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@brokenbcws
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fruitlcssā:
heād tried to touch a ghost when he was young. disappointed more than anything else when his hand fell through the specter in a sad rush. he hadnāt been emotionally invested in it then, nor had he spent years trying to subdue his abiities. the likelihood of this failing and hurting them both was all that much higher. STILL, he reached; fingers splaying tentative and shaky just above the visible surface of his past lover. what would cecil feel like now ? surely not the way he was remembered, but would the planes of his body still be familiar beneath his palms ? could he even call this a body ? zhihao was temped to close his eyes.
instead he found them glued open in potential horror. a deep breath and a great leap between him and what would perhaps finally kill him. rip the breath straight from his lungs and stop his heart cold. the greatest and truest defeat ā the lose the ability to simply HOLD his soulmate not once, but twice.
the noise that left his mouth when his fingers blessedly made contant was somewhere between a whine and a cry. involuntary, ugly, and raw. tears spriging forth anew as fingers grazed the otherās chill. up his chest and across his collar in the most fragile of motions. he knew if he pressed any harder, the feeling of solidity would give. he wasnāt clear headed enough to make the other so WHOLE. but heād take this, this fraction of an inch. savor it with everything he had.Ā
ā baby. ā the word was choked. he was a lost man coming home.
Ā Ā Ā oh, god. or oh, some half-malevolent god of the afterlife. finally. cecil had spent months trying to touch his soulmate. the first time he touched the boy since his reawakening, his hand didnāt stop as if there was matter to block the passage of his fingers. the second and third time, too. and after that, it started to burn to touch him just nearly as much as it ached not to. he couldnāt do anything. it occurred to him only just now that zhihao had made him real to begin with. he never was sure of himself without the other, but now he wondered if maybe his fate and zhihaoās were intertwined.
Ā Ā Ā it so certainly felt like his soul finding its other half again. it felt like the first touch was just the starting point; it felt like cecil could feel himself being painted into opacity. he felt a sudden surge of joy and though his eyes were teary, he smiled and shakily said,Ā āmore.ā zhihao would make him real and just as soon as he was real enough, cecil would flush every drug and hold him down into sobriety like he had done before.
Candle-lit dinner and presents with Chanyeol :: W Korea IG update 190910
fruitlcssā:
it felt wrong to explain. like if the offer of a firm relationship was something he needed to press the other into, then perhaps it wasnāt genuine. maybe it would have to be enough simply to know that he was loved beyond the measure heād ever seen abel show anyone else. or maybe the death of his ALMOST had really done a number on him. too many months had been spent worrying about his leg, his body, his flesh to be able to tell anymore what had sunk into his bones as instinct, or as trauma. all he knew these days was that it all sat weary atop his shoulder like the unshakeable press of a hand. ā i love you. ā he hummed softly, soothing. let his fingers curl back around his loverās, and settled nose against neck with a great sigh.Ā ā you have all of me now, abel. i donāt know how to be anyone but this anymore. any way but yours. i donāt think that ā basil āexists anymore .ā
Ā Ā Ā the words were worrying: basil doesnāt exist anymore? it went against the laws of what was in front of his eyes and it was a true bump to hurdle himself over to understand that basil meant he felt hollow or unreal. his face fell some, unsure if he should fight it or apologize. he chose the former, doing his best to still try and decipher what basil wanted but couldnāt seem to outright say.Ā ābasil exists. you exist. everyone knows you exist.ā heād explain it if the other needed, but he meant to say that he had introduced basil to everyone in his life as his boyfriend because while they hadnāt talked about it and he didnāt want to assume, it sure seemed like he earned the title. it felt innate to him.
fruitlcssā:
moony had never been phased by the change of seasons. new weather finding new ways to kiss his often bare skin; but the bite never seemed the penetrate. no chill in his bones, even when northeastern winters came in harsh and long. little mind paid to sweat in the midst of scorching summers. a small perk of the haze heād been living in since he was sixteen. todayās pitter-patter of autumn rain no different to him as he sat outside the little cafe. the metal of the table before him had started forming rivulets; the closest collecting, and running in between the detailing to spill bit by bit across his thighs. but between the warmth of the mocha at his lips and the too-large hoodie slipped over his shoulders, he was too settled to move. it would only be a few minutes more before ezra surfaced behind him anyways ā his own order in hand and an arm to slip around his lover possessively. across the street, his eyes had caught on a young mother, tucking her daughterās tiny arms into a raincoat. scenic, gentle, and YELLOW. she carried none of the roughness or anger his own mother had. her voice what he assumed was a gentle, persuasive coo. the type heād used on nights when heād needed to soothe his sister back to sleep amidst their parentsā shouting. on nights heād wished his own mother had known how to act more like one. and he was staring still at that strangerās loving gestures when his other half finally joined him. obvious, he was sure, but melancholy all the same.Ā
ā missed you. ā he hummed softly. but beneath the words was a lilt of humor. his composure not entirely lost in the longing.Ā ā never leave me again. āĀ
closed starter for @brokenbcws !
Ā Ā Ā ezra wasnāt a patient man, didnāt mind making the lives of others harder or non-existent, but in public there was a facade of normalcy to maintain. if he wanted this life, perfect and only occasionally bloody aside from the lines in his lovers skin, he had to behave. behaving wasnāt a foreign concept but it was one ezra had never had to consider. no father figure and no one to tell him his actions were wrong made bullying into small kills. the bigger ezra got without being checked, the bigger the blood puddles.
Ā Ā Ā that was to say that he mostly wondered if anyone knew they could be standing in line behind a murderer, that regardless of his composure he was to maintain, he could just as easily turn around and slash a throat clean. of course they didnāt know, but he smirked to leave everyone he came in contact with uneasy. purposefully, he spread the negativity throughout as far as he could reach his arms -- and now as far as moony could reach him.
Ā Ā Ā he gave the teenager at the cash register the smallest amount of trouble, though only some just to keep himself and his chaotic instinct satiated, before he met moony outside the shop. he caught him staring and eyed the child and the mother with distaste.Ā āyou left,ā ezra retaliated with a seat beside him.Ā āthinking about having kids, baby? letās raise some little murderers.ā
fruitlcssā:
it was difficult not to read every contour of his husbandās face like an emotional map. the curl of his lips, crinkle of his eyes, and little huffs of air all SIGNIFICANT to his other. but in between the days spent mindless and the ones spent busy, heād been trying to take care of himself. TALK with people who could help his head stop racing constantly. so he ignored what he knew to be concern. didnāt highlight the way that nari did too, or let himself worry just yet that it was a sign the other was falling out of love. not when it was followed with such blatant joy. their lips met in a kiss and the rowdy mess of elation and love coursing through his system seemed to quite into just that touch. the taste of his lover a burst of ease amongst the dayās weight.
ā yeah ? ā taeho accompanied the words with a blinding grin of his own. and well-practiced, he looped his arms around the manās waist. if he lifted a little, nariās feet might leave the floor. leaving him to stumble slightly into taehoās chest the way he loved. supporting the other in any sense was almost a kink. but he hesitated to play around just yet. ā you really like it ? ā
Ā Ā Ā taeho and nari had such a picture perfect romance, like something in a music video. his mother stopped calling so much too, worrying so much. she knew her son was taken care of the moment she saw taeho, stood tall and capable. she saw how taeho could lift nariās lips into a smile just as effortlessly as he could scoop him up. nari watched his mother watch taeho smile full of love at nari all throughout dinner. and just before theyād left the next morning, his mother held his shoulders, kissed his forehead and told him she could see he was happier. just about everything was perfect and it was moments like these that nari could see that hindsight plainly in front of him.
Ā Ā Ā āi love it,ā he corrected gently, somewhat fidgety in the way he adjusted it with his thumb. narong looked up at taeho with a wide, curious smile.Ā āi love you. you know i love you.ā and while it couldnāt have been false, while his smile didnāt falter any, he still wanted to know about the coke. he wasnāt desperate but he wished taeho wouldnāt hide it from him. his husband would understand; he would always understand.
fruitlcssā:
ā iāve made you wait long enough. ā oh hummed, though there was no self deprecation in the words. most days, he was ashamed of the way heād stuck them in limbo. since theyād met again in mateoās car ā hands, lips, teeth, skin ā the man had showed him nothing but willingness. to push, to bend, to breathe however his lover needed. heād never made oh feel as thought his fears or concerns were invalid, but still. heād wanted to be able to give the other that same assurance in return. and FINALLY, oh finally, more than a year in, he was. the wait had been long, but necessary. and now with every passing day it drew to a close. his hesitance and fear subsided with every hour that passed blissfully interrupted, THEIRS and only theirs to have and to hold.
ā i love you too. ā the words wereĀ spoken softly, but resonated with certainty. pressed into the soft flesh of his future husbandās lips like a promise, placed where their two souls most often met. ā i want to give you all of me. itās not that iām completely unafraid. i may never be. but i trust you now in a way that i couldnāt when we first fell in love. and i know now that iād much rather face our future side by side in every way imaginable than guard myself from you. ā
Ā Ā Ā mateo was ecstatic. his skin felt tingly and soft as he fired command for his fingers to glide down ohās arm, just clean enough to make sure he was real ---Ā this was real. hindsight seemed to smack him then, like it had before, that millie had never meant to be the one to bring oh home as a permanent installment, a green.Ā he couldnāt catch himself well enough not to be unmistakably happy in his smile at this revelation. but if he could trust anyone to see him in such a perfect, cohesive light, wouldnāt it be oh? of course, the one he had known the longest in every capacity, romantic or not. it wasnāt true, but every bone heād ever snapped and shot heād ever let go from the trigger of his gun felt atoned for. he was good enough for love, good enough that oh loved him, and what else in the world could possibly matter more?
Ā Ā Ā āi want all of you,ā mateo responded, arms snaking around oh to tug him as close as possible.Ā āi like that you said our future. thatās how it feels. feels--- funny. i figured youād be in my life forever. since i was younger. but iām realizing i like this version way better... be mine forever, then,ā came quieter than the rest, an intentional ginger nose bump of tan skin to paler skin. maybe oh didnāt hear it, but that was a promise.
@theraquelwrites:
Upon hearing a voice Daehyun turned around to see someone speaking to him. He was familiar, and more importantly, he had his keys. āOhāā
āThanks,ā he offers. āAppreciate it. I was starting to freak out.ā
If he didnāt recognise this person at all he wouldnātāve tacked on the last part. Heād seen him around and gave the occasional wave here and there. Daehyun mostly kept to his students when he was here. Daehyun grabbed the keys from the otherās hand and forgot about what he was doing, now caught up in conversation. When he got flustered, train of thought went right out the window. Daehyun put the keys in his pocket and stood there until he remembered he was locking up and then did so. He must have looked like such a fool. Daehyun took off his baseball cap and ran a hand through his hair. A nervous habit of his. āCan I get you anything for it? For bringing me the keys, I mean.ā
Ā Ā Ā aziraphale wasnāt one for accepting gifts so easily but he couldnāt help but want when his eyes finally locked on the otherās face, scanning it until he landed on daehyunās eyes. he wanted to take a moment to pretend he didnāt know just exactly what he wanted from him. āa drink, maybe?ā azzy suggested quietly, then a little louder to make the more casual end of things seem easier, āor coffee, if thatās not your thing.ā
Ā Ā Ā but really, he didnāt need anything for helping the other. the keys were of no use to him or his students regardless and wouldnāt just the average person seek out the generous man for his advantages alone? that wasnāt to say that those were the reasons that azzy seemed to linger when it came to daehyun. it was an excuse to get closer after he heard gossip (primarily from his students, one with a crush of her own off-handedly but within earshot mentioning how he smelled like hard work and cologne).
Ā Ā Ā āyou sure donāt have to, obviously, but iāve got time before the next bus gets here, if youāre interested...ā he grinned wide when realizing he was perhaps being too obvious, but he couldnāt help himself. and who could blame him?
helloooo again. so iām backish, sorry for dying for a couple months. iām not gonna be magically active, but iāve got a reply to everyone out and i intend to pick it back up a little lmao. what iāve got left is:
1 ask meme starter for @theraquelwrites 1 reply for @theraquelwrites 5 replies for @fruitlcss
and if you can see iām missing something, please let me know in the replies to this post or message me! iāll add it to my drafts, which iāll get to soon!Ā or if youāre a new person, like this starter call (until i get a new one up donāt call me out). thanks, loves.
thervnawaysā:
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āpro tipāā sunny starts, leaning closer to him as she whispers into his ear.Ā āflattery wonāt get you very far with me.ā itās not entirely false but the girl was curious to see how heād react. she turned back to the clothes, smoothing one of the coats down next to another.Ā āwhy do you need more than one of these?ā she handed one of them, a larger one, to him.Ā ācan you try this one on? iām trying to see something.ā
Ā Ā Ā lijunās lips tightened into a pleased smile as she drew closer to him. if she was trying to tell him his attempts werenāt welcome, he wasnāt receiving that signal well and be it ignorance or want, he wouldnāt let her think he didnāt at the very least believe she was. āitās not flattery if itās true, right?ā he didnāt defend himself past that at any point, didnāt mind that she teased his choices. he took the coat from her and slid his long, toned arms into the coat.
closed starter for @slecpbug.
Ā Ā Ā aziraphale didnāt know that daniel would be there. it was a short retreat for creative arts teachers of any kind and azzy only just made the cut. he might have felt that way with most things in his life but teaching wasnāt one of those things; he knew his uplifted confidence in himself was warranted, founded on that he had changed multiple lives and achieved his goal. whether that was good enough for anyone else or not, azzy was happy doing what he did. but moments like these he didnāt feel that he fit in. he was quiet, tapping his pen in soft dotted circles on the page out in front of him. the instructors were gathered in the retreat cabinās living room for some sort of meeting, but it was ten minutes past time and the manager running it had yet to show. azzy glanced around the room, showing only the ones who locked eyes with him a soft smile before he hastily moved on.
fruitlcssā:
ā iām not. ā in life, zhihao had known cecil like the back of his hand. he could see where the humor was meant to be, and subsequently where the manās own twisted features had cut it short. but that was years ago. how long had cecil been watching him fool himself into thinking he could go on ? how long had he kept himself numb to his own lover ? the man heād once called his soulmate. there was nothing to think of the shell heād become in the years since they hadā PARTED. his love had been intelligent, attentive, dedicated. what heād returned to was a drugged up husk with puppet limbs and phantom pains from the life he himself had lost. ā can i touch you ? ā it came out like a whisper; desperate and barely audible. like if zhi spoke it louder he might not be able to when he tried. the luck of the universe shifting away from him, having already blessed him with vision enough.
sometimes, when he focused hard enough though, he COULD. it was different to how bodies touched one another. spirits like cold, hard air. but heād give anything to feel cecilās chill pressed up against him. at least hand in hand if that was all he could be allowed after years of reckless sex and ignorance. it was hard not to repeat the words like a mantra ā i missed you. i missed you, i missed you. ā let me feel you ? ā
Ā Ā Ā cecil knew he wasnāt doing well, lost count of the partners that zhihao had after his ghostly fingers and toes ran out. his lips parted to speak, to answer, but he hummed softly instead, a noise of defeat. cecil couldnāt touch things or people himself. but maybe with zhihao it would be different. he could talk to him. he told him he could talk to him. cecil watched zhi change his shell too many times without success of even being seen to ask the question.
Ā Ā Ā but cecil stepped forward anyway, tingling like real limbs in his arms and legs. it was like his first roller coaster in the states, how his muscles felt dissolved. coincidentally, it was the most he could feel his legs since he died.Ā ātry,ā he told the other, brimming over with anxiety and hope.
@theraquelwrites said: āneed some space?ā -daehyun to azzy
Ā Ā Ā āno. itās okay,ā tumbled out of azzyās lips, breathy and somewhat panicked. he hadnāt meant to break down here, but he couldnāt help it. his eyes rimmed red as he thought of how he always wanted to do more for the child. he wanted the boy, who reminded him of himself, to succeed and be happy later in life, which meant starting out right. but his parents pulled him from aziraphaleās class, stating it wasnāt of utmost importance. but even with all that considered, he didnāt want it to push daehyun away and leave himself stranded. no matter the circumstances, he wished daehyun would impose more, give him the intimacy that the bad news seemed to somehow rip away.
post - trauma sentence startersĀ blood, death mention.
ādonāt do that. donāt shut me out.āĀ
āyouāve been crying. i can tell.ā
āwe need to change those bandages and get some food in you.ā
āyou want me to rub your back ātil you fall asleep?ā
āthat was a brave thing you did today.āĀ
āshh, thatās okay, get everything out.ā Ā Ā
āthereās something on your shirt. you ā thatās blood!ā
āneed some space?ā
āyou should lay down.ā
āthereās nothing wrong with asking for help.āĀ
āshh, shh. you were having a nightmare.ā
āwe can talk through the door.āĀ
āletās clean you up and get you to bed, okay?ā
āyou almost died.āĀ
āi brought you a blanket.ā
āyouāre home. youāre safe.āĀ
āiām worried about you.ā
āis everything okay?ā
ātell me how to make it better.ā
āitās been a tough few days. how are you holding up?ā
āyou have to stay awake. come on, give my hand a squeeze.āĀ
āyouāre in the hospital.āĀ
āthink you can make it to the bathroom?ā
āno, no. donāt close your eyes.ā