Fumbles of the Brilliant

"I am and always will be the optimist, the hoper of far-flung hopes, and the dreamer of improbable dreams." Does anyone actually know what they are doing with their lives? Cause I'm just fumbling through it.

[tindershwinder]

He unmatched me after this. I was just trying to be thorough

[howaboutnono]

Just have a good friend put him in a jar??

That way, when I’m done with immortality and I want to die, I can just open the jar and pat his lil head.

[mrmeriwether]

Love knowing that the snail is also a millionaire.

[twistoftheknife]

hell world

[aphextwinselectedambientworks]

[harvestmoon1992]

[memeuplift]

[king-me3]

Baby steps

[angelofthequeers]

Friendly reminder that the pyramid of burgers were canonically disgusting while Spongebob’s single one was the most delicious thing ever

[yayoroses]

iconic!

[thefoxconfessor]

[megcanic]

this is the plot to mama mia

[merry-go-round-jailhouse]

[literaryreference]

The Peel is an offshoot of the Onion but honestly if someone told me this was real slam poetry I wouldn’t even question it

[unclefather]

[unadulteratedpiratepizza]

SCP 3008

[profsplosion]

The wording of this indicates this was two different crimes

[whitepeopletwitter]

[mysharona1987]

[no-chill-at-all]

[wildlyannoyingdoofus]

These kinds of responses are my FAVORITE. Some examples to answers to this question I have heard:

1.

“Okay, and who’s the president?”

“Obama, no wait, shit *vehemently* fuck, I hate him… what’s his name…”

“It’s okay, you know who he is.”

2.

“Who’s the president?”

“*drunkenly angry and confused* ..uhhhhhhh…Orange… damn it what’s the fuck’s name….

“Yup, good enough.”

3.

“And who’s the president,”

“Not fuckin’ Obama!”

“I feel ya.”

4.

“Who’s the president- wait, nevermind you’re from Korea you said, right? So who’s-“

“Everybody knows that Trump-bitch.”

“Oh, well, alright then.”

5. (My personal favorite)

“Who’s the president?”

“Ew.”

“Good enough.”

[epaulettes]

My roommate is a neurologist and has to do this check all the time. Her all-time favorite so far has been “ay dios mio” during which the woman was vigorously crossing herself.

[moodyehudi-deactivated20180519]

lol me too , lady

[emi--rose]

One time I got “that orange fuck” from a very cute little old lady with urosepsis

[nezumipi]

I have - quite unintentionally - contributed to this phenomenon.

I was waking up from surgery in the post-op observation room, where they kept people before sending them off to the ICU. The nurse was talking to me as I was semi-awake, telling me that as soon as it was ready, I would be sent to room 2008.

I did not hear the word “room”.

I started trying to sit up and get out of bed (entirely unsuccessfully), shouting (mumbling forcefully), “He’s not president yet! I have to warn everyone!”

[magimerlyn]

That’s awesome. Thank you for trying to warn us

[thefinalpaperheart]

I fucking love this little bit jenny does about football sdkjfhkdsjhfks

[coughloop]

[colachampagnedad]

is this a whole foods review

[gummiehz]

i fucking love this so muchn 

[ulibeanzz]

ever notice how men criticize games like animal crossing and stardew valley on the basis of “the entire game is just doing tasks” without recognizing that “kill bad guy” is also just a task but violent?

[ulibeanzz]

”it’s so boring all you do is talk to people and do tasks so you can buy new things” yeah and all you do is press a bunch of buttons to kill people so you can buy new things? perish

[ulibeanzz]

my activity page has not known peace since i made this post i have hundreds of insufferable gamers crawling up my pant legs now but luckily i have a secret up my sleeve… i too am a gamer man. im immune to the gamer venom   

[atrius97]

This has the same energy as that post that’s “Red Dead Redemption is just Barbie’s Horse Adventure with violence”.

[evelynhug0]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

this bitch empty, TWEET

[adobsonartworks]

Have any of you heard of the Harvard MIT Pigeon Prank?

An MIT student dressed in a black-and-white striped shirt went to the Harvard football stadium every day of one summer, blowing a whistle while scattering breadcrumbs or birdseed to coax neighborhood pigeons down onto the field. At Harvard’s opening game of the season, upon the referee’s first whistle, it’s said that hundreds of pigeons descended onto the field, causing a half-hour delay. 

[emperor-bob]

I want to try this now.  The whistling at the feeder part, less so the encouraging the local wildlife to occupy sporting events like a minor supervillain part (maybe a little bit the encouraging the local wildlife to occupy sporting events like a minor supervillain part)

[g75bxcjh]

i somehow found my way to the “what did the drunkest person at the party last night do?” thread

[masonicbeheadingritual]

[tooiconic]

I'm am DECEASED lol