I'm a Survivor of Suicide
It’s National Suicide Prevention Week, and I thought long and hard whether or not I wanted to write a post on social media about it. In all honesty, being on Facebook or Twitter and seeing all the posts about it made me realize I need to do it and publish it. So, here I am writing about it to my lovely followers.
I have depression and social anxiety, and for the longest time I felt alone. I felt like no matter what I did or said it was never good enough. In high school, I discovered self-harm, and in the moment when I was upset it made me feel better.
Harming your body is not the answer.
Things in my life started tumbling down like a house of cards, and I couldn’t take my thought process any longer. I was constantly feeding myself with all this negativity, and I decided that enough was enough. So, on January 23rd, 2015 I tried my first attempt of suicide. I was okay for a while, and I brushed it off and told everyone I was fine. I kept pushing everything to the side and kept making the people around me happy instead of keeping myself happy. Something happened in my life again that was so overwhelming to me that a year later on July 31st, 2016 I tried again to commit suicide. This time I almost succeeded at it, and if it wasn’t for a friend of mine who came to my rescue, I wouldn’t be here today.
Suicide is not the answer to solve your problems.
After my second attempt I nervously went to the hospital where I was admitted. I spent four days recovering, and those four days felt like four long years. I knew I needed help, and I knew I deserved help. I didn’t want to continue to feel the way I did, and I want people to understand that it’s okay to reach out and get the help you deserve. It’s a scary thing to reach out for help, but you have to want to get better.
Having anxiety and depression is like having tunnel vision. You can only see what’s in front of you, and living with demons in your head doesn’t help anything. Every day I felt like I was drowning myself with my tears, and my thoughts began to suffocate me. When I got out the hospital, I realized that I was worth it. My life is important, and so is yours. Value your life and know you are important. Change the way you see things and wake up everyday with a positive mindset. You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind.
I’ll admit it that I still have bad days, but I learned that it’s okay. Over the course of three months I’ve seen doctor after doctor, and they all made sure I was okay physically, mentally, and emotionally. They made sure I was stable enough to stay by myself and live life the way I wanted to. I can’t wash away my anxiety, but I can learn to overcome it and learn ways to cope with it, and that is what I’m doing in therapy. Not only am I in therapy, but I’m also on medication, and I’ve never been this happy before. I can’t explain how happy I’ve been since I’ve changed my mindset on how I view things. I’m more outgoing, and I finally learned to accept and love myself.
Self-love is a beautiful thing. In order to love others you must love yourself first.
It’s okay if you’re feeling down right now, but don’t turn to suicide for a solution. Suicide is long-term, and it will affect the people close to you whether you think it will or not. YOU matter in this world, and you have a purpose in this world. I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I promise you won’t always feel down. There’s a whole life ahead of you, and every day is a brand new day. Every day is a new day to change, to redeem yourself, to become a better person, and to be happy. Happiness is a choice, and you have to try to wake up and be happy.
Always be kind to everyone you meet. You never know what a person is struggling with. Be the change you want to see in this world. Please be a helping hand to someone in need and never judge someone because you don’t know a person’s story. Never take your life for granted because someone out there is fighting to survive.
I kept living. I survived suicide. I am a warrior.
Remember: God gave you this life because He knew you were strong enough to live it.
gummygunk
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