𝔂𝓸𝓾'𝓵𝓵 𝓶𝓲𝓼𝓼 𝓾𝓼.

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[wildrpt]

𝐒𝐈𝐗 𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐃𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐈𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒 !

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[kyungsoosus]

👓

[neko-gifs]

/ᐠ｡‸｡ᐟ\

[brokenbcws]

fruitlcss‌:

he’d tried to touch a ghost when he was young. disappointed more than anything else when his hand fell through the specter in a sad rush. he hadn’t been emotionally invested in it then, nor had he spent years trying to subdue his abiities. the likelihood of this failing and hurting them both was all that much higher. STILL, he reached; fingers splaying tentative and shaky just above the visible surface of his past lover. what would cecil feel like now ? surely not the way he was remembered, but would the planes of his body still be familiar beneath his palms ? could he even call this a body ? zhihao was temped to close his eyes.

instead he found them glued open in potential horror. a deep breath and a great leap between him and what would perhaps finally kill him. rip the breath straight from his lungs and stop his heart cold. the greatest and truest defeat – the lose the ability to simply HOLD his soulmate not once, but twice.

the noise that left his mouth when his fingers blessedly made contant was somewhere between a whine and a cry. involuntary, ugly, and raw. tears spriging forth anew as fingers grazed the other’s chill. up his chest and across his collar in the most fragile of motions. he knew if he pressed any harder, the feeling of solidity would give. he wasn’t clear headed enough to make the other so WHOLE. but he’d take this, this fraction of an inch. savor it with everything he had. 

“ baby. ” the word was choked. he was a lost man coming home.

     oh, god. or oh, some half-malevolent god of the afterlife. finally. cecil had spent months trying to touch his soulmate. the first time he touched the boy since his reawakening, his hand didn’t stop as if there was matter to block the passage of his fingers. the second and third time, too. and after that, it started to burn to touch him just nearly as much as it ached not to. he couldn’t do anything. it occurred to him only just now that zhihao had made him real to begin with. he never was sure of himself without the other, but now he wondered if maybe his fate and zhihao’s were intertwined.

     it so certainly felt like his soul finding its other half again. it felt like the first touch was just the starting point; it felt like cecil could feel himself being painted into opacity. he felt a sudden surge of joy and though his eyes were teary, he smiled and shakily said, “more.” zhihao would make him real and just as soon as he was real enough, cecil would flush every drug and hold him down into sobriety like he had done before.

[x-exo]

Candle-lit dinner and presents with Chanyeol :: W Korea IG update 190910

[be7]

[brokenbcws]

fruitlcss‌:

it felt wrong to explain. like if the offer of a firm relationship was something he needed to press the other into, then perhaps it wasn’t genuine. maybe it would have to be enough simply to know that he was loved beyond the measure he’d ever seen abel show anyone else. or maybe the death of his ALMOST had really done a number on him. too many months had been spent worrying about his leg, his body, his flesh to be able to tell anymore what had sunk into his bones as instinct, or as trauma. all he knew these days was that it all sat weary atop his shoulder like the unshakeable press of a hand. “ i love you. ” he hummed softly, soothing. let his fingers curl back around his lover’s, and settled nose against neck with a great sigh. “ you have all of me now, abel. i don’t know how to be anyone but this anymore. any way but yours. i don’t think that ‘ basil ’exists anymore .”

     the words were worrying: basil doesn’t exist anymore? it went against the laws of what was in front of his eyes and it was a true bump to hurdle himself over to understand that basil meant he felt hollow or unreal. his face fell some, unsure if he should fight it or apologize. he chose the former, doing his best to still try and decipher what basil wanted but couldn’t seem to outright say. “basil exists. you exist. everyone knows you exist.” he’d explain it if the other needed, but he meant to say that he had introduced basil to everyone in his life as his boyfriend because while they hadn’t talked about it and he didn’t want to assume, it sure seemed like he earned the title. it felt innate to him.

[brokenbcws]

fruitlcss‌:

moony had never been phased by the change of seasons. new weather finding new ways to kiss his often bare skin; but the bite never seemed the penetrate. no chill in his bones, even when northeastern winters came in harsh and long. little mind paid to sweat in the midst of scorching summers. a small perk of the haze he’d been living in since he was sixteen. today’s pitter-patter of autumn rain no different to him as he sat outside the little cafe. the metal of the table before him had started forming rivulets; the closest collecting, and running in between the detailing to spill bit by bit across his thighs. but between the warmth of the mocha at his lips and the too-large hoodie slipped over his shoulders, he was too settled to move. it would only be a few minutes more before ezra surfaced behind him anyways – his own order in hand and an arm to slip around his lover possessively. across the street, his eyes had caught on a young mother, tucking her daughter’s tiny arms into a raincoat. scenic, gentle, and YELLOW. she carried none of the roughness or anger his own mother had. her voice what he assumed was a gentle, persuasive coo. the type he’d used on nights when he’d needed to soothe his sister back to sleep amidst their parents’ shouting. on nights he’d wished his own mother had known how to act more like one. and he was staring still at that stranger’s loving gestures when his other half finally joined him. obvious, he was sure, but melancholy all the same. 

“ missed you. ” he hummed softly. but beneath the words was a lilt of humor. his composure not entirely lost in the longing. “ never leave me again. ” 

closed starter for @brokenbcws !

     ezra wasn’t a patient man, didn’t mind making the lives of others harder or non-existent, but in public there was a facade of normalcy to maintain. if he wanted this life, perfect and only occasionally bloody aside from the lines in his lovers skin, he had to behave. behaving wasn’t a foreign concept but it was one ezra had never had to consider. no father figure and no one to tell him his actions were wrong made bullying into small kills. the bigger ezra got without being checked, the bigger the blood puddles.

     that was to say that he mostly wondered if anyone knew they could be standing in line behind a murderer, that regardless of his composure he was to maintain, he could just as easily turn around and slash a throat clean. of course they didn’t know, but he smirked to leave everyone he came in contact with uneasy. purposefully, he spread the negativity throughout as far as he could reach his arms -- and now as far as moony could reach him.

     he gave the teenager at the cash register the smallest amount of trouble, though only some just to keep himself and his chaotic instinct satiated, before he met moony outside the shop. he caught him staring and eyed the child and the mother with distaste. “you left,” ezra retaliated with a seat beside him. “thinking about having kids, baby? let’s raise some little murderers.”

[brokenbcws]

fruitlcss‌:

it was difficult not to read every contour of his husband’s face like an emotional map. the curl of his lips, crinkle of his eyes, and little huffs of air all SIGNIFICANT to his other. but in between the days spent mindless and the ones spent busy, he’d been trying to take care of himself. TALK with people who could help his head stop racing constantly. so he ignored what he knew to be concern. didn’t highlight the way that nari did too, or let himself worry just yet that it was a sign the other was falling out of love. not when it was followed with such blatant joy. their lips met in a kiss and the rowdy mess of elation and love coursing through his system seemed to quite into just that touch. the taste of his lover a burst of ease amongst the day’s weight.

“ yeah ? ” taeho accompanied the words with a blinding grin of his own. and well-practiced, he looped his arms around the man’s waist. if he lifted a little, nari’s feet might leave the floor. leaving him to stumble slightly into taeho’s chest the way he loved. supporting the other in any sense was almost a kink. but he hesitated to play around just yet. “ you really like it ? ”

     taeho and nari had such a picture perfect romance, like something in a music video. his mother stopped calling so much too, worrying so much. she knew her son was taken care of the moment she saw taeho, stood tall and capable. she saw how taeho could lift nari’s lips into a smile just as effortlessly as he could scoop him up. nari watched his mother watch taeho smile full of love at nari all throughout dinner. and just before they’d left the next morning, his mother held his shoulders, kissed his forehead and told him she could see he was happier. just about everything was perfect and it was moments like these that nari could see that hindsight plainly in front of him.

     “i love it,” he corrected gently, somewhat fidgety in the way he adjusted it with his thumb. narong looked up at taeho with a wide, curious smile. “i love you. you know i love you.” and while it couldn’t have been false, while his smile didn’t falter any, he still wanted to know about the coke. he wasn’t desperate but he wished taeho wouldn’t hide it from him. his husband would understand; he would always understand.

[brokenbcws]

fruitlcss‌:

“ i’ve made you wait long enough. ” oh hummed, though there was no self deprecation in the words. most days, he was ashamed of the way he’d stuck them in limbo. since they’d met again in mateo’s car – hands, lips, teeth, skin – the man had showed him nothing but willingness. to push, to bend, to breathe however his lover needed. he’d never made oh feel as thought his fears or concerns were invalid, but still. he’d wanted to be able to give the other that same assurance in return. and FINALLY, oh finally, more than a year in, he was. the wait had been long, but necessary. and now with every passing day it drew to a close. his hesitance and fear subsided with every hour that passed blissfully interrupted, THEIRS and only theirs to have and to hold.

“ i love you too. ” the words were  spoken softly, but resonated with certainty. pressed into the soft flesh of his future husband’s lips like a promise, placed where their two souls most often met. “ i want to give you all of me. it’s not that i’m completely unafraid. i may never be. but i trust you now in a way that i couldn’t when we first fell in love. and i know now that i’d much rather face our future side by side in every way imaginable than guard myself from you. ”

     mateo was ecstatic. his skin felt tingly and soft as he fired command for his fingers to glide down oh’s arm, just clean enough to make sure he was real --- this was real. hindsight seemed to smack him then, like it had before, that millie had never meant to be the one to bring oh home as a permanent installment, a green. he couldn’t catch himself well enough not to be unmistakably happy in his smile at this revelation. but if he could trust anyone to see him in such a perfect, cohesive light, wouldn’t it be oh? of course, the one he had known the longest in every capacity, romantic or not. it wasn’t true, but every bone he’d ever snapped and shot he’d ever let go from the trigger of his gun felt atoned for. he was good enough for love, good enough that oh loved him, and what else in the world could possibly matter more?

     “i want all of you,” mateo responded, arms snaking around oh to tug him as close as possible. “i like that you said our future. that’s how it feels. feels--- funny. i figured you’d be in my life forever. since i was younger. but i’m realizing i like this version way better... be mine forever, then,” came quieter than the rest, an intentional ginger nose bump of tan skin to paler skin. maybe oh didn’t hear it, but that was a promise.

[brokenbcws]

@theraquelwrites:

Upon hearing a voice Daehyun turned around to see someone speaking to him. He was familiar, and more importantly, he had his keys. “Oh–”

“Thanks,” he offers. “Appreciate it. I was starting to freak out.”

If he didn’t recognise this person at all he wouldn’t’ve tacked on the last part. He’d seen him around and gave the occasional wave here and there. Daehyun mostly kept to his students when he was here. Daehyun grabbed the keys from the other’s hand and forgot about what he was doing, now caught up in conversation. When he got flustered, train of thought went right out the window. Daehyun put the keys in his pocket and stood there until he remembered he was locking up and then did so. He must have looked like such a fool. Daehyun took off his baseball cap and ran a hand through his hair. A nervous habit of his. “Can I get you anything for it? For bringing me the keys, I mean.”

     aziraphale wasn’t one for accepting gifts so easily but he couldn’t help but want when his eyes finally locked on the other’s face, scanning it until he landed on daehyun’s eyes. he wanted to take a moment to pretend he didn’t know just exactly what he wanted from him. “a drink, maybe?” azzy suggested quietly, then a little louder to make the more casual end of things seem easier, “or coffee, if that’s not your thing.”

     but really, he didn’t need anything for helping the other. the keys were of no use to him or his students regardless and wouldn’t just the average person seek out the generous man for his advantages alone? that wasn’t to say that those were the reasons that azzy seemed to linger when it came to daehyun. it was an excuse to get closer after he heard gossip (primarily from his students, one with a crush of her own off-handedly but within earshot mentioning how he smelled like hard work and cologne).

     “you sure don’t have to, obviously, but i’ve got time before the next bus gets here, if you’re interested...” he grinned wide when realizing he was perhaps being too obvious, but he couldn’t help himself. and who could blame him?

[brokenbcws]

helloooo again. so i’m backish, sorry for dying for a couple months. i’m not gonna be magically active, but i’ve got a reply to everyone out and i intend to pick it back up a little lmao. what i’ve got left is:

1 ask meme starter for @theraquelwrites 1 reply for @theraquelwrites 5 replies for @fruitlcss

and if you can see i’m missing something, please let me know in the replies to this post or message me! i’ll add it to my drafts, which i’ll get to soon! or if you’re a new person, like this starter call (until i get a new one up don’t call me out). thanks, loves.

[brokenbcws]

thervnaways‌:

                   “pro tip–” sunny starts, leaning closer to him as she whispers into his ear. “flattery won’t get you very far with me.” it’s not entirely false but the girl was curious to see how he’d react. she turned back to the clothes, smoothing one of the coats down next to another. “why do you need more than one of these?” she handed one of them, a larger one, to him. “can you try this one on? i’m trying to see something.”

     lijun’s lips tightened into a pleased smile as she drew closer to him. if she was trying to tell him his attempts weren’t welcome, he wasn’t receiving that signal well and be it ignorance or want, he wouldn’t let her think he didn’t at the very least believe she was. “it’s not flattery if it’s true, right?” he didn’t defend himself past that at any point, didn’t mind that she teased his choices. he took the coat from her and slid his long, toned arms into the coat.

[brokenbcws]

closed starter for @slecpbug.

     aziraphale didn’t know that daniel would be there. it was a short retreat for creative arts teachers of any kind and azzy only just made the cut. he might have felt that way with most things in his life but teaching wasn’t one of those things; he knew his uplifted confidence in himself was warranted, founded on that he had changed multiple lives and achieved his goal. whether that was good enough for anyone else or not, azzy was happy doing what he did. but moments like these he didn’t feel that he fit in. he was quiet, tapping his pen in soft dotted circles on the page out in front of him. the instructors were gathered in the retreat cabin’s living room for some sort of meeting, but it was ten minutes past time and the manager running it had yet to show. azzy glanced around the room, showing only the ones who locked eyes with him a soft smile before he hastily moved on.

[brokenbcws]

fruitlcss‌:

“ i’m not. ” in life, zhihao had known cecil like the back of his hand. he could see where the humor was meant to be, and subsequently where the man’s own twisted features had cut it short. but that was years ago. how long had cecil been watching him fool himself into thinking he could go on ? how long had he kept himself numb to his own lover ? the man he’d once called his soulmate. there was nothing to think of the shell he’d become in the years since they had– PARTED. his love had been intelligent, attentive, dedicated. what he’d returned to was a drugged up husk with puppet limbs and phantom pains from the life he himself had lost. “ can i touch you ? ” it came out like a whisper; desperate and barely audible. like if zhi spoke it louder he might not be able to when he tried. the luck of the universe shifting away from him, having already blessed him with vision enough.

sometimes, when he focused hard enough though, he COULD. it was different to how bodies touched one another. spirits like cold, hard air. but he’d give anything to feel cecil’s chill pressed up against him. at least hand in hand if that was all he could be allowed after years of reckless sex and ignorance. it was hard not to repeat the words like a mantra – i missed you. i missed you, i missed you. “ let me feel you ? ”

     cecil knew he wasn’t doing well, lost count of the partners that zhihao had after his ghostly fingers and toes ran out. his lips parted to speak, to answer, but he hummed softly instead, a noise of defeat. cecil couldn’t touch things or people himself. but maybe with zhihao it would be different. he could talk to him. he told him he could talk to him. cecil watched zhi change his shell too many times without success of even being seen to ask the question.

     but cecil stepped forward anyway, tingling like real limbs in his arms and legs. it was like his first roller coaster in the states, how his muscles felt dissolved. coincidentally, it was the most he could feel his legs since he died. “try,” he told the other, brimming over with anxiety and hope.

[brokenbcws]

@theraquelwrites said: “need some space?” -daehyun to azzy

     “no. it’s okay,” tumbled out of azzy’s lips, breathy and somewhat panicked. he hadn’t meant to break down here, but he couldn’t help it. his eyes rimmed red as he thought of how he always wanted to do more for the child. he wanted the boy, who reminded him of himself, to succeed and be happy later in life, which meant starting out right. but his parents pulled him from aziraphale’s class, stating it wasn’t of utmost importance. but even with all that considered, he didn’t want it to push daehyun away and leave himself stranded. no matter the circumstances, he wished daehyun would impose more, give him the intimacy that the bad news seemed to somehow rip away.

[rocknmeme]

post - trauma sentence starters  blood, death mention.

“don’t do that. don’t shut me out.” 

“you’ve been crying. i can tell.”

“we need to change those bandages and get some food in you.”

“you want me to rub your back ’til you fall asleep?”

“that was a brave thing you did today.” 

“shh, that’s okay, get everything out.”   

“there’s something on your shirt. you – that’s blood!”

“need some space?”

“you should lay down.”

“there’s nothing wrong with asking for help.” 

“shh, shh. you were having a nightmare.”

“we can talk through the door.” 

“let’s clean you up and get you to bed, okay?”

“you almost died.” 

“i brought you a blanket.”

“you’re home. you’re safe.” 

“i’m worried about you.”

“is everything okay?”

“tell me how to make it better.”

“it’s been a tough few days. how are you holding up?”

“you have to stay awake. come on, give my hand a squeeze.” 

“you’re in the hospital.” 

“think you can make it to the bathroom?”

“no, no. don’t close your eyes.”