempts at curating a perfect lifestyle, there was still something uncontrollably incorrect inside her. Maybe. But sitting down and confessing her doctor’s words and her own worries to the rest of her family, that was something concrete. And she couldn’t do concrete right now, not about this. 

“I have listened. Listened, thought about it, and decided—” Amelia’s voice cracked, her body betraying the appearance of indifference and strength she so badly wanted to project. “I’m-too-afraid-of-the-possibility-to-admit-it-to-them-okay?” And then, in the smallest voice Amelia Bones had ever used, “What if it’s really bad, Tessa?”

Tessa bit her lip, feeling bad immediately that she’d pushed her sister. Her strong, smart, beautiful sister who was clearly shaken up. She reached out, covering Amelia’s hand with her own. 

“Okay- okay. You don’t have to tell them anything, not now, not until we know what’s going on. It might be nothing, like you said.” She glanced up, pleading. “But, please, let’s find out. And if it’s really bad, we’ll deal with it— together.”

[bonestessa]

It had been two weeks since Tessa had seen Caelum; he’d stayed true to his word about not being around anymore. She’d been told to stay put, to keep working as normal, but she couldn’t help but feel like she was wasting time. She absentmindedly wiped the bar down, lost in thought; so much so that it took her a few seconds to notice someone was there.

Not someone, him. A gasp left her lips as she took in the sight of him. Livid bruises adorned his face, visible even in the low light of the bar. And were those stitches? Shock was etched on her face, the ability to speak making a hasty exit.

[bonestessa]

ameliascones:

“I just don’t think there’s any reason to fret, and coming out and telling Edgar and Richard and Dad that there might be something wrong seems like fretting. Besides, I only brought it up to you in the first place to make a comparison. It’s not exactly as if I go around asking my girlfriends about the state of their reproductive organs. We’re family, if there was something… abnormal… Anyway, it’s probably nothing. The Healer at St. Mungo’s seemed very positive about the whole thing. I’m not even going to bother thinking about it. There might be a big promotion for me in the next few months if I’m smart about my work, and I just don’t have time to worry about a little discomfort. It’s probably the Universe’s way of telling me I shouldn’t be wasting time on boys anyway.”

Tessa tried to keep calm, though in truth she wanted to shake some sense into her sister. Not everything was about work. She bit down on her tongue, getting a hold of herself. “Why did you bother to ask me at all if you weren’t going to listen to a word I had to say?”

[bonestessa]

malfoycaelum:

Caelum stayed in a solemn silence for some time. When was the last time he had let anyone this close? Even physically. Most of his time was spent surrounded by bodyguards, or associates. Yet they all kept a distance. His very presence made many people uneasy, as if they were waiting to see the monster that had grown into something of a legend. The Great Hades, Seeker of Destruction. Murderer. Businessman. Criminal. He was stupid to think of anything else, his own emotions clearly clouding his thoughts and his words.

He would have begged to see her smile again. Knees would drop to the broken asphalt road, his hands held out in a silent prayer.

Instead he drew himself within. “My reputation proceeds me. Most are too scared to try and fight me. Others who might want to tear me down, they know when I’m in my element.” His voice was monotone as he stated the facts. Checking invisible boxes of his life.

“I won’t be back at the bar for a while. I doubt you’ll miss me very much, but I figured you might want to know.”

It was then that he turned away, his men who had been creeping in the shadows starting to fade out with him as his footsteps began echoing once more. This was for the best, Caelum reminded himself. Although the sinking in the pit of his stomach did nothing to bolster that idea.

Tessa wasn’t sure when everything had spiralled so far out of her control; five minutes ago things were going well, she was inching closer to him, putting herself into his life, and whether he liked it or not, he was showing himself to her. Perhaps not the side of himself she was here to expose, but a different side, a better side. A side that was beginning to disconcert her. But now it was as though an invisible barrier had put itself up between them. He was backing away, warning her off, telling her he wouldn’t be around. How was she meant to do her job if she didn’t see him? 

She ran a tired hand over her face, her mind warring frantically with itself, one half trying to think of a way to salvage the situation whilst the other half tried to shove personal hurt - hurt she had no place in feeling - down. 

Not that any of it mattered. He was walking away, he’d soon be out of sight, out of hearing range, and there’d be nothing to do. So she did the only thing she could think of, her heart leaping into her mouth as she did, painfully aware of the risk she was taking, but if she could spike his curiosity - whether it was now, or he followed up on it later -  maybe it would be worth it. “I call,”- she paused, searching for a word that was hard for her to say, she wasn’t someone who swore- “bullshit. And I’m not afraid of you.” She called the words gently but firmly at his retreating back. She had no idea if he’d heard or not, but it would have to do. 

She turned on her heel, then, walking away too. 

[bonestessa]

malfoycaelum:

He should have known before he said the words that they would have a negative impact on his companion. They had been more brutal than he intended, but at least they gave him so distance. The bright shining beacon before him was not someone that he should keep around. Her very presence made him feel unbalanced, as if she was knocking him upside down–or upside right. Maybe he should have chosen his words more carefully. Or added a smile. Or said the damn words that he refused to admit.

Instead he broke open a fissure, and a very large part of him was celebrating. Victory.

“Hey,” he said, stopping after he noticed her footsteps pause. Caelum turned towards her, his eyes seeing perfectly in the darkness. “I just meant that you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into with me. I’m not–I’m not really good for anyone. Not for friendships not for anything. I am dangerous. And not in any romantic sort of way where I’m only saying that to hope you’ll fall into any sort of cliche.”

“I’m dangerous.”

“Romantic,” Tessa repeated flatly. It was as though something inside of her had shuttered off when he’d said they didn’t know each other, and she feel and hear herself getting colder by the second. “I think that’s getting a little ahead of yourself.” She took another step back, crossing her arms over her chest. “You’re just someone who happens to come into the bar where I work. I’m not at all sure why you’d think I’d be having any romantic notions.” 

She peered around her, trying to get her bearings. Truth be told, she’d been an idiot, so suckered into the conversation that she’d lost track of where there were. Stupid, given who she was with. She was pleased to note she wasn’t far from home - or her temporary one, at least - at all. She rolled her eyes. “You’ll have to excuse me, though, if I refrain from being frightened of you for the time being. I do wonder though- why on earth you’d ask to walk me home if it was so terrible for me to be around you.”

[bonestessa]

“I’m not telling him anything, but I still think you should.”

[bonestessa]

malfoycaelum:

“I don’t think you know me at all–” Not yet. Caelum wanted to say, but he didn’t. He left the words hanging in the air, knowing that to say them would mean to admit a weakness, one that others could easily exploit. If he singled her out as someone worth talking about and caring about, then her life would become forfeit.

Such was the life of a criminal. It was solitary, and cruel, and there were many occasions where he considered running. Becoming the coward he knew himself to be. Instead he stayed because of the same cowardice, the need to please and the need to not let his family down. His parents were counting on him to keep the pace, the status quo. What would happen if he finally stepped out into the sunlight?

He would surely burn.

His words stung. She felt it from the top of head to the tips of her toes, disappointment washing over her. She’d honestly believed they’d got to know each other these past few weeks, that she was burying herself under his skin (for the assignment, she told herself), but there he was completely aloof, and here she was, feeling the sting because of it. So who was burying under whose skin? 

She took a deep breath; she needed to get a grip on herself. This was work, and nothing more. Whatever other side she thought she kept getting glimpses of was rubbish; it didn’t exist. He was a criminal. Someone she was here to take down, because of the harm he caused other people. He was good at playing a role. And so was she. She needed to remember that, needed to focus on it.

She stopped walking once again. “You’re right, we really don’t know each other at all. Maybe I should be walking myself home.”

[bonestessa]

malfoycaelum:

“I think the problem here is that we’ve got different ideas of bravery. I always thought that bravery was continuing on despite how terrified you are–and to me it seems like you are, otherwise you wouldn’t be here with me, someone you don’t even really, truly know.” He stopped with her, looking through the night air to see her bright blond hair glowing.

“You haven’t run yet, despite your mind telling you that you should. You’re plenty brave to me.”

Caelum continued walking, not bothering to look over his shoulder to see if Tessa was following him. He was giving her the opportunity to run. To slip out into her familiar darkness and stay far away from his. There was no point in denying his own feelings, however, as he realized just how badly he wanted her to join him once more. To feel the heat radiating from her body into his own. To feel truly alive.

Tessa stayed stock still as he spoke. She seemed to be holding a breath, the only evidence of her being present in the conversation the blink of her eyes. It took her a few moments after he’d begun moving again to jolt herself out of the daze she’d found herself in. She wanted to be that person he spoke about. She wanted it so badly it hurt; a knot working its way into her stomach and worming up to squeeze round her heart. 

Her mind finally caught up to her body and she started after him. “You’ve been coming into the bar where I work for over a month now,” she called over to him, working hard to keep a shake out of her voice. “I think I at least know enough about you now to be able to walk home with you.” She caught up, stepping easily back in line with him, feet matching step for step, arms side by side. If she side stepped any closer, their hands would almost be touching. Inexplicably she wanted to take his hand in her own. Her fingers twitched with the need of it; she curled them up instead, pressing the tips of them into the palm of her hand, forming a fist. The feel of her nails biting into her skin helped to ground her, to bring her back to the reality of the situation. She pressed them in harder. 

[bonestessa]

malfoycaelum:

Caelum slouched in response immediately, over exaggerating if only to hear her laughter continue to ring between the dark and ominous buildings. “She used to tell me I’d get a hump in my back if I kept up like this. Little did she know that that prospect sounded absolutely delightful when I was eight. Who wouldn’t want a cool deformity that marked them as special?”

He turned to look at her, curious about this beacon that didn’t shy from the darkness, but reveled in it. Maybe she had gotten them both all wrong. She found a home in the lightless world, and he was merely begging for the world to open up the curtains and see deep within. Two sides of the same coin, flipping for an eternity. One praying to be a shadow, the other hoping to be a man.

“You’re brave. Have I mentioned that yet?”

His trick - even if she wasn’t aware of it - worked. Tessa’s laughter continued, louder and more enthused as before, giggles bubbling up from her stomach and sounding much louder than they really were in the empty darkness as they spilled from her lips. “Stop it,” she commanded through them, though she wasn’t sure how commanding she could possibly sound through laughter. “You’re making my stomach hurt. And to answer your question, most people, and at least all of those who’d seen The Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

His next words knocked the breath out of her, the world seeming to tilt sideways under her feet. She stopped in her tracks to gaze at him in silence, struggling to form words. She shook her head, giving herself more time, and then said, “No. No, I’m not. I’ve spent my whole life doing exactly what everyone told me to, what everyone expected of me. Until now,” she added, because even if that was still the actual truth, Caelum, who thought she’d come here to at last follow her own dreams didn’t know that. “But I still wake up every morning terrified. I have to take a minute to remember where I am and what I am doing and come to terms with it. Every day I feel half a minute from running back to where I came from, to the safety of it, even it is utterly miserable. Liking the dark has nothing to do with bravery; it’s cowardice.”

[bonestessa]

malfoycaelum:

“Trust me?” Caelum repeated, mostly for his own benefit. He knew she meant specifically with his actions, but there was something oddly soothing about her believing him. About her willingness to go anywhere with him, let alone towards her own home. It felt special, private. Like there were no longer men lurking behind them, eyes trained towards rooftops and windows, hands on guns. His darkness couldn’t seem to diminish her light.

“My mum will be happy to hear that, that I at least appear gentlemanly. She probably thought I’d turn out to be some vagabond that took advantage of women at night from the way she used to tell me how to stand.” Half truths, half lies.

Caleum towards his head towards her as he walked absentmindedly in the direction of her home. He knew it as soon as he met her–but she was braver than he had imagined someone like her could be. At first she simply looked like a flower among the dead, a flower searching for some sun. It took no time at all for Caelum to determine that she produced her own rays, her own nutrients. Even in the depths of darkness, walking alone, of course she would be the one to find peace. He, on the other hand, couldn’t consider that something they had in common.

“I hate walking alone at night. Sometimes it feels like it might just swallow me whole.”

Tessa laughed; loudly; freely, and she meant it, too. The image of him as a vagabond- well, it was funny, given how well put together he was at all times. “You must have had quite some stand before she corrected you for her to be that concerned about it. Now I have to see it,” she said. 

It was odd, walking along with him, and pretending she believed they were entirely alone; that no one stood in the shadows, just in case. Not that they weren’t good at hiding in plain sight, because they were. Anyone else wouldn’t have had to pretend. But she was trained to spot these things. To spot them and to act normal regardless. 

“That’s exactly why I’m not afraid, that the night might swallow me whole. It’s so big. it doesn’t care about you. It feels like it’d swallow you whole, but it won’t. You can get lost, slip into nonexistence. You can’t do that in the day. The day looks at you all the time, watches you. Sees every move you make.”

[bonestessa]

malfoycaelum:

“Different? Know something?”

Caelum cocked an eyebrow, considering warning her once more that asking questions like that never led to anything good around here. Asking questions got people killed. 

“I got off work early, and that never happens. Usually I work until I pass out, or work until someone tells me they’ve got something else for me to do. I’m not really used to free time. By the time I looked at the clock though all of my favorite places were closed–and then I remembered you,” His eyes lightened considerably. “I figured I could offer my assistance. I’ve got nothing but honorable intentions, I assure you.”

He couldn’t assure himself of that, however, as he watched her move closer towards him, looking more like a Goddess than a woman. Usually that sort of comparison made him scoff. Now he understood. There was an allure, a driving force that kept telling him that he had  to spend time with her, be around her. Feel her presence. 

Holding out his arm, Caelum smiled, glad that at least this wasn’t complicated. A simple offer and a simple acceptance. This was safe.

“I’ve got great eyes, I promise.”

The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on Tessa, and if she hadn’t been well trained, she may have laughed. That he was supposedly here to protect her in an apparently dangerous area, when most of that danger was likely a result of his own choices- well, she had to admit she could well believe she’d be safer by his side. 

“If you say your intentions are honourable, I trust you,” she replied, stepping closer so she could grasp the arm he held out. “At the very least, this feels very gentlemanly,” she added, tilting her head in the direction of their linked arms. She pointed down the street and began walking. “I live this way.” 

As they walked slowly, she took in her surroundings. She probably ought to have been doing so for safety reasons - what with walking late at night with the enemy - but instead her eyes were simply taking it all in for the sake of it. “I love this time of night. Always have. Most people don’t like walking alone at night, because it’s threatening, you know, but I’ve always found it- peaceful, almost.”

[bonestessa]

malfoycaelum:

“I’m not here for the drinks,” Caelum stated, his blue eyes locking with her own. She was smart. She would quickly figure out what that meant without him explaining himself, but that didn’t stop him for speaking. “I came here to walk you home.” It may have been smarter to offer, instead of bluntly state, but for a man used to get mostly anything he wanted, he found it hard to ask when he had already troubled himself to be there in the first place.

“This can be a rather rough area of town. I figured you could use an extra set of hands. Not that I think you incapable of defending yourself, but you’re still new.” You still haven’t been touched with the pitch black ink that now coats everyone else. You still have a glint in your eye that means hope, instead of the of murder.

Caelum quickly surveyed the area around them, rather more dramatically than what was necessary. He knew very well that for him, this was the safe zone. Any attack on him meant all out war, and with the resources he had accumulated, that wouldn’t make for a very fair fight. His father had made sure of that, and his mother’s intellect only compounded that fact. They left him an empire that had no fear of crumbling.

If only he wasn’t breaking off, bit by bit, piece by piece. The road would soon be littered with chunks of Hades, the all powerful God of the Underworld. The shattering statue.

Tessa’s own blue eyes met the blue of his, holding his gaze firmly. After all, as far as he knew, she had no reason to shy away. As far as he knew, to her he was a mutually enjoyable acquaintance. His appearance and subsequent offer were a good thing for her, for the case. It marked a shift of sorts. He’d sought her out, that much was undeniable. No longer did a bar stand between them, a meeting purely because she happened to work in the place he chose to drink. Still, she had to walk a fine line here; she wanted this, him here to walk her home, but too accepting of that fact could raise eyebrows. 

She titled her head to the side, allowing the smile to play around her lips. “You know I walk home every night when I finish here, right? What’s different about tonight over all those other nights? Do you know something I don’t?” She raised one eyebrow at him playfully. 

Her mind flashed back to the night they first met and his warning to her about not asking too many questions around here. Back then, that question may have qualified. Hell, it might qualify now, but Tessa hoped - and felt - that it wouldn’t. That the nights they had spent talking at the bar, the teasing nature of hers he had come to know, would mean he’d take it as just that- teasing. 

She stepped towards him, decreasing the space between them. She had no reason to be afraid of him. “Since you’re here, I suppose there’s no harm in having an extra set of eyes, though.”

[bonestessa]

malfoycaelum:

@bonestessa

Caelum glanced at his watch, fully aware that the bar was closing. His reasoning for going to the bar, however, had nothing to do with whether or not they’d serve him, but whether or not a certain someone was going to be there. They had spoken plenty over the last few weeks, and while Caelum was an expert at not getting attached, he had gone and gotten himself attached to that damn blonde bartender who had eyes filled to the brim with something he wanted to figure out. It had been impossible not to enjoy their conversations, their witty banter, the way he seemed to become someone else when he had a drink in his hand, and her eyes pressing into him. No more was he Hades, leader of this underground gang. No longer was he the one pulling the trigger, blood splattering over his usually pristine clothes. With her he was just–him. At least, the him that might have existed had it not been for the family business and the responsibility that he had been forced into. Most of the time he was able to accept his position in life, and the dangers he put himself into every day, but with her–it almost felt like an excuse to not bother thinking at all.

The door opened and Caelum saw her step out and lock the place shut. Her back was turned towards him, and for a brief moment he wanted to scream at her to never turn her back to anyone, not in this city. Not when every corner was either crawling with his men or someone else’s. This was no place for a newcomer who had dreams that meant living through the age of thirty.

He walked closer to her, steps light, while two of his men followed further behind, their eyes drawn to the corners of alleyways. At one point in his life he had tried to outrun them, but their job was his safety, and the older he became, the more uncertain he was that he’d make it to his next birthday without them. “Hello,” Caelum said, voice quiet as he attempted to not frighten her. He wasn’t sure he’d succeed in that fact, not at this time of night. But he always found that she surprised him, and while others might have been afraid of all the possibilities he created, she never shied away.

Maybe that was why he was there. The drinks didn’t do much for Caelum anymore, but she did.

In the last few weeks, as Caelum had integrated into her daily life, Tessa had found her nervousness at the job she had to undertake had evaporated. Nights spent chatting over the bar, conversations that seemed to last longer and longer, laughter and learning more about each other slowly seemed to come naturally now to her. This was the new normal. The pounding heart she used to have to will to steady was no longer an issue. No longer did she worry about that roar giving her away, nor her expressions, or the nerves she was so aware of, even if no one else was. It no longer felt like an act (this, she told herself, was a result of her settling into the role, it becoming ingrained into her everyday life - wasn’t that what undercover was?). In fact, nights when he didn’t frequent the bar felt strange, leaving her feeling like something was missing at the end of her shift. 

Tonight- well, tonight was no exception to that. As she pulled the door closed behind her and pushed her keys into the lock, she assured herself the disappointment she felt was purely that a night without him meant a night without furthering the case. 

(Though, honestly, deep down somewhere in the pit of her stomach, he startled her. The side to him she saw, it startled her. Some nights, she couldn’t find the person whose terrible organisation she’d been sent down to infiltrate. An admission to herself on sleepless nights she hated. A thought she quickly squashed down with a reminder to herself; it’s just one of his many faces. Sometimes that was harder to do than others.)

She’d just put her keys back into her bag when she heard him; his voice easily recognisable to her now. When she’d first met him, she had to force herself not to flinch, his face bringing to her mind the awful things he’d done. Not now. Now she just smiled, gently to herself, keeping the smile on her face as she turned slowly. The night wasn’t lost after all. “You have a watch, I know you know you’re too late for a drink,” she teased. “And I’m not quite at a level here where I can keep the bar open when it ought to be closed.”

[bonestessa]

malfoycaelum:

“I’m not one for rumors.”

“Which can’t be said for most people around here. Which means I’ll give you a tip. Don’t believe everything you hear.”

Tessa made an effort to react too much to his advice beyond a friendly smile, but on the inside she felt pleasure swell throughout her body. This seemed like a good start to her; the friendly conversation, what felt like a good foundation to building a connection, whether it was false or not, the advice he’d imparted to her. Perhaps she’d be able to do this. She nodded her head. “I’ll make sure to bear that in mind,” she assured him. The words Demeter had said to her shortly before she’d parted her company and come down here popped into her mind. She shouldn’t push too hard too soon or it might look like she was after something beyond casual conversation. It was hard to say where that line begun and ended for certain, but for now she felt like she was on the right side of it. Just a bartender making conversation with a customer. A part of the job. But she didn’t want to push it and make it seem like her interest was anything beyond that. Not yet, anyway. 

So for that reason, she found herself nodding again, but this time in the direction of another customer sitting a few stools down. The bar itself was filling up around them. “And on that note, it seems I’ve drinks to pour. Give me a shout if you need anything.”

[bonestessa]

malfoycaelum:

“You’re rather critical of your coworkers, especially for being so new around here.”

“I’ll just have to hope you can keep a secret.”

[bonestessa]

malfoycaelum:

“Who says I’m not being serious?”

“Because it’s Nigel with the teeth. Now if you’d said Stan with the hair, I might have believed you.”