brooklyn 99 prompts !
❝ love. it sustains you. it’s like oatmeal. ❞
❝ how was i supposed to know there would be consequences for my actions? ❞
❝ i wasn’t hurt that badly. the doctor said all my bleeding was internal. that’s where the blood’s supposed to be. ❞
❝ i forgot how to breathe. is it two in, one out? ❞
❝ and if you ever want a friend to sit with you and silently listen to death metal, just know i’m always here. ❞
❝ you’re fake news! sad! ❞
❝ with all due respect, i’m going to completely ignore everything you just said. ❞
❝ anyways i’m gonna cry in the bathroom. peace out, homies. ❞
❝ the phrase ‘’whodunit‘’ is a grammatical abomination. please use the proper term, a ‘’who has done this.‘’ ❞
❝ if i die, turn my tweets into a book! ❞
❝ and you can’t spell ‘’go fuck yourself‘’ without ‘’fuck you.‘’ ❞
❝ if anything i see you as a bother figure, because you’re always bothering me. ❞
❝ everything is garbage. ❞
❝ because i’m a rascal. ❞
❝ nothing good ever happens. ❞
❝ TELL ME EVERYTHING. ❞
❝ well, did you tell them i feel so bad i have a tummy ache? ❞
❝ i don’t give a hoot! ❞
❝ did you just ‘’oh, damn‘’ yourself? ❞
❝ i’m cute about everything. ❞
❝ i have decided to stop fighting it, and lean in to the fact that i’m an idiot. ❞
❝ AHHHHH! ❞
❝ i’m sorry. i’m uncomfortable with emotions. ❞
❝ you are not a boring adult. ❞
❝ ‘’be myself.‘’ what kind of garbage advice is that? ❞
❝ you and i are close, and i value your opinion. ❞
❝ my brain is broken. i haven’t slept in 72 hours. ❞
❝ social media. it’s a fool’s game, and only a fool would play. ❞
❝ if you want results, stay the hell out of my way. ❞
❝ the question was, what is it about me that screams loser? ❞
❝ i’ve said ‘’excuse me‘’ more times this morning than i have in my entire life. TWICE! ❞
❝ if i don’t see you every day, i will forget who you are. i’m like a goldfish. ❞
❝ ugh, the world’s officially upside down. ❞
❝ you interrupted the song for that? ❞
❝ the hospital called. your test results came back positive. you are a stage 5 dumbass. ❞
❝ you know what, i just remembered that i’m late to leave. gotta go, bye. ❞










