Brute Force Beer Love

I don't like beer. I'm gonna learn to like beer.

[bruteforcebeerlove]

Beer: Oatmeal Stout by Bad Shepherd

Purchased From: Acland Cellars

Draught/Bottle/Can: Bottle

Okay, first of all, some explanation.  I’m well aware that stouts are hardly recommended for beer newbies.  However, consider this: You’re not the boss of me.  Also, your face.

Look, I knew what I was in for when I bought this.  I knew it was gonna punch me in the face.  I was okay with that.  I figure there’s no point to beer adventures if I don’t do, y’know, some actual adventuring.

On the Nose:  A new category in my posts since I’ve noticed I’ve started sniffing and thinking about what I smell.

In regards to this one?  The smell is strong but actually not too bad.  Kind of smoky?  Not as bad as I was expecting.

First Impression:  OH MY GOD, OKAY, THIS IS VERY STRONG TASTING.  YEP.  PHEW.  YEP.  HI THERE, BEER.

This one is a good example of something that’s clearly very complex, but my palate is still too new and green, because I can’t describe it very well.  And to my annoyance this particular one isn’t listed on Bad Shepherd’s site, so I can’t look it up later and go “ooh, so that’s what that was”.

It’s a very deep and bitter flavour.  There’s a lot of layers going on.  And I can’t really figure any of them out in such a way that I can write about them yet.  Which is annoying.

As It Goes:  It’s really the aftertaste that’s the killer on this one.  Because if I took a mouthful and swished it around a bit, or even just held it in my mouth, it wasn’t actually too bad.  Still strong, but not terrible.

The aftertaste is REALLY strong.  It reminds me vaguely of like... vegemite?  Not quite, but sort of in that area.  I actually like vegemite a lot, so it’s not an entirely accurate comparison, but it’s the best one I’ve got.

Also, this one gets a weird prize for tasting better with food.  Not even just “tastes the same with food”.  It actually tastes better with food.  I took a break from eating halfway through my meal to test this hypothesis, in case it was just that the beer got better as I drank it.  And nope - it’s definitely the combo of beer and food that works really well for this one.  It cuts out the nasty aftertaste while still keeping the interesting actual-taste.  Keeps it from being overpowering.

By The End:  Two thirds into this bottle and I felt done.  Not necessarily because it was bad, just because it’s really kind of... heavy.  I guess this is why they’re called “stouts”.

But then having said that, the final third was agony.  Because while it had survived pretty well so far, the taste definitely started going downhill at the end, even with the inclusion of food.  I got to the final few mouthfuls and just sort of pitifully wailed in my partner’s direction, because I didn’t wanna finish it.  By this point the aftertaste just kind of tasted like decay.

I bribed myself into doing it by saving a final bite of dinner for after I finished the beer.  It’s like a more grownup version of “eat your vegetables or no dessert”.  “Finish your beer and then you can eat your vegetables”.

I smartly remembered my previous experiences with bottled beer this time and didn’t drink the final dregs in the bottle.  I think I was a lot better off for it.  

Overall:  Honestly, considering what a beer newb I am and the fact this was a stout?  I think I did fucking amazingly.  I drank the whole thing and only made some pathetic whimpering noises.

Would I drink it again?  I mean... I’d be willing to give it another try, but not until I’ve had many many many other beers between me and it.  Partially because after being punched in the taste buds you need a while to recover, but also partially because I’m pretty sure there was a lot of interesting things going on in this beer that I couldn’t sense because I’m too new to it.

[bruteforcebeerlove]

Beer:  Sol

Purchased From: Acland Cellars 

Draught/Bottle/Can:  Bottle

First Impression:  Not bad, actually!  It smells like a pub floor, but taste wise, it’s pretty nice.  Kind of citrus-y.  Almost sweet.  Not like, actually sweet, but more like a memory of sweetness.  Homeopathic sweet.  It’s very light.

As It Goes:  The first noteworthy thing about this one is that its taste doesn’t change at all when it’s drunk with food.  Normally introducing food to beer is like setting an angry bull lose in a china shop, but this one makes literally no difference at all.  That’s amazing.  And great.

Actually, the taste doesn’t really change at all as you make your way down the bottle.  It remains consistent till the very end.  That’s awesome.

It remains pretty light and actually... refreshing.  This is probably the first time I’ve really understood how a beer can be refreshing, in actual experience, rather than just hearing people say it.

By The End:  It remained pretty good until the bottom.  The final inch or so was r e v o l t i n g.  But I’m thinking that might be a bottle issue?  Seems like all bottles are best left with some left in the bottom.  Until that final inch, it was consistent the whole way through.  

Overall:  This is definitely one of the nicest beers I’ve had so far.  It wasn’t particularly bitter and I really feel like I understand why beer during summer is a thing now.  The fact that this came in a bottle and was still so good is really noteworthy too.  Will definitely be remembering this one in future, I actually... I actually liked it.

[bruteforcebeerlove]

Apologies for shaky photo.  It was because of reasons that are about to become clear.

So it’s been almost a year.  

That’s because the most recent beer I had was after my mother’s funeral, in July 2015.

I talked with mum about beer, about this project of learning to like it.  She had some recommendations, and we talked about it a fair bit.  We discovered the silly fact that the size of glassware’s names change state to state - she was in NSW and I was in VIC, and her “middy” is a “pot” here.  We were going to drink a beer together when I saw her next.  Unfortunately, I next saw her in hospital, and the beer we would have together would not happen, unless you count this one.  And, well, I kind of do.

At her wake, I had a “middy” of Victoria Bitter, or VB, because that was mum’s favourite.  And I’ve been putting off writing about it because it just kept hurting too much.

It still hurts.  It’s never not going to hurt.  But I do want to keep going with this project, mum loved me telling her about this project, and my partner bought me some new beers to try today.  And I can’t keep going with this until I write about this one.

So here we go.

Beer:  Victoria Bitter

Purchased From: Corowa RSL

Draught/Bottle/Can:  Draught

First Impression:  Pleasant surprise, and also betrayal.  All I had ever heard about VB from beer drinking friends is that it’s horrible, it’s undrinkable, it’s one of the most vile beers to exist.

It was none of those things.  It was pretty okay actually.  Fairly mild, bitterness wise, especially compared to something like Boag’s.  A little bland, if anything.

As It Goes:  Like all beers it got worse as I worked my way down, but I spent most of it thinking about how not-bad it was, actually.  It was quite drinkable.  Didn’t go down as well as the White Rabbit, but it was hardly terrible.  Very simple palate.

By The End:  Definitely ended on a strong bitter note, but then it’s called Victoria Bitter so that’s mostly to be expected.  

You’ll have to forgive some vagueness in this post - I did drink this almost a year ago after all.  Initial impressions have faded dramatically.  Memories are not particularly good at vivid sensations like tastes after a long time.

Overall:  Mostly I spent my time with this beer thinking about how it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had been told.  It was a good reminder that taste is so subjective.  You just can’t know if you like or hate something till you try it.  I won’t be rushing out to drink this again anytime soon, but I wouldn’t turn it down, either.

But also, it doesn’t really matter what it tastes like.  It was mum’s beer of choice, and while I didn’t get to drink it with her while she was alive, every time I drink it in future, I’ll be thinking of her when I do.   

Cheers mum.  Thank you for everything.  I love and miss you so much.

[bruteforcebeerlove]

Beer:  White Rabbit White Ale by White Rabbit

Purchased From: Iddy Biddy Bar

Draught/Bottle/Can: Draught

First Impression:  Bitter!  But... not horrible?  This was an honest surprise to me as I tasted this one.  It’s bitter as all beers are, but there was a complexity to it that I don’t quite have the language or palate for yet.  I could tell I was drinking something really quite high quality.

As It Goes: As I drank it I focused on trying to figure out what some of the flavours were that I was experiencing.  I picked up something almost pear-like, which upon reading the White Rabbit website tells me I was on the right track as citrus flavours feature heavily in this ale.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on the other notes, but hey, I’m still new at this.  (I read up on them later, like a good beer snob in training.)

It’s notable that I didn’t actually find this to get any worse as I got further down the glass.  Witchcraft!?

By The End:  I finished this beer very quickly, actually.  There was not a rotten end to it, making it unlike all the others I’ve tried.  I didn’t struggle to finish it at all - it went down smoothly, and then when I was done I said to my partner, “Shit, I think I could even have another one of those.”  Extremely high praise from this beer newbie.

Overall: I genuinely enjoyed drinking this beer.  Bitterness aside, I found it to go down easily and it went well with my food.  It’s possible it might get worse as it warms up, but honestly, I drank it far too fast for that to happen.  Holy shit, I think I actually liked this one.

[bruteforcebeerlove]

Beer:  James Boag’s Draught (Reprise) by Boag’s

Draught/Bottle/Can:  Bottle

Purchased From: Veludo

First Impression:  I’ve had the Boag’s draught in actual draught form before so this is kind of cheating I suppose, but it’s a bottle and that’s different and that’s how I’m justifying this.  Also it was burger night at Veludo and this was the beer that came with that special.

So!  Upon first taste, once again, not too bad.  Certainly my best bottled experience so far (admittedly though that’s not many yet).  Not as good as I remember the draught being, however.  It’s clear bottled beers just aren’t as good as ones pulled from the tap.

As It Goes:  Gets worse as you go down and it warms up, as usual.  However it is notable that this actually went extremely well with the burger I was having (chicken, cheese, lettuce, aoli, spicy avocado).  It did not actually taste remarkably worse after palate cleansing bites of food.  Not sure if it’s because it just genuinely went better or if this whole “acquiring the taste of beer” adventure is working, but either way I’m not complaining.

By The End:  The end was rotten, however.  The final fifth or so was agony in a way that the draught definitely wasn’t.  I don’t know if it’s because it had warmed up or because it was bottled or what the reason was, but the last bit was fucking awful.  Felt a little nauseous after the final chug, actually.  Ugh.

Overall:  Not as good as the draught, but still better than any other bottled beer I’ve tried so far.

[bruteforcebeerlove]

Beer:  Minimum Chips Lager by Matilda Bay

Draught/Bottle/Can:   Draught

Purchased From:  The St Kilda Branch

First Impression:  Not terrible.  Tasted a bit like the Stella Artois but nowhere near as revolting.  It actually tastes... pale is honestly the best word for it I have.  It’s quite light, and while it’s not particularly bitter, it’s also not particularly complex, so there’s not a lot to offset what bitterness it does have.

As It Goes:  Like all my beer experiences so far, it tasted worse as you drank it.  However Minimum Chips is notable for having a much steeper descent than my other experiences.   It starts out “yeah, not too terrible” but halfway down the glass I was wondering why god had abandoned me.

One interesting thing I noticed about Minimum Chips is that it goes down best slowly.  The longer I waited between mouthfuls, the better it tasted.  If I drank a lot of it in quick succession, the taste got worse.  So clearly it’s a sipping beer.

By The End:  My partner had gotten me a glass of coke zero to have after my beer, since we were eating dinner (eyyy $10 parma night!) and I was likely to want another drink and I tell you what, the last quarter of this beer was me just bribing myself with “if you finish the beer, then you can have coke and wash this horrible taste out of your mouth.”

Minimum Chips also had the worst aftertaste of my beer experiences so far.  It was like a mild case of morning breath.  So having it with food or with another drink afterwards is probably the best way to do it.

Overall:  Look, I’m not going to be rushing out to drink this one again, but if it was all that was on offer I could probably handle it.  As long as I drank it slowly.  Although then I suppose I’d run into the problem of it warming up and ugh.

[bruteforcebeerlove]

The Beers So Far

Unfortunately for blog tidiness, I did not start this blog before starting my beer adventures.  I am already three beers into this plan.

Fortunately that’s still early enough that I can give you a quick run down on The Beers So Far.

First Whole Beer Drunk:  

Corona Extra, bottled, at the Lion Hotel in Melbourne central.

A few friends who had also taught themselves to like beer had suggested Coronas as a safe starting point.  Apparently one of the easier ones to handle if you are not naturally a beer enjoyer.

The bartender placed the lime in the neck of the bottle for me so I didn’t have to, which was very thoughtful of her.

It was pretty bad, but not as bad as I was expecting.  It did, however, get grosser from the top down.  The more I drank it, the more I disliked it.  By the time I got to the bottom of the bottle, I was pretty sure literally even licking the floor would have been a better taste in my mouth.

Second Whole Beer Drunk:

Boag’s Draught, pulled from tap, at iddy biddy bar in St Kilda.

It was $15 burger and pot day at iddy biddy and I was meeting friends for lunch so that made it a good day to have Another Beer.

I expected this to be as unpleasant experience as the Corona was, but it was all right.  The dreaded first taste had me go “oh, that’s all right actually, yeah, that’s quite drinkable”.

Unlike the Corona, it didn’t particularly get worse as I got through the glass.  It did get a little worse, particularly since I was drinking it with food and so my palate kept getting cleansed by a delicious burger before being slammed with bitter hops taste again.

But overall, not terrible.  Could definitely drink one again.

Third Whole Beer Drunk:

Stella Artois, bottled, at the St Kilda Town Hall during the St Kilda Film Festival.

Stellas are pretty popular so I went into this one cocky from my success with the Boag’s, sure that even if it tasted bad I was still safely on my path to beer enjoyment.

That cockiness was quickly ripped from me as I took my first sip.

This beer tasted like a pub floor smells.  It was revolting.

I was only a couple of sips into this vile beverage and was already preparing to announce defeat.  I confessed to my partner that I wasn’t sure I was going to make it through the entire drink this time.

Nonetheless, we had films to enjoy and that made the act of nursing this demon bile in a bottle much less escapable.  Which I think is the only way I actually managed to get through the bottle.

[bruteforcebeerlove]

Brute Forcing A Taste for Beer

I don’t like beer.

I do, however, want to like beer.  I want to access beer culture, I want to appreciate what’s on offer at places I go.  I want to be able to wank on about craft brews or whatever with the hipsters I meet at parties.

So I’ve decided to learn to like beer.  To acquire the taste.

Now there’s a lot of ways to do this, but honestly I’m far too lazy to put a lot of work into this, so I’m just going to brute force myself into liking beer simply by drinking beer.

This blog is to chronicle my beer adventures.